New Moon EPOV
by lolafalana
Summary: The booming chime vibrated in the souls of my feet, shook me deep in my core. Through the thoughts and the steady hum of the crowd there was a whimsical voice – beautiful, frantic – screaming my name. It was familiar. Bella, I thought devotedly.
1. Preface

**Preface**

* * *

I will touch the sun or die trying. Of all of my plans, this one I would not feel ashamed of. I'd show them all the skin of a true killer. Sparkle, shine – they'd see it all. The Volturi will just have to take me out. It would immediately knock that smug look off of Aro's face.

The clock began its descent to my fate.

Each second the clocked chimed above my head I knew I was getting closer to the angel. Death was what I came here for, and now I would greet it with an untamed, wild pleasure. There was nothing left in me. Slowly, calmly, I unbuttoned my shirt and yanked it free of my body. It was meaningless. I held it between two fingers as my arm went limply at my side. Through the thoughts and the steady hum of the crowd there was a whimsical voice – beautiful, frantic – screaming my name. It was familiar. _Bella,_ I thought devotedly. Was she calling me from the heavens? _I'm coming, my sweet. _My shirt wavered in the breeze filled air until it dropped lifelessly to the ground, a semblance of my impending doom. The booming chime from above vibrated in the souls of my feet, shook me deep in my core. I took a step, listening to the heavenly voice calling my name.

"_Edward!"_

I closed my eyes, picturing her heart shaped face, porcelain cheeks, and her long brown hair. I stepped closer to the golden glow of the sun, letting the light shine only inches from my feet. In two seconds I would cross the line from life to death. _Forgive me_, I thought, opening my palms face up in prayer – to whichever god would be listening – before I let it all go. Everything was meaningless, after all.

"_Edward, no!"_ I heard in the distance. Again, the angelic sound had returned, louder this time. A hallucination. My subconscious giving me what I needed in my final moments. My face was serene, tranquil. I had accepted my fate and here Bella was to greet me.

_Maybe things weren't so meaningless after all_, I mused.

The clock tolled again, the booming chime echoing through the square. The end had come.

I took another step toward the light. _"No! Edward, look at me!"_ I heard in that same musical, hysterical voice. And then, she was in my arms. My hands grasped her warm body immediately as I took in the sweet, seductive scent of her blood. She was tangible, real. It was in that second that I knew I was finally in heaven.

* * *

**Please Review!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	2. 1 Romeo & Juliet

1. Romeo & Juliet

* * *

I do not sleep. It's a commodity I wish I had, a phenomenon that entraps me. Dreams are a state that I could never accomplish, or that is what I thought until I met Bella Swan; beautiful and smart to the extreme, selfless and one-hundred percent mine. My brain seems to find peace in her quiet mind. This was exactly what dreams _were_ made of. So what was it about sleep that makes Bella look like an angel from heaven?

It was just like on any other night. I was hugging her close to my body while she slept. The most intricate workings that made up her every curve were lined with mine. I was immersed in her warmth that was emitting from her body like the rays of the sun. Her head was lying on my cold chest; my nose in her hair. I drew her scent into my lungs, reveling in the most elaborate mix of flowers, strawberries and the hot seductive aroma of her blood. Her heart was beating at its regular pace, only speeding up as her breathing grew heavy when she would murmur my name. It was moments like those that I lived for. And longed for. But this was not just any other night, it was Bella's birthday. This day had many meanings to her, and I knew that she would bring up the inevitable conversation about becoming like me. So my plan was to distract her.

She sighed and gripped me closer. This was just another moment in time that I could capture in my memory. She was deeply embossed in my brain to the point that I could picture her perfectly when I closed my eyes. I did this often when I was away from her for any period of time.

Down the hall I could hear Charlie stir in his room. Light was beginning to brighten the sky as the sun rose over the trees, casting shadows in her room. The sky was full of grey clouds. I looked at Bella's alarm clock. In the corner the date stamp read September 13, the day Bella turns a year older then me. A fact I knew she would remind me of, and often.

I thought about waking her early but thought better of it. She needed the sleep. Regardless, Alice would undoubtedly be awaiting my arrival at home so I needed to get back. She was overly excited about today. She spent every hour she could at stores around the greater Washington area. I tried to explain to her that this wasn't the best of ideas, but she refused to listen.

In a quick fluid motion I released Bella. Leaving her warmth behind always made me feel cold inside, but I knew any moment Charlie would stick his head in to check on his daughter. I kissed her forehead lightly and bounded out of her window.

Flying through the trees, watching them go by at extraordinary speeds, I could already imagine what Alice had up her sleeve this morning. I was moving with such velocity that my feet were barely touched the ground. In a short moments time I was back at my house.

Alice greeted me at the steps, a routine that we seemed to have picked up. She was singing the birthday song in her head. I sighed and shook my head. "I told you that Bella doesn't want to celebrate her birthday," I glared at her. She didn't buy it.

The last thing I wanted was to upset Bella, but if I didn't give Alice some free reign she'd be disappointed. _I know, I know_, she thought but her smile was blinding as she showed me a vision of Bella's infectious laughter at our house this evening. It was a relief to see her cheerfulness.

"Okay, but I warned you." I cautioned. Her visions were always accurate. Example: Bella is still a human and not a vampire as Alice had once envisioned.

As I walked into the house to get ready for school she continued to sing, "Happy birthday to Bella, happy birthday to Bella…" aloud this time.

Alice will be Alice.

It was our senior year at Forks High School. Only Alice and I remained at school after Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie graduated in the summer. I had compromised with Bella about her driving to school, so I was no longer her chauffeur.

"_It will give my Dad some peace of mind,_" she told me. I caved eventually – reluctantly. Who knew what kind of damage could come of her if she were to wreck that thing.

But, I would give her anything that she asked…except for the one thing she wanted the most. The one thing I knew she'd be thinking this morning when she awoke to her alarm clock displaying her date of birth. Above all the worldly gifts I could give her, she wanted me to extinguish her flaming, bright gold, beautiful soul. I refused to take something so amazing out of this dreadful world. That didn't stop her from arguing.

Alice and I were standing beside the Volvo, awaiting Bella's arrival at school. _Two minutes, _Alice thought, excitement apparent on her face.

She didn't need to tell me how close Bella was. You could hear her truck from miles away. I listened as the engine strained to make it down the street. I heard the exhaust backfire a few times and tried to suppress a laugh.

"Alice, maybe you should wait to give her that gift," I pleaded, pointing towards the small box in her hand.

"No way!" she exclaimed. Her vision was of Bella refusing her gift, but that never stopped the very tiny, annoying, Alice. She always had hope.

Bella's truck loomed into view as she turned into the parking lot. We both watched her carefully. Alice's eagerness was radiating off of her in waves and I couldn't help but feel energized to see her too. Then again, I felt thrilled to see her no matter the day or meaning.

I watched Bella's eyes as she caught sight of us waiting for her. She frowned when she saw the gift in Alice's hands and then parked. When she exited her truck she slammed the door so roughly that flecks of rust showered the ground, sending little metallic reflections back at her. A human wouldn't notice this.

Bella turned around slowly, like she was thinking of getting back in her truck to run for it before she started walking towards us. Alice couldn't take the anticipation and she danced over to her, present raised high in the air for Bella to see. I stayed next to the car to witness, not wishing to be apart of the conversation I knew was about to take place.

"Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Shh!" Bella hissed.

_Right on cue_, I thought, watching them intently.

Bella's eyes started darting around the parking lot like she was afraid someone would overhear her.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice trilled eagerly.

"No presents," she complained in a low whisper. Again, I told Alice that this wasn't a good idea.

_She is going to open this present whether she likes it or not. _Alice narrowed her eyes slightly."Okay…later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. "Yeah. They're great," she mumbled.

_So it is possible for her to accept gifts? Excellent. _Alice continued to think of the best ways to give Bella _all_ her gifts. "I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have _you_ been a senior?" Bella questioned.

"That's different," Alice frowned.

I knew this was coming, I knew it! She's been in the parking lot for only one minute and already she has brought up the dreadful_ I want to be a vampire _conversation.

They finally reached me when Bella's scent hit me. My usual desires flared in me, but I was so used to them that it was no big deal for me to cage any beasts that wanted to escape. I offered her my hand. I still wanted it to be her choice. Her frown quickly turned up and she grabbed my hand eagerly. When our skin met I was instantly warmed, the current running sinuously through our bodies. My cold body finally receiving what it was craving since I left her this morning. I squeezed her fingers gently. Her gaze met mine and her heart skipped a beat and her pulse raced. I smiled at the thought that I still could make her pulse dance and her blood boil.

Bella and I were in our world now. I didn't even notice Alice standing there anymore. Though I could easily banish my desires from taking over, I didn't mind when my passion flared up. I reached out and caressed her face with my finger, lingering at her lips. Those lips…

"So, as discussed," I distracted myself, "I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct," she responded, a smile playing on her lips.

"Just checking." I returned her smile.

On this most momentous of days I wanted to give Bella so many things. There was a car that came to mind. I quickly banished that thought. I knew she would never let me get her a gift of that magnitude. "You _might_ have changed your mind," I continued. "Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice began laughing loudly at the non-joke. "Of course you'll enjoy it." She thought of the absurdity of my statement. "Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Getting older," Bella groaned.

_Unbelievable, thanks Alice_, I thought bitterly. Of course this would be what Bella was thinking. She wanted me to change her into the deplorable creature that I am. She had no idea what she was asking of me. Bella could see the thoughts through my facial expressions and pursed her lips.

Alice knew that would be her response. She was on Bella's side of the argument. I frowned down at the tiny vampire.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said, completely ignoring me. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?" she wondered. _You know, if you just change the girl we wouldn't constantly be having this discussion. I have seen it several times, it will happen. Just give in Edward._

I glared at her but Bella was oblivious.

"It's older than Edward," Bella complained.

I sighed. Her age would never matter to me. Her beauty could not be changed by the slow decay of time.

"Technically, just by one little year, though," Alice said, still hopeful that I might change my mind.

_This is not helping, _I groaned internally.

"What time will you be at the house?" she continued.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there." I watched through Alice's eyes now as a vision flashed in her brain. Bella was abruptly missing from the party. Alice snapped out of her divination and was instantly angered. "Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what I want," Bella exclaimed.

_If I have to drag her there myself, I will! _Alice's thoughts continued in a more visual way, directing them toward me. _Some help? _she finally pleaded.

I gave her a grave look, but caved. I still remembered the vision from earlier. Alice was right – what could go wrong? "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school." I told her.

Alice's vision abruptly shifted back to what it was this morning. _That's better_.

"I have to work," Bella tried to get out of the plans, but according to Alice's vision there was no getting out of this party.

"You don't, actually. I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you, 'Happy Birthday.'" A smile broke across Alice's face. She knew that she won this argument. Bella should have known that she would have seen this line of argument coming a mile away and would have prepared for it. She didn't need her uncanny ability to see her future to know this. If Alice was anything, she was efficient.

During the summer Bella applied for a job at Mrs. Newton's sporting goods store. I was not very pleased about this; any money she needed or wanted I would have freely given to her. We had many arguments over this subject but it was what she wanted and I gave in to her in the end.

"I – I still can't come over." Bella was struggling to find an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet_ yet for English."

Alice and I both gave her a doubtful look. Alice snorted and I raised an eye brow at this news. "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized," Alice exclaimed.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it – that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented." Bella tried but the excuses were a feeble attempt.

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe she was trying to use this as an excuse in the first place. Maybe, "I'm sick," or "Charlie demands I stay home," might have been better logic because she had watched the movies and read the book so many times I was surprised she tried to use it as an justification at all.

Alice's vision had changed again. Bella was _yet again_ nowhere to be found in the Cullen house this evening. She was a stubborn little thing. "You've already seen the movie," Alice accused, her tone not as friendly.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best." Bella's attempt to avoid Alice's plans became more pathetic. Not even an "I broke my ankle."

Alice's smile turned into a glare because her vision had not shifted back. Sometimes when Bella makes up her mind, that's that. No future visions will stop that. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other…."

I had to step in at this point. "Relax, Alice." Her vision suddenly shifted back to the first outcome of Bella at the party because of my master plan. "If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," Bella added. A grin spread across her face at her victory.

I continued before she could actually stick out her tongue. "I'll bring her over around seven. That will give you more time to set up."

_Excellent, I need to stop by the store again, _Alice added mentally while an exuberant laugh came out of her mouth. It was so easy to please her. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see," she continued to giggle. She bent forward, kissed her on the cheek and danced off towards class. _This is going to be so much fun. _

Bella's eyes were watching Alice prance away, a frown prominent on her face. "Edward, please," she begged.

I couldn't stand it when she begged and especially when she said _please_ with those persuasive brown eyes. It almost always broke my resolve. To stop her from pleading with me I placed my finger over her lips. She was quiet but the desire to bring my lips to hers was almost overwhelming. I distracted myself. "Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

We walked to our class together. At the beginning of the year I had convinced poor Ms. Cope to put me in almost all the same classes as Bella. As every day passed I didn't have to worry about her being in a class and some guy hitting on her. Or worse, her hurting herself in gym.

The day dragged on. My attention was always centered on Bella. I watched her every action and reaction. I saw her expressions and her eyes lighten at knowledge. I captured everything clearly in my head and continued to add to the list that I started keeping in my head from the first moments I came back from Alaska. I just wanted to be alone with her and school was not the place to do that. Those pesky desires were always around the corner of my mind.

This school year Alice and I had moved tables to sit with Bella and her friends, though their conversations never included us. Humans could always tell there was something off about the Cullen's which kept them at bay. I didn't mind this. The only reason I was on this earth was to be with Bella. As long as she was there I didn't care.

When the school day finally came to a close I walked Bella to her truck. Alice was already in the Volvo and about to turn onto the road to go back home. _You better not forget to bring her, Edward. _Alice reminded me mentally for the millionth time today. _Because I just saw that Emmett and Rosalie will be there tonight. Rosalie is pretty pissed off that he wanted to come back just to see Bella. He bought her a stereo for her truck, _she thought as she drove off. The Volvo rounded the corner and then she was gone.

When Bella and I reached her Chevy she folded her arms and refused to move after she noticed I was going for the passenger's side to open her door. The rain was making her scent excruciatingly painful. The fragrance was incredible and I was ready for her to be in the warm truck where her aroma would fill every particle of the air. She glared at me, which wasn't threatening in the least. "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she muttered.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." I replied with a smile spreading across my face. She was so adorable when she was trying to be angry – like a little kitten.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"

"All right," I interrupted, not wanting to receive a phone call from Alice chewing me out for another vision shift. I shut the passenger door and walked over to open the driver's side. "Happy birthday," I told her. Saying the words made me feel free. I'd wanted to tell her this all day.

"Shh," she whispered. There was a smile on her face, contradicting the look she was throwing at me. Her human reactions were always difficult to read, I never knew what she was going to do next, but I still enjoyed the silence of her mind, knowing deep down she did enjoy me saying 'happy birthday' to her.

When I entered the truck her scent assaulted my nose and daggers ripped through my throat. The aroma was warm and my hunger was insatiable. I reveled in the delicious fragrance for a moment; just let it take over for a second. I needed to distract myself and then I remembered what Alice told me about the stereo. I thought I would play up how bad her radio really was, make her appreciate Emmet's gift more. My fingers started fiddling with the dials. "Your radio has horrible reception."

Her lips turned down and she snapped back at me. "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car."

Her kitten-like outrage was comical. I tried to suppress a chuckle though it was evident on my face. We reached her house and she parked in the driveway. After being around her all day, her scent, her warmth, her silent thoughts finally made my desire break free.

I slid myself closer to Bella in the tight little space. I reached out slowly and very gently pulled her face into my hands. They were warmed instantly. I knew to take care of what was between my palms; it would only take a slight jerk of my fingers to crush her skull. As always, I was gentle. My fingers moved greedily, tracing all the lines of her beauty. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered, inches from her face.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she breathed.

I moved in closer to her. "Too bad."

I brought my lips to hers. Explosions of pleasure rippled deep in my body. Her lips moved with mine. The warmth of her body engulfed me and her heart began working harder with her pulse racing. Her skin burned mine and sent electric jolts of jubilation through me. Her lips were delicious, something I craved.

Her breathing became panting. She raised her arms and encircled me in her embrace. She brought every curve of her body against mine in an effort to be as close to me as possible. The creature inside me rejoiced at the sensations that went spiraling through my veins. Her fragrance enveloped me and I never wanted us to be apart in this moment but the beast was rattling my chest and clawing up my throat. I thought about how eager she was in this moment, just as eager as I was. I realized this was wrong but _not wrong enough_. I smiled and pulled her gently away from my body before I exploded in exultation.

"Be good, please." I was breathing heavily, too. However, she was good, far, far too good.

I did not want the sensations to stop; I brought my lips to hers again but pulled away before Bella could react. I folded her arms across her stomach, just in case she thought seducing me was a good idea. She moved one hand and placed it over her heart. She could feel her pulse beating at an alarming rate, just like I could hear it. "Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she pondered. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I whispered, enjoying the sound her heart was making at this second.

She rolled her eyes then, reading the satisfaction in my voice. "Let's go watch the Capulet's and Montague's hack each other up, all right?"

When we entered her house I laid on the couch, knowing she would join me. I wasn't ready to let her warmth escape me. Once she put the movie in she walked over to the couch and sat at the very edge in front of me. I reached out and pulled her waist towards my chest. I took her aroma into my lungs. Her scent was amazing after she had stood in the rain. I grabbed the blanket that was on the couch and wrapped it around her, knowing my skin was cold. She cuddled in nicely with my body. A distraction was already needed before I decide to place my lips to hers and let ourselves get carried away. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo." I commented.

She looked offended. "What's wrong with Romeo?"

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline – don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

She sighed. Her breath had the most seductive scent. "Do you want me to watch this alone?" she asked, warning me to keep my mouth shut.

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I said. I brought my fingers to her arm and began tracing little lines. Goose bumps rose and she shivered in pleasure. _My distraction, keep up the distraction_, I mentally told myself. "Will you cry?"

"Probably," she admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then," I lied effortlessly. I was already thinking of ways of distracting her…instead of myself. I brought my lips to her hair, inhaling the alluring scent. She trembled and I could tell it was working.

As the movie progressed I found other ways to keep her mind on me. I knew every line to the movie. My lips were at her ear. I whispered every line of Romeos to her. When Juliet awoke to find Romeo dead, Bella began crying, large round tears escaping her eyes. She had no reason to be sad and I found it amusing.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I confessed.

"She's very pretty." Bella guessed wrong.

_Ugh!_ "I don't envy him the _girl_ – just the ease of the suicide," I clarified teasingly. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

She interrupted me with a gasp. "What?"

I sighed, remembering the night I thought James had killed her. I had no hope. To think of my life without her was so painful that death was the only answer to ease the pain. "It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he realized what he'd become…And he's clearly still in excellent health." I smiled.

Bella turned her body to face me. Her eyes met mine and she looked terrified. "What are you talking about," she demanded. "What do you mean, 'this is something you had to think about once'?" That wasn't the reaction I was looking for. Again, she surprised me with her words.

"Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I took in another large gulp of her heady scent, reveling in her aliveness. I didn't want to bring her mood down so I smiled again. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human." I explained, hoping to ease her terror.

She looked up, and stared at nothing. She was probably remembering that fateful night. She shook her head trying to erase the memories, I guessed. She returned her gaze to me, seizing my eyes. "Contingency plans?" she gulped.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you," I rolled my eyes, I thought it was obvious. "But I wasn't sure how to _do_ it – I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." I remembered Carlisle's stories and memories of the Volturi. I remembered how I thought about this when the one person that really mattered in the world was possibly dead.

"What is a _Volturi_?" she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America – do you remember the story?" I asked.

"Of course I remember," she said obstinately.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do." I explained.

I watched her face show many emotions ranging from anger to horror. She grabbed my face and her palms started warming my cheeks. She looked me directly in the eyes. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" she almost cried.

She didn't understand. "I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"Put me in danger!" she growled. "I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" Her anger flared. "How dare you even think like that?" her voice had raised several octaves.

I was speechless by her outrage but quickly composed myself. "What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked.

"That's not the same thing," she mumbled.

She was so absurd. I chuckled in spite of myself.

"What if something did happen to you?" she cringed. "Would you want me to go off myself?"

Thinking of Bella no longer living sent the worst pain plummeting through my stomach and almost shattering my heart. I very nearly compared to the way I felt during the night in Phoenix.

"I guess I see your point…a little," I admitted, "but what would I do without you?"

I would wither and die…_more like I'd beg for death to take the pain away_.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence," she explained like this was obvious.

I sighed. "You make that sound so easy."

"It should be," she argued. "I'm not really that interesting"

She was insane. She was the most interesting creature I had ever come across in my existence. There really was no point in arguing because I knew where my feelings were and where they would forever lay. "Moot point." I pointed out.

Suddenly I heard the murmur of Charlie's thoughts from down the road. I sat up quickly, moving Bella away from me.

"Charlie?" she asked.

I smiled. The cruiser pulled into the driveway. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand with a smug look on her face. I could hear Charlie struggling with something in the car. He reached the door, finally, and walked inside. He was carrying a pizza box. "Hey, kids," he smiled at Bella. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" he asked.

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

Bella's hand left mine as she got up to help Charlie with the pizza. She grabbed a slice out of the box and took a bite. I continued to watch her eat. I didn't know how they could eat that food. It was absolutely disgusting.

When Bella was finished she returned to my side, warming me immediately. I looked at the time. I realized that Alice was probably going to go insane if I brought Bella over any later than seven.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I turned my gaze to Charlie. I watched Bella's eyes turn to Charlie. Hope was apparent on her face.

Charlie's thoughts were usually a light humming or murmuring in my head. Sometimes his thoughts were as clear as a picture and other times they were completely unreadable. I never told Bella that his thoughts were usually half-way hidden from me.

"That's fine – the Mariners are playing the sox tonight," Charlie explained. "So I won't be any kind of company…Here," Charlie picked up the camera and threw it towards Bella. He should have known better. She didn't even get close to the camera when she tried to catch it. I reached out effortlessly and caught it.

"Nice save," Charlie exclaimed. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets – she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

I was instantly gratified by him recommending this activity, "Good idea, Charlie."

Bella fiddled with the camera, pointed it in my direction. It flashed. "It works." Bella noted.

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie smiled.

I suppressed a chuckle at Bella's reaction. "It's been three days, Dad," she paused. "I'll tell her."

Charlie was ready to have us out of the house. He wanted to watch his game and I wanted Bella to receive her gifts from everyone.

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight," Charlie called out, marching to the TV.

The corners of my lips went up as a smile broke across my face. It took all of us to finally get her out of the house! At least Alice wouldn't be angry at me for not bringing her. That is one vision she didn't have to worry about anymore. I'm sure she could see it clear in her mind now, anyway.

* * *

**Author's note**: Thanks for reading the first chapter of New Moon in Edward's POV. This is Edward's journey through self-destruction, grief, pain, and tracking that all lead him back to Bella Swan. There will be several chapters without Bella, this is not a story that skips all the details in between.

* * *

**Please Review!** _For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account._

_

* * *

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *


	3. 2 The Monster

2. The Monster

* * *

I seized Bella from the kitchen, pulling her into my side and practically dragging her to her truck. As I opened the passenger door I became momentarily stunned. She didn't argue about this. Maybe she would be on her best behavior after all? I didn't question her new aplomb attitude; instead, I helped her up into her seat and then shut the door, making my way hastily to the driver's side where I slid in with smooth grace.

I kept my pace contemptuous, or the best I could. But I was limited with her trucks internal speed limit. Normally I would be extremely aggravated, but not this evening. Everything was going well. The engine growled in anger when I broke the fifty mile per hour speed limit.

"Take it easy," she rounded on me.

I hid my smile, thinking back to what I really wanted to give her for her birthday. "You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck." She didn't know how wrong that statement was. But this was no time for arguments. "And speaking of expensive nonessentials," she continued, apathetic, "if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on my birthday presents," she sniffed.

"Not a dime," I replied with the merest flicker of a smile.

She gave a little nod, satisfied. "Good."

Regardless of what her stipulations met for me, the rest of the family wasn't hearing any of that. They all spent money and loved every second of it. Even Emmett. Of course, Rosalie was a different matter. Hopefully, though, she wouldn't get angry at them. Would she? "Can you do me a favor?" I asked softly, keeping my voice low, human.

She shifted in her seat to face me. "That depends on what it is," her tiny eyebrows crinkled together to give her a slightly perplexed look.

I sighed, brining her scent deep into my lungs, letting it have its way with me for a very long second before I let out a gust of air. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

She glanced at me suspiciously as her lips came together firmly as if she was thinking of retorting but then thought better of it. "Fine, I'll behave."

That was a relief, but, I could still tell she was apprehensive. "I probably should warn you."

"Please do," she answered serenely. Okay – maybe those weren't the wisest choice of words. I realized that as soon as they left my lips.

"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them." I knew Rosalie wasn't on her favorites list, but she was still going to be there and Bella needed to know beforehand. It's better she didn't get any more surprises than she needed.

Comprehension dawned on her face before she said in an anguished tone, "Everyone? I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here," I explained, purposefully leaving Rosalie out.

"But…Rosalie," she shrieked in defiance.

And of course, she noticed.

I wanted to ease the terror that seemed to always accompany her when Rosalie was around. "I know Bella, Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." _I hope_, I added internally.

I could read her eyes as she was thinking. As each second passed they became wider and wider until they were practically popping out in terror. The stress this was causing her left an empty feeling my stomach so I changed the subject, trying to direct our conversation in another direction. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?" I asked while watching as her face grew whiter and whiter until she grasped my words. Maybe conversation wasn't the best avenue for this trip to my house. Again, I was kicking myself for the idiotic question.

"You know what I want," she answered quietly.

My lips turned down at the corners. I caught a glance of her and I could not bring myself to argue. "Not tonight, Bella. Please."

Her voice was low when she responded. "Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want," she amended darkly.

Okay – she was going a little too far with this. Now I was white, white with rage. I knew Alice wanted to change her in which I had vehemently refused every time she brought it up. We had this argument before when Bella wasn't around. She would stay human, the end, no questions. This didn't stop Alice's thoughts from protruding into my mind, letting me know her secret longings for a sister…a sister named Bella. My stomach turned over in pain at the thought. My body vibrated while a deep growl exited my lips. It was purely out of reaction of the horrible image this thought produced in me. I immediately felt guilty. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I promised.

"That's not fair!" Bella's voice rose furiously.

My teeth were clenched so tight I was sure if I were to speak my words would be muffled. Metal might have melted beneath my inhuman glare. Honestly, I was surprised the windshield withstood it.

As we drove down my drive way you could see little orange lights grow brighter and larger as we passed them. I took several deep breaths. Every particle I inhaled was laced with the delicious smell of Bella's fragrance. My anger flooded out of me at the sound of Bella's anguish. She moaned loudly in expressive pain. When I turned to her, she was disgusted with the party decorations. She really did hate celebrating her birthday. My scowl vanished, but the conversation wasn't forgotten. I just hoped she didn't bring up the subject in front of my family. Some of them might agree with Bella and she didn't need any more fuel to feed her fire. "This is a party, try to be a good sport," I reminded her.

"Sure," she grumbled, not even looking in my direction. Her frown was not as frightening as my own.

_Bella's here!_ Many thoughts chimed in, bringing me back to tonight's events.

I parked the truck in the driveway and opened the door, letting the fresh air fill my lungs again. It was healing to breathe the fresh oxygen, though her scent was something I couldn't ever deny. It meant she was still alive. Moving swiftly, I made my way to her door, swung it opened and reached out to grab her up. I stopped halfway. I wanted it to still be her decision. She didn't flinch or hesitate as she grabbed my hand eagerly. "I have a question," she said, looking into my eyes with slight amusement.

Surprised at her change of attitude, I didn't respond. Instead, I waited silently for her rebuttal. She glanced down at her camera, playing with it in her hands. She turned her gaze to me, an ominous smile spreading across her face. "If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?"

I could hear everyone's laughter from inside the house at her question. My bellowing chuckle came at the same time. She hopped out of the truck keeping my hand as we ascended the stairs and walked over the threshold of my house. Who would have thought only moments ago she was begging me to take her life….

We continued into the living room that was now decorated from floor to ceiling in pink flowers. My whole family was waiting patiently for us there. When we came into view, everyone except Rosalie shouted, "Happy Birthday Bella!"

_I don't even know why I'm here. _Rosalie sneered. Of course, always the optimistic.

I watched Bella's eyes circle the room, taking in the lavish decorations and the cake. Her heart drummed madly at the sight of it all. I pulled her into an embrace, wrapping my arms lightly around her waist. Her warmth rushed me and I brought my nose to her hair, breathing in the complexity of her scent before I kissed her lightly on her head, taking in another deep gulp of her scent before pulling away.

_Disgusting, _Rosalie thought. _Or delicious if you wanted a snack. _I shot her a glare. Her upper lip went up to expose her teeth. Her thoughts were always a continuous nasty remark. I had learned to ignore her long ago.

Bella and I walked further into the room. Esme brought her into a tight embrace kissing her on her forehead. _She looks lovely today! _

Esme's thoughts were never rude or mean. She always had something kind to say about Bella, either in her thoughts or out loud. Carlisle put his arm around Bella and whispered in her ear, "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein in Alice." Of course we could all hear every word he spoke to her.

_It's her birthday; it is a day of celebration...of course they couldn't rein me in! _Alice thought indignantly.

Emmett was doing a quick survey in his head. _Same height, same color blush, and no wrinkles, just as human as ever…_ "You haven't changed at all," he quaked with suppressed mirth, "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

Bella looked extremely embarrassed and her blush deepened. "Thanks a lot, Emmett."

_I better put the CD player in her car before she realizes we bought her one. Alice warned me what would happen if I didn't… _Emmett thought before winking in my direction. "I have to step out for a second," he nodded toward Alice and turned back to Bella. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." _Make sure she doesn't trip until I'm there to see it, _Emmett directed his thoughts my direction. I fully intended for Bella to never trip in the first place. I just shook my head back and forth.

"I'll try," Bella replied sarcastically.

_Okay, enough… time for presents! _Alice left Jaspers side and skipped toward Bella, a large smile prominent on her face.

_She smells awfully good today, I better keep my distance, _Jasper thought. I was grateful for him always making sure Bella was safe, even from himself. He directed a smile in her direction to ease any tension his space might cause her.

"Time to open presents," Alice ordered. She grabbed Bella by the elbow, taking her from my arms. Instantly the cold returned reminding me of how my life was before her: dismal and gray. Bella had a slight smile on her face. Maybe she was having a good time after all?

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything…"

"But I didn't listen," Alice interrupted. She held out her gift with a smug smile. "Open it," she demanded. She grabbed Bella's camera and placed the silver box in its place. _She'll like it if she actually opens it, I can't tell…she must still be deciding, _Alice mused mentally. Excitement rolled off her. You didn't have to have Jasper's abilities to feel it.

I watched as many expressions flitted across Bella's face. When her indecision faded she ripped the paper off.

_She'll love it! _Alice realized when Bella began tearing the paper. _I knew it!_

When Bella finally got a good look at what was underneath all the wrapping paper her expression became mystified. She turned the box around in her hands, shaking it slightly. She gave up on figuring out the picture on the box and opened it. She stared into the empty box, "Um…thanks," Bella said, puzzled by the now open but empty box.

_Ha-ha, what an idiot, she doesn't even know what it is. _Rosalie thought smugly and wasn't able to stop herself from letting a smile peak through her constant sneer.

_Silly Bella, _Alice thought.

_Doesn't she know anything about electronics? Does she even know what a TV is? _Jasper thought and then a bellowing laugh came out of his lips. He couldn't hold back the suspense any longer. "It's a stereo for your truck," he explained after no one else bothered to let her in on what it was. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you don't return it." That was Jasper – to the point, no edging around the facts.

Bella had a blank stare across her face until she finally understood, like a small light popping on above her head. "Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she smiled widely at both of them, to my complete surprise. She looked in the direction of the garage and said, "Thanks, Emmett!"

_She didn't even know it was a radio at first, hilarious! _Emmett laughed loudly. Bella heard him and laughed too. I was pleased to see things going so well. Alice wasn't though, she thought about this all day and 'predicted' this would be the outcome before she ever saw it.

_Okay, okay, it is my turn. I've been waiting forever for this! _Alice thought while bringing her the next gift. "Open mine and Edward's next." It was more of a demand than an offer.

I was instantly nervous, my stomach twisting around. I didn't spend any money on her and I hoped my gift was adequate enough after I saw her graciously accept an expensive gift. Bella turned and glared at me. "You promised," she hissed. Or maybe all of her leniency was gone.

I was about to respond when Emmett charged through the room, _I hope I haven't missed anything. _"Just in time!"

I turned back to Bella and finally got my sentence out. "I didn't spend a dime," I assured her, hoping this would appease her. I reached out slowly, brushing a strand of her hair from her magnificent face. My fingers lightly touched her jaw and a zing of electricity ran through me. Her heart skipped a few beats. Jasper gasped quietly but his thoughts remained civil. Bella turned to Alice and inhaled deeply.

"Give it to me," she exhaled, like she was finally going to hear her prison sentence.

_This is so much fun. Rosalie is going to have to let me visit more often! _Emmett thought and began chuckling under his breath.

Bella reached out for the package slowly, carefully, like it was a snake. She turned to me while opening it and rolled her eyes. She had her finger under the tape. Alice turned to me as her finger jerked across the tape. _Blood! – Jasper!_ And that was the beginning of the end. Everything was suddenly in slow motion. I heard her skin being sliced open and the instant thirst deep in me awakened the sleeping monster. He roared and rejoiced when the aroma of fresh human blood hit me.

"Shoot," Bella whispered, absolutely oblivious. She brought her finger to her eye, as a tiny droplet of blood came out of the cut.

She didn't see him coming, but I did. I turned to Jasper whose thoughts had gone wild. _I must have her! _He roared in his head as he charged after her, deciding what part of her would taste the best.

My beast couldn't fight the love that was deeply rooted inside me and all I could think about was how to save Bella from him. Just like with the van I rushed over to her, shoving her out of the way. She fell spectacularly through the air and landed onto the cake, breaking the glass dishes. I heard more tearing of skin and a rush of blood surged from her arm. I didn't need to see it to know this. I could smell it. The monster growled. But all I could think was, _I broke her_, over and over, shrieking it in my head.

Pandemonium hit. Jasper was struggling against me fiercely while growling. He began snapping at me and Emmett grasped him while holding his own breath. His bite would not kill me, but it would be painful. The scent hit the rest of my family and Bella was suddenly the only human in a sea of thirsty vampires. Most of them were able to keep their calm by holding their breath. Not Jasper. And not me. I wanted to fight him – to kill him. Anything to stop him.

Jasper was thrashing around under me, trying to fight me to get to his prey. He was running on instincts alone. As was always with Jasper, I felt the twin thirsts, but suddenly it was more than that. Jasper felt everyone's thirst and I heard their thirst. The fragrance emitting from Bella was not only doubled, it was radiating off of everyone's thoughts and feelings effecting Jasper and I more than ever. I had dealt with the taste of Bella on my tongue before and I wanted it more than ever in this moment. I had a sudden great urge to swing around and seize her by the throat. If it wasn't for my protecting her, I would be feeding from her myself. Looking around I saw everyone's thirsty expression. How would I protect her from all of them? Carlisle would help, I hoped. Instantly, I felt bad for doubting him.

My jaw was set; I refused to let her become my prey. The monsters inside me were clawing and breaking my bones now. My mouth was dry and frozen. I needed the warmth of her blood in my mouth but I continued to struggle with Jasper. Carlisle took charge, as I knew he could. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," he ordered.

Emmett nodded. "Come on Jasper."

_I knew this was going to happen one day, _Rosalie thought smugly while pushing against Jasper's chest. I ignored her.

Pebble sized droplets of blood were now trickling down Bella's arm. I leaned over her, facing away. I looked at my remaining family and I growled threateningly letting them know that there was to be no more harm to come to her. A wave of terror hit while grief and worry drowned out the thirst when I realized how much I had actually injured her. The scent was stronger than I thought. My stomach gave a jolt of uneasiness. I was trying to master myself while acting the hero. Dread and panic burst through me.

I heard a howl of fury out in the woods.

At the sight of Bella lying on the floor like a wounded animal, I inhaled several gulps of air. Each breath was tearing at my lungs so I quickly held my breath. My panic at the fact that I hurt Bella finally erupted through my stomach like poisonous gas.

Her eyes were wide with terror.

_I can't take it anymore. _"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme said while backing out of the door. Everyone had exited now except Alice, Carlisle and I.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle demanded with a kind and fatherly look.

His thoughts were relatively calm. He barely noticed her blood. It was so easy for him. Once I realized it was safe I nodded and moved for him to get to her. I knew he would fix her. Agony crashed into me as the thought _I broke her_ kept reverberating through my head. I was dissolving in misery. The room had fallen silent. Carlisle knelt down slowly and examined her arm. I looked away; disgusted with myself.

My brain was still in limbo; in between thirst and horror. Copious amounts of blood were still spilling from her arm. Alice was still in the room holding her breath. She grabbed a towel and brought it over to Carlisle, doing more then I could at the moment. "Here, Carlisle," she said softly.

_This is bad, so much glass._ "Too much glass in the wound," Carlisle replied to Alice while shaking his head. There was a horrible plummeting in my stomach. I watched as Carlisle ripped part of the table cloth and wrapped it around Bella's arm stopping the flow of blood. I watched her eyes and she began to turn green. Bella was going to be sick. It was silly, but I had an instant flashback to last year's biology blood typing incident.

_She will need a lot of stitches,_ Carlisle thought, bringing me back to the present._ This is going to take a lot of cleaning. _"Bella," Carlisle said softly, "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please," Bella whispered.

"I'll go get your bag," Alice said.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table." Carlisle looked at me, _Can you handle it?_ He was being absolutely serious. I could handle it – I _would_ handle it.

I bent down to bring her into my arms. She warmed them and even under all the stress of the situation her heart still gave a little squeeze. This was wrong. Everything was so wrong. Carlisle continued to keep pressure on her arm as I brought her over to the table. I kept her in my arms. I never wanted to let her go. She was so feeble laying there bleeding.

_Oh my, she looks like she is going to be sick, _Carlisle thought and added aloud, "How are you doing Bella?"

Both of us looked at her, waiting for something horrible to happen. I didn't know if things could get any worse. "I'm fine," said Bella, her voice still quavering.

Her eyes didn't leave mine. There were so many emotions going through me at this moment that I'm sure it looked like someone had just hit me across my face with something very heavy. Alice walked into the room, quickly holding her breath when she caught scent of Bella's blood in the air. She walked forward and placed Carlisle's black bag on the table. I finally placed Bella in a chair softly, not wanting to hurt her anymore than I already had. Bella continued to study my face. "Just go Edward," she sighed.

Leave her? Never! Maybe she is worried about me? _Of course_ she is always worried about someone else, anyone else but herself. Selfless should be her middle name. "I can handle it," I told her even though I knew that I was horribly powerless in this moment.

It was a lie though. My muscles were tight and my stomach had a hollow yearning for her blood. The venom was flowing so freely in my mouth I was constantly swallowing it. I kept my teeth clenched. She looked me over and read the lie in my facial expression. "You don't need to be the hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air," she insisted.

_Yes, Edward, go. I can handle this. _Carlisle thought impatiently. He saw me as a threat still.

Alice's thoughts chimed in right along with them. _Edward, this has to be incredibly hard for you. Go outside and get some fresh air. I need you to check on Jasper, anyway. _

I was Bella's hero, though. I had always been her guardian vampire. _No…no_, this was wrong. So, very, very wrong. My body didn't budge. I refused to leave her. "I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella grumbled.

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I'll doubt he will listen to anyone but you now," Carlisle insisted.

Bella was looking at me and nodded. "Yes, go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.

They were practically kicking me out. I looked at them while my eyes became narrower and narrower.

_I'll be right behind you. Go, please, for me. _Alice begged.

I looked at all of them, gave a tight nod and strode from the room. When I exited the house the fresh air ripped through my lungs. It was not the release I was waiting for. No matter how much of the balmy night's air I breathed in I could still smell the seductive and sinister taste of Bella's blood.

I found the closest tree and kicked it in a great temper. The tree shook and trembled under my blow before falling and bringing down two more trees. The small release of anger wasn't enough and I began running; using my nose to help me track the one person who I would release my anger on now.

* * *

**Please Review!** For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	4. 3 Decisions

New Moon was written by Stephenie Meyer. Only part of this story relates to that book. This is New Moon from Edwards POV. If you haven't read all of the books in the Twilight series (including Midnight Sun), don't read this story because it might not make sense. This story also might contain spoilers for the other books. All characters & some dialog are property of the lovely Stephenie Meyer and I am making no profit from writing this.

**Chapter 3: Decisions

* * *

**

Finding Jasper was not difficult. His scent led me to where he was; at the edge of the water next to a spring. Soft dappled green light was coming through the trees as the moon peered through the clouds. The moonlight was gleaming off the water and reflecting on Jasper's face. The guilt and shame he was feeling wasn't concealed. Behind him was a rock taller than him that had a large hole in it. I noticed that it was perfectly shaped like he had punched right through it. Jasper was trying to rage war in his mind on his guilt and rebellion.

_I can't believe I did that! How could I do this to my family after everything they have done for me? What will Alice think…and Edward? I'm so weak! _Jasper paced back and forth, _But the scent…the smell…it was beyond delicious. Maybe I could go back just to have a small taste._

A dangerous growl formed in my stomach and soared out of my mouth; my throat was vibrating in anger. Jasper froze in thought and quickly turned to face me.

"I didn't…" he began.

I didn't hesitate as we collided. I shoved him into the already broken bolder. It was instantly crushed into thousands of small pieces as a thunderous crash reverberated off the water and trees. My hand was wrapped around his neck. He didn't struggle against my grasp.

_I'm sorry, Edward. Please. You know I like Bella, I didn't want to hurt her. You don't realize how hard it is for me when I have to feel everyone's thirst along with mine. It is overwhelming. _Jasper's thoughts became frantic.

I removed my hand from his neck and took several horrified steps backward as Emmett and Rosalie swiftly flew out of the forest.

"What was that noise?" Emmett asked.

Emmett saw Jasper up against the crushed bolder and in a split second he had his hand on my shoulder ready to stop me from doing something I would regret.

_You don't want to do that, _Emmett thought.

I staggered back several more steps as the day's events began flashing through my mind.

_I knew something like this was going to happen eventually. She is a human, what else did you expect, Edward? _Rosalie sneered.

I turned to face Rosalie. "You conceited little…" I began.

"Edward, enough! Don't tear our family apart." Esme's voice came through two large trees.

I fell to the ground as shock finally took over my body. Bella was only inches away from death. _Inches,_ I repeated in my head. _I put her in harm's way._ _If I would have just listened to her earlier and let her skip the party then this wouldn't have happened._ The worst thought of all flitted into the forefront of my mind. _This could have happened on any day. I am constantly putting her in danger. This is my fault!_ The thoughts came in a great magnitude and I could feel my stomach twisting in horror. _Will next time be her last?_ And I knew deep down that there would be a next time. She was prone to danger, it followed her around.

"Edward, I know this must be hard for you but she is okay, everything is okay." Esme tried to calm my frenzied nerves.

I brought my fingers to my temple pushing inward hoping to expel all thoughts. "It's not okay! If this happens again…" I drifted off while I continued to try to repress all my thoughts.

But the images didn't stop; they were constant in my mind. I brought her to danger time and time again. If I stayed with her I would eventually kill her. _Who was I kidding?_ I had to leave her. It was her only chance at surviving and living a long and happy life.

_Edward, please don't. I love her so much, you can't make us leave. Not yet. I've seen it! I saw how happy we could all be together. Please don't do this._ Alice's thoughts were pure agony and pain like she was almost crying with exasperation.

She finally appeared in the small clearing we were standing in. She went straight to Jasper. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he answered while looking in my direction. "I don't know about him, though."

Through Alice's eyes I could see the pure anguish on my face. I looked up at her. "We have to go. We can't put her in danger any more. I love her too much."

If tears could have filled my eyes they would have. I was being tormented by my thoughts and worse, by Alice's.

_You can't do this. I'm begging you! _Alice pleaded over and over in her mind. She had seen my course of action as soon as I had thought about it.

"Edward, what do you mean? You want us to leave? I can't imagine you leaving Bella behind. Are you sure this is the best idea?" Esme whispered.

Pain, torture, anguish, agony, grief…All stacked up in big piles, queuing inline to rip me to pieces. Each emotion was tearing through my un-beating heart. The weight in my stomach was ripping through me. I put my face to the ground begging for the pain to dissipate. Esme and Alice's arms were around me, helping me to my feet.

"We have time to think about this, Edward. It doesn't have to be right this second." Esme said softly.

_The suffering I'm feeling is torture. I have to get out of here. _Jasper's face was screwed up in anguish.

Alice saw his next line of action and was at Jasper's side in a second. "Go," she said to him. "I'll catch up in a few minutes."

"Go to Denali, we are _all_ moving and we'll meet you there," I commanded.

"We'll be back," she retorted in an angry tone.

Jasper was gone that instant. Emmett and Rosalie were completely silent; even their minds were quiet during the situation they had witnessed. Once Jasper was gone Rosalie spoke up. "I can't believe you! You are going to make us move because of that human girl?"

"I've moved numerous times for you, Rosalie." I shouted

"Hey now, we can discuss this later when tempers aren't flying," Emmett stepped in between us.

"I need to check on Bella," I said to Esme.

_Go, _she thought.

I accelerated through the forest. Each thought tore at me and I could feel the pieces slowly being ripped off of me and dropping to the dark forest floor. When I reached the opening behind my house I was hollow, every part of my body had been ripped to shreds. I stopped to rearrange my face. I couldn't let Bella see me like this. I could hear Carlisle talking with her.

"I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have." Carlisle said.

He didn't realize how wrong he was. I'm not pure or good. I have taken this innocent creature and put her in constant danger. _What kind of a person am I? You're not a person, you're a monster! _

I heard Carlisle continue his story, "After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was empty – of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home.

"I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary."

I remembered the fire burning through my veins during the three days of my transformation. That pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling now or what I would be feeling later once I left her.

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." Carlisle paused.

I was in the shadow of the door frame in the dining room. Bella's shirt was damp with blood. I quickly held my breath. The fear of what the scent might do to me twisted my stomach into knots.

Carlisle smiled at Bella, "I suppose I should take you home now."

"I'll do that," I said while walking into the light of the room.

Bella studied my expression for a moment and saw something there that I was hoping she wouldn't see. "Carlisle can take me," she offered.

Her face was twisted in pain and rigid with defiance.

"I'm fine." I protested. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I walked out of the kitchen to retrieve Alice. I moved speedily to the edge of the water behind our house where I found her. She was throwing rocks into the water violently.

_You can't do this to us. Don't you understand that this is going to hurt more than just you? We have all grown fond of her. Esme thinks of her as her daughter. _Alice turned to face me, _Why would you do this to her? _Alice's face was twisted in sadness.

If a vampire could produce tears I knew that they would be leaving tracks down her face, also.

"Alice, I…I have to. Don't you see," I pleaded, "If I don't let her go now and something happens to her, I couldn't take the guilt."

_Pathetic, _she thought. Alice strode past me with such indignation in her that it almost broke my resolve. _I know why you came out here. I'll get Bella another shirt._ I followed her into the house.

"I'm fine," Bella was assuring Esme. "Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had."

Carlisle and Esme both began chuckling.

_I hope he decides to keep her. I love Bella so much, _Esme was thinking when we walked through the back doors.

I felt like I was choking. I froze at the door but Alice didn't hesitate and went quickly to her side. "C'mon," she pointed to the stairs, "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."

They ascended the stairs. Alice's hand was resting on Bella's lower back like she was making sure she wouldn't trip. I stood in the door frame, still and unoccupied. The footsteps of Bella sounded so hollow and blank, almost like she was already gone from my world.

_What is it son? _Carlisle asked.

"We're moving." I replied simply.

_Now? What about Bella? _

"We are going to leave her behind. I am going to give her the human life she deserves."

_Are you sure that you want to do this? _Carlisle asked in disbelief.

"I have to. I can't risk her life anymore. I love her too much. This won't be a problem will it?" I asked in a low voice.

_No, no…of course we can do whatever it is you need us too. I…I just don't understand. _Carlisle's thoughts began pondering and planning.

There was no more to be said between us on this subject matter. The weight of several minutes passed and I gazed up at the ceiling, inclining my head as if to better hear their conversation. Alice was headed toward the door to leave. I could see everything so clearly in her mind right now.

"Alice," Bella whispered.

Alice turned to face her, "Yes?"

Tiny tears were in Bella's eyes but they never left the protection of her eye lids. "How bad is it?" she wondered.

_It's bad; it's really, really bad. Edward do you see what this is already doing to her and you haven't even broke the news, _Alice thought heatedly."I'm not sure yet," she responded to Bella.

"How's Jasper?" Bella asked Alice with her misty protuberant eyes.

_Gone. He's gone! We're all going to be…gone… _Alice thought defeated. Alice has seen what will be and she knows she can't stop it.

Alice sighed, "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak."

Bella's voice was screwed up in guilt, "It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

_Not like it will matter. Jasper will think what he wants to think…_she thought.

"Of course," Alice replied.

I knew that Bella would always be selfless even when her own life was in danger. I waited for her at the front door. I could hear them descending the stairs slowly. Bella had a sallow look on her face as she walked toward me.

_She's not leaving this house without her birthday gifts! _Alice commanded while shooting glowering looks in my direction.

I shook my head infinitesimally at her thought.

_No Edward, these gifts belong to her and you won't take them away._ Alice growled with cold anger in every syllable.

"Take your things!" Alice burst out behind Bella.

She grabbed her unopened gifts, her camera and the half opened gift off the table and shoved them in Bella's good arm.

"You can thank me later, when you've opened them," Alice said in faux cheerfulness.

_She will open her gifts, Edward, even if I have to come there and make her do it myself. _Alice snapped at me.

I ignored her thoughts because other thoughts were now protruding through my mind.

_Please don't take her from us. Not now, not after we have all fallen for her. We all love her so much. _Esme pleaded weakly.

_Son, I'm afraid this is not the right way to go about this. Maybe we could talk about it…_ Carlisle began thinking.

"Goodnight," I replied to them softly, turning so I wouldn't have to see their accusing stares.

They both said goodnight to me and we walked out of the house. Light flooded out of the door as two shadows became prominent: Carlisle and Esme. They watched as I walked slowly next to Bella, keeping pace with her. I opened the passenger's side door for her and she didn't argue with me this time. She climbed in slowly.

I saw the big red ribbon on the dashboard; a reminder of a happier time with Bella. The happier time that was only an hour ago. When I reached the driver's side and opened the door the bow had been torn off and thrown under her seat. _Does she want it to be over?_

Before I turned the key in the ignition the familiar sweet perfume emanating from her met my nostrils and I let her scent into my lungs. I reveled in it for a quick second before I turned the key. The engine clamored to life but the sound wasn't loud enough to drown out the silence between Bella and me in this moment of unease. She could tell there was something wrong with me. She was right. _I am all wrong for her. _

I accelerated quickly down my driveway in her truck, ignoring the internal speed limit that accompanied her truck. I knew my face expressed something that Bella had never seen before. I could see my reflection in the glass and there was nothing there but a ferocious inhuman glare prominent on my face.

I watched her through the reflection too and her expressions continually changed so I could never tell what exactly her thoughts were. _It doesn't matter! You shouldn't care what her thoughts are!_ I yelled internally. I still tried to probe her mind and hit a solid wall.

A crease was forming between Bella's eye brows. "Say something," she begged when I was turning onto the freeway.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked vaguely.

Her little fingers tightened into fists. "Tell me you forgive me."

_She wants me to forgive her? Insane! This isn't her fault. It's mine…all mine._ Several lists of the worst kinds of emotions were ready to drown me and they continued to queue up; waiting for me to break down so they could have their way with me.

"Forgive _you_? For what?" I asked crisply.

Her face became pleading, "If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty." I roared in exasperation.

"It's still my fault," she looked down at her clenched hands and slightly unclenched them.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

She looked at me haughtily, "How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?"

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled at her.

She glared at me. "I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

I wouldn't let her die, that was the problem…the reason I had to leave her.

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous," she said in triumph.

I imagined her being with Mike Newton and all I could think about is how much I wanted to kill him. How I wanted to grab him up by the throat and snap his neck. I couldn't though, not now. _I'm letting her go. I have to let her go!_ I injured her in an attempt to protect her. The heavy reluctance I was feeling barred down on me. The gut wrenching terror of leaving her very nearly swallowed me whole.

There was a necessity to leave her to her future…a future _I_ could never have. She would go on with her life – she would have a life to go on with.

The truck was groaning as I pressed the gas down as far as it would go. Flat orange glares of the street lights loomed into view. My hands were tightly clenched around her steering wheel in an attempt to not reach over and hold her hand and bring her to my arms one last time. This couldn't be the end.

I inhaled her amazing scent and I let it burn me; knowing this would be the last time I would be graced with such an aroma. It was intoxicating. I exhaled and then brought another deep gulp of air into my lungs. She smelled so…delicious. _This is exactly why you should leave her! She's your meal! _

My stomach twisted in pain while the rest of my insides plummeted sickeningly. For the first time I can remember I felt sick, like I needed to pull over and vomit. It was nothing I had ever encountered before. I felt like I was being submerged in misery. Each horrible emotion was lining up one at a time to obliterate me. I was suffocating in despair and sorrow while terror was rising inside me as each agonizing second passed until there would be no more seconds with her. I felt horribly powerless.

I pulled into Bella's driveway then. I didn't move from my position. The pain had overcome me and I was unable to move.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked timidly.

"I should go home," I answered unemotionally.

"For my birthday," she pressed.

Of all the things she could ask for her birthday she continued to ask for things I wouldn't give her. Why this? Why did she want the one thing I wanted more than anything on this earth ever? _She's right next to you – you don't have to leave her right now. One more day – you will see her one more time, _I thought, trying to persuade myself.

"You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other," I stressed. I was hoping she would give up on this conquest so I wouldn't be the weak one.

I heard her exhale lightly and the smell circled the truck. I took the sweet aroma into my lungs.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs," she ordered.

_I can't say no to her on her birthday_, I decided. I could just extend the deadline. I knew I was just making up excuses to stay.

She hopped out of the truck turning to grab her gifts. I didn't want her to take them because I knew they would remind her of me when I was gone and I didn't want to cause her any more pain than I already had to.

"You don't have to take those."

"I want them," she responded.

Of course she was stubborn and would do the opposite of what I suggested. Maybe there is another way to convince her to not take them. For a fleeting second I thought we could get through this evening and back to normal. The pain hit worse after that thought.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you," I was thoroughly discomposed.

"I'll live," she snapped while she fumbled around with her presents tucking them under her good arm.

If I was going to stay with her this last night then I would at least be the gentleman she was accustomed to. I was out of the truck and by her side within a second.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said while grasping her gifts. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled at me and my resolve nearly melted. "Thanks," she replied.

I couldn't resist her any longer. I sighed, "Happy birthday." I brought my lips to hers in that one moment of happiness.

Electricity shot through my veins. I realized in this second of passion that I am empty of everything but her. She was my whole world. She propped herself up on her toes to make the kiss last longer but I pulled away. This must be the end and I couldn't let this kiss convince me to stay. I smiled down at her glorious face realizing that she was the light, an angel, and I was the dark, a monster.

I would carve her in my memory forever.

* * *

_Author's Note: This chapter is one of the hardest I have had to write so far (including Midnight Sun). The pain Edward is feeling is excruciating. Looks like I am only hitting the tip of the ice berg because we haven't even gotten to the point where he actually leaves her._

___Thanks to krstn7727 and_ _Mrs. Edward B. Cullen for being wonderful Beta Readers for this chapter._  



	5. 4 Hollow

**Chapter 4: Hollow

* * *

**

I was waiting for Bella in her room while staring unseeingly out her window at the night's sky as the moon slid behind the clouds and the grounds below became suddenly dark. The pang of guilt that was constantly emitting from my body had twisted my stomach into so many knots I was afraid I would never be able to fix it. I continued to stare out the window as I resisted the temptation to leave her room and never come back because surely this evening with her will cause me more pain when I finally leave.

I heard Bella's attempts to go to bed being thwarted by Charlie. I had not been paying attention to most of their conversation because my mind was elsewhere. I knew this evening I was just pulling myself into a false sense of security. I was still severely shaken from the evenings events.

"What happened to your arm?" Charlie asked Bella tentatively.

_I threw her into a bunch of glass plates trying to protect her from my brother sucking the life from her body_, I answered internally. Searing pain rippled through my body once more. It was a desperate attempt – a foolish one.

"I tripped. It's nothing," Bella replied.

"_It's nothing,"_ I repeated sourly under my breath. I remembered the scene vividly in my head as she flew across the glass plates cutting her arm. The blood was shimmering because the crystal pieces were reflecting onto her. I could feel my stomach twist a little tighter.

"Goodnight, Dad." Bella said.

I heard her light footsteps in the bathroom as she brushed her teeth and washed up. I turned away from the window realizing I wasn't going to leave tonight. I saw her presents on her bed. I went over and sat on her bed while turning one of her unopened gifts over and over in my palm. It was too bad that these gifts would mean nothing when I left. The one I held in my palm was tickets for us to go see her mother in Florida. I couldn't imagine her having these tickets and not being able to take me. I knew that they would just be another reminder of the monster in her past. I would have to come back to steal them away.

The door of Bella's room cracked open slowly as light from the hallway flooded her room. She walked in, turned to close the door lightly and then faced me.

"Hi," I said softly.

I knew the pain had broken through my pretense already by the worried look on her face. She walked slowly over to the bed, shoving the presents away, and climbed into my lap. My arms suddenly warmed as she brought her head to my chest. I inhaled her wonderful fragrance, reveling in the beauty of it. I shouldn't take anything for granted tonight because this would be my last.

"Hi," she whispered. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" I wondered.

"You made me curious," she said quietly.

She reached out and grabbed the gift that was at the top of the pile. It was the plane tickets. For a fleeting second I was going to take it from her and throw it out the window but I thought better of it.

"Allow me," I suggested.

I wouldn't allow her to cut herself on something as delicate as paper again. There had been enough bloodshed tonight. I grabbed the shiny silver box out of her hands and pulled the wrapping paper off. There was only a white box left. I handed it to her to finish opening it.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she asked bitterly.

She pulled the lid off slowly and peered into the box. She looked confused as her eyes darted from one side of the ticket to the next, reading. Comprehension dawned on her face.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she exclaimed.

"That's the idea."

She didn't try to hide the excitement that was evident on her face. "I can't believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it," I replied amicably. I was astounded by her response to the expensive gift. It was too bad there would be no trip to Florida. I frowned at the thought. "If I had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" she trilled excitedly.

Even with the wretched pain I was feeling I chuckled despite myself at her eagerness. I should have gotten her the Audi coupe after all… "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

I saw her eyes shift to my unopened gift, curiosity alight in her eyes. I was immediately worried that my gift would be inadequate. She picked up the present and I took it from her to unwrap it, too. I handed her back the CD jewel case that held a single CD in it. I had recorded my compositions for her to listen to when I wasn't able to play for her. She turned it over in her hand a few times.

"What is it?" she looked perplexed.

She would know immediately what it was once I played it for her. I took the CD from her and put it in her CD player next to her bed. I hit the play button. A few silent seconds elapsed before the music began playing. I had put her lullaby on the first track.

Bella listened to the music carefully. Her eyes grew wide when she recognized the song. I was unsure what her reaction was and I tried once again to penetrate her mind, to no avail. Moisture began building up in her eyes. She brought the back of her hand to her eyes and wiped the tears away before they spilled over. _She must be in pain_, I thought.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously.

She sniffed and looked at me like I was insane. "No, it's not my arm," she explained. "It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I explained.

"You're right."

She listened tentatively for several more seconds. I watched her reaction and knew that I would have to make sure I removed this CD from her player before I left, too. I would make sure she could move on, and removing me from her memory was going to be the best way. Pain erupted through me at the thought of leaving her. I had to remember why I was doing this.

"How does your arm feel?" I asked, reminding myself what I had done to her.

"Just fine," she lied.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she protested.

I pulled her off my lap and fluidly moved to her door to go to the bathroom. I felt a chill go through my body at the absence of Bella's warmth. _When I finally leave…how would I feel then? _

"Charlie," she whispered franticly.

"He won't catch me," I promised.

Charlie was too engrossed in the baseball game that was playing downstairs to notice a silent vampire lurking in the bathroom. I filled a glass with water and grabbed the Tylenol bottle out of the cabinet. I rushed back to her room, shutting the door silently behind me. She took the pills and water without complaining.

"It's late," I noted.

She needed sleep after everything she had been through today. Once she placed the glass of water down I quickly pulled her up into my arms, letting her warmth fill me. I moved the covers on her bed and laid her down gently while pulling them over her. I laid beside her and pulled her close to my chest, leaving the cover in between us so she wouldn't get cold. She brought her face to my shoulder and sighed. I inhaled her wonderful scent. My throat burned sweetly at the fragrance.

"Thanks again," she breathed.

Her breath washed over me as it tickled my throat. "You're welcome," I replied simply, realizing that the words were empty because I would be stealing her gift back.

I felt like my world was being turned upside down. I was going to have to leave this wonderful creature and never return. I could no longer bring death and destruction to her door. _You are all wrong for her_, I reminded myself. I pictured her body flying across the air and landing with a crashing thud on the ground as Jasper tried to attack. _How could I have ever let it come to this? _I felt my stomach sink horribly.

The weight of several minutes passed as Bella continued to lie against my chest breathing evenly. I thought she had gone to sleep until she inclined her head toward my face. "What are you thinking about?" she whispered.

Her breath flitted around my nostrils as I took in several generous gulps of her perfume. I looked sideways at her. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" she asked, trying to distract me.

I stared at her incredulously. "Yes," I replied suspiciously.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

I suppressed a sigh. "You're greedy tonight," I stated.

A small smile spread across her face. "Yes, I am – but please, don't do anything you don't want to," she replied airily.

She always had everything so backwards. Moments when our lips met were pure bliss. A chuckle at the silly thought escaped my lips. I sighed heavily. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I replied sarcastically.

I placed my hand under her chin while bringing her face to mine. Our lips met and electricity rapidly flew through my veins. Many thoughts ran through my mind at what I must do. I suddenly realized that this would be the last time that I will be able to kiss her like this, if at all. I took air into my lungs and let her delicious aroma burn my aching throat.

I heard her heart drumming madly as she reached greedily toward my face, bringing me into her embrace fiercely. I threw myself into the kiss more enthusiastically than normal. I was sure this would be the last time we would be together so intimately. The monster, desire, roared in appreciation at our kiss.

I threw caution to the wind and I was suddenly urgent. I brought my free arm around her and twisted my hand in her hair, bringing her face closer to mine. Her lips were moving fluidly with mine as she began panting. Her lips parted and I inhaled her breath. I was taking in large gasps of air as excitement ripped through my body. She grabbed at my hair, pulling me ever closer to her body. Normally I would have stopped her but I wanted it just as badly as she did. I was eager to bring her as close to me as possible. Our bodies were crushed together while she sighed in ecstasy. My desire was burning stronger than ever.

I realized I had gone too far and froze under her touch. She didn't let go but continued to clutch at my body. I didn't want to resist but I had too. I pushed her away as gently as I could against all my desires. She fell back onto her pillow, wild gasps escaping her lips as her chest moved up and down quickly with each breath.

"Sorry," I said breathlessly. "That was out of line." And it was – I had put her life in danger from myself…again.

Her cheeks were flushed. "_I_ don't mind," she breathed.

But I minded. I frowned down at her. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again," she demanded, her eyes alight with passion.

"You're overestimating my self-control," I said gruffly.

She pursed her lips. "Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?"

I contemplated for a fraction of a second. "It's a tie," I smiled in spite of myself. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

_You have put her in enough danger for one day_, I replied scathingly to myself.

"Fine," she agreed, pulling herself closer to me like she was tempting me to kiss her again.

I resisted the urge, realizing that if I were to fail her now I wouldn't be able to live with myself. She curled even closer to me, putting her injured arm on my shoulder. I knew it was because my cool skin would help soothe the pain. Her heart slowed and her breathing became even.

"Are you asleep?" I asked quietly.

She didn't mutter a sound. This was it…the last night. I was pleading internally with myself to just extend the deadline for another day. Now that she was asleep the pain returned to me in full measure. Memories of the day flooded into my mind. The moment I broke her continued to replay over and over. The thoughts alone made my every bone feel like they were on fire. I was burning from the inside out. Pain continued to swell inside me at the prospect of losing her. It was pain beyond anything I had ever felt before and my body was still in one piece, though, it felt like I was slowly being ripped in two.

I closed my eyes tightly wishing that sleep could engulf me and relieve me of the misery I was dissolving in. I pulled her tight into my embrace and didn't let her go until the early morning hours when Charlie awoke and came to check on her.

When Bella finally woke up she sat up slowly. She was heavy eyed and had tousled hair. I kissed her forehead quickly and ducked out of her window silently.

I swept through the forest at lethal speeds. My body was ripped in half as my heart was left with her. I reached my house in a matter of minutes. Alice wasn't outside greeting me happily at the bottom of the stairs today. I felt horrible at what I had to put my family through. I walked inside and Esme greeted me with a hug as I walked into the living room.

_I've been so worried about you, Edward. Is everything okay? _Esme pulled herself from our grasp and her eyes darted to my face. Her lips turned down in anguish. _Oh…no. So, it's true? We're leaving? _

"Yes," I replied sadly.

She embraced me again. Carlisle walked into the room with a grave look on his face.

_I will do what you feel is best about Bella, but, I want you to know that I do not agree with it. You are going to hurt yourself beyond any pain imaginable. _Carlisle warned grimly.

I nodded in reproach. I could see through their thoughts the pain that was severely prominent on my face. I turned away from their worried thoughts and walked slowly up the stairs.

_Jasper and Alice are in Alaska. Rosalie and Emmett went with them until we heard news of what is going on. Should I tell them? _Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I whispered, but he heard me.

I cleaned up for school and went back downstairs. Carlisle was waiting for me.

_Listen, I've talked to the hospital. Everything is arranged. I asked them to not tell anyone about our departure until we have left. It will probably take Jasper another day before he has all the paperwork necessary for our next location. Are you going to stay until then? _Carlisle asked in a business like tone.

I just barely nodded before walking out of the house. I could hear Esme and Carlisle talking about me as I left. It was easy to ignore them with all the darkness that was filling my mind since I left Bella this morning. Each step I took I could feel more of my body being ripped apart. The only important part was that she had my heart. I didn't care if I was in shreds, as long as she was whole…human. I got into the Volvo to meet Bella at school.

When I pulled into the parking lot I didn't see Bella's truck. I had arrived before her as usual and got out to lean against my car, waiting for her. I heard her truck a mile down the road grunting with every bump it hit. She pulled into the parking lot and parked her car, scrambling to get her stuff together. I opened her door.

"How do you feel?" I asked her dully.

"Perfect," she lied.

I shut her door loudly as she walked away. When we began walking to class she made no effort to communicate with me. I had a knot the size of a golf ball in my throat and was unable to speak to her, either. I felt a chill in my stomach at the absence of Bella's hand in mine. I reached out slowly to grab her hand but thought better of it. If I were to embrace her again…would I be able to leave her?

School was dreadfully long. Each second I was around her bit at my resolve. _How many times would I put her in danger before she is killed?_ I asked myself. I wouldn't put her in danger ever again. Though I could feel the constant ripping of my body, I continued to sit with her during each class and walk with her in between them.

During lunch she finally broke the silence. I had a granola bar in my hand and I was slowly pulverizing it.

"Where's Alice?" she asked anxiously.

I looked up from my action. "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone for a while," I replied simply.

_He's gone for a long, long time_, I thought.

"What? Where?"

I shrugged, not wanting to discuss this. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice, too," she stated.

I answered her despite myself, "Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Several emotions flickered across her face. Her eyes were fixed on nothing, yet staring fixedly in my direction. _I gave her too much information_, I thought angrily to myself. She finally snapped out of it, her eyes meeting mine. She hunched forward in shame. _What was going through her head?_ Maybe her arm was bothering her.

"Is your arm bothering you?"

"Who cares about my stupid arm," she replied snappily.

I could see the pain in her eyes. Everything I was doing was hurting this glorious creature. I watched her put her head on to the table. She didn't say anything to me for the rest of the lunch period and all the way through our last classes.

As I was walking her to her truck she peered over at me from a sideways glance. She huffed out a little sigh.

"You'll come over later tonight?" she asked wistfully.

She caught me off guard. Why later? Why not right now?

"Later?" I questioned.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off." She explained to me.

"Oh," I said quietly.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" she looked sulky.

I would come over to see her one last evening before I left. I couldn't stay the night. Not if I wanted to have enough courage to leave her.

"If you want me to," I said, making sure it was still her decision.

"I always want you," she replied intensely.

"All right, then," I said apathetically.

I pulled open the door to her truck. She got in turning to me. I kissed her forehead like I did this morning. I had decided unconsciously, apparently, that it would be unwise for me to bring my lips to hers again. I knew if I did I would break down and stay. I shut her door and staggered away. Each step seemed to cause me pain. I could feel the splitting of my body more forcibly than before.

I arrived home devoid of all thoughts and noise, and I could suddenly feel the emptiness in my chest. The silence was eerie as I walked through the house. I didn't even make it to the stairs before I fell to my knees.

_One more day_, I told myself. I curled into a ball on the ground as I tried to imagine what I was going to say to Bella. I winced frequently as our many conversations flitted through my mind. It was unnerving how easily this human girl could make me collapse. I tried to concentrate on the happiest moment I could think of. Bella and I in the meadow…her warm touch…our first kiss…

A scream shattered my concentration as another thought went flying through my mind. Bella lying on the ground like a wounded animal as she writhed in pain from James' bite. She was jerking around and screaming about the fire.

I lay there, panting. The pain coursed through me so rapidly I thought that I was going to shatter and break. I felt like someone had placed a pillow over my face as each breath became more ragged and less fulfilling.

The threat of not seeing Bella this evening brought me back to reality. I pulled myself off the ground, looking for a clock. It was too early. _I can't stay here anymore. _I stood up and sprinted to my car. I drove well above the speed limit all the way to the Swan's residence.

I pulled into the driveway. Charlie was watching baseball. _He probably wouldn't mind if I just 'watched' TV with him until his daughter arrived home. _I knocked on the door gently. I heard Charlie grumble as he wrenched himself out of his chair and answered the door.

"Oh, Edward," he started.

"Hello Chief Swan," I interrupted him.

"Bella's not home yet," he finished.

"Do you mind?" I asked while gesturing to let me in.

"Oh…no, of course not. Come in," he stuttered. "There's pizza on the table if you are interested."

"No, thanks," I replied blankly.

I made myself comfortable on the armchair. I sat still, trying to not let the pain overcome me again. I stared unblinkingly at the TV screen, not paying attention to what was playing. The moments passed agonizingly slow. I was so screwed up in pain that when I heard the front door open it startled me. Usually I would have heard Bella from several blocks away. Her sweet voice drifted into the room.

"Dad? Edward?" she shouted out.

I didn't answer. The pain was so much that if I were to open my mouth I was afraid a cry would escape. If I kept up this course of action, it would block my progress of finally leaving her to her humanity. _She'll go on with her life – she will have a _life_ to go on with, _I reminded myself.

"In here," Charlie called.

I saw her from the corner of my eye, afraid to even look upon her beauty. When she walked into the room she brought her warm scent with her. White hot knives cut down my throat.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie responded. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she responded, blinking at me in surprise.

She did not move from the doorway as her heart began to race in panic at my stature. I finally got the courage to look up at her. I put on a blindingly fake smile, "I'll be right behind you."

I quickly brought my eyes back to the TV before I decided to jump up and bring her into my arms. _You can't do that. _If I were to embrace her warmth, her trusting arms, I would dissolve into nothing and be putty in her capable hands.

I wasn't sure what Bella was doing as I heard her playing with her camera. She went upstairs to her room and I could hear the clicking of the buttons. Was she taking pictures of her room? Why?

A thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Did she think my peculiar actions meant that _we_ were leaving? My stomach twisted sickeningly as I thought about how my words were going to hurt her worse than ever. I suddenly felt a profound reluctance to my plan.

I heard her soft footsteps as she walked slowly down the stairs and went into the kitchen, fiddling with her camera. Keeping her in my peripheral vision, I watched as she leaned around the corner and snapped a picture. I looked up at her, wondering what she was doing.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.

"Oh, come on," she smiled but her eyes were not amused.

She came into the living room then, lowering herself to the ground in front of Charlie. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt," she continued.

Her voice was quivering lightly. I could tell she was nervous. As if my body wasn't already ripped to shreds, I could feel the hollowing of my insides at her anxiety, like someone was scrapping a potato peeler against my chest.

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though," Charlie groaned.

"Because you're so handsome," she said teasing. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

Charlie mumbled under his breath, "Damn Renée."

"Hey, Edward, take one of me and my dad together," Bella held out the camera.

I didn't get up so she threw it in my direction. She knew I would catch it. Bella pushed herself off the ground and put her face close to Charlie's. Charlie sighed heavily. Her face was utterly heart breaking. "You need to smile, Bella," I murmured, meaning it for future reference too.

Her smile was fleeting at best as I pressed the button and the camera flashed.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested trying to pull the focus off of him.

I didn't want him to take a picture of us because this was just another thing I would have to take from Bella before I left. Bella came to my side and I could feel her warmth. This is what I wanted to avoid. The closer she got to me the harder it was for me to keep my resolve in check. I placed my hand lightly on her shoulder, and even then I was trying hard not to bring her into my iron clad grasp and let her warm my arms. She ignored my poor attempt of a formal posture and wrapped her arms around my waist. The rush of heat spread up to my face and down to my toes.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie commanded.

She sighed heavily, exhaling the most delicious of scents. The camera flashed.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie demanded and shoved the camera deep into the cushions and sitting on it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."

Bella was still securely wrapped around me. My stomach continued to twist into a horrible knot. I let go of her shoulder and wiggled out of her grasp, moving back to the armchair. She stood there stunned for a moment before going and sitting next to Charlie on the sofa.

All of the agonizing emotions that had been piling up on me lately seemed to be crashing down leaving large angry welts. I continued to sit in the chair, motionless, as each anguishing sensation terrorized my insides. When I couldn't take it anymore I stood up in a blindingly fast motion. Charlie didn't notice. "I'd better get home," I announced.

"See ya," Charlie called back.

I strode out to my car, leaving Bella following behind me. Rain was pouring down in copious amounts. Each step was like dragging a dead weight.

"Will you stay?" Bella asked hopelessly.

I didn't even turn around because I knew if I looked into her deep communicative eyes I would crumble under her will. "Not tonight."

I got into my car and drove away listening to the rain drops pelt my windshield. I looked in my review mirror and saw her standing in the rain with her mouth halfway opened in horror. I pressed the accelerator to its limits. Every part of my being was begging me to turn around and comfort her.

I had to find something to bide my time until I would see Bella again at school tomorrow. Instead of heading home I began driving north at deadly speeds with my lights turned off. I had been driving for fifty miles when the sickening sensation ripped through me again as I realized in less than forty-eight hours Bella would no longer be in my life. Simultaneously turning the steering wheel sharply, I slammed the brakes to the car and did a one-eighty, then accelerated back towards the direction from which I had come.

I couldn't take it anymore. The pain in my heart was aching beyond belief. The hollowing out of my body was suddenly filling again as I raced closer to her house. I parked some distance from her window so Charlie wouldn't see me. I scaled the wall and snuck in through Bella's window.

She was already curled up in the bed, sleeping. I would allow myself this one thing. She was wrapped snuggly in her covers. I brought my arms around her and brought my lips to her hair. I breathed in a generous gulp of her fragrance, trying to etch it into every line of my memory. My whole body filled with her warmth as she slept restlessly all night. I knew that it was my fault.

I looked out of her window and through the clouds which was a misty opalescent blue. I had to leave before she realized I was here. I wrenched myself away from her, literally having to pry my own arms from around her. Even in sleep she was attempting to influence me against leaving. I gave one last look of longing back at her before I jumped out of the window and raced back to my house. It was still utterly silent. I prepared myself mentally as best I could for the day.

I met Bella at school and we continued our silent charade. Every nerve ending was feeling horribly shredded. Bella must have been feeling the same way because she was completely oblivious when Mr. Berty asked her a question about Romeo and Juliet. I actually had to whisper the answer in her ear.

During lunch I continued to keep my distance and silence. It was the best way – the only way. Bella broke the silence again, but this time she didn't address me.

"Hey, Jess?"

"What's up, Bella?" _What's his deal?_ Jessica thought.

"Could you do me a favor?" Bella asked while reaching into her backpack. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?"

Bella handed her the camera.

_Good! I have an excuse to get a picture of Mike and me. _Jessica thought. "Sure."

I turned my attention on Bella. I continued to stay silent. All of her friends were passing her camera around and being noisy. I pushed all thoughts and voices out of my mind as I completely concentrated on the only person that mattered in my world. She was my focal point; without her I was empty.

The day droned on. It continued just like yesterday. I walked her to her truck, and she drove off without me. I drove back to my house, preparing for the onslaught. When I arrived Alice greeted me on the bottom stair outside the house. I was surprised.

"What are you doing here, Alice?" I snapped.

_We'll, I'm here to warn you, since you haven't bothered to keep your cell phone on you. _

"Warn me about what?" I answered scathingly.

_Bella…she's going to be…devastated. I mean – she is going to get lost trying to follow you. If you don't do something to prevent that from happening she is going to get hypothermia out in the woods. _

"Thanks, Alice."

_Can I please…_

"No!"

"Oh, be fair, Edward! Please let me say goodbye to her. My heart is broken. I miss her terribly. Please!" she begged.

"No, I think it is best if we all just leave her alone. A clean break, Alice."

_Please, please, please I just want to give her a hug and let her know that I will always love her. How can you expect me to just run away and never look back? After everything I've seen. You…you don't understand. You get to say goodbye…I...I have to just turn my back on her. _Alice's face was screwed up in sadness as a crease formed between her eyes like she was crying.

"Alice, no…please – for me," I pleaded.

_Fine, but you better make sure she is taken care of or I will come back! _She threatened. _Would you like it if I stayed here with you tonight? _Her 'voice' turned concerned.

"I would not be good company," I warned her.

_I can handle it. _

"No, I think you need to go back to Jasper," I muttered.

_Fine,_ she thought sadly.

Alice was gone in the next second. I saw the leaves and branches bristle at where she disappeared. I sat on the bottom step and sighed heavily. I tried to close my mind up and let the coming night of torment envelop me.

***

The next morning came quickly as I finished packing a bag to take with me when I left. I had finalized my plan for breaking things off with Bella. I took into account what Alice had told me and decided there were steps I could take to prevent anything from happening to her.

The school day dragged on like the previous days. We continued to walk and sit next to each other in a long and painful silence. When the day had ended I decided that it was time. I had to end things. I had extended the deadline for several days and now I was causing Bella unnecessary pain by sticking around.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked when we reached her truck at the end of the school day.

She looked shocked and her mouth opened a little before she responded. "Of course not."

"Now?" I persisted.

"Sure," she replied shakily. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I followed the direction of her eyes until I saw a very fat envelope on the seat. I knew what it contained; the pictures that she had been taking. I snatched it up without thinking about it. "I'll do it," I tried to explain my actions. "And I'll still beat you there." I tried my best to put a smile on my face to reassure her.

"Okay," she agreed grimly.

I marched over to my car and hoped in, preparing to race her back to her house. I did not plan to take her letter to the post office because I knew what the contents were. I speed down the side roads until I reached her house. I pulled into the driveway, parking in Charlie's spot so she would understand I didn't plan to stay.

I opened her front door with the key that was hidden under the eave and swiftly made my way to her bedroom. I noticed she had pictures of me and her in her scrap book. I pulled one out and unfolded the picture. There she was, beautiful and glorious as ever. I sighed. I pulled the CD out of the CD player. I grabbed the white box containing the plane tickets off of her desk. I couldn't take these things with me; they were just another reminder of what I was leaving behind. I felt wrong and dirty stealing her gifts. I decided I would keep them here for her. _But where to hide them_…I lifted a floor board up and placed everything underneath it. I replaced the wood neatly.

I could hear Bella's truck making its way down the road. I ran from her room and down to the kitchen. I scoped up the nearest pen I could find, using Bella's handwriting, I wrote on the pad of paper next to the phone. I would let Charlie know where she was. Bella was coming around the corner and I sprinted from the house and back into my car.

When she pulled into the driveway and began stepping out of her truck I exited my vehicle. I walked over to her and reached my hand out to take her bag. She handed it over and I reached around her placing it back into the truck.

"Come for a walk with me," I suggested quietly.

She didn't answer. Her face drained of all color as her eyes became wary. I didn't wait for her to answer. I put my hand behind her lower back and pushed her along with me. We inched slowly on the sodden ground. I made sure that we were only a few feet from the edge of the woods once we entered. We could still see her house.

I stopped and turned to stare at her. My world suddenly turned upside down. Pain rippled through my veins while my accompanying emotions followed in queue. I swayed on the spot thinking about what I was about to do and I leaned on the nearest tree for support. I tried to keep all of my anguish inside so she couldn't see my suffering.

"Okay, let's talk," she blinked.

I took in a large breath, letting her scent burn my throat; another reminder of what kind of creature I am. "Bella, we're leaving."

She took in a generous amount of air. She looked…_relieved?_ "Why now? Another year –"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." I explained.

Her expression changed to confusion. She looked sick. "When you say _we_-," she whispered.

I tried to make my voice sound as cold as ice. "I mean my family and myself," I said distinctively.

She looked at me faintly while shaking her head back and forth in disbelief. She looked wildly around like she was waiting for someone to hop out and say 'just kidding.' She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to form words. She finally found her voice.

"Okay, I'll come with you," she stated matter-of-factly.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you." My heart was screaming in protest to my words.

"Where you are is the right place for me," she cried, pain etched into every line on her face.

She had it all backwards. Where she was is the right place for _me_. I already felt like my attempt at dissuading her was not working. This could take hours – how could she ever believe that she wasn't the best thing in my existence?

"I'm no good for you Bella," my voice rose slightly to emphasize the truth.

Her heart began pulsing at a quickened rate. The sound tore slightly at my resolve but I had to hide that my body was quaking with sadness.

"Don't be ridiculous," she squeaked. "You're the very best part of my life." Her voice cracked on the last part.

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

I felt the light that she produced in me vanish as suddenly as a light bulb. _Was this just a terrible mistake? _

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" she shouted.

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected." I said softly.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted her.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted furiously. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

I sucked in air at her words, trying to rearrange my face. An icy surge of torture was coursing through my already frozen veins. A dead weight had plummeted through my heart and landed in my stomach. I looked down, refusing to let her see my face which was screwed up in torment. Each second ticked by and every one of those seconds contained an eternity of pain.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke the words slowly.

I was grief stricken at my own words. New lacerations were forming on my already mutilated body. Each word I spoke made me feel like I was going to suffer in the lowest level of Hades for speaking this heresy.

"You…don't…want me?" she whimpered.

She looked so frail in this moment of sadness. I could see the pain I was causing her. I watched as each syllable I spoke sent a searing pain through her eyes. My stomach dropped sickeningly at the thought of her anguish.

"No." I lied.

She stared into my eyes – her eyes blank. My heart felt sick at the blasphemy.

"Well, that changes things." She said calmly.

In the anguish of this farce I was perpetrating, I believed it was impossible to feel worse… until she uttered those words. I exploded in pain! Large amounts of poison were leaking through my veins as realization hit. _She believes me!_ Of all the insane things for her to believe…she believed this one lie. Agony rippled and swirled dizzily through my already aching body. It was torture like I had never endured before.

I looked away before I spoke my next words. "Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human," I turned my gaze towards her. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," her voice was barely a whisper. "Don't do this," she pleaded weakly.

It was too late. I had already made my decision. It was the only sensible course of action. I could feel a rise of pain begin to boil the venom in my veins.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I lied.

If there is one thing I learned acting human is that if you are a confident liar than the questioner will be less sure of the truth. I knew that looking away was always the first mistake only an incompetent liar would make. But I never had to lie so absolutely. A heavy reluctance washed over me. I was trying to frantically communicate without words that she was my life.

Her mouth opened soundlessly several times. "If that's what you want." Her face showed the most tragic expression I had ever witnessed. _Why wasn't she fighting back? Was I that convincing?_

I nodded once. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said.

I saw her pain and I had to fix my expression before she could read the pain in my eyes.

"Anything," she vowed.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."

She nodded again. "I will," she whispered.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

At my words I saw her knees start to shake. The heartache I was feeling was so intense – so all consuming that for a moment I didn't know where I was. I would have staggered sideways if it wasn't for the tree I was leaning on.

I smiled gently, "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she sounded strangled.

"Well," I hesitated. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind…we're very easily distracted." I smiled but it was merely a desperate attempt at trying to hide my anguish and grief. I stepped back from Bella. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

Surprise crossed her face at my words. "Alice isn't coming back," she mouthed soundlessly like a goldfish out of water.

I shook my head slowly while watching her face. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she asked in disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I understood her silence as she continued to gape at me. The tears wouldn't come though I begged them too. How could she believe anything I was saying to her in this moment? Didn't she understand that she was my world and I was nothing…_absolutely nothing_ without her?

"Goodbye, Bella," I said in the softest voice I could muster.

"Wait!" she choked out.

Her arms came out to clutch me to her. The motion of her arms made her fragrance soar through the air. The heartache I was feeling reached such a pitch I thought I was going to break down and pull her into my arms. I wanted too. I wanted to embrace her back and comfort her and beg for forgiveness. Instead I grabbed her wrists and brought them to her sides quickly. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead very lightly. I took in my last breath of her luscious aroma.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed.

The grief was beyond tears. When I pulled away her eyes were closed but snapped open and looked wildly around as I sprinted through the forest faster than I had ever ran before. I felt my heart being ripped from my body as a dark shadow filled the hollow place. In that moment I wanted it to end – I wanted to die. But I knew I couldn't move on into whatever next life could possibly exist for my kind without her.

I reached my car and drove as fast as it would go. When I finally reached a point where I couldn't drive anymore I staggered out of my car and departed at high speeds. As I was flying through the forest I knew I wouldn't stop while my heart was begging me to return. If I were to stop now I would go back to her. I didn't know where I was when I reached water's edge. I looked out at the water wondering how I had gotten to this point. I felt like the pain was slowly burning me.

I sank down on my knees and quivered in misery as each moment of what I had just done whipped at me, leaving lacerations. I let the despair swallow me whole…I let it take me under. I screamed in anger so loud that the water vibrated. I fell over becoming still and unoccupied as I brought my hand to my chest, not to hold back the beast, but to try and fill the hollow area that seemed to consume me. Silence pressed upon my ears as I slid away into the blackness of my mind.

* * *

_Author's Note: This was the hardest of all the chapters I have written. I wouldn't suggest anyone writing this book from EPOV unless they are masochistic. Luckily I am. New Moon is my favorite of the books because of the pain and misery. Sad – I know! _

_Thanks to __Thanks to krstn7727, LATAS for their input and edits to my many chapters. _


	6. 5 Oblivion

**Chapter 5: Oblivion

* * *

**

The waves of the ocean crashed over me and I could feel myself slowly sinking into the sand. The water was very warm. The sun was beginning to come up over the horizon causing the sky to turn a brilliant pink with orange strips of clouds stretching across the sky. This would normally be something beautiful but it was nothing…dull compared to Bella. I literally had no idea where I was, when I was running the pain had obscured my vision and I barely made it through the several miles of woods without crashing out.

I closed my eyes and there she was, beautiful, a soft blush creeping into her porcelain cheeks. The waves continued to crash over me. My hand was still placed firmly on my chest, trying to find my heart. I knew where it was, it was in Forks. Wave after wave crashed over me until I was now several inches into the sand. I didn't care; I would sink down until I was in hell. I was already burning, though, each agonizing breath of the salty air ripped at my lungs because it was absent of the scent I craved the most.

I opened my eyes to see another wave come crashing over me. A seagull flew over head and splashed into the water, catching a fish. I felt like I would never be able to move from this spot in fear that if I were to get up the only direction I would go is towards her. Towards my whole life, the reason that I exist is for her. I knew it, and this is why I was burning; flames ripping up and down my body scorching me and turning my body into ash

Another wave. It didn't put out the fire that was slowing cooking me. I took another agonizing breath. Is this what it felt like to die? Because that is how I feel – like I'm dying, except my body is too strong to die so easily - so instead I'm stuck with the feeling of death without the ecstasy of the end. This was the end, though. There would be nothing else – nothing. No more smiles, no more joy – no more teasing or joking. Nothing.

The sun finally rose into the sky at a very sharp angle sending rainbows reflecting off the gleaming water. I sank even lower into the sand as another wave crashed over me.

_Oh my god, it's a dead body. _A male thought.

He was right; I _was_ dead…on the inside. Normally my first response would be to prevent exposure but I didn't move, unable and unwilling to.

_What is all over the body making it sparkle? Maybe it's a disease. Holy crap… _the thoughts continued.

I heard the man's sloppy footsteps in the sand as he sunk with every step he took. He was walking around in circles like he was trying to find something. I ignored him – I was too busy dying to care what else was going on around me. As hard as I was trying to just let my body wither and die it did not, it continued to live.

_This should work, _the man thought.

Suddenly a stick was poking me like I was road kill or a strange science experiment. I sat up in such a blindingly fast motion that the man stumbled several feet back until he landed butt first in the sand. His eyes were wide with terror, his thoughts incoherent with panic. I shook myself like a wet dog and walked away, emitting rainbows onto his skin. His jaw dropped at my appearance and he continued to sit there in the wet sand with pure shock across his face.

As soon as I was away from the man I ran until I found an area where I wouldn't be exposed. I soon found the edge of a large jungle and ran for a few miles inward, hoping no human would find me here. Bella's face floated in front of my face as I was running and I stopped, sliding to the floor. Putting my face in my hands I begged and pleaded that the tears would come. I needed some release and again, there was no release. I was barely clinging to reason even though I continued to try and convince myself that I was doing this for her - for Bella.

_If you love her than avoiding her is the best thing you can do for her_, I tried to convince myself once again. I wonder what my future looks like now. Surely Alice sees a black oblivion because I couldn't imagine going on without her. I sunk lower onto the bracken infested floor and put my face to the ground. Would this pain ever subside? I inhaled the many scents of the earth and once again it was pure agony. It was absent of the aroma of the sweetest blood I had ever tasted.

I closed my eyes and let her face fill my mind. The problem with seeing her behind my eye lids is that I also saw the pain and anguish I had put her through. I saw her face as I told her I loved her no more – worse – her reaction to it all. Maybe it will help her heal; if she truly believed I didn't love her anymore maybe she will move on.

A burning pain ripped up my veins and tore through my body. I clenched my teeth at the onslaught of pain. I'm pitiful. So full of nothing but venom and death. I didn't know how long I lay there. The canopy above me didn't let much light through but I was sure that the night had returned. The many insects on the floor of the jungle kept their distance from me.

A noise nearby caught my attention and I blinked lazily, dully, like it was nothing more interesting than the wind. It was a Panther, and it was searching for its prey. I remained unmoving and dead on the floor. I was not interested in feeding anymore. I was so sick with pain that my stomach had filled with nothing but remorse and I became revolted by the scent as it walked by. I ignored its presence.

Closing my eyes again I brought her to the forefront of my mind…back to her glorious face. I reached out like she was really there – like I could really touch her. There were tears in her eyes and I went to wipe them away but my hand found nothing but dirt and leaves. I grab a handful up and threw it forcefully across the jungle.

I could suddenly feel a great rage boil up in me. Brutal violence was burning and begging to break free from my body. I stood with force and grabbed the first thing I could find. It was a large rock. Lifting it, I threw it with such force that it went flying at a ferocious velocity - it didn't knock down any trees, it just went right through them.

I had found my release after all. Anger! Rage! I was absolutely furious that I had ever hurt Bella, the one person on earth that I love more than anything and I broke her. I brought her to the edge of death on more than one occasion. I couldn't believe I had permitted myself to do such a stupid idiotic thing! I should have left months ago, after James.

Looking around I tried to discern where I was at, finally waking from my stupor. I didn't even know what continent I was on. All I knew is that I had just awoken with a vengeance and I was ready to do more damage. I followed my scent out of the jungle and back to the water's edge. I looked out on the water, the moon was gleaming off of it sending reflections onto my face. I looked around trying to figure out where I was at.

I knew that I was on the east coast because of where the sun rose this morning. A wave of pain hit me again as my stomach knotted into several tiny knots. I closed my eyes slowly bringing her face back to me. She smiled warmly. I opened my eyes again and the rage returned when I realized she wasn't standing in front of me. I took in several large gulps of air, catching my scent on the air. I followed it back to my car. Apparently I ran to South America after parking my car in Mexico.

I opened the driver's side door and sat down, preparing to turn the key over in the ignition. As I put my hand on the key a delicious smell tingled under my nose. Falling limp in my seat, I realized it was Bella's scent. It was still lingering in the car, her warm aroma. I made sure all of the windows were securely shut and kept the car off, letting the warmth of the south make her fragrance almost real.

I refused to leave the car, knowing that if I were to open the door or turn the car on that her scent would be swept away with the wind. My anger and rage flooded from my body as I leaned back taking in deep breath after deep breath. I put my head back on the head rest and closed my eyes. Her face swam into view and I took in another breath. The pain was so real in this moment that I felt like I was being filled with boiling water. I felt utterly sick, sick to my core

I pictured our last conversation in my head over and over. _"Don't," her voice was barely a whisper. "Don't do this," she pleaded weakly. "You're not good for me, Bella." I lied._ I hung my head and my eyes stung with venom, the closest thing I would ever have to tears. Wincing frequently at the memories, I felt a burning desire to just go back. Would she forgive me? I would beg for forgiveness for days, weeks, years, until I died – the wish for this was growing deeper by the second.

My body was in a continuous motion of exploding in pain. The agony tore at my insides and it was hitting me with such a force that my breath was becoming shallower. Breathing was a necessity right now – her scent still lingered here and I had to take advantage of it while it was still here. The pain started to reach at such a pitch that each second felt like it contained an eternity of burning in the deepest pits of hell.

Greif was swelling up inside me at each breath and I could feel my body being ripped, more than it already was. There were hardly any pieces left, my body was torn and the only way to fix it is if I were to go back there. Maybe I could just check on her. _No!_ I commanded myself. _Don't be selfish!_

Slowly a dark shadow possessed me and I looked at my face in the mirror – what I was now, I didn't know. My eyes were blank and I could sense a deeper emotion coming into play. Heartbreak. The ache in my chest was so intense – so all consuming I suddenly didn't know where I was. My mind shifted into blackness like an eclipse - into darkness…I was nowhere, nonexistent, empty…nothing.

_"I mean, is there no hope then?" she said softly. _

_"No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…"_

There was no more hope.

Days passed by while I was in my oblivion. I was swimming in emotions. I was suffering, burning alive and pain, agony, anguish and grief were my only friends. My mind was in such a tormented stage I didn't know if I were ever going to pull out of the blackness. I continued to inhale as deeply as possible every second that I could. It had been a week and the scent was barely present anymore.

_I know he's around here somewhere! _"Hey! He's over here," Alice shouted to someone.

Alice? What is she doing here?

_Thank the heavens. _"Is he alright?" Esme asked, concerned.

I sensed the car door being opened. Carlisle was standing over me, the concern on his face darkened by another shadow. "Edward?" The relief in Carlisle's voice was apparent.

I didn't feel the same relief. "Alice has been searching for you. When you didn't meet up with us in Alaska... Well... We've been worried." Carlisle spoke slowly, as if he spoke to a child.

I stared back at him, dazed. _This doesn't look good. _"Emmett, let's get him out of here, will you drive his car?" Carlisle called out.

"No!" I cried and grabbed the door and slammed it shut like I was a five year old having a temper tantrum.

Emmett raised his eyebrows at me. _He's lost his mind._

_I know why you don't want to leave your car, Edward, but you must. Please, come with us. Think about Esme. She has been devastated for more than a week now. _Alice pleaded silently

Emmett opened the door again and I could literally see the particles of air with her scent leaving the car. My face was so screwed up in pain it was unrecognizable.

"Come on, Edward. Get in the Mercedes," Emmett coaxed.

It was too late; her scent was now free on the wind. It was late at night; the moon was high in the sky and yet the darkness was nothing compared to the blackness of my mind.

I still didn't move, it felt like my legs wouldn't support the new weight that I was carrying around. Memories flooded my mind.

_"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…," I whispered._

_ "What a stupid lamb," she sighed. _

_ "What a sick masochistic lion." I murmured._

Emmett dragged me from my car and helped me into the Mercedes. When he shut the door I leaned up against the window letting the blackness take me whole, I let it devour me. I was swimming in a pool of misery. I could hear their conversation but it was like I was dead, like I could witness it all but not participate.

_He has to snap out of this_. "What are we going to do with him?" Alice asked Carlisle.

"I don't know – I've never seen a vampire catatonic before," his eyebrow furrowed.

"Oh Carlisle, we have to do something. Maybe we should bring him back to Bella," Esme whispered.

"That isn't our decision," he decided.

"Let's take him back to Alaska with us and decide from there," Alice murmured. _Oh Edward, please snap out of it, please, for me. I miss you._

I blinked in response and through the tinted window I saw her face and she understood.

"Let's go," Emmett bellowed.

I heard a car door shut and an engine purr to life and then my car speed away. Alice, Esme and Carlisle got into the Mercedes and began pulling out of the parking lot we were in. Alice was in the backseat with me and she brought my head into her lap, brushing dirt off of my face while murmuring that everything would be alright.

Everything wouldn't be alright though, everything was very, very wrong. My hands were constantly clenching and unclenching as each wave of pain rippled through me. I realized Alice was trying to hide something from me in her mind, though. She was actually trying very, very hard to hide something from me and so I sat up quickly.

"What was that?" I asked crisply.

Esme turned around in her seat while Carlisle peered through the review mirror at me, slightly raising his eyebrows at my sudden speech

"It's nothing Edward. Quit." Alice commanded.

"Was that Bella? What did you see? Show me!" I demanded.

At the sound of her name she slipped for only a fraction of a second, but the second was long enough for me to see. I gasped in horror.

"When was that?" I cried.

"After you left her in the woods," she replied glumly.

"No!" I moaned. "Is she okay? Please....Tell me she's okay! Tell me that I didn't break her."

Alice placed her hand gently on my forearm and answered softly, "Edward, she's…alive."

"Alive?" I questioned, feeling more out of control as each second passed. Had I needed to breathe, I was sure I would feel dizzy.

"Well…yes…she is not physically damaged but she hasn't left her room in a week and....." I cut her off.

"Stop. Stop right there." I begged though the visual pictures continued in her head.I put my head into my hands and cried dry tears. I broke her. What have I done? Will she ever forgive me.

"Take me back," I demanded.

"If that's what you want," Carlisle looked at me in the review mirror with a look of pure worry.

"Of course, take me back now!" I yelled.

We drove for several hours until we reached the outside of Washington. Carlisle pulled the car over.

"I'm not going to take you back there, Edward. If you wish to get out of the car the run the rest of the way I won't object but with everything that has happened I won't so easily bring you back there when you are in this kind of a state," he explained.

I looked out the window longingly, wishing that I could make myself get out of the car. I promised her that she would never see me again. She had never broken a promise to me and I wasn't going to break this one. I couldn't – Charlie will take care of her.

I looked at Alice but she already knew my decision.

"Drive," Alice commanded Carlisle.

He turned to look at me. "Drive," I shouted.

I looked behind me while watching the orange street lights become smaller and less distinct as we passed the many cities in Washington, wishing that I could return to her.

* * *

_Author's Notes: And here we are now, beginning our journey into the unknown. Until we reach Volterra this is what you can expect: _

_*Edward struggling with his desire to go back to Bella. _

_*How his separation with Bella tears his family apart. _

_*Edward finally making the decision to hunt Victoria and why he decided it in the first place._

_*Plus many other adventures along the way! (Hey, I can't give it all away!)_

_To my loyal readers I wanted to tell you that I appreciate every email, every review and every opinion. Thank you so much for your support and please keep reading! _

_Thank you LATAS for everything you have done for me! You make me want to become a better writer. _

_Thanks to __krstn7727 for her help Beta Reading. _


	7. 6 Hunger

**Chapter 6: Hunger

* * *

**

The drive to Alaska was painful. Each mile we drove away from Forks the more I felt like I was burning from the inside like I was going to combust. I could feel the ripping of my body, surprised there were any pieces left to shred. Alice continued to try and soothe me, but I was flinching and wincing frequently at the visions in her mind. I stared at her as her face showed a fraction of the emotions I was feeling, regardless, she was still feeling pain at the situation. She was trying very hard not to lash out at me as each vision hit her like a ton of bricks.

_Maybe I'll just go back and check on her, make sure she's all right. _Alice continued to contemplate ideas of going back.

I threw her a disgruntled look but she ignored me.

_We could send her a letter…or a card saying we're sorry and that we all still love her. _She continued.

This time I gave her a withering look, knowing that in the next fleeting second her mind will have changed again. I continued to stare fixedly at her small face as her golden eyes went in and out of focus. The only reason I didn't stop her from showing me these awful images was because I was seeing Bella.

I watched as another swirling image flitted across her mind. It spiraled in and out of focus while it became foggy and then clearer and back to foggy. I was concentrating on trying to see the image. It was our meadow and Bella was on her knees, tears flowing down her delicate cheeks. I searched and searched to see if I was there with her, but I wasn't. It went up in a wisp of smoke.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure…she hasn't been making any decisions, like her brain is on repeat and the only thing she can think about is you," she replied slowly. "All the visions encompass you, though you're not there."

I sighed and looked out the window. My desire to go see her was burning stronger than ever. I closed my eyes and there she was, smiling her mysterious smile at me. My body seared with pain as the hollow aching in my chest felt like it had become deeper and ultimately emptier. My arms felt cold, how they always felt when Bella was absent from them. I had grown so accustomed to her warm body that my temperature seemed wrong somehow.

Another revelation swept into Alice's mind. Bella was sitting at the kitchen table in her house, Charlie across from her. They were eating in silence. Charlie was staring at her with a frown prominent on his face as she ate - her eyes blank, like she wasn't inside her body anymore. The vision swirled around and dissipated.

All of her visions burned me, yet I couldn't stop watching them, hoping I would see something…hopeful. She sighed heavily as she contemplated going to see Bella without her knowledge. She was missing Bella nearly as much as I was.

_I still see it, Edward. _She turned to see my rapt expression as the vision of her and Bella, arms around each other, flitted across her mind.

"I don't believe it," I barely whispered, though, you could hear the tiny roar of frustration in my voice.

I saw Carlisle glance in the rear view mirror and look away quickly. _None of my business, _he thought.

A little whimper escaped Alice's lips. _You don't know how much this pains me. The images I see…she's hurting. Can't we just go back? Please. _Alice pleaded silently.

My breathing was harsh and ragged. "I can't…I won't."

_But you will…don't you see that? _Another misty cloud protruded into her mind's eye as I saw Bella crying, but it was a joyful sob, a happy one. I was in her room. This vision, unlike the rest was clear as glass. In the next moment I was witnessing the expressions on my face, seeing myself through Alice's eyes. My eyes were black, blank and pitiless.

"No," I replied, louder than before, "I don't believe it. I won't return!"

_I just can't take it anymore, I just wish the pain would cease in all of us, _Esme sobbed quietly.

I saw Carlisle's eyes return to the rear view mirror as he thought, _none of my business, _again.

"But it is your business, this is everyone's business," I practically shouted.

Esme turned in her seat so she was facing me now. Her face looked paler than usual, sadness was etched into every beautiful line of her face. _We could go back…_ she thought fleetingly.

I didn't want to get angry at Esme so I concentrated every last particle of my mind on staying calm. My voice still came out muffled from my gritted teeth. "We will not go back and ruin her life. I refuse to put her in danger. Please respect that."

"We do, Son," Carlisle said softly, looking mildly surprised.

"Well, I don't!" Alice's fury came out of nowhere.

I realized where her anger came from when she showed me the first vision she had of Bella right after she left Forks with Jasper. Bella was lying on the cold, wet ground of the forest. It was dark and she had been there for hours muttering 'he's gone' over and over as it rained on her.

"Don't you see what you have done?" she growled.

"They found her and she was fine," I retorted, though the agony still filled my stomach at the painful images.

"I wasn't done," she snapped back.

Another cloudy mist revolved around until I saw Bella lying in her bed refusing to eat, drink, or speak to anyone. I witnessed her mother coming over and Bella lashing out, running amuck in her room, throwing things out of suit cases as her mother tried to pack her things. She was screaming at both of them until large tears finally escaped her eyes and she collapsed on the floor, her father trying to hold her up.

"Stop," I begged.

Her vision shifted until there was nothing but smoky and shadowy images around Bella, they were not solidly there in the future, yet. _Was I one of them?_

"Please," I pleaded weakly.

"Alice, that's enough," Carlisle said softly, yet sternly.

There was a slight gleam of triumph in her eyes but it faded into a great sorrow. Instead of showing me the pain, she changed tack. Memories flooded into her mind of our happy summer together. My eyes stung so I blinked. No tears. I was still the monster.

"We can't go back. We just can't. Stop looking for her future. We can't linger on this anymore," I said slowly, emphasizing my words.

_When you say we, you mean everyone but you, _Alice thought silently, but I ignored her. _I'm right. _She gloated.

"Alice, please." I pleaded. "Stop. Don't look for her future, respect my wishes, please."

All of her memories started swirling around trying to get at me. I gave her a disgruntled look and she stopped. _Fine…I'll respect your _wishes_, _she hissed the word, _but I'm right. You will return to her. I just know it. _

"Thanks," I muttered.

Esme hadn't mumbled a single word in thought or aloud. She turned around to look at the road again. _I can't stand to see him in so much pain. I thought Bella was his cure, his mate, his perfect match, _she thought sulkily.

At her thoughts the hollow ache in my chest threatened to overpower me. The agony…the grief, it was beyond tears. I closed my eyes once more to see her glorious face.

We arrived in Alaska. The sky was cloudy and the grounds looked misty like it had just rained. The house in front of us was a large three story building with dark red brick and white shutters. I had been here many times before but had no interest in staying here for long.

I dragged my feet reluctantly out of the car. With my first breath of the fresh air outside I caught a whiff of something I had smelt before, my nostrils flared to bring the scent deep into my aching, burning lungs. Something sinister. Alice and I both glanced at each other briefly, silently communicating. Anger and rage started flowing through my veins as I took in another breath. It was the emotions that made me forget about the pain for brief half seconds at a time. I clung to the anger.

_I smell it too. It's only hours old. _Alice thought.

Tanya came out of the house to greet us. "Welcome. I'm so glad you are back, Edward. We were worried about you," she was delighted. _I was hoping he'd come back, _she thought sheepishly and then turned away from me, realizing I heard her. The merest flicker of a smile appeared on her face.

I ignored her and looked at Alice, my face suddenly tense and alarmed. She had a quizzical look on her face. _I don't understand, _she thought, perplexed.

"Look," the sound barely escaped my lips, trying to not alert the others.

Her eyes went blank as she tried to find _Victoria's_ future. Misty clouds of purplish smoke swirled around and showed shadowy figures, and odd shapes but nothing discernable. _Nothing_, she thought, frustrated. _Want to check it out?_

I nodded my head infinitesimally.

"Edward needs to hunt," Alice announced to everyone. "I'll go with him."

"We can all go," Jasper came out of the house to greet us.

Love spilled from his every pore and I blanched at the thoughts. The hollow place, where my heart used to be, filled with a poisonous gas as my body soaked up the love I'd never have again.

I didn't want the others to know that we had caught her scent. None of them had sensed it because the wind shifted. "No. That's okay, I can go by myself," I replied firmly.

_Edward, don't leave us again. _Alice whimpered.

"I'll be back shortly," I promised her.

Before anyone could say another word I was running west towards the Denali National Park – I was on a mission. I let the rage and anger fill me as memories flooded my mind of the fateful night that James almost killed the most gracious creature on earth. The pain of that evening lashed at me and I sped up hastily. The sky was opaque with rain and I was rapidly moving through the mud. Curtains of rain began to pour down on me. The wind and rain lashed at me as I heard the howling of rushed voices. I pushed myself at full throttle towards the whispered discussion that was too far away to comprehend. They were just lurking out of sight.

Suddenly there was silence. I tried to push myself even faster towards the now echoing silence. I felt like I was making very little progress but at long last I got a whiff of another vampire – Laurent, but there were no vampires that I could see. The rain continued to soak the ground, making it too sodden to hold any lingering scent of my new prey…Victoria.

At sight of no release, my knees buckled and I collapsed to the forest floor. The sky continued to dump large buckets of water on me as I lay there, wishing that the pale pearly gray sky would just cave in on me and end my pitiful existence. There was a deluge of thoughts that protruded into my mind, but they were just previous memories of the one person who held me and bound me to this earth. The cold I felt in her absence felt intensified as the memories continued to lash at me.

She was my world and everything about me centered on her instead of myself. It was always about _her_, everything I did was to protect her and keep her safe, no matter the price I would have to pay. _What is she doing now? Is she okay? _My curiosity ached like a thirst. I tried to see something else, anything else – but she was all I saw, my focal point. I was robbed temporarily of breath as the many memories whipped at me and continued to hollow out my insides like someone was filling me with acid. Slowly my flesh burned away as misery took me under.

I laid on my back on the forest floor for only a few minutes - a few minutes that felt like whole life times, entire eternities - before Alice was standing over me, a look of worry in her expression.

"I thought I'd find you here," she said lightly, holding out a hand.

My stomach felt sick and I didn't think I could reach out for her helping hand.

_Come on, _she encouraged.

I still lay there, strewn across the forest floor. The sky was beginning to darken, making the forest look ominous. I was barely able to move my arm up in the air but I only raised it a few inches before she grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.

_You're thirsty, _she noted.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not hungry."

_It's been weeks, _she coaxed.

"I'm not interested. I feel…sick." A feeling of dread swept through me.

The last time I even tasted venom in my mouth was when… I shuddered.

_What is it? _She wondered.

"Nothing," I whispered.

_Edward, I'm really worried about you. _

"I know. You just don't understand," I began to explain, "I feel torn, ripped to shreds…hollow. It was such a brutal ending to what should have been a long and happy relationship full of love, but instead…" I trailed off.

_It can still be a long and happy relationship. _

"I can't do it, Alice. I can't take her soul," I eyed Alice, "and I won't let you do it either."

_She loves you and wants to be with you. _A memory of a vision flashed across her mind.

"_No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" Bella shouted furiously. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"_

"I can't do this anymore, Alice. I can't pretend I'm okay," I growled. "I love her, and she will stay human and live a human life. Something that you can't understand," I hissed.

She flinched at my words. _Ouch. _

We stared at each other for several minutes, our minds silent. The rain had stopped.

"How long has it been since Laurent has lived up here?" I asked, changing the subject.

_Two weeks. I guess he decided to leave when he found out we were coming up here to visit. They haven't seen him since then. Why?_

"I caught his scent in the forest but it started to rain and I lost it," I explained.

_Oh. That's strange. I tried to look for Victoria's future but I still couldn't find it. All I get is a bunch of flashes. You would think I would see it if Laurent were there._

I nodded, my mind elsewhere now.

_Let's get back. _Alice grabbed my hand and led me through the forest, barely going at a humans pace.

When we arrived back at the house Jasper greeted us at the front door. Once again, the love emitting from his mind burned me, leaving angry lacerations at my already torn and shredded body. I watched them embrace and realized that Bella would never bring that comfort to me again. I felt a horrible compression in my stomach as it twisted and turned and possibly tore in half.

_Oh, wow…stop Edward. _Jasper sank to his knees as my dread flooded him.

Alice looked at him in horror, trying to help him to his feet and then turned to me.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, turning around and running. I was so full of grief that I didn't notice Carlisle right behind me and I almost ran over top of him. He grabbed me by my shoulders, steadying me.

"Edward, where are you going?" he asked anxiously.

"I have to leave, look at Jasper," Agony was apparent in my voice.

Jasper was now on the ground, his body rigid and immobile. His face was screwed up in pain.

_What can I do?_ Alice asked me in panic.

"I don't know, Alice. I have to leave," I replied quickly.

_Please don't go. _She pleaded, her face a tragic expression.

"I have too. Look at him Alice. He's feeling my pain and yours at the same time. I must go. I'll call you," I told her as I backed away, my chest heaving with rage and frustration.

I turned and ran, going back to the place in the forest where I last caught scent of Victoria. I needed a release and tracking her would help with that. At my ferocious velocity I was back in the forest and at my previous location in a matter of minutes. I pressed my back against a tree for support. The aching hollow in my chest was compressing my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. I couldn't catch any scent when I wasn't able to breathe properly. I slid slowly down the trunk of the tree and landed in a puddle of muddy water. I didn't care at this point. I closed my eyes to see her, to see the only thing that mattered.

"_Goodbye, Bella," I said in the softest voice I could muster. _

"_Wait!" she choked out. _

Anguish swelled in my like a venomous bubble that was growing, extinguishing all other thoughts. I pressed my hand to my chest trying to soothe the ache but nothing helped. The increasing desperation to have her in my arms was consuming me. I felt paralyzed by the pain, trapped in limbo – like my mind was traveling in between embracing the pain and returning to Forks.

_I could just go there to check on her…she doesn't even have to know I was there. _I tried to convince myself. At my thoughts I immediately felt the self hatred and revulsion brewing inside my already emotional mind. The murky mix of feelings had me tottering on the line of sane and insane. I could feel the hollow place grow wider as the battle inside me ensued. I was rigid as a wax work, silent and unmoving. I was dying, there were no other words to describe the feeling. I tried to concentrate on the happiest moment to help ease the tension – the meadow.

"_I don't scare you?" I tried to sound playful, though I was curious. _

"_No more than usual," she replied playfully. _

At her joyous smile that I saw behind my eye lids I slipped away…into the blackness…there was nothing, and I embraced it – hoping it would bring me closer to death.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, bringing me from the blackness. Realizing where I was and why I was here it nearly felt like I had lost her all over again and the pain left angry welts in my hollow insides.

_Oh god, I hope he isn't dead. _I heard the sound of buttons being pressed on a phone. _Damn cell phone, why won't you work. _Then I heard a thud as the person lopped it onto the ground.

I looked up into the light to see a short woman with long hair looking around in panic. Her face turned back to me and she gasped.

"Oh! You're okay. I thought you were dead…" _I swear he didn't have a pulse. _

"I'm fine," I lied.

I stood up and towered over her. She took two hasty steps backwards when she saw me at my full height. Her scent lingered in the air and it was unpleasant, nowhere near the magnitude or appeal of Bella's blood. The monster inside me barely meowed like a kitten at the scent of her pulsing blood.

"Okay. Well, that's good," her eyebrows were raised in disbelief. _He sure is handsome._

"Well, thanks," I muttered and walked away from her.

Her thoughts began to stutter as she turned to walk the other direction.

Once I was out of sight of her I began yelling at myself. This was the second time a human has found me when I was engulfed in the blackness that seemed to consume me more and more these days.

I walked no more than at a humans pace through the forest until I reached the end of the wooded area. I looked out over a small town just south of Denali. I saw the many cars passing by quickly on the highway and a small hotel on the other side of it. When there were no cars in sight I leapt across the road and entered into the lobby of the hotel.

"Can I help you?" the blonde girl behind the desk asked without looking up.

"Yes, do you have any rooms available?" I asked serenely.

She looked up from the computer and gaped at me. "Uh…" she stuttered, "Yes, which room would you like?" _Damn he is so hot. I wonder how he got so dirty…_

I cut off her internal babble. "Just a standard room will be fine."

"_You really shouldn't do that to people," Bella interrupted my thoughts in a disapproving tone. "It's hardly fair."_

"_Do what?"_

"_Dazzle them like that – she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."_

The memory lashed at me, causing my face to distort with pain.

_He looks sick._ "How many nights?"

"Just one."

After the girl struggled getting my paper work together and handing me my room key I finally entered a simple looking hotel room. I sat down on the bed, looking around at the boring wall paper. There was a light tapping on the door.

_It's me. _Alice continued to tap on the door with her fingernail.

I got up and opened it. She had my bag in one hand and a cell phone in the other.

_I'm not sure of your future – but I know that you won't get far without this. _She handed my bag to me and placed the cell phone on the table next to the door.

_You're leaving, _she stated.

"Yes," I agreed.

_You'll keep in touch with me, _her golden depths full of concern.

I nodded.

_Okay, well…I'll leave you alone. _She walked out the door, shutting it quietly. I heard her thoughts as she walked away. _I'm counting down the days until I see her again, Edward. It's going to happen. _

I growled. I knew she heard it before she sped off towards Denali.

I opened my bag, emptying the contents. I was covered in dirt and I needed to rinse it off so I wouldn't attract unwanted stares. I took a long shower, turning the water on hot, trying to relieve the cold ache I felt since I left Bella. It only worked for a fraction of a second before the cold returned.

While lying on the bed I waited for the onslaught of pain to engulf me. I contemplated the coming days. I didn't have a clue as what to do next. Tracking Victoria was promising, but I had no leads and her scent had been washed from the forest. I sighed and decided not to worry about it right now.

I was rigid as a board as I closed my eyes, letting the mysterious smile of Bella's warm me a little. It seemed we were stretched across two universes. The pain did come, but for some reason my mind didn't fade into the blackness I was hoping for. Instead, my brain was busy working and scheming without my consent. _Just go back to her, _I thought. _You won't have to deal with this pain anymore. _I twitched at the thought of bringing the danger back into her life. _Selfish._

I sat up swiftly, deciding that laying here wasn't a good idea. My mind was wondering and trying to convince me to do the things I promised I would never do. I grabbed my room key and cell phone then headed toward the door. I opened it and rushed into the parking lot, stopping to decide which direction to go. _Back to the forest, _I decided.

I remembered hearing the rush of whispers and the sound of movement before I was able to reach them. Maybe…just maybe they will meet there again. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and Alice answered before it even rang.

"I told you," she said smugly about me keeping in touch with her.

"Alice, will you look for Laurent's future. Maybe he is planning on meeting Victoria again."

There was silence on the other end. I was frustrated I couldn't hear her mind through the phone.

"Yes, hum… Laurent _is_ planning on meeting Victoria – _tonight_," she said gravely.

"Thanks, Alice," and I hung up, not even bothering to ask her where – I knew where.

I broke into a run pushing myself towards the forest at top speeds. Ghostly shadows formed through the leaves on the trees. I swiftly made it through several miles of wooded area before I caught scent of Victoria. Venom filled my mouth at the rage that began pulsing through my body. _So this was it, _I told myself. The thought of revenge and justice that I would bestow her was oddly satisfying which made me crave it more. Instead of thinking myself a monster I told myself it was for Bella, I was protecting her.

The night sky was looming over the canopy of branches. The air was moving swiftly around me as I flew over the bracken infested ground. Clouds moved across the sky as blackness closed overhead. I was literally writhing with excitement at the prospect of secretly protecting Bella. The silence of the night was bridled by whispers.

I whipped around a set of trees when the whispers stopped – I scanned the darkness. There was a nasty silence as I continued to run full force towards the area I last heard them in. When I rounded a tree Laurent was standing alone in a tiny clearing. Before he could speak I was running towards him, growling.

His thoughts were an incoherent babble. Without pausing to think I flew into the air, arching gracefully like a predator about to attack my prey. He didn't have time to move before my hand was wrapped around his neck. I held him up several inches off the ground and several more feral growls exited my lips.

"What are you doing?" he sounded thunderstruck.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

I began searching his thoughts, probing his mind in as far of a depth as I could go, and there was nothing, just a random thought process – like he was hiding something from me. Another growl came ripping up my throat.

"Where is she going?" There was cold anger in every syllable.

His eyes were wide with terror. He didn't bother to fight back because he could tell that I had nothing to live for and I would kill him.

"Oregon," he choked. "Portland."

A red haze clouded my vision at the thought of her close proximity to Bella. Her life would not end in murder…I was on the war path. There was a rumble of thunder over head as lightning flashed across the night sky.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Things are about to get real interesting... :) _

_Thanks to my loyal followers for keeping up with New Moon EPOV. I love all the reviews, so thanks for those. _

_Thanks to LATA's for her editing skills (when I can actually get her to read it before I post it. ;-) _


	8. 7 Goodbyes

**Chapter 7: Goodbyes

* * *

**

"What is she doing there?" I said through my teeth, making the words come out muffled.

"I don't know – she was looking for someone," Laurent said thickly, like there was something stuck in his throat.

"Who was she looking for?"

"Someone to help her…you guys killed James, she's upset," he answered vaguely.

"Is she looking for a healing potion?" I asked sarcastically even though I wished there was something that could heal this pain.

"That was all she told me," he choked. "She was going to meet some guy from San Antonio. He was going to help fix her problem. All I did was give her the contact."

"Who was it?" I growled.

"It was just a friend from a long time ago. I don't know who he sent her to," he lurched away from my anger.

"Who is your contact?" I shouted.

"It doesn't matter," he answered anxiously. "He was killed two days ago. So I have no idea who his contacts were."

A growl ripped up my throat because I could tell from his thoughts he was telling the truth.

Rain began to pour down from the sky as I released Laurent from my grip. He landed lightly on his feet - his eyes were still wide with terror. He turned and disappeared through the forest. I let him go; he was no longer my problem.

As I turned to go south towards Portland I suddenly realized I had left my car in Denali and whipped around to go north. I decided to go get it first; driving would be faster than running. I sprinted through the forest toward Denali, swooping over the many dead plants that littered the forest floor, getting drenched from the onslaught of rain.

Each second that passed brought Victoria closer to Portland, closer to Bella.

Her name made the hollow area in my chest ache. If she knew what I was doing now…her disapproving look flashed through my mind. She was always so worried about me when she should have been worried about herself. This time she didn't need to worry about her safety because I would secretly be protecting her – I would be her guardian angel once again.

I stood outside the red brick house, soaking wet, as the desire to run away began consuming me.

_It's too late to run, everyone heard you. Come inside, please. _

"Alice," I whispered through clenched teeth.

I marched towards the house, hearing the many thoughts emitting from the large building.

_When is he going to get over this annoying obsession of his? For goodness sake, can't we just…move on?_ Rosalie thought bitterly.

_Good, he's finally home. _Esme's thoughts were drenched in relief.

_You can do this, you can handle this, _Jasper was trying to convince himself that he could survive being in my presence, since it is now accompanied by the sorrow, grief and sadness I was being tormented with.

I opened the backdoor and stepped through the house. My family deserved a decent goodbye. They should understand that I won't be coming back. When I exit this house, I would drive away and never look back.

_I don't like that plan. _Alice came around the corner to greet me.

"It has to be this way. I'm sorry."

At my words and my determination, Alice's face was suddenly screwed up in pain – like she ate something extremely sour.

"Everyone's waiting," she whispered in an expressionless voice, trying to hide her pain.

I followed her down a small hallway which ended in a large room. The walls were a light yellow color with white bordering and the windows were seven feet tall, sending the moonlight reflecting off the wooden floors and glass tables. Sitting around the largest of the tables was my family absent of Tanya and her sisters. I looked around at each of them. Emmett had a grin on his face, Rosalie was busy looking at her reflection in the glass while Esme and Carlisle continued to give me tentative looks. The one person in the room who seemed to be struggling the most, though, was Jasper. As soon as I entered the room he immediately felt the dread. The pain. The sickness I felt in my stomach. His brows creased and he grabbed at his heart like it was about to explode.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered.

"I've never felt such pain before," his voice was strained. _The agony…I feel like I'm being ripped in two, like my insides are being scraped out with a shovel. _Jaspers thoughts continued as he mirrored my grief.

I turned to Carlisle and Esme, their faces still soaked in concern and worry. "I ran into Laurent," I began by taking in a generous amount of air. It burned my lungs because it was still completely absent of Bella. "He was meeting with Victoria."

I heard several gasps from around the room as Emmett's smile grew wider and Rosalie finally looked up in interest. "I've decided to track her down. She deserves death – a fate that I should have blessed her with after Bella –" acid filled my veins "–after _she_ was almost killed."

"I'm going with you," Emmett stated quickly like he was calling dibs.

Rosalie turned to him and her expression was disapproving. "What a stupid idea."

"Come on babe, I'll be fine."

"I don't want you running off with Edward," she glared in my direction – _idiot_ – and then turned back to Emmett.

_She always wins…_Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"You can't keep doing this to our family," Rosalie said scathingly while turning to glare resentfully towards me. "You have already put is in danger of being exposed by saving a _human,_" she sneered, "and then you bring her out with us and initiate a fight with a psychotic vampire. When are you going to let this stupid little obsession go?" She glared at me.

"_Stupid little obsession_?" I replied roughly. "Let's talk about obsessions, Bridezilla," I was starting to shout but Carlisle cut me off.

"Edward," he began but I interjected.

"I'm going," I snapped. "I know where she is headed. I'll be leaving tonight to capture and burn her," my teeth clenched. "She deserves death and I will so graciously give it to her."

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Carlisle looked at Esme's grave look and then back to me.

_I love you, "_Please,don't leave again." Esme cried.

"I have to. I can't stay here and act like I'm okay. I shouldn't be around you when I'm like this."

_We love you; we will take care of you. You don't have to leave us when you need us the most. _"We all want you here," Esme replied in hollow tones.

I saw the back of my head through Alice's eyes; she was still standing behind me. _You're really leaving and not coming back. _

I turned around to see her face and as I did her lower lip jutted out and her face turned acerbic. Everyone was staring at her now, everyone but Jasper. He was leaning his head against the table and grabbing at the glass – trying not to break it.

At the look in Alice's face everyone realized my mind was set.

"I have to go, look at Jasper," I pointed in his direction.

Alice ran over to him to soothe him. An idea flew through my mind as I saw her embrace Jasper. "Esme, try to help me, try to make it better," I implored.

She gave me a withering look but walked over to me, placed her arm around my shoulder and began rubbing my back and whispering _'everything will be all right'_ to me. I looked at Jasper. "Has the pain changed any?"

"No," he groaned.

"Listen. I love you all, but you are not going to be able to make this better. I _have_ to go." I said darkly.

_I understand. _Carlisle thought while coming over to give me a hug.

After our many goodbyes and a hand gesture from Rosalie, Alice followed me out to my car. _I want to go visit her. _

"We need to leave her alone. She deserves a normal, happy, human existence." I growled.

_No. Edward, I want to see her. I miss her, _she demanded.

"You said you would respect my wishes," I whipped around to give her an angry expression but all my face showed was the grief being poured into my chest.

_About not looking for her future…which I can still see sometimes, even when I'm not looking. _At her words she let her previous vision float in her mind as clouds of mist swirled around. Bella was driving down our driveway in Forks, though the picture was blurry. Her face looked sallow and her expression showed pure sadness. She arrived at our house, stepped out and was looking around. Tears were flowing rapidly down her already tear stained face as she took in the darkened house and the overgrown lawn.

I could feel the small little explosions of pain rapidly going off throughout my whole body. "Please," I begged weakly.

_It's still the same. She isn't making any decisions – everything surrounds you or our family. I never see her doing anything except search for you. _A small sob escaped her lips. _I need to go back…to at least check on her. _

My desire to see her again was growing as every second passed. I'd promised her. I couldn't inflict myself on her anymore. "Alice, please."

_Fine – But when you crumble, I'm going back with you. _She paused in thought as she searched for my future which was vague and unclear…all except that the one premonition of me standing in Bella's room which was still clear as glass. _And you will go back. _

"I won't." I opened the door to the Volvo and slumped into the seat, gripping the steering wheel.

"Promise me that you won't go back," I looked up at her still expression.

_I promise…I promise I won't until you do._

I shut the door while turning the key in the ignition. I rolled the window down. "Bye," I croaked.

She didn't speak as I speed off towards my vengeance.

_Miss you already, _I heard her fleeting thought.

I drove past city after city, watching the yellowish lights of the towns grow larger and smaller as each one passed - the lights reflected off my windshield. I only stopped for gas and at the US border. I drove with my lights off for most of the night as I flew past cars that blew their horns at me when they finally saw the back end of my car. The only reason my body wasn't being consumed with the blackness I craved was because I convinced myself that I was protecting Bella.

A funny feeling arose in the hollow area in my chest at the small distance I would be inflicted with when I was there. Bella would only be roughly two hundred and fifty miles away…it would only be a short trip to just go and check on her. _No,_ I thought, _don't be a selfish fool_. She was absent from my life – there would forever be a hole present in my chest. I had to deal with it. But if I _couldn't_ see her, this was second best. I would protect her; make sure no harm would come to her.

My mind was bogged down with so many emotions I didn't realize I was inside the Washington state line until I suddenly saw a sign indicating I was near the North Cascades National Park. The sign sent a strange feeling through me - I felt like I was slowly being put back together –just the fact I was in the same state as her made me feel whole.

My foot lifted off the accelerator and I let the car drift slowly to thirty. I glided down the road and let this new sensation consume me. The thought of going back to her was so – _healing_ – that it took every fiber of my being to not flee the car and go to her house. _You can do this, _I coaxed myself. _You must kill Victoria. Make Bella safe. _I tried to convince myself to let this ache of longing go.

I decided I would only suffer.... revel... in this feeling for the short time I was in Washington, but as soon as I left I would never come back. The temptation was too much, something I could probably never endure again. Victoria will die. And then I will find some place to curl up, wither and turn to ash.

It began raining and the light pelts of water on the windshield became larger until there was just a curtain of rain in front of me. The wind and rain lashed at the car, making it shake back and forth. I ignored the water that was drenching the car because there was a battle going on inside me.

Each second memories lashed out and left angry welts on my body…_I was a short distance away…I could be warm and comfortable in her arms._ I tried to rid myself of the images but they kept coming, over and over, until I no longer realized where I was going or what I was doing. I was lost and I could never go home. Voices whispered in my ear – Bella's voice. I prodded the brake with my foot a few times, thinking about turning the car west. _Quit_, I ordered. Dwelling on satisfying memories were the best I would ever get. _Deal with it._

As I looked out into the rainy evening a blank silence greeted my pain. I turned the radio on and quickly switched it off, recognizing a song that Bella and I had listened to. I had to remind myself forcibly that my destiny was located in Portland and not Forks. A roar of apparent displeasure came from my chest as the monster, desire - who hadn't made itself known for weeks now - was clawing up my chest, ravenous. My desire ached like a thirst. Reason. Restraint. I tried to cling to them to no avail.

I refused to be so self satisfying that I would bring her to danger. Guilt swept over me…I was guilty of great treachery if I were to go back now. The duplicity of it all brought me out of my longing state and brought the focus back to Victoria. I wanted to burn her flesh away after I slowly pulled her apart, piece by piece. There was a chill emanating from me as I determined I was in a state of open warfare.

Slowly, yet not slowly enough, I passed the border into Oregon. I was now only a few minutes outside of Portland, and two-hundred and fifty miles from Forks. Iron bands began tightening around my chest. Each mile I drove I could feel my reluctance at my brisk pace as I pressed the accelerator down harder in an attempt to reach Victoria.

Entering Portland sent a feeling of excitement through my venomous veins. I pulled over into the parking area of Forest Park. I looked out the misty window and I could feel the chill in the air. I was empty, absent of warmth. I knew that it would be a good idea for me to hunt before I found Victoria. I exited my vehicle and looked out among the trees. Thinking about hunting, even though the dry ache in my throat burned more than ever, disgusted me. My stomach was still full of grief and dread – there was no room for blood. I surveyed the area one more time before dashing through the forest. A small part of my thoughts focused on the fact that it was the middle of the night, so the area should be fairly empty of any human blood. The thought of my hunt for Victoria was like a stimulant. I took in several large gulps of air while listening for my prey. Deer was the only thing in the forest this evening. _Ugh!_

Hate and revulsion filled me as I began running towards my prey. I pulled a deer up to my mouth and drank until it was silent and unmoving. I detached myself from the dead animal as the vacant feeling made itself known to me. There was no blood decent enough to take away the emptiness in my chest. It was dry and unsatisfying.

The sky around me suddenly turned a dark blue as the sun struggled to rise behind the clouds beyond the horizon. Soon the sky would be a pale pearly grey. I lurched from the trees and back to the parking lot. I had to figure out where Victoria would have gone. I perched myself on the edge of my car as I contemplated what she would possibly be doing in this large town.

_Maybe he could help me. _"Excuse me. Could you tell me where –" _holy crap._

I turned to look at a short girl, roughly eighteen, with long brown hair and dark deep eyes staring at me. I leapt to my feet causing her to stumble back several feet.

"I'm sorry," I said automatically.

_Bad idea. _"- Grant Park…" she finally finished while her heart began to race ahead.

I was taken aback because, for a fraction of a second, I thought that maybe Bella had found me... but this girl wasn't her. She was someone who would be considered beautiful, but she was dull and uninteresting in my eyes compared to Bella.

I sifted through maps of the US in my mind until I found what she was looking for. "It's on the other side of the interstate," I pointed in the direction.

Her thoughts became incoherent with panic at my sudden movement and my grim expression. Her heart was hammering wildly as she backed away without taking her eyes from me.

A thought swam lazily to the forefront of my mind – I could just drive around with my window down trying to catch Victoria's scent while looking through everyone's thoughts. It had worked before…worked when I needed to find Bella in Port Angeles. I lunged into the Volvo and peeled out of the parking lot, driving quickly down street after street. One dreary thought after another went through my mind as I took in several gulps of air trying to find even a hint of Victoria's scent.

Several hours passed when I suddenly took in a very familiar scent – Victoria. I slammed my brakes on while pulling into a parking area. I jumped out of the car and took in another breath. I dashed towards her scent which brought me to a clothing store. Outside the store were police and an ambulance. I saw a body being taken out of the store as I moved closer. I jumped from mind to mind trying to find some hint as to what happened here.

_I didn't like her anyways. _

_I better call her mother. _

_This gives me the opportunity to move up…get a raise._

None of the thoughts carried the information I was looking for – was it Victoria? I felt horror rising in me at the thought of the proximity of Victoria to Bella – how easily it could have been her working at the sporting goods store. Fear stirred in my chest at the notion. Another gulp of air.

I whipped around as I caught her scent on the wind. I followed it until I reached a hotel. I entered the lobby and her fragrance was strong in the air. I listened for her thoughts, and was pleasantly surprised to find out that she was currently in the hotel, planning her next meal.

* * *

_Author's Note: I have decided to do a preview for each chapter before I post them…just to tease you and kind of give you a taste of what's to come. I have the whole book mapped out in my head so please keep coming back to read! _

_Thanks to those who are my loyal readers – you keep reading and I'll keep writing. Reviews don't hurt either! _

_Thanks to LATAS for putting up with my ass. _


	9. 8 Aberdeen

**Chapter 8: Aberdeen

* * *

**

The hotel was lavish and exquisite for Victoria, the nomad. I tried to follow her thoughts, to figure out where she had gone. She was talking with someone – another vampire, but where? I searched through conference rooms and lavish dining halls for weddings and other occasions. I rounded a corner and nearly knocked over a girl with long dark hair in a wedding gown. At the sight of her the pain of knowing I could never have marriage, love…Bella, sent waves of nuclear blasts through my already empty and vacant body.

"Oh my! I'm sorry," said the girl.

"It's my fault," I said over my shoulder as I continued to move briskly towards Victoria's thoughts.

I rounded another corner. I focused in on Victoria's mind, trying to find something to lead me to where she was. Then I heard it…music. The sounds of the keys rippled through my body at the harmony of Clair de Lune.

"_Clair de Lune?" Bella asked. _

"_You know Debussy?"_

"_Not well. My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites."_

"_It's one of my favorites, too."_

The memory left another scorch mark on my frayed and tethered body. I reminisced on how we had that small thing in common, the thought that maybe we weren't complete opposites. At the reflection of the glorious creature I left behind to protect I raced down the corridor, listening for the song.

Suddenly I was facing a sign that told me there was a piano bar on the top floor of the hotel. To my left was an elevator and to my right was stairs. It would only be twenty stories up – the elevator would take too long. I grabbed the handle to the stair's door and listened for any sign of a human. I searched in the corners of each turn in the stairs – no cameras. I sprinted at an inhuman pace up the flights of stairs, making it to the top in a matter of seconds.

I reached the twentieth floor and I yanked the door open harshly. The music flooded into my ears. I raced towards the sign of the bar. I slowed my pace and opened the door slowly. Someone greeted me but I deflected their inquiries as I stepped closer to the red hair. Victoria was sitting on a stool in the upscale piano bar. _No wonder she needed the clothes_, I thought back to the department store tragedy.

"_How many do you think I would need?" _I heard her ask someone.

"_Twenty if not more," _the man answered her.

I concentrated on the man's thoughts but he was strictly thinking about how he wanted to go back home – he was afraid a vampire named Leon was going to take over his coven. As each second passed neither Victoria nor the man gave away what they were ultimately planning. I moved in closer to them. The air turned on and the vent behind me sent my aroma out towards Victoria. Her nostrils flared when she caught my scent and she dashed out the exit door, leaving the bar stool spinning. Alarms began blaring at the opened exit only door. There were too many witnesses, I couldn't follow her. The man sitting at the table turned to look at me and he sensed the danger that he was in. He bolted right behind Victoria while several people in the bar gasped in shock, and some people were panicking, thinking that maybe something horrible went down they couldn't see.

I turned around; leaving from the door I entered and flew towards the stairs, descending them quickly while trying to figure out where that exit door led. I reached the first floor and opened the door, having to slow my pace because of the humans in the hallway. I moved as quickly as I could – only at a human pace – to the outside where I would try and find Victoria and the man she was talking with. I caught their scent and ran down the sidewalk and into the street, where several people honked at me.

Their trail went cold; they must have taken a car. I kicked the nearest fire hydrant and water went flying into the air, soaking me. A howl of fury escaped my lips as I looked up into the water that was raining down on me, sending curses to the nearest god for letting me live in this hell.

I walked back to my car, reluctantly dragging my feet as each second passed felt like I was going to die. I failed once again to kill Victoria. When I arrived outside of my car I grabbed the door handle so roughly that I nearly broke it off. I let go, sat in the driver's seat with a squishy noise escaping my wet clothes, and gently closed the door, not wanting to break it. I laid my head back against the head rest hoping that the blackness would overcome me again – that the pain would be too much that I would become unconscious – but the blackness never came and the pain continued to set my body aflame even though I was soaked in water.

Closing my eyes I let Bella enter my vision, bringing the memory of her waking up one morning to the forefront of my mind. Her eyes were heavy with sleep still, her hair tousled and a beautiful grin on her spectacular face. She greeted me in my memory and I felt like I was there – like leaving was just a bad dream. _Just check up on her, _I tried to convince myself. The next thought was more painful than all the rest – _What if she was happy? What if she had moved on? _The vexation that I was feeling was true torment. Was I trying to convince myself that I was being a martyr by leaving – that I was giving her the chance to have a happy life?

_If I left now, I might be able to make it back to her before she obliterates me from her memory_. There was a war raging inside my body. The thought of returning to her brought warmth to my cold body and made me feel whole again. The image was so healing; it was vastly, significantly, pure of relief, every second I weighed my options - going back seemed to be the only one I thought of. Without reason or my mind telling my body to do so, I put the car in drive and pressed the gas down to go north.

I raced through cars, weaving in and out of traffic with only one thought in mind – Bella. Her soft skin, the fragrance that was so absolutely absent from my life…her selflessness. I sighed heavily as each turn, each click up the speedometer and every inch I moved forward made the sorrow, the hollowness dissipate. Slowly my body was being rejuvenated by the very image of her presence.

As I drove up the highway towards Bella I felt relief that was so exquisite it was nearly pain. I was robbed temporarily of breath the closer I came to entering the small town of Forks. I was panicky and close to laughter all at the same time as the thought of being in her warm arms began to heal the hollow area in my chest. There was suddenly an increasing desperation to be there – holding her. The tight obstruction in my chest was dissolving. Warmth began to spread through me. I pressed the gas down to the floor.

I heard someone's very familiar thoughts as I continued to drive, but was ignoring all their attempts to get my attention. Out of nowhere headlights of a Mercedes were racing up behind me – the horn honking.

_Edward, pull over right now! _Alice demanded.

I looked at the interstate signs as I passed them and noticed an exit to Aberdeen, WA. I pulled off the exit and into the nearest gas station. Alice jumped out of the car and darted over to me. Her smile was wide and her eyes glowed with the happiness that I could still feel slowly returning to me. She didn't speak; she only showed me the vision that I desperately needed to see.

The vision was partially cloudy and little wisps of smoke like shadows would briefly disrupt my vision. Bella was in her room, tears escaping her eyes. But I was there – outside her window looking in. I gently knocked on the window and she jumped several feet off the bed before turning to look outside. Her eyes grew wide and she dashed to the window, flinging it open and grabbing me into her arms. She embraced me fiercely and scolded me for leaving. Each second this vision became clearer and I wanted it to be true. I wanted her in my arms and I wanted to tell her everything would be all right – that I would never leave her again.

The vision suddenly became cloudy and non-existent as my face came into view. I stared back at Alice.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled.

_You are going back to Forks and I'm going with you. _She was confident.

A non-existent tear almost escaped my venomous eyes as she continued with her vision. Bella would forgive me. Her beautiful eyes would sparkle with tears as each second I begged for her forgiveness even though she would continue to swear she forgave me. _Was this it?_ I thought. _Was I going to go back to her and bring the danger that I fought so hard to keep away from her with me?_

_Quit._ Alice demanded. _I love her so much – and so do you! We should go back, we need to go back. She _needs_ us! Look at her. Every night she cries. Please – let's go now. _

"Alice, I want to. You have no idea how it feels to realize how close I am to her, she is almost tangible, but I can't. What was I thinking?"

_Edward! Let's go. Please. _She continued to beg as her insight changed over and over with the many different outcomes, some to her disappointment, and some to mine.

"Show me the first vision again," I demanded.

I saw it over again – Bella hurriedly racing towards the window to let me in. Her relief at the sight of me. The wildly enthusiastic way she brought her arms around my neck – the way I was embracing her back, letting her warmth fill my body and make me whole. Each second this vision was playing in her mind I was unconsciously moving towards my car, ready to get in and drive to her.

_Let's go, _she coaxed.

My desire to see her was burning stronger than ever. I couldn't bare to look at her visions any longer, as each of them brought on a false sense of security. I felt like my heart was ripped from my body all over again. I staggered sideways and felt a pair of hands seize me.

_It's going to be all right, Edward. I want to go back and so do you, why let ourselves suffer any longer? _

I stared at her, giving her a withering look. "I can't" I mouthed, realizing my throat was obstructed with grief.

I felt an almighty retch as I pulled myself out of Alice's grip – out of Bella's grasp. The chill returned to my stomach and filled the rest of my chest, where the hollowing had already begun again. The pain returned in full measure.

_I've seen it – it's going to happen – if it's not today then maybe tomorrow_, Alice said with a plea in her voice.

My memories of Bella began swirling around in my mind trying to get at me. The pain was beginning to overpower me again.

_We need a hotel, _she thought while helping me back into the car. She shut my door and went back to the Mercedes. I followed her to a hotel where we purchased a room.

_I have something for you, _Alice informed me as we walked up the stairs to our room.

"What is it?"

She handed me my bag that I left in Alaska.

_I grabbed it when I saw that you left it there. _

"Thanks. How is everyone doing now?" I asked.

_Everyone is in New York now. Jasper is signing up for Philosophy classes at Cornell and Carlisle got a Job working at a hospital and he is going to apply to teach at Cornell. _Her thoughts continued to inform me of everything that was going on with my family but I was uninterested in the boring drabble of their lives. I was too busy being consumed by this dark shadow that continually possessed me.

We reached the door to our room when Alice pulled out the key, slid it across the scanner and the light turned green to admit us. She pushed it open slowly to show the master suite that would be lavish and beautiful but all I needed was a place to curl up and die.

Walking over to the couch I threw my bag to the ground and laid down, closing my eyes and letting her face possess me, the face of the only person I ever truly loved – Bella. I've heard that love is a universal emotion, but if a human were to feel this affliction – this misery that comes from losing love – they would explode with the pain. My love for her is eternal and ageless. Each second I continued to weigh my options for seeing her again. It was fates cruelest gift to send her my way and expect me to keep her human and out of danger.

I could hear Alice walking towards me and I opened my eyes to see her gracefully sink to the floor next to my face.

_Edward, look at yourself. You need Bella as much as she needs you. Stop doing this to yourself – stop doing this to me! _

"Doing this to you?" I growled. "You don't feel the pain – the agony – that is my constant companion. You have Jasper. Imagine losing him, because that is how I feel."

She pictured it – Jasper being burned and screaming her name. She winced several times and her face screwed up in pain.

"That's just a figment of your imagination. Mine is real." I closed my eyes again, finding speech difficult due to the rage I was feeling.

I felt her hands on my face. _I'm so sorry for you, Edward. _

Was I just aimlessly wandering around, using Victoria as an excuse? This couldn't be my life, for this is no life at all. Bell was my life and it was in Forks. I could easily drive there and take my life back. _She will forgive you, _I tried once more to convince myself. The pain was so real and all consuming I couldn't imagine it getting any worse, but as every minute passed it burned more than ever.

I let more memories flood into my mind.

"_I was thinking, while I was running…" I hesitated._

_Bella interrupted me, "About not hitting the trees, I hope."_

"_Silly Bella," I laughed, 'Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."_

"_Show-off," she grumbled again. _

_I smiled, but glad she dropped it because I was instantly hungry for her._

"_No," I whispered, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."_

I remembered the internal struggle to not break the precious girl that I held in my palms. The many feelings that surged through my body in those moments – the feelings that I would never feel again – the love, desire, passion and ecstasy that rippled through my body was no longer there, absent. I continued to dive into this memory, which was one of my favorites. The way her breath came quicker and the way she held on to me like she needed me like I needed her. The overwhelming feeling to consume her – to drink – I was eager and she was too, but I had to pull away. This was another reason I had to leave her behind. It would only take me grabbing her the wrong way or becoming too involved in my passion and kill her. I could remember the pain I felt when I had to detach myself from her.

"_Oops," she said breathlessly. _

"_That's an understatement." I replied. _

_Come back to me, Edward. _Alice pleaded.

I hadn't realized the blackness devoured me again, so when I opened my eyes I was surprised to see Alice standing over me wearing different clothes and the sun shining through the window.

_Can you believe it? It's actually sunny outside. Looks like we're stuck here for the day. _Alice bent down to me. _When the sun goes down let's go see Bella. _

"I can't. I need to find Victoria. She must die," I had suddenly remembered my mission.

_She's not going anywhere for a few days. See for yourself. _Alice showed me the future which looked bleak and cloudy, but Victoria was still in Portland and would be for several more days.

I sat up. "We're not going. Go back to Jasper."

_No, you still haven't decided and I'm going to be there when you go back to her. You can't make me go. _Her face showed a great smugness.

I growled. "Haven't we put her life in enough danger? I was foolish once and almost got her killed – then Jasper…" I trailed off, not wanting to upset my only ally.

_We would continue to protect her. Let us go back to Forks and end this madness, _she pleaded.

"Alice, show me the future. If I were to return what would happen?" I asked, incredulous.

She spoke out loud this time. "I can't see that future because you haven't decided if you are going back there, yet. You know this."

"Try, please."

Her eyes went blank as she looked for Bella's future and mine. A purplish shadow was hovering around Bella, but there was no future for her, all she could see is Bella living in a mummy like state. The image sent more grief spiraling down my spine. A darkness flowed over her and suddenly Alice could see me running through a…train? I looked closer at any details and I was definitely on a train, opening compartment after compartment looking for something.

"What is going on?" I stared at her intently.

"I'm not sure…looks like you are chasing someone on a train. Possibly Victoria." Alice continued to look in the future as she pondered my question.

_Things are changing too much and too fast. _She sighed heavily.

I began to ignore her internal rambling because my mind's focus was strictly on the girl that constantly was floating in front of my vision. Another memory. The evening after our trip to the meadow, when she was taking a shower – I was waiting impatiently in her bed room as her scent which was extravagant and delicious...the aroma, swept under the door causing the monster to rear its head in approval and Alice had to come and warn me of the deed I was about to do.

Another rippling pain seared through my veins at this thought.

"I'm not going back," I decided, thoroughly discomposed.

Alice turned to me quickly and pouted, though it was a true and real note of sadness that was present on her face. _You'll go back eventually and I'll be there when it happens. _

"I won't. I love her too much to be so selfish," I barely whispered.

I could hear that she wanted to burst out with unpleasant retorts but she was silent and we both remained silent as if we had been struck dumb. The silence spiraled horribly as Alice's startling flashes of insight included Victoria's next move.

* * *

_Author's Notes: The action is coming – Hope you guys are excited about the coming chapters! _

_Thanks for the fabulous reviews, hope you keep coming back for more! _


	10. 9 The Train

9. The Train

* * *

It had been two days, two, very long, very painful days inside this dreadful hotel room. Alice stayed with me, waiting for my decision to_… "firm up."_

I was staring out the window which was facing west. The sun began to lower, as the night attempted to bring new darkness to my ever growing body. I continued to stare out as the sky began turning a brilliant pink. The window burned scarlet for a few moments in the fading sunlight until it was no longer peaking over the horizon. I watched as the city darkened, shadows forming in the evening light.

_You're leaving. _Alice approached me from behind.

I turned around to face her.

"Yes."

_Please don't go. _

"I must. She has to die," my teeth locked hard enough to break steel.

The thought of that March evening had my memory swimming with all the things I'd like to do to Victoria. Pulling her apart, appendage at a time…bowling with her head…possibly burning one part of her at a time, making her watch as I do it. In all my fury, my anger…it never fully masked the ultimate of all pains.

Bella. Bella…_Bella_!

Her name was constant in my mind, her face burned into my irises for all eternity. Once again I had lost the thread of my thoughts just by the mere mention of her name…the tantalizing thought of bringing myself back to her. I was burning again.

Alice's face continued to show many emotions. _Jazz and I could go with you…_ She contemplated that and then amended. _Maybe just me?_

Jasper was my family, a dear brother, but I couldn't help but still feel bitter and angered at his actions those few weeks ago. I didn't want to uproot my family so abruptly. The night sky now shone bright with stars as resentment swelled in the darkness that had consumed me. I exhaled heavily – not quite a sigh as the bitter thoughts accompanied me.

"I have to do this alone. Go back to Jasper. Tell him…" I paused, trying to think of what to say. The last time I saw him he was suffering with me. It made it hard to be angry at him when he was feeling my pain right along with me. My absence must make his life easier. "Tell him I'm not angry at him."

_Okay._ Alice's eyes were looking down, as her face showed the sadness that was accompanying her thoughts. _I worry about you, that's all. _

She knew my plan. She had to. Her life…their life would be better if I just never came back.

She turned to walk away. I heard the bedroom door open, and the light click of the knob before I turned around to sit on the couch.

There was a nasty lurch in my stomach as I felt it filling with a distressing sensation – sorrow…grief, a mental pang of heartache erupted through me like a volcano exploding. My mouth filled with the ash of my suffering.

I looked over my shoulder at the night sky once more, remembering Bella's thoughts of the night – how she loved the stars, _not that you see them here much_, she told me once. As I continued to stare out in the night sky, my unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me. All I saw was a pair of deep chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, asking me what my decision to go back would mean for her.

Each thought, blissful or depressing, I continued to undergo pain…stress. I felt like my body was sustaining injury after injury as I continued to lose the fighting battle within myself and with Victoria. I would endure this pain, this new crippling disability as long as she was safe, alive. She could not afford for me to return, to bring on her early death. I should leave her alone to her future…stop risking her life.

I was inwardly cursing my own stupidity at ever putting her life in danger in the first place. I should have stayed away from her when I had the chance, before she consumed my every thought. Her face, still present in my mind, seemed to be permanently branded into my eyes as I focused on her questioning depths.

Ignoring Alice's thoughts had been my main concentration since she came down to Aberdeen, so when she flung her door open, dashed towards me, and yanked me off the couch, her nose inches from mine, I was utterly perplexed.

"Didn't you see it?" she shouted at me.

"See what?" I gasped.

Diving into her mind was not a place I wanted to be, but I did it regardless. The vision shook a little, while it spiraled around but the people who were panicking were obvious. They were screaming, blood was smeared on the windows as her vision whirled around until all I could see was broken furniture, a pair of shattered glasses, and a bloody shoe print.

"What does it mean?" I could see my wide eyes mirrored in hers.

"I don't know," she cried out.

I grabbed her upper arms. "Concentrate!"

She closed her eyes, letting the changing visions absorb into her thoughts as the tiny pucker between her eyebrows deepened. I could see myself mixed in with strange shadows that were hazy and imprecise. The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny decisions rearranged the future again.

Alice opened her eyes, shooting me a pleading look before closing her eyes again, grunting in pain. An echo erupted around me in the vision, like I was in some sort of cargo hold, or…

_It's the train again. _Alice finished my thought.

There were several more flashes of light vibrating in her vision before it danced and swirled away into a deep darkness which rippled and quivered. There was a gaping hole in her vision – her very imperfect vision of the future. My look – her look – was instantly alert as her penetrating gaze commanded me to leave. Someone needed to be saved on this train. The shadow continued to show no face, but this person needed to be saved.

I grabbed my bag, shoving my amenities and other supplies into the bag to take with me.

_Don't forget this, _Alice held her hand out. There was an FBI badge with my picture on it lying on her palm. _I had a feeling you might need something like this, so I had Jasper make you one. _

"What am I suppose to use this for?"

I snatched it out of her hand, looking it over for mistakes. It was flawless.

_I can't see what train number it is. You'll need this to figure it out before she gets away. _Alice was pouting again as her thoughts turned sour.

She knew telling me this, showing me these visions, would send me farther away from where she wanted to go the most. Forks. She brought a memory to the forefront of her mind, destroying any thoughts I had for the hunt…the chase, like she could read my mind.

Alice was slowly brushing through Bella's hair. I must have been absent that day, out hunting.

"_Alice?" Bella looked at her with apprehension. _

"_Yes, Bella."_

"_You'll never leave me, right?" her eyes swam a little with tears at the thought. _

My heart began to break, to rip into shreds. Why would she show me this?

"_Of course not, Bella. What makes you think we ever will?" Alice tapped her gently on the nose. _

"_I know he loves me…but he wanted me to go to Florida…to leave him. Why would he want that?" Bella frowned back at Alice. _

"_He feels he is putting you in danger constantly. If you chose to be without him, he would obey your wishes, even though it would be very painful for him to do so." _

"_I would never," Bella practically shouted. _

"One day we'll go back…" Alice amended her thoughts.

At this memory, I closed my eyes, rubbing them eagerly to wash this from my mind. To forget the pain I was unduly bringing to her by my absence. Her memory began to creep into the depths of my mind; infecting it like each memory she showed me was a disease. I felt sickened at the pain. An explosion of agony possessed me.

A high, cold, merciless voice interrupted my agony as I saw the eyes that were black with thirst, framed with bright red hair enter into another one of Alice's visions. The demoralizing, complex mission came back to me, like a flash of startling insight.

_This is for Bella, _I thought angrily. _For all the pain that I put her through._

I reached out for Alice's hand, crushing her to my chest to give her one last hug. I would never see her again. My life would be over once I finished Victoria. I would roll up in a ball of agony and melt away into the pits of hell when this was over with.

_This can't be the end, _Alice pulled away to look at my eyes, seeing what my response was going to be.

"It is. Please…tell them that I love them all. Let Carlisle know I am especially grateful for everything he's done for me." I let go of her hand and rushed out of the hotel room.

Quiet eruptions of pain were leaking out of Alice as I raced to the stairwell, hoping to leave before she changed my mind. Jumping each set of stairs, I bolted from the door to exit out into the parking lot. I looked up, to see Alice peering out of the window.

"Don't come looking for me. Not my future, not Bella's future." I barely whispered.

A tearless sob escaped her lips. I knew she understood me.

"I'm sorry. You'll always be my favorite sister."

I turned and jumped into my car, threw my bag in the passenger seat while jerking it in reverse and squealing tires out of the parking lot.

_I'll miss you_… I heard her faded thought.

The lights of other cars continued to flash in my eyes as I passed them on the interstate. Each second I was getting closer to Victoria but farther away from Bella. My eyes lighted up once more when I passed another car, their headlights reflecting in my mirrors. I pressed the accelerator down harder, my other foot still hovering over the break, the thought of returning still tearing at my insides, little pieces slowly being pulled off and left for dead.

To tolerate…_no_…to allow Victoria to live would be like a _sin_, dirty and reprehensible. She was…shameful, deplorable, and utterly wrong. I once found these characteristics in myself, but on that fateful day with the van, I turned from killer to protector. Victoria was nothing but a killer, a murderer, each act having formidable imparts, a devastating affect with each malicious act.

My foot pressed down harder on the gas, unable to bring the car to a faster speed. Slowly, the city lights of Portland grew larger and brighter. This trip took a comparatively short amount of time. I began to concentrate on my single assignment: kill Victoria.

Images swam into the forefront of my mind. All the things I could do to her, the list of possibilities was growing. Just the act of inflicting excruciating pain as punishment…revenge, _hell_, for sheer cruelty crept into my mind. I wanted to make her feel what Bella felt, every bruise, every broken bone…even the flames that had burned in her veins as James' venom began to race towards her heart. If only there were methods to inflict such pain. Just to torture her, bring extreme anguish of her body brought a sudden, yet fleeting joy over me.

It was a sick joy, revolting, even, yet it was the first feeling that had rushed over me that didn't include pain and suffering on my part. Victoria was a different story, she would feel pain. I would twist her, force her into some unnatural position or form…distort and pervert her. The disgusting, loathsome thoughts were like a rebellion in my mind, each horror or unthinkable thought was being brought up. The things I tried so hard to hide were coming to the surface.

If Carlisle were to see me now… I could almost hear and see the disgust and repugnance that would be apparent in his thoughts and on his face. He would turn away in revulsion and abhorrence. Each second my mind rebelled against my former nature the freer I felt. The longing to bring Victoria's head to the railroad tracks and watch the train cut it in half…to cut her arms off and slap her with them just brought an overwhelming sense of vulgar happiness to me.

Revenge, justifiable death, was richly sweet and pouring generously throughout my veins, each second it became less diluted. Slowly, a shadow began to posses me, to consume me, each moment I was absorbing the gloom, a shady cloud of despair. I'd become a dark figure, refusing to intercept light anymore. Without her…without Bella, this was who I was. My life would forever be non-existent, cheerless, dismal, sullen…_evil_. I looked at my dark, pitiless, hungry eyes in the rear view mirror.

_You're iniquitous…wicked_, I stared at my face. It was absent of light.

I was closing in on Victoria; there were only a few places where she could board a train.

_Today she will die, _I thought with grim satiric humor.

Exiting the interstate I began my travels to the first, and most unlikely place she would board a train. The evening air was refreshing as I opened my windows to take in the scent of each particle of wind, hoping beyond hope that I would just taste her on the moisture. I was bringing an unreasonable desire to my mind as in this particular instance I wished, and sent unguided prayers, that the horrid train sequence would never have to happen, that this life I needed to save was not threatened in the first place.

If I were too late – would this be like the ballet studio all over again? Would fresh blood be spilled, wasted on the floor while she gets away? Anger flooded me at the thought. I refused to let this get the best of me. Trust. Yes, I must trust myself.

I drove closer to the station's schedule. No trains were being boarded today; the rails were closed due to construction.

_One down_, I thought warily while whipping the car around to go to the next platform.

Driving through the cool city I looked down at my clock as the minutes ticked by. It was reaching four in the morning. Time continued to move with little or less than usual speed. I watched the minute's change, each time it seemed to be going at a slower pace, like it was taunting me. Was it taking a comparatively long time for completion…for each change, was it gradually slowing? Every second I wished to rip my hair out, but I didn't, knowing this would not bring me any peace.

Pulling up to the next station I saw some people queued up to buy tickets. Parking the car, I leapt out racing towards the crowd, one lady jumping back several paces at my speed. With each gulp of air I begged for Victoria's scent to be present, but it was not. Maybe she was disguised; she knew I was on her trail.

Grabbing the lady in front of me, I whipped her around to see her face, to capture her scent. _Human_. I let go and wrapped my fingers around another. _Human_. Cries erupted around me until a man came up behind me and began hitting me with his briefcase. A growl escaped my lips as I turned around in a crouch. My eyes darted in between all the startled humans. Their eyes were wide. Realization hit me.

Exposure.

I backed away, a few mumbled apologies leaving my lips before I darted around the corner, practically hopping into my car to race to the next station…the last. My teeth were clenched together, I was angry at myself and my stupidity which had me breathing heavily.

I drove in circles, trying to refresh…to rejuvenate my tired mind, to figure out how to bring my plans into action. All I had were my bitter thoughts for company.

As I drove up to the last train station at seven, a strong wave of vampire scent hit my nose. My car spun into the nearest parking spot available as I ran up to the ticket counter, bag in hand. The scent…I followed it, but it was everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

I pushed myself up to the front of the line. Many thought's bombarded my mind all at once, with my face the focal point.

_Jackass. _

_What's this guy's deal?_

_Does he think he's special?_

One thought said aloud, "Hey jackass, you have to wait just like everyone else."

I turned around quickly, an evil grin spreading across my face. A few people took an automatic step backwards at my expression. Many of them sensed danger, including the man who spoke up. Now everyone's attention was on me, all waiting for my response.

"FBI," I showed them my badge.

I saw my face mirrored dozens of times as they all focused on me, respect now replaced thoughts of anger.

"I'm sorry, sir, continue."

I didn't have time for all of these courtesies, so I turned around while the person in front of me finished their transaction.

"Train leaves at eight-thirty," the attendant said dully, his thoughts bored with the tedious every day task of selling tickets.

I moved up to the ticket counter, flipping my FBI badge out immediately. His eyes actually grew wide, eager, like his day just got more interesting.

"What can I help you with?" he asked happily, eagerly.

I explained Victoria's features quickly. "She's dangerous. I need to know where she is going."

"Beautiful?" the man prodded for more information.

I could see the image in his head. He was thinking about Victoria.

"Yes, very. Please…"

"She's going to…um," he looked at his computer screen.

Seeing the information on the screen through his thoughts, I darted towards the trains. Redding California, train number 8697 was where she was. Her train was leaving…I looked at the clock. Now. It was moving down the rail, sluggishly starting its way south. As each second passed, I was making plans in my mind. A leap of pleasure engulfed me as I knew I would soon be on a train with the one I hunted.

Running towards it, I finally latched onto the back of the train, throwing my bag over the railing while pulling myself up and into the caboose. I opened the door while several stunned passengers stared at me warily. I quickly whipped out my FBI badge. I'd have to thank Jasper…I remembered I would never see them again and instead of letting the pain overcome me now, I focused on my mission.

"Everything's all right. Please don't panic," I called out.

Everyone's thoughts were incoherent with panic, despite my words. There was no sign of her anywhere, so I continued onto the next car.

This one was full of small compartments. Alice's vision suddenly became a reality as I grabbed and ripped open door after door searching for Victoria. Each passenger was looking unnerved at my immediate ransacking of their space. I raced towards the next car.

Opening the door, the rush of Victoria's flavor hit my tongue. There were dining tables on each side of the train. My eyes flew over the tops of the humans until I saw it…red hair…just a few feet away. She must have caught my scent too because she jumped up quickly, shoving a man across his chest to get past him, making him fly up against the window where he slumped sideways, unconscious. I was too angry to really care about the threat of exposure.

_How did he find me, _she growled angrily in her head.

Several people stood up and began screaming, running for the door. Victoria's thoughts became irritated; her only mission was to evade me, to find a way around me…to run. She began pushing her way through the panicking crowd as she tossed a table out of the way. It flew up and the force was so severe it slammed into several humans, knocking them against the wall, and shattering one window.

Blood leaked out and was smeared across one window. Their cuts were shallow. Before the scent hit me I ran after her. Broken glasses were laying across the floor, Alice's vision was slowly coming to light.

_The blood,_ Victoria was salivating and her thoughts mirrored mine – to run away from it.

She tore her way through more people and into another car. I raced after her, where I saw her toss a human who was in her way. He landed behind her with a crunching thud. Screams erupted around us as Victoria grabbed the glass door of the next car and threw it at me. I ducked and it shattered over my head, glass shot everywhere. I shook it out of my hair as I ran towards her.

Each second she was grabbing whatever she could find to block my way, but I continued to climb over the debris. I raced through the car as the trees and grass flew by the windows leaving a blurry streak in my peripheral vision. I ran towards her, one target in mind.

As Victoria was running into the next car she slammed a girl into a window where it busted and cut the girl's arm. Blood was gushing out of her quickly as the scent caught my nose and the dry ache began burning viciously down into my lungs.

Victoria's eyes went wild.

_Must jump, _was her only thought as she flung herself out of the train.

More people began screaming, crying and shouting around me. I lowered myself to the girl, who was roughly eighteen. The fiery thirst that normally accompanied me when human blood was involved began to ease and subside until I didn't hunger for it at all. The glass had cut an artery and it was leaving her body rapidly. As people focused on the horror in front of me, the screaming of witnesses exploded around us, their thoughts almost deafening me.

This was the girl I was supposed to save. I let the fury pound through my body, violent and shocking as a jolt of electricity for only a partial second before I concentrated on the dark haired girl that was bleeding to death. Placing my bag next to her, I reached down and grabbed her warm and inviting wrist to stop the bleeding, vividly aware of her fragile and breakable body. She looked up at me and in her face I saw Bella. It was like I was rescuing her all over again.

A brick slid down my throat and into my stomach at the sight. I looked around at all the havoc and upheaval that surrounded me before I barked out orders.

"Someone tell the conductor what has happened." A woman rushed off. "I need someone to hand me a phone." Several people whipped out their cells.

Reaching for the closest one I dialed 911. I spoke quickly to the dispatcher on the other end. I looked back down at the girl who was turning a pale color before she lost consciousness. I looked to the lady who was hovering over her. It was her mother.

_Not her, please, not my daughter. I love you._

"Listen, I need you to put pressure on this wound. Can you do that?" The woman's eyes grew wide, her thoughts panicking.

"You can do this!" I ordered.

She nodded her head before putting pressure where I pointed.

_Don't die. Please God, don't let her die. I need her._

My mind was racing, each second I was losing track of Victoria, each second this girl was going to die. Someone probably loves her like I love Bella. Would there be someone to save Bella if I weren't there? Each thought burned at me, sending a sickening feeling into my stomach. The pain began to build, reaching a peak. I felt like I was going to imploded with the thoughts that were overtaking my mind, each train car full of excitement and fear.

Rushing through the crowd, my bag in hand, I looked at the broken window where Victoria fled. A quick glance down tied Alice's vision up with a nice little bow as my bloody shoe print was right behind me. I looked out at the moving trees and ground before I jumped out. Several screams erupted from inside the train which soon became distant until the train was gone from my sight. I gasped at the clean air outside like it was a healing extract.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

__

_Reviews are welcomed. I read every single one of them and take opinions, constructive criticism and ideas into my creative writing technique and style.

* * *

_

_**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

_


	11. 10 The Vault

10. The Vault

* * *

The sand was in every crevice of my clothes, my body and my bag. Victoria's scent was long gone and I had found myself wondering around this desert, my heart missing, my mind being dragged through the sand dunes and the hollow area in my chest was now full of nothing but little grains of dirt. Still, I forged on.

My biggest concern – problem – was my new companion that I picked up in this hell hole. This…_imagination_ of mine has grown wildly out of control as it now sent vivid premonitions through my mind. As if my psyche knew what I craved the most, this haze – mirage - was now playing out in front of my eyes.

There were slight disturbances in the air like a heat wave. A clumsy Bella was walking by my side. I was trying to master myself, trying to stay away from her. She was reaching out her hand to take mine, she tripped and I put my arms out to catch her. Her figure shimmered insubstantially in the air before the image exploded and once again all I saw was the vast ocean of fine debris of rocks.

One moment I was in blissful denial at my state of mind, the next I was lying in the loose grains that had turned my skin a brownish-yellow color. Two weeks…it had now been two miserable, sunny, blisteringly boring weeks. Each day passed slowly, mercilessly, as the sun shone brightly over the sky, sending rainbows reflecting off my skin. The spectacular view now seemed dull, uninteresting at best.

My pitiful attempt at tracking had failed miserably. I knew this well, considering I had nothing but my mental images or concepts of what is not actually present and this growing sensation of dryness in my mouth and throat.

Thirst. My body was physically craving blood, but my mind refused to think of it. This…_need_, to whatever various degrees that it changes, was something I easily placed in the back of my mind. My thirst has now become just a minor annoyance, a tiny flame that hardly burned anymore because there was another burning inside me.

The hollow area in my chest was charred beyond recognition yet the fire burned more feverously than ever. I tried to put the fire out; cutting off my supply of oxygen seemed to only make it more compressed, like a hearth or a furnace. My hand was rubbing my chest, trying to soothe the pain but it just continued to burn with obsessive longing.

I sat up, bringing my head to my hands and begging that the earth would open up and swallow me whole. Trying to empty my mind seemed to have the opposite effect. I took off my shoes and turned them upside down. Sand toppled out of them like a dirty waterfall. Once again, the thought of water…a liquid…blood.

Thirst began to over take me, as I hadn't eaten in weeks now. Putting my shoes back on I got to my feet, determined to move on, forward, any direction but north but that is where my body tried to constantly pull me. The more my body longed for the fluid that circulates deliciously throughout the body the more illusions consumed me; totally destroying any restraint I still had left in me.

I was slowly becoming famished, this new problem craving prompt attention but I continued to fail extravagantly at fixing it. Once again, she was there, in front of me, her outrageous flavor floating in the air, filling the space between us almost like it was begging me to move forward, to fix the distance to nothing. I drew in several heavy breaths. Had I gone back? This must be some sort of dream, though I never sleep. Still, I stared at her as her skin was glimmering palely in the setting sky.

My desire for her was overwhelming until my arms reached out to bring her to into my embrace. Her blood swirled deliciously under her translucent skin and without effort, or thinking, I brought my teeth to her neck and all my careful restraint that I had exercised for the past seventy years was gone, unnecessary, because now she was holding _me_ tighter. Each second I drew her blood – her life – into my mouth, my lips were a perfect vacuum on her delicate skin.

Once the blood had warmed my body, the fiery thirst dissipated, I was brought back into the conscious world, I realized it wasn't Bella I was holding it was a mountain lion. Dread doused my previous jubilation. Had my thirst gotten that bad? The hollow yearning, the desperate craving had taken over and I embraced it wildly. I could almost swear it was Bella that I was drinking, her luscious blood filling me, but it was not. Just a sick fantasy. I felt like I would burst with the pain of just the mere thought.

A monster. That is what I was. She deserved better, merited a relationship that wasn't full of death and destruction. If I had stayed, how long would it have been until I put my mouth upon her neck to draw the vital principle – life – from her body? Every part of me ached with the prospect. Again, pain pierced me. Hopelessness threatened to engulf me.

The sun slowly crept down the evening sky as the ground burned red until the earth had over taken the light and soon the stars dotted the sky, shining brightly over the sandy abyss. The velvety darkness before me seemed to ripple, the evening air quivering as my uncertainty consumed me. If I go back now, she'll die an early death. I refused to let this happen. Still, her voice continued to echo through my mind, leaving doubts.

My legs felt like they became lead the closer I moved away from Bella. Secretly, I was trying to convince myself to move forward, to go north towards Forks not south toward Victoria. The moon now was bright in the sky, the light full of loss and despair.

Nevada. This place should actually be called hell; the abode of evil…punishment of the wicked. Each second of torment and misery proved that this hell was made just for me. _That's it_, I thought angrily. I finally decided that I had had enough. Racing towards the nearest town my eyes were met with flashing lights of the infamous city, Las Vegas.

Sin city. Perfect, it sums up my existence fully, adequately. It was true; I had violated some form of moral principle by bringing my limitless existence upon an innocent and lovely creature.

The city continued to sparkle with multi-colored lights as I moved closer, unbelievably; I caught scent of a red haired monster. It was like some divine being brought me to this place, begging me to find this savage beast.

Following the scent I was brought to a casino. The sounds of the machines whirled through my mind, the dinging of coins being dropped in the slots, the sounds of tickets being printed, the ice clunking from people drinking, enjoying their vacations, and spending their hard earned pay checks.

Laughter filled the large building as I walked through the several rows of slot machines. Her scent was lingering here, like she was here only minutes ago. The smell burnt in my nostrils, the scent of a killer, a murderer. Still, I followed it. My mind was being filled with the babble of the room. Thoughts broke through me like hissing fires. Many of them repetitive.

_Hell yes! One hundred bucks off of one dollar! _

_Three hundred dollars later… _

_My wife is going to kill me._

_What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? _

Yes, this was most definitely sin city through and through. Peeking over the crowd of transgressors I continued to search through minds trying to find some trace of Victoria. Even a glint in someone's memory would suffice.

"_Hey man, you didn't see her. She was hot, seriously the sexiest woman I have ever seen," _a man told his buddies.

In his mind he was picturing Victoria, I was sure of it. She had to be here somewhere. Soon the sea of slot machines turned into craps tables and suddenly I was moving closer to the poker tables. Looking around in the corners of the building I could see the many video cameras. It was like she planned for us to run into each other in a place with heavy surveillance so there was no chance I would kill her.

"_If we just go through the floor…"_ a man spoke.

"_Are you crazy? That will cause too much attention. We have to be stealthy if we want to break into the vault,"_ a woman said in a very familiar tone.

Victoria. She was here and she was planning a…heist? But why Vegas? Of all places to decide to rob for money why the most observed place in history? I listened harder, trying to read the minds around her, lost in desperate speculation.

_With this money I could finally get rid of my new tracker. Finally shake him. _Victoria thought.

She must be thinking about me. Does she honestly believe a little bit of money would hide her? My senses are beyond even a vampire, though my tracking skills lack, I too, have money.

"_Tomorrow than?"_ the man asked her.

"_No, tonight. It has to be tonight!" _Victoria barked at him.

_She is insane. Well, I guess this will be more entertaining than my normal evenings. "Fine, let's get our supplies ready. The Bellagio at midnight?" _

"_Yes, and don't be late!" _Victoria jumped down from the poker table.

Watching her leave, I swear she sent a thought my way.

_Oh this will be fun…won't it? _

I couldn't let her get away with this, let her try and rob a famous casino full of cameras. She would expose us all. The cameras, the brute security that these buildings are based upon would only bring proof to the table of doubt and uncertainty.

Instead of following her, I would catch her before she breaks into the vault or prevent the humans from seeing the incident in the first place. It was hard to let her go in the place full of humans, the lust for slaughter was boiling inside me, brutality radiating out of me.

Looking towards a clock, I noticed that it was only an hour until midnight. What could I possibly do in one hour to stop this from happening? Cut the camera feeds? Knock the surveillance crew out? Possibly turn the electricity off to the whole street?

This is going to be a lot more complicated than just robbing a bank. Still – the question lingers – why Vegas? Exiting the casino I walked along the main strip I was still trying to get to the core of things, but instead I was floundering around the edges of things, stifling blindly through clues. People walked by with their drinks in hand while workers handed out flyers for escorts, or more honestly, hookers. The blinking lights seemed to bring back memories of another time.

Prom, the lights illuminating Bella's glorious face, her lips parted slightly right before I brought my lips to hers. That night, though she hated the ritual, was magical. It was so easy to mentally bring back the image of the dress clinging perfectly to her delicate body. The image of me spinning her onto the floor sent a jolt through my heart. The pain returned in full measure as I realized I was in Las Vegas pursuing a vampire instead of going back and putting my heart where it belongs…in between my arms.

Still, I continued to walk towards the famous fountain as music bellowed through the loud speakers on the grounds and the water bounded up in beautiful and spectacular formations. The water rippled and quivered as the water danced in the air. This was something you watched while you held your significant other yet I had to watch it by myself, preparing to do one of the stupidest stunts ever. I don't want the money; I actually just want to prevent it from being stolen, but to tell the humans about it would only cause their deaths.

The electricity flowing through the lights that flooded the building, making the windows sparkle, could probably supply a third country with power for a year. The money in the vaults was just like the city, it had come from those who were gamblers, some full of outrageous debts, filling the steel guarded safe's full of, what I would consider stolen money.

The torrent of information flooding my mind brought me back to books that I had read before. There had been few attempts to get to the riches that lie beneath the city, but those who tried were documented well. Today's security would make this task harder than ever, but when you have a vampire involved it would be only too easy.

Walking through the doors of the casino, I greeted the security guards before joining a Black Jack table. Every round I was able to read the minds around me, see what their cards were and easily decide if I could or couldn't win the hand. Not once did I guess incorrectly. Many people left the table as more new comers joined in. People became overly frustrated with my luck.

After only twenty minutes I heard the mind of some of the security around me.

_This kid looks like he's only eighteen. Are they sure this is the table they wanted me to check? It doesn't seem like he's counting cards, honestly he looks bored. _

At his thoughts I realized I had already gained attention that I didn't want. I knew that the cameras were all facing me - they could see me – and I was sure they were all being watched carefully, hoping to kick me out for winning so many rounds. At this, I decided losing was my best bet.

"I'm sorry, you lost," the dealer said happily.

"Can't win them all," I attempted a smile back, but failed miserably.

The security guard finally decided that they had it all wrong and left. I realized in my attempt to be unnoticed, I wasted almost forty minutes. Instead of wasting my time with the card game, I moved swiftly to a slot machine which was close to doors that I needed a key and pass code to enter in to. I watched as employees passed by for almost ten minutes.

Afraid I was going to be too late, I almost decided to go and break the door open myself, but realized that this would probably make alarms go off. Nope, definitely not a good idea, I had attracted enough attention at playing Black Jack so well.

Finally, a man walked towards the door and I could hear his thoughts as he pressed down the numbers on the key pad. Remembering these numbers, I slowly snuck over to another guard, stealing his keys right from under his nose and made my way towards the door that I had put all my attention on.

I jammed the key into the lock and pressed the code into the key pad. There was a light beeping sound that let me know I was admitted and I moved quietly and smoothly in through the doors. I only had seven minutes left before the whole charade goes down.

Suddenly, I heard a loud shrill cackle from a corner.

"Thought you'd follow me here. Don't worry, I've taken care of it," Victoria smiled viciously, a positively dangerous look crept across her face.

"_Hurry, this way! Someone's gotten past security!" _

"_Two of them? Are you sure?" _

"_Have you contacted the police yet? No? Get on it!"_

There were scurrying, echoing footsteps in the distance. Instantly I felt a twinge of regret.

"Oops, I guess I accidently leaked that someone would be…breaking into the casino at midnight," she giggled in a very girly high pitched tone. She smiled like a child who was just promised a large bag of treats.

I tried not to succumb to the rage as my stomach gave an unpleasant lurch. Fear fluttered in my chest as panic began flaring within me. A dreadful blast of realization hit me. This was her plan all along, to trap me here where I can't use my super strength to get free. The cameras were all pointed at me in this moment as I began backing away from Victoria. During all my agony I wasn't paying attention to her plan which consisted of me being caught, not her actually trying to steal money.

Instantly, the whole plan began to make sense. She is a lot more clever than I ever gave her credit for. Hatred boiled up inside me as I gave her a cold hard look. Thoughts overwhelmed me as my mind worked frantically for a solution. I turned, making my way back towards the door. It was locked so I tried using my key. Still, the door wouldn't open. This must be a security feature I never thought about. If you try to break in, you might not be able to break back out. There it was – the big gaping hole in the plan.

I was inwardly cursing my own stupidity as Victoria dashed down the hallway, not a care in the world. I'm such an idiot. It was true, during all these events her talent seemed to be evasion, and here she was, evading me in the most ingenious of ways. I despised myself for the infatuation I had with capturing and killing her.

My mind was racing as the guards came closer. It had now only been two minutes since I passed through the double doors. Instead of going backwards, I began moving at a speed that would be extremely quick for a human, but not impossible. Each moment I could hear the thoughts behind the doors in this hallway. All of them were nervous as they were on lock down and were unsure of exactly what was going on outside their door.

Then, I saw my safe harbor – a window - though it was thick with metal going through it; I knew I could find a way to make it break in a "human way." I could almost sense freedom.

There were heavy foot falls behind me. It was like slow motion. A security guard rounded the corner and caught me trying to find something to 'break' the window. Pulling out his gun his mind showed no hesitation before his finger pressed down on the trigger. The bullet wouldn't hurt me, of course, but that was not the point. This must be some cruel joke the universe was playing on me.

My mind teetered on what to do, but no matter what the threat of exposure had instantly grown substantially. Anxiety bubbled like acid in my stomach. My composure was slipping as my body tensed and moved without my permission.

* * *

**Author's Note**:

_Once again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I am having a great time writing this story. I know some people are getting upset that I haven't been updating immediately, but sometimes I am busy and don't have the time to put in the effort that you all deserve. You don't want me to slop something together do you? Please – be patient!_

_One last thing – someone mentioned to put on here where we are at in the timeline with Bella – right now she is "living in a zombie like state." Once we reach December I will let you all know how Edward's story coincides with Bella's.

* * *

_

**Please Review!**

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

_

* * *

_


	12. 11 Fire

11. Fire

* * *

Recoiling in-the-nick-of-time, a bullet blasted through the window behind me. Fragments of the shattered glass flew everywhere as the guard continued to shoot. Turning towards the window I finally saw my way to escape, made more and more feasible by this guard's idiocy.

_I'm an idiot, _I thought angrily as my mind whipped around for plausible ideas.

The security guard shot again and again, missing me by centimeters. As each bullet whistled by me, the exertion of force upon the surface was inadvertently making the frame around the bars on the window weaker. Kicking the window with my foot, the bars on the window collapsed under my strength before it divided into parts violently like there was an explosion. The pieces flew out into the night before gravity took hold of the metal and it descended several feet before it collided with the pavement in an alley way, as a clamorous noise radiated back through the window.

One look over my shoulder showed seven more guards, their minds eager for the action, rounding the corner in brisk dynamic movements.

I jumped and fled. _Moron, idiot…stupid jackass. What were you thinking? What would Carlisle think…Esme…Rosalie. _It was Rosalie's constant insults that continually played around in my mind. After leaving the lighted streets of the strip I began kicking anything I could find. Buildings, cars, trash cans, even a rat. When I was done walking down the street, the devastation was astronomical, it looked like a tornado had blasted through the neighborhood. Shame and guilt assaulted me.

What was my deal? Seriously, could I cause any more trouble? I can't believe how easily she played me, how Victoria was able to lure me into such a trap. It was clever, I had to admit. Cameras, witnesses… But where did _she_ go? Instead of leaving the city – which I should have done promptly after everything that happened – I decided I needed to fix my mess. And what a mess it was.

Instead of cop cars, fire trucks and ambulances surrounding the casino, there was nothing. Like there was no incident that happened in the first place. They sure did keep security tight in that place. Sneaking back in wasn't an option, at least not through the doors. Like an idiot I walked down the alley I had fled to from the window and looked up, to see light flooding out of the gaping hole left in the building from gun shots and the window being broken.

The security guard who fired was telling his buddies tall tales of the events that took place only an hour before.

"He came after me and we wrestled for several minutes before I was able to get my gun and shoot," he was telling his buddies. "He was huge and strong, but I was able to beat him off."

"Sure ya did!" Another guard said in a patronizing tone.

"I swear, that's what happened!" His voice was mingled with fury and alarm.

"Then why did you fire all your shots and miss him completely, and in the process help him escape? Boss man isn't going to be happy about this…"

The guards mind began to panic, realizing his mistake at playing up his role as hero. Deep down, I could understand his logic because I, once, thought I was playing the part of a hero. But I wasn't…I was just putting _her _life in more danger.

Then I heard footsteps, and through the security guards mind I could see them walking away from the scene. I thought they'd make a bigger deal out of this. Surely someone couldn't get away that easily.

I leaned against the wall of the building, trying to push back the memories of Bella that were starting to assault me again. No matter how hard I tried, there was no distraction from the pain, the searing burn that turned my hard flesh to charcoal. The emptiness was reducing me to useless fragments while I crumbled insensibly to the dirty alley floor. This place reminded me of the time I saved her in Port Angeles. Her determined, yet scared expression as the men began to surround her… I gritted my teeth at the memory. Then I remembered how she guessed my secrets, unlocked my mind with ease.

The unpleasant sensation that continued to occur in varying degrees of severity in my deprived mind reminded me that memories were all I had left now. I would never see her face again.

My body was completely spent of emotion, empty, barren…like the desert I walked out of. No matter how many places I chase Victoria; this fruitless and ineffective attempt would never be able to stop her memory from lashing out at me. Each day, hour, minute, second that passes, the pain…the agony didn't fade. My mental suffering grew exponentially as I continued to endure this new kind of hell. This dirty alley looked a million times better than I felt.

Looking around there were dumpsters that smelt of rotten meat and soured milk. The ground was covered in a thick layer of some vile, foul substance. Grime covered every inch of the contents of this alley where rats scoured through trash. Yes, even this disgusting place with its worthless filth looked better than how I felt.

Sighing, I stood. It was time to move on. Victoria wasn't going to come out of this window, and the one guard standing next to it would be too big of a risk, even for her tricks. The more I burn, the less graceful I seem to become. As I stood I knocked something with my elbow sending a loud echoing sound of metal meeting concrete through the small alley.

_What was that?_ The guard swiveled to find the culprit before he began shouting loudly.

I shot down the alley, running as fast as I could, but I knew as soon as I reached the end of this quiet place that I would have to slow to a human pace. It was only a second from the broken window to the opening of the busy street. It was still early for Vegas and the streets were crowded with rowdy college students and drunk adults stumbling from one casino bar to the next at two in the morning.

Looking behind me I could see the guards from the casino trying to break through the masses. When their minds were preoccupied with the large number of pedestrians I snuck into another casino, rushing through as quickly as a human would to another exit which led to a different street. The throngs of people were beginning to give me a headache as all their thoughts began to attack me like a violent storm, striking me like lightning.

It was time to leave this place. Forget about Victoria and just travel south, try to get as far away from the temptation of Bella as I could. As I thought it, I automatically began walking north. It was instinctive. My body craved her…longed for the sweet red tint of blood that rushes up her cheeks and the luscious smell of her hair as she cuddles up to me when she sleeps. Each second this desire to be near her was becoming a need, a necessity. The thought of her warmth sent butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach, and then it suddenly filled my empty chest with acid as I realized that she was forever going to sleep and speak her thoughts without me there to watch her and protect her.

Forcing myself to leave her to her future, I turned around, concentrating on my simple assignment as I turned to face south and began picking each foot up with a great pain, each second trying to move myself north all at the same time. As the time passed slowly, I finally arrived outside of sin city and began running towards Lake Mohave. The wooded area around the lake will help protect me from the eventual sun. There, I will inevitably decide what my next move is.

Two days passed as I lay, face up towards the sky, looking through the canopy of branches and wallowing in misery while letting my own guilt eat at me, like piranhas in the wild eating their prey with vicious hunger. I was falling to pieces as my mind thought of how much I wished I was back in Forks. Instead of trying to put myself back together, an impossible feat I might add, I let memories of her overwhelm me as I continued to gaze absently at the starry night sky.

Our wonderful day in the meadow, when I realized the absurdity of it all – how I wanted her, but shouldn't keep her, how I tried to show her the monster I am and how she accepted me without a second thought. I sighed as the thoughts continued to lash out at me, reminding me that I was completely absent of Bella. I choose to sink again into my mind.

_"I should have left long ago," I sighed. I was now beginning to think aloud. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."_

_She pulled me out of my thoughts. "I don't want you to leave," she whimpered, looking at our hands again._

The absence of my heart began to burn and throb in my chest, the charred remains of what use to be a source of light and happiness. Closing my eyes, I let her swim in front of my irises, her smile radiant and dazzling. Another bout of fire ripped through me like electricity – painfully damaging and blistering each frozen cell in my body. Breaking out into dry sobs the light of the strengthening sun began to expand above the horizon, making the sky coppery in color. I was burned completely and utterly to the point of ashes, though my skin still shot gold in the rising sun. I begged for the wind to blow me away – blow me north to Forks – where I belong. Slowly my body seemed to cease functioning as the flame was exhausted due to the lack of things to burn.

Without permission, another memory flashed through my mind. It was a clear picture. I was holding her tightly in my arms as we spun effortlessly around the dance floor, her hand placed resolutely in mine like fire and ice. But this new fire wasn't like her glorious warmth, it was beyond that, to the point of pure torture. It had only been a couple of months, yet all I could think about was going back. Would I eventually crumble? I'd take this pain for as long as I could, if it were to save Bella, I'd walk through fire…which is what it felt like I was doing.

Maybe, instead of going back to her when I couldn't take the pain, I'd go to Volterra. No…no, I couldn't survive in the afterlife without her, either.

Another memory.

_"It's not only your company I crave. Never forget__that__. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I realized I had become harsh, and again, I was nervous that I might have hurt her feelings._

Just another reminder of what I am. I warned her, but she still wanted to be close and I let her. It is entirely my fault. Her body was bruised and mangled by another vampire because of _me_ and then Jasper trampled after her because_ I_ brought her into a house full of vampires.

And when I thought the fire was to the point of no return, I exploded in agony, my body combusted and began being destroyed with fire as each second I was consumed with remorse and disgrace.

_Ring…ring….ring_.

As if I was being executed by electrocution the phone shocked me into awareness. Before I looked at the number on the screen, I secretly hoped it was Bella. If it was…would I answer? I looked. My question was pointless because it was Esme. The disappointment only added fuel to the fire.

"Esme," my voice was rough from clenching my teeth tight enough it could cut steel.

"Oh Edward! Please come home. We all miss you greatly and I know how you love the east this time of year…"

I cut her off. "I'm not coming back. Not now. You don't deserve to see me this way," I tried to not let my anguish break through my voice, but the words cracked at the end.

"We all miss you and want you to come back. We are not angry that you left, all we want is for our family to be whole again, and it will never be without you," her voice sounded defeated.

It was hard to hear her like this, to listen to what I've done to them all. Didn't I make it clear to Alice that I wasn't coming back, that this would be the end? Did she see a different future, one that I haven't thought of? Esme waited through the silence as I contemplated what to say back…how to respond.

"Even if I did come back, _I_ wouldn't be whole," I paused. "I miss her," I confessed.

When the words escaped my lips I could hear her soft cry on the other end. "If you miss her, go back to Forks. Claim her! Let her know how you feel."

Before I could reply I could hear Alice in the background. "_He's too scared to go back because he lied to her,_" she said bitterly.

I could hear a few quick intakes of breath in the background. Everyone was there, even Carlisle. "_What do you mean?_" Carlisle questioned.

"Nosey psychic," I mumbled. I heard a small _humpf _and I knew she heard me.

"_He told her that he didn't love her anymore,_" Alice answered smugly.

Everyone gasped, and then there was another muted sob on the other end. "Edward…how could you?"

Hearing the disappointment in her only made everything worse. I failed to fulfill the expectations that my family placed in me.

"I was hoping it would help her heal, hoping it would make it easier for her to move on…" my explanation was pitiful.

There was a long pause as I heard Emmett chuckle, "_The sexual favors he'll have to do to win her back._"

There was a thud. "_Idiot_," Alice chided. "Emmett!" Esme scolded.

"_What?"_Emmett sounded baffled.

Esme finally turned the conversation back to me. "Regardless, you need to go back to tell her the truth. How could you do this to her? She loves you more than anything," you could hear the desperate disappointment in her tone.

"I can't," I whispered into the phone.

"Well, come home at least. Please?" Esme pleaded weakly, already accepting failure at her attempts to get me to fix my broken heart.

"I can't," I repeated like a broken record. "I love you all."

There was another low sob on the other end of the line before I clicked the red end button on the phone. My body began to ache with sadness and at the same time felt abnormally vacant.

As the minutes passed by, I felt overcome with grief. I was hurting everyone, Bella, my family and myself. Could I dig myself into a deeper hole? What else was I going to do? Looking back, there wasn't anything I would do different because to think of my life without ever meeting Bella just seemed dull and meaningless.

The phone rang again and I let it go to voicemail, refusing to even look to see who the caller might be. After a few minutes, curiosity got the best of me. Or, more like my hopes of it being Bella got the best of me. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I saw one missed call from Emmett and one voicemail. I listened to the voicemail reluctantly.

"You must spank her!"

I growled. Of course Emmett would be the one to find something funny about my anguish...quoting Monty Python. I was about to press delete when he continued after his loud guffaws subsided. "Listen. I know that you are hurt, and that you love Bella. Trust me, those hunting trips _used_ to be fun until they became 'talk about Bella' trips."

Was he going to get to the point? I heard a loud slap of skin against skin. "Emmett, get to the point," Rosalie commanded.

Rosalie? Why did she care? "Oh…Right. Anyway, Edward. Please come home soon…or go to Forks. Whatever you do, just know that we love you and just want to be there for you. This brooding as far away from all things that matter to you is getting a little ridiculous."

There was another slap. "Ow. Fine…I miss you bro, so does everyone else. Even Rosalie…"

Then there was another smack of skin against skin. "I mean even Jasper misses you."

"I'm staying out of this," I heard Jasper holler from far away.

"Well, please come back. We can get through this together. When you are far away and alone we worry about you, especially Rose…"

This time I heard a crash, a thud, and an angry unintelligible mutter and then a loud guffaw as Emmett wrestled for the phone, it sounded like.

"Edward," Alice spoke this time. "Remember what I showed you. It's inevitable. You should concede now," there was a steely note in her voice. I heard another thud in the background.

"Cheater," Emmett muffled as a low chuckle came from the background before the voicemail cut off.

That was the weirdest voicemail I believe I have ever heard. If the situation was different I'd probably be laughing at the bizarre message.

The sun was finally hidden behind the sandy abyss as I looked at the time. It was a few minutes after seven. Good, dealerships would still be open. It was time to purchase a new vehicle, one that wouldn't remind me of Bella. The darkness around me began to deepen as the minutes ticked by.

When I reached the nearest dealership the huge spot lights which had several hundred flying insects swirling around them like schizophrenic hornets, were all facing the clean cars which made them all glisten dully in the defused light. None of the cars on the lot caught my interest. I wanted something fast and free of memories. The sales people were walking around the lot, some busy helping customers and the other's skirting around me.

_I need to keep my eye out on this homeless dude…make sure he doesn't try to steal any cars. _

Was I that dirty? I sent him a rueful smile and he stepped backwards. _Weird kid. _

Walking towards him I saw through the glass of the building the most magnificent car on the lot. A Corvette ZR1. The metallic color shined and winked at me as I came closer. The salesman jumped in front of me before I could walk into the building.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" _This is going to be useless. I'm not going to get a single sell out of him. _

"Yes," I replied arrogantly, pointing to the silver Corvette behind the glass. "I want that one."

_This guy is off his rocker. _"Um, yes. It's a beauty…"

I interjected, "Yes. Supercharged V8 with a six speed manual transmission, 638 horsepower with 604 torque…"

"And it costs $110,000," the salesman added before I could continue my list.

"I'll take it," I replied, my eyes not leaving the glass.

_Like he has over hundred grand lying around. Please. _"Okay, let's go inside and check your credit," he mumbled angrily, his bald head glimmering palely in the night sky. _I can't believe I get stuck with the homeless man while everyone else is actually selling cars instead of just talking about them. _

"You misunderstand me, I have the money and I want to purchase that car…now," I handed him my credit card.

"Is this a joke?" He hesitated. "Okay – Where's the camera's? Ha-ha, very funny!" _I'm going to kill Bob. I know it's him playing this stupid prank on me. I'm not falling for it. _

"This isn't a joke. Please set up the paperwork immediately," I was becoming irritated.

He laughed. "Yeah right." _This is getting a little annoying. _

"Fine, if you won't help me maybe your manager will," I snapped.

I began to walk forward but the salesman put his arm out in front of me to stop me from walking inside. "This joke isn't funny anymore," he mumbled.

"Move your arm, or I'll make you more your arm," I said through gritted teeth. I was suppressing a growl that was threatening to rip up my throat.

_Make me move my arm. I'm bigger than this brute…I could easily take him down. _

Before I could grab his arm and remove it from his body the manager yelled from between two cars. "What the hell are you doing Kevin? Let the man inside." _Why do I always hire idiots as employees?_

"But sir, look at him. He's just a homeless man looking to steal something," Kevin said, disgusted.

"Excuse me," this time I couldn't stop the growl that thundered out of my throat. Kevin, the salesman, backed away. _What the…_

"Let him in, Kevin!" The manager shouted angrily. _His mind is like dead air full of fluff._

Kevin removed his arm from in front of me and I opened the door. The manger swiftly followed me after mumbling, "You're fired," to Kevin.

"I'm so sorry, sir. What can I help you with today," he said politely.

"Yes, I want that," I pointed to the Corvette, "car." I handed him my credit card. "The money is all there. Let's get this paper work together."

The manager's mouth opened in surprise but took my card and began with the paper work. Thirty minutes later I drove my new car off the showroom floor, honking and waving at Kevin, the ex-salesman, as I drove by.

_Son of a…_ Kevin cursed in shock as he drew heavy breaths at his idiocy.

The convertible Corvette was considerably faster than the Volvo. Putting the top down I let the cold evening's air rush through my hair as I drove at top speeds down highway ninety-three. My state of awareness was bleak and dull, even though I was in my element. Alternative desires were whipping through my mind – Bella, kill Victoria, Bella, run away and shrivel into a little ball of sadness, Bella – I couldn't decide what to do, but I had a lurking suspicion that my little encounter with Victoria in Vegas wouldn't be my last.

_Gotchya! One-hundred and thirty! Best speed in days. _

A dreadful blast of realization hit. Select curse words started flying out of my mouth. Because of the constant prattling in my head, I wasn't paying attention to cops. Blue lights flickered behind me, twirling round and round like a disco ball, sending lights reflecting off all of my mirrors. Instead of slowing, I speed up. In his mind he was concentrating on trying to read my license plate. I jammed the gear shift lower, trying to gain ground between us. Because my car was new, the license plate was written out which was making it particularly hard for the officer to read.

Using this against him, I slammed my foot down on the gas pushing the car to one-fifty. Internally I was cursing myself for my stupidity. My constant state of being in a stupor keeps costing me. Everything I do seems to just be another, bigger, mistake. Could things get any worse?

_Haven't had a good chase in a while. _

Yes…yes, things could get worse. Another cop was speeding towards me, racing right at me, head on. Refusing to move, the cop swerved, did a one-eighty and began chasing after me, too. For some odd reason, I had a superb indifference to my predicament. I slammed the car into fifth gear as the needle throttled up towards red, streaking by the desert like a bullet. Dust filled the air as they pelted along in my wake. The last time I was in this position was to race towards Bella, to save her life. This time I was running away.

* * *

**Please review!! **

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	13. 12 The Army Coven

12. The Army Coven

* * *

I could imagine her hands gripping the seat in total terror, her eyes darting from the dash board to the road and back again as my speed topped out at one-sixty. Bella. It was so hard to lock her name up when everything I did made me think of her. It was a bad idea to do anything that would remind me of that precious soul, but I had no choice right now.

The image in my head was of her eyes wide with horror as I was being chased by the police. There was no hope for those behind me. I was too fast and luckily, I was smart enough to remove my temporary tags and register this car in a fake name before speeding off the lot. It was easy to lose the police in this car, and soon they were so far behind their lights were nothing but an annoying flash in my rear view mirror.

This car _chase_ only made me think about how it relates so completely with my life; a mundane beginning, a dramatic middle and an anti-climatic end. Now my life was as uninteresting to me as if I were stuck forever looking at the wall of a white room. No, the wall would probably be more interesting with its paint patterns and microscopic imperfections. I would possibly be able to form shapes and pictures that would also only remind me of the one I left behind.

Trains, Las Vegas casino's and car chases may seem riveting to some, but to me they were just minor annoyances getting in my way of killing the one who placed my love in the hospital. Stupid red-haired vampire. I gripped the steering wheel and turned it sharply onto an unnamed road. Speed use to be exhilarating, now it was just as monotonous as my existence.

Without my consent my foot inched toward the break and in a matter of seconds I came to a complete stop. The plans in my head flopped around from one idea to the next. There were so many promising things I could do, but the top two were to find Victoria and kill her or go to Volterra City and just end my internal suffering.

Did I chase Victoria far enough south that she would never dream to go back north? Is it time to just end my existence? Or should I just finally give in and go back to the place that continually called my name, Forks?

No, no, no, I chanted in my head. I couldn't go back, she deserved a life and a future and I couldn't provide her with those things. It was me who was continually taking things away from her. It was a bad idea. Forks wasn't an option. I nixed the option before the thought of her warm body against mine made me change my mind. Closing my eyes, I saw the color of scarlet creeping up the porcelain cheeks of a blushing and fully embarrassed Bella. 'Why are you embarrassed?' I wanted to ask.

When I finally opened my eyes the clear sky full of stars was lighting the inside of the car as the breezy air whipped around me. It was difficult to realize she wasn't actually there; it was more difficult to imagine myself going there and bringing the danger back. Forks…no, definitely not an option. But Victoria was only putting me in further danger of exposing us of what we are. The look in Carlisle's face as the Volturi came to claim my family, made me want to just get on a plane to Italy now. If I were exposed, my family would be executed; guilty by association.

Was this the only option? Thinking about losing the only distraction I had from the torment made me cringe in anticipation for the oncoming slaughter of my mental being. Was it worth my family? The answer was obvious. My decision was made.

My console began vibrating, sending small pulses of tiny palpitations through the plastic. Was it Bella this time? Was she seeking me out? All hope was lost when I finally seized my phone and saw Alice's name on the screen. If I didn't answer it now she would probably keep calling me. Might as well get this over with…

"Yes, Alice?" I answered tersely.

"Edward, please don't go," Alice pleaded through the phone. "It would be suicide. That must be the reason you are going but please, please don't do this. What do you think it would do to Esme…Carlisle?" Alice's voice became weak with sadness. "What would I do without you?"

"I can't go on like this. You don't understand. You couldn't ever understand."

"Maybe not, but maybe I could help you," her words were rushed.

"How?" I asked through my teeth.

"I know where Victoria is headed." Alice hesitated for a few seconds. "I'll tell you, but you must promise me you are not going to the Volturi."

I closed my eyes in frustration. "Okay. I'll bite. Where is she?"

"Promise," she insisted.

"I…can't."

"Edward Cullen!" she shouted. "You listen to me, and you listen to me right now! I know Bella wouldn't want you to 'off' yourself." Alice reminded me of her useful, yet very annoying gift of foresight. "Rubbish," I heard her mutter. The reminder of mine and Bella's conversation the afternoon before her disastrous birthday party only made me angrier… because she was right, and I didn't need _another_ reminder. "I know what your plans are," she continued, "as soon as you make them. We'll stop you," she warned me. "Victoria is headed towards Arizona. Her plans are not definitive yet, but she is going that direction," she paused for a minute to think. I was gritting my teeth shut like a steel bear trap. "I'll give you more details if you promise not to go _there_."

"Alice, you know if I lie…" I began

"Exactly," she interjected, "…here, let me give you some incentive." I could imagine her pursing her lips "What would happen to Bella if she found out _you_ were dead?"

It was a weird reaction, considering I didn't receive any relief from doing it, but I blinked in surprise at her question. It was one I had never thought of before, nor one I would have ever wanted to think about. What _would_ Bella do if I no longer existed? Would she care? The empty space where my heart used to be began aching.

"The outcome wouldn't be good." Alice pulled me from my reverie. "I already saw it once you made your plans," her voice was twisted between pain and belligerence. This was one of those times I was glad I couldn't read minds through the phone. What _was_ the picture in her head? Many unspeakable images washed through my mind like a disease, infecting and destroying everything in its path.

"She wouldn't hurt herself," I told her, my voice more confident than I felt.

"You don't know that. What I do know is that she wouldn't go on existing without you, either…" Alice continued to talk but I was suddenly shoved into my own memories of our conversation during Romeo and Juliet.

"…_you don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do." I explained._

_I watched her face show many emotions ranging from anger to horror. She grabbed my face and her palms started warming my cheeks. She looked me directly in the eyes. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" she almost cried._

…"_What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked._

"_That's not the same thing," she mumbled._

…"_What if something did happen to you?" she cringed. "Would you want me to go off myself?"_

_Thinking of Bella no longer living sent the worst pain plummeting through my stomach and almost shattering my heart. It very nearly compared to the way I felt during the night in Phoenix._

"_I guess I see your point…a little," I admitted, "but what would I do without you?"_

_I would wither and die…__more like I'd beg for death to take the pain away__._

"_Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence," she explained like this was obvious._

_I sighed. "You make that sound so easy."_

"_It should be," she argued, "I'm not really that interesting"_

A lump rose in my throat at the memory.

"…and what about Esme and Carlisle? Edward? Hello? And what about me?" Alice was quiet for a few seconds, waiting for my response.

"Bella promised," was all I could spit out.

The sound of her teeth snapping together echoed through the phone in perfect clarity. "Is that so?"

Swallowing loudly, ready to argue with her, I heard a small sob on the other end of the phone and my resolve broke that instant. "Alice?" I whispered.

"She's going to southern Arizona," she sighed.

For a brief fraction of a second I thought she was talking about Bella. To think of her that close… no, I had to banish these ideas, thoughts and plans from my mind. Even though talking about the love of my existence pained me, I wasn't ready for Alice to stop talking about her, though, I knew it was wrong. It was a bad idea to even ask her what she saw in her future. The question was forming in my head, but the better part of me changed and twisted my words on the way out of my mouth.

"And don't go looking for her future either. We've done enough damage."

What she didn't know was that the last sentence had multiple meanings.

"Okay." Was all she said to my interruption. "All I see is a flash of a sign," she continued with her previous subject. "Willcox Dry Lake. Good luck Edward." There was a long silence. "I love you."

Then there was no one on the receiver. The phone never made a noise, but after a minute the lights dimmed and I was left sitting in my car, staring out at the night sky again. The range of emotions in our conversation was odd for Alice. Normally she was overly enthusiastic about everything. The only emotions in her phone call were anger, sadness, and disappointment.

It was hard to think of all the things I was putting my family through, but they would all eventually move on, and soon I'd be nothing but a reminder of what was, like a stain you can't wash from a shirt. When Bella dies, that will be my time, too. I'd give them that, at least. Plus the phobia was too engrained in my system that my actions would ultimately cause Bella to do something radical. It was easy to tell how she'd figure out my demise. Alice would surely go back to Forks when I was no longer holding her from that place.

I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore but all I knew was the idea of doing nothing while Victoria was at liberty to do anything was almost more than I could stand.

Willcox Dry Lake was in the far south eastern corner of Arizona, right on the boarder of New Mexico. It was obvious this wasn't where Victoria would have stayed for long, the area was absent of clouds and shade. This place would be strictly for nightly predators of my kind.

When I finally found a motel it was straight out of the 1960's movie Psycho. The room was old and everything had a fine layer of dust on it. It was obvious no one had stayed in this room in a long period of time. The wallpaper was pealing from the floor. This place was obviously well seasoned and weathered. There was a news paper on the desk. A glimmer of interest flickered through me as I wondered just how long this room has been unoccupied. To my dismay, the paper read the date of November twentieth. Had it really been that long since I left…her? Was I mixing my days and weeks up and they were really months? My stomach tightened painfully.

It was only when I saw where the news paper was from that my interest was piqued. Las Vegas, Nevada. There was an article that was circled. Immediately I began reading the small paragraph that was typed in the small black print at the bottom of the first page.

The mystery of how a man and a woman, roughly twenty, escaped and eluded security at one of the top casino's in Vegas is still in question. "The thieves must have been well trained," the spokesperson for the casino told us. "Shots were fired and every bullet missed the male. He escaped out a window which was broken during the shooting. The female ran for it before security got there, though neither was found. When security went to review their footage, there was nothing there. All information had been erased, even the backup hard drives." The police are not releasing any details on how their search is going for the mysterious duo. If you have any knowledge of the identities or whereabouts of these two, please call the Las Vegas Police Department.

The paper crumpled without effort in my hands. She tricked me, and then tricked me again by making me think that she was actually trying to expose me. I waited for the anger to surge through me, though the emotion wasn't powerful enough to overpower the strong emotion of anguish. My fingers ran lightly over the set of drawers, leaving trails in the dust as I moved towards the bed.

Waiting for the sun to set, I sat on the bed, staring straight at the bland curtains with their flowers and random vines of vegetation. It was in those vines that I began to picture her face peaking through the large flowers, beckoning me forward. I tried to empty my mind but it was giving me what I wanted, even though I knew it was just a trick of my subconscious. There was something filling my hollow insides. It wasn't healing, or comfortable.

My eyes closed, knowing that in this action there would be a relief, just absent of the alleviation that a human would have. It was comforting to see her face behind close lids after the several days of trickery. The opulence only last for a few seconds, but in those few seconds I could almost feel her warmth as it crept into her cheeks, or watch as her eyes rolled when we were joking around, or how her sarcasm only brought out her true opinion and personality. Each quick second that this luxury was here I took it in and let it help cool the burning pains from the fire that seemed to have consumed me. Being away from her was starting to leech all the happiness out of me.

It was only after her tear stained face, wobbly knees and red set lips entered my mind that the true torture actually began. The short solace had been exhausted and it was only getting worse. And then, I imaged her anger showing through her pursed lips as she told me to quit brooding over the events in Phoenix. Each moment the excruciating suffering delighted in its torment. I felt like the ground was falling away.

There was a honeyed light peaking through the curtains, a very yellowish glow like someone had lit a human sized candle outside my window. The stream of golden sunlight shot sideways, the dust heavy in the air, rotating as the air conditioner whipped the dust moots around in wild swirls. A fly was buzzing around wildly in the sunny window. Gradually the light became weaker as my intellect was trying to work through my mental processes that seemed to be stuck in limbo. I was glued to the spot, like my reason and sanity left me. Each minute my intellectual power was trying to distinguish what I really wanted in this moment.

A purpose came swarming through me as a recollection of previous intentions reminded me that I needed to move. I stared forward with fathomless eyes. My horrified trance was weakening. Slowly, the inclination of my previous purpose had me standing, eyes open. I seized the curtains and yanked them out of my way. The golden ball was now sinking beneath the horizon, a ruby red glow replacing the gold.

A man walked into the light, a shadow cast across the parking lot and onto the building. His face was shadowed, but it was easy to see him in the halo of light. The small glittering of my skin was not enough for a human to notice. My eyes showed it in perfect clarity, but I knew from reading the minds of those around me that the human eye was weak and unable to see it at this angle of the sun.

…_first the news paper and now this…_

The thought was uninteresting at best. The manager knocked lightly on the door. Yanking it open a sudden gust of blood rushed into the room. It was weak. It was easier now than ever to put the dry ache of my throat on the back burner. His hand shook and I noticed the arthritis in his fingers and the cut that was bandaged on his pointer finger.

The man took in a huge gulp of air at my appearance. When I first arrived I had taken a shower, so this time the sound of shock was of supposed beauty. It never failed to _dazzle_ humans, the look of a vampire. As soon as the aw factor dissipated, the man's eyes focused more on the color of my skin, the golden depths of my eyes and the hardness of my skin. He handed me a travel brochure before stumbling backwards, the glowing red of the setting sun making my eyes glow ominously in his vision.

…_seriously something wrong with that guy…_

The door swung my direction before the latch clicked. My eyes roamed over the brochure he handed to me. Alice must be tired of talking with the internally tormented to be sending me messages via a human.

Coronado National Forest, roughly twenty miles from where I was now, was displayed with vibrant pictures and the promise of exciting trails and other interesting outdoor activities. Victoria must have fled to the shadows of the trees. I had to admit, it was nice having Alice on my side. Her uncannily accurate visions of the future came in handy sometimes.

I packed my bag in a rush, ready for this chase to be over with. The thought of her head being detached from her body only brought on a sick joy. The inevitable fight played out over and over in my head as I ran towards the forest. The sky was now a purple tinged grey. The moisture free air held the scent of rich pine and evergreen which grew stronger the faster I ran. The forest was close. I stared through the darkness.

The edge of the trees grew out of the night. I was gazing around for a glint of fire red hair. The area was still completely absent of Victoria's scent, but there were still several miles of forest to search for her trail. The pines grew to immense heights with their woody trunks and the constantly developing branches. It wasn't the same as the vast vegetation of the Olympic Peninsula.

It was only too easy to rush through the several miles of forest as I searched for the scent I craved to diminish, staring wildly through the dense branches. Each fury creature scampered in fear like I was a lion, trees whipped around in my wake. Then, it hit me. The scent of a vampire, but it wasn't Victoria. This wasn't something that I expected or something Alice saw.

The fragrance was practically brand new, almost minutes old.

_Who's that?_

_Maybe this is one of Leon's army. _

_A spy. _

A blur of colors and shapes streaked by me like a bullet as my eyes scanned frantically to see who the vampires were. The wild low growing brambles stirred in the makeshift wind. There was the sound of soft footsteps racing towards me in all directions before I was suddenly surrounded by a group of vampires. My body reacted instinctively as I crouched, preparing to fight. I wasn't fighting for my life, I was fighting for Bella's.

The tumult of thoughts was almost overwhelming. I was trying to listen in to each one.

_He looks…rich. _

_I'm not sure that he's a spy after all. Look at his clothes. _

…_his eyes…_

_I've never seen him before._

_He smells like a vampire…but he doesn't look like a vampire. _

_We'll just have to ask our spy…_

…_but he's…clean. _

Each thought was on a different wavelength, yet all of them centered on me and my surprising appearance. The obvious leader of this coven…army…swept silently forward. He was tall with vast shoulders; his hair flowed to his shoulders. Another vampire tailed closely behind him like a pompous guard dog.

All of the vampires were absent of shoes, their eyes a brilliant red, except two who's eyes had faded to the deep maroon color of an older being. The stances were wild, their hair tangled with the forest debris.

"Spy!" the leader shouted. "You have been caught. Explain yourself."

I turned around in a circle once; counting the number of vampires I was surrounded by. There were thirteen. If a fight were to ensue, I would lose, regardless of mind reading. The horrible truth sunk like a stone. My posture immediately straightened in a non-threatening way. There was a motionless silence as they waited on baited breath for my answer.

"I am no spy. I come from the north, near Canada." I decided not to mention Washington. It was best not to alert them to the easy prey of the north…or to Bella.

"What are you doing in these parts?" his eyebrows rose.

A twisted smile turned up on the vampires face behind him.

…_he can't seriously believe him. He probably feeds on all the humans in Tucson. Now I'm thirsty, _someone complained.

My eyes flitted around, trying to find the vampire who fit these thoughts. Looking through his eyes I was able to locate the source. Staring this newborn vampire straight in his scarlet eyes I spoke to the leader who was now calm.

"I was chasing another vampire. She tried to kill my mate," I explained, speaking dejectedly. "And I am no spy; I don't even feed on humans." I spoke in the smoothest voice possible while turning towards the coven leader now.

They all looked at me as if the idea were ludicrous. Thoughts of disbelief flooded from the minds around me. I saw my face, my stance, and my very eyes in thirteen different viewpoints. It was obvious from the immaturity and how emotions drove the vampires encircling me that eleven of them were less than a year old. Ninety percent of the time they were all thinking about feeding.

"Don't feed on humans?" this time the leader's eyebrows shot so far up his forehead they were touching his hairline as his head shook in disbelief.

The vampire behind the leader finally spoke. "Impossible. I've never heard of such blasphemy," he cried out in maddening superiority.

Two newborn vampires couldn't hold in their rage and ran out towards me, grabbing both of my arms. A fierce snarl ripped up my throat in warning.

"Back away John, Casey," the leader spoke in deep authority.

Their grips only tightened, vindictive pleasure in their thoughts. The feral snarl that ripped up the leader's throat had the others cowering in fear. Their hands dropped my arms and I was free. The others were rapt with attention.

_His eyes aren't red. He seems unusually calm for the situation he is in. He must be an old vampire or wishing for death. _The leader was contemplating who I really was in his mind.

"What is your name, odd one?" There was a lurking suspicion in his mind.

"Edward Cullen," I said to the leader who was now sending me curious looks.

"I'm Gabriel. This is my army," his hand waved out towards the surrounding vampires. "Edward, why are your eyes golden in color? It is such an odd trait to have. In my two-hundred years I have never seen anything outside of black and red," he explained.

"I have not feasted on humans in nearly seventy years. My family and I only drink from animals." My face was glazed over, like I was hypnotized.

Gabriel's face was mask like, trying not to show emotions. He was completely unaware of my ability to read the minds around me. None of the vampires in his army had special abilities to hinder me useless. They all continued to leer at me, low rumbling growls escaping the lips of some.

A voice spoke from behind us. "You don't seriously believe this imposter, do you?" The booming voice was deep in nature, when I turned to stare at the culprit I was surprised to see someone smaller than me.

"Yeah!" Several of them murmured in agreement.

The whole situation felt strangely unreal, like I was dreaming. But I couldn't dream, so it had to be corporeal. Misty clouds moved in the sky, making the moon glow red, sending a bloody light over the shadowy ground.

"A test, perhaps?" Gabriel suggested.

The interest sharpened palpably, some shifted their postures unnecessarily while others stared in intensity. The blood red eyes of the thirteen vampires surrounding me continued to gleam fanatically. Excited muttering broke out across the small crowd. A terrified excitement rose in my chest. The undeniable fascination grew exponentially as each second ticked by in anticipation.

* * *

**Please Review!!**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended


	14. 13 Test

13. Test

* * *

The evening progressed slowly as the vampires holding me captive contemplated on a test that would prove my words about feeding on animals true. The deep seeded truth was that the leader was tired of dealing with the newborns and was looking for something more interesting to bid his time with.

"We could make him eat an animal in front of us?" a girl, roughly fifteen when changed, mumbled.

"Idiot girl," Gabriel let out a mirthless laugh. "Don't you think any one of us could do it if we felt our lives were threatened?" He paced back and forth in the depths of the forest. _No…it has to be something with a challenge…something he can't fool us with. Yes…_

Wild ideas continued to jump rampant through all their minds as a brooding mist crept through the forest around the craggy recesses. The fiery wind lashed at my exposed face, though it was completely painless.

"Maybe…" began a blonde boy, "if one of _us_ drinks animal blood it will make _our_ eyes turn gold and then –"

"Shut up, Larry." Gabriel cut him off. "That's the most disgusting idea yet." Distaste curled his lips. He continued to stare at the smiling blonde boy whose face sunk until he looked like he was someone tending to a person on their sick bed.

The masses began muttering and fidgeting as the seconds passed.

"Maybe if…" Casey, the vampire who had attacked me earlier, began but he gave her a 'stop talking now' sort of look and she cowered away in fear of his gaze.

The army did not move for several spiraling seconds as they stood defiant of the wilderness around them. One girl tossed her hair in impatience, at Gabriel, which tumbled down her back like a string of molten copper. They continued to glower venomously at each other and at me. One vampires face was completely paled with anger as he tried to burn holes through me with his stares; at least that is what he was wishing for in his mind.

Gabriel turned to me. "Tell me, why do you feed upon animals? Does the taste of humans disgust you?" His beady eyes narrowed.

"There are many reasons," I suffused pointedly. "Explanations that someone like you would never understand."

He swooped like a bird of prey on my reply. "Oh. Is that so? I won't understand?" he smirked unpleasantly at his words. "Let's hear this response of yours that is just so complicated that I, of all vampires, won't understand?"

A windstorm of laughter broke out over the small horde around me.

"That's enough!" he shouted towards the throng. They quieted at once.

"Don't any of you have a conscious?" I shouted back. They all stared at me like I just told them I wanted to go to ballet class.

"Of course we do…but I wouldn't go as far as not feeding upon humans," he rubbed his chin, contemplating. "Still, I don't believe you. I've never heard of such blasphemy." _What kind of test would prove him to be a liar … Animal blood? Why? … It just doesn't make any sense. No humans…not one single bite? _A grimly amused smile played on his lips. "Never? Really?"

"Never what?" I asked evasively. I raised an eyebrow, not giving him any hints that I could literally see the wheels turning in his mind.

"You never drink from humans?" His smirk widened.

"Not in seventy years," I repeated from earlier.

Several thoughts thundered through him at once. I tried to probe his mind but all I did was reach a wall of roiling thoughts. A hungry look gripped his features. My stomach convulsed. The worst idea of all had entered into the depths of Gabriel's mind as he watched his army stare at him in anticipation. The images were repugnant…revolting. He grabbed the vampire who was older and drug him into the forest far enough away that I couldn't hear him. The pompous vampire grunted noncommittally. It didn't matter. I already knew his plan.

Several members of his army turned towards the forest with a sense of jittery expectation. The silence spread out from the group in cold ripples as the darkness continued to press upon us.

I felt sickened and angry. I was losing time to this ridiculous charade and Victoria was probably several states away by now. Fury pounded through my body, violent and shocking like I was being electrocuted.

After fifteen minutes the silence broke and murmurs broke out between the vampires.

"What do you think he's doing?" A small voice asked from behind me.

"Who knows? He's a crazy old brute," the blonde boy shrugged.

The faction relapsed into a prickly silence as their eyes darted around the forest for some sign on Gabriel's plan.

It was only five minutes before the calm was broke with the wind of two vampires and their consciousness'. The first to be seen was Gabriel, his face full of elation at his grand scheme as he crashed through the trees. His second in command came thundering in his wake, a girl of roughly sixteen in his arms. Her head lulled from side to side, her hair like liquid silver, spilling over his arm. Her features were angled and perfectly lined her face. She would have been beautiful, but she wasn't Bella, and all things since her have lost their splendor.

"Have you lost your mind?" I yelled at Gabriel. "This has gotten just a little ridiculous, don't you think?"

"If you don't feed upon humans then this should be easy!" he exclaimed. "Ian, put her in the middle." He gestured to the older vampire.

Ian rolled her dismally across the ground, a frown on his face. _This isn't a good idea. All these neophytes are going to go crazy. We can't afford to lose another one. Leon's army is growing rapidly. _He shook his head to an infinitesimal degree at the thought.

Everyone's eyes swiveled back and forth between me and the girl lying between us. Eight of the ten vampires had gritted jaws, their fists clenched so tight their knuckles looked like they could easily break the pale skin that was glowing ominously in the moonlight. Their eyes gleamed maliciously crimson as they listened to the heart beat tattoo against her chest.

The rhythm of her heart rapidly sped up as sobs came in great rasps from her parted lips. Her eyes flew open to find a group of thirsty vampires hovering over her, slowly stepping towards her fragile form. Her eyes swam with tears as she placed her hands up, palms forward, a gesture of surrender.

Suddenly she wasn't just some human in danger, it was the girl…it was Bella. There was an explosion of sound as the vampires swarmed around the tiny human girl.

"Back away," Gabriel stepped between the human and the masses. A few growls escaped the throats of the vicious vampires around him. One small girl sounded like an angry cat. "Step back," he yelled into the night, exchanging dark significant looks. "This is part of the test. She isn't here to be your feast. Back down." A few of the vampires stepped closer, threatening to overtake the old one. Bloodlust emanated from them in great sickening waves. "Do you want Leon to win your territory?" Several of them moved their eyes away from the girl and back to Gabriel. "If you don't back away, there will not be any more humans to feast upon! This girl is for him," he whipped around, pointing his finger at my forehead. "This is all part of his test," he said with finality boarding on indifference. "Now, hold your breath. Don't any of you dare to breathe until I say so."

The girl backed away, scooting across the ground towards me and away from the glowing red eyes that were scorching holes into her body. She turned to stare at me, exchanging the most fleeting of looks. Rage propelled me to my feet as I snatched her up and yanked her behind me, probably not being as gentle as I should be.

"Have you gone mental?" I cried out. He jerked around to face me. "You brought this human among all these newborn vampires! What were you thinking?" The thing was I knew exactly what he was thinking.

Everyone was alert of the situation in front of them, the atmosphere grew in intensity. He stepped around me and seized a handful of her hair and dragged her back to the center of the semi circle. He pointed his finger up in the air while looking at me with a sense of disbelief. _If he can restrain himself, I just might believe him. _He pulled in a rasping breath and held his lungs at bay. His finger came down and sliced the girl from behind her ear down to her shoulder. Blood rushed out of her wound and spilled over her shirt and wasted on the forest floor.

The scent hit my nose and was brought deep into my lungs. It was all wrong though. It was completely absent of the freesia and strawberries that I craved so much. The sweetness of her blood was not tempting in the least. I could see the doubt in Gabriel's eyes as he looked between the two of us. Ian had to tell several of the newborns to leave the small clearing. I stepped closer to the girl, bending down on one knee to be on her same eye level. She was so full of fear she was shaking as the blood continued to pulse through her sliced skin. Slowly, I brought my face to her neck and took in a long drawl of the aroma emitting from her.

Gabriel met my eyes when I lifted my head up, his face showing all the shock and condemnation of his 'full proof' test. There was a strained silence for several seconds. His teeth met with an audible snap as his lungs took in the air before him. His eyes closed slowly before he reached out and pulled her to his lips. The throng jostled around him, shooting covetous looks at their leader. It was too late, I couldn't save her. She was already bitten. A scream tore from her lips, but there was no one around to hear her. The pink flesh was ebbing away from her face.

Watching something like this was revolting and my stomach clenched with a new sickness. The young girl's heart began to flutter like a dying bird before it slowed and became silent. He drank her dry and threw her body to the wayside like she was a rag doll. Several of the vampires moved forward. There was a hum in the air with the shock of the recent scene. I collapsed on the ground, anger filling my body at the disgrace of the whole sight. Her life was just snuffed away, like a candle before the wind. So easy. So simple.

Words failed Gabriel as he stepped back from the dead girl. Things he once thought permanent and unquestionable were thrown into doubt. He was resigned from the unsolvable mystery that was me.

Several of the newborns began muttering horrible curses.

"You're truly are a monster," I stated malevolently. "Let me go. You had your test. Your humans are safe from my teeth." I could slowly feel the need to kill Victoria burning in my veins like liquid fire. She could easily do this to Bella. This man in front of me won't ever leave his life in the south with his armies…but Victoria…she could always decide to go back.

"Right…" he turned around to the army behind him, their muted conversations buzzing like a fly in your ear. "You're free to go. Of course." The muttering became more and more offensive this time.

John, the other vampire that attacked me earlier, stepped forward. "You've got to be joking! You can't let him go. Just because he didn't feed on the human doesn't mean he doesn't drink their blood." He was looking crestfallen.

Gabriel whipped around. "John, for once in your existence, will you just shut the hell up?" John's face hardened like an ancient sentinel. "Let him go. He's harmless," Gabriel ordered.

John backed away with deliberate slowness, lightning flashing in his eyes. The other vampires stared forward, astonishment racing across their faces.

I stood up, my chest swelling with a furious hate. Another outbreak of muttering rippled through the crowd.

"Go," he pointed behind me. "Now. Don't ever come back."

He didn't need to tell me twice. I turned and ran through the forest. The trees grew tall like solemn pillars of a great city. It was finally the break of dawn, when everything waits for the warm touch of the sun. I had to make it back to my motel room quick. My legs stretched wider in stride as I pushed myself to get back. Night animals peered through their dens as I raced through the brambles. My movements were so fast and fluid that I felt like a ghost, insubstantial in nature.

The light from the rising sun peeked through the trees as I pushed myself harder. The forest ended and then there was nothing but the baked cracked desert ahead of me. The motel finally loomed into view. Seizing the handle of the door I yanked it open to be greeted by my bag and the dusty bed.

I tore into the room, with ease, I crumpled onto the bed which exhaled a puff of dust. It felt incredibly good to hide from the world outside. The weight of the vast number of memories exploded in my head. Most of them of Bella, some of my journey to this hell hole. It was surprising that the Volturi hadn't already come to take me away with all the idiotic things I had been doing.

Then the memory of Bella's belief of my final words to her finally crashed down upon me. Grief threatened to overwhelm me. Instantly I was filling with quiet despair. I met my own gaze in the mirror. My face seemed to be in a permanent grimace, like a pained gargoyle. I adverted my gaze by closing my eyes. Suddenly it felt like I was sinking through the floor. Down…down to hell. The sickening thoughts wound their way through my mind like vines trying to reach the sun.

Bella filled every tiny particle of my brain. I don't know how long I lay there, though the sun seemed to rise and fall quicker than usual. The nights becoming longer and the days shortened. My eyes stayed closed, Bella constantly beaming down upon me, though my arms were cold with her absence.

Through the haze of pain I heard a light buzzing noise in my bag that was lying on the dresser. This was the third time I heard this noise today. Grumbling, I pulled myself from the fragments of dust to rummage through my bag. Shifting everything in my bag I came across something that made me come to an immediate halt.

In my hand I held a round piece of plastic, the scent of lemons lightly fragranced the small piece. It was my first token from our doomed relationship - the lemonade bottle top that I kept from our first lunch together. The buzzing of my phone finally stopped and I sank back to the bed, perching on the edge. The plastic top was on my palm and I brought it close to my eyes to exam it. The emptiness inside me seemed to grow in size.

Though my chest felt like it was burning away with acid, this small token brought me back to my mission. Hunt and kill Victoria. Through the curtains I could see the bright moon setting the desert ablaze. It was time to leave. Signing out of the hotel room, I jumped into the corvette and headed toward New Mexico.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I had forgotten that the only reason I found the small bottle cap was because of the insistent buzzing of my phone. My eyes stared in shock at the caller on the other end. With the surprise jolt of the name on the caller ID, I automatically flipped my phone open to answer.

"Hello?" I asked questioningly.

"Edward. I hope things are going well for you," his deep voice was clam.

The next city was looming into view, the lights like glittering spider webs of life.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said when I didn't reply. "I should know better."

"What's wrong?" I couldn't think of any other reason why he would be calling me.

"Nothing is wrong. Our whole family misses you," he paused to take a deep breath. "It's Thanksgiving today."

"Oh," I said stupidly. I had no idea what day it was, why would I know it was a holiday?

"Yes. We all went hunting together today. We exchanged thanks like we always do. It was hard to be around our family today with emotions running so high." I hated it when he tried to make me feel guilty. "Everyone of us said we were thankful to have you in our lives," he hesitated, like he was contemplating what he wanted to say. "Alice…she really misses you. She isn't the same. You're her brother and you've left her and refuse to let her see her best friend."

"Jasper," I gritted my teeth. "I don't have time for a guilt trip."

He heaved a great sigh. "That's not what I'm trying to do."

"You could have fooled me," I snapped.

"Stop it, Edward. I don't have time for your anger. Just listen to me," he pleaded. "Christmas is going to be here shortly, and Esme and Carlisle…well, really, we would all like you to come home."

"I already told Alice that I wasn't coming back." Then suddenly I remembered the whole incident with the large coven in the forest. "And tell Alice thanks for the clues," I said sarcastically. "They led me into a trap. I came across a southern army of ten vampires."

I could hear him take in a deep breath. "How did you get away from them?"

"It's a long story. I'm fine." My foot pressed the gas down harder as I thought about the incident with the young girl. "A girl died, because of me going to that forest near Tuscan. Alice led me there," I said angrily.

"Alice never sent you to a forest. She just told you about the town she last saw her in," he defended her.

"No, she had the guy at the motel give me a paper from Las Vegas and a brochure for Coronado National Forest. So that's where I went…" I trailed off, realizing how stupid I was. Dawning comprehension jabbed fiercely in my head. "It was her!" I growled. "It was Victoria who sent those things to me. Not Alice! I'm such an idiot!"

"Victoria? Are you still chasing her?" Jasper asked, interested in the hunt now.

"Yes. I've been chasing her from Alaska to Arizona. I'm on my way to New Mexico now. It only makes sense that she would continue that way…" Another light bulb turned on bright in my head. I scream a loud obscenity. "Leon…Victoria was talking to someone who was thinking about Leon taking over his army!"

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked.

I ignored him. Realization was hitting me like a million tiny bullets. "Then I went out into the forest and they were calling me a spy for Leon. It was her all along. She sent me towards the army. She thought they would kill me, that I would be seen as an enemy. She must have forgotten about my eyes." I continued to race towards New Mexico.

"Edward?" Jasper asked when I stopped talking for a moment.

"The paper from Las Vegas – she was bragging! She was showing me how easily she played me! How could I be so stupid?" I shouted.

"Edward, I'm afraid I'm not following you."

"I'm sorry Jasper. Thanks for your phone call, but I must kill Victoria. After I do that I'm going away. I don't know where, but far away. When Bella dies –" I winced at the word, "- I'll beg for death from the Volturi. Forgive me for not being the brother you deserve. It's fated this way," I explained.

"No, Edward. You're wrong. I know I made a terrible mistake that night, but I swear to you it will never happen again. You are fated to be with her. The love you share with each other is something I have never felt before. It is something that we all wish to achieve, even for myself," his voice was full of sorrow.

"It's not just you, Jasper. It's me, too. You weren't the only one who wanted to bite her that night. The only reason I wasn't taking the vital principle from her was because I was busy protecting her from you. I hate myself for what I am, for what I've become. This emptiness I feel…I deserve it." I paused to pull in a staggering breath. "All I want to do is protect her from Victoria and from myself. She's human, she'll forget about me."

"No," his temper was clearly rising. "She won't just get over this. You don't understand the bond that is between you too. It is intense. I would bet anything, and I really do mean anything, that she has not forgotten about you. Stop running away from the source of relief. Start chasing after what you love instead of what you hate!" When he finished he was practically yelling at me, pleading for me to see 'sense'.

"Maybe your right," I conceded. "Maybe I will eventually return to her. But not now, not right now when I have my enemy so close. You didn't forget what she did? How she helped James find her?"

"No."

"Neither will I. I have to go now. Victoria is waiting for me to find and kill her," I growled.

"Wait," Jasper shouted. "Alice wanted me to pass along a bit of information if you refused to come home."

"Did she? Well…let's hear it."

"Cibola National Forest. That's all. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope to see you soon, brother."

"You too," and we both hung up the phone.

_

* * *

_

**Please Review!**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	15. 14 Messages Part I

14. Messages (part I)

* * *

Crashing through the undergrowth of the forest I could hear odd little whimpers of terror in the distance. I was keyed up to such a pitch of tension I felt I would vibrate if someone tapped me with a finger.

"I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry!" screamed a high pitched, terrified voice.

"Didn't mean to what?" answered a tiny girly voice. Light. Amused.

My legs lengthened in stride as I raced towards the erratic thoughts of a young girl who was being _played_ with by Victoria.

"If this is about the lipstick I stole…I swear I'll pay you back. I'll give you the money now!" the girl's voice sounded anything but certain. Her face was full of fat tears as her makeup ran down her roundish face. The girl was roughly thirteen, if that. It was hard to tell ages of humans sometimes.

I could see this all in Victoria's mind. No matter how hard I pressed myself, how hard I ran I continued to be tortured by watching in great trepidation.

A roar of approval met the girl's words. "My oh my! Aren't you just a naughty girl? Too bad you won't be around to turn your life around," tisked Victoria, her expression showed nothing but detached pleasure.

A faint crease formed between the girls eyebrows. She was offering up a prayer to her god.

I was almost there, my legs pushing faster and faster but no matter how hard I pushed myself and plunged after her I knew deep down I wasn't going to make it in time.

The frail human girl tried to fight, tried to wiggle free from Victoria's hold. That only made the game more fun for Victoria. The nasty eager excited look on her face disgusted me and made me sick to my core.

"I've been feeding so much, but I won't let that take the pleasure out of the taste," Victoria sniffed up her neck, licking it sickeningly.

Through the snarl of thoughts radiating from the two of them it was then I saw the girl gaping stupidly at Victoria, not wanting to comprehend her words.

Her next move flashed in her mind. Suddenly Victoria moved faster than a snake, ripping the flesh at the girl's throat and delighting in the blood flowing from the prominent vein there. The girl pleaded weakly until her voice could not be found and only slight noises of protest continued.

Although I was too late, although Victoria was getting away, and although I was left to clean up the mess, in the background of the chaos the sadness was rippling through me. Like someone constantly poking you – nagging you to death.

I recounted my problem again in my head: Victoria, her newest victim and my continuously widening hole in my chest. It was so easy to rid myself of the bloody evidence of the girl's body. I buried her in the dirt. Something I couldn't do with my pain.

The trail of bodies started two weeks ago. Leading me from town to town in the _great_ state of New Mexico. Not exactly what I'd call heaven, or a vacation, or a place to rest my head.

Only if I could even _rest_ in the first place. Dreams were one thing I could never have. There was no escape. No end to the feeling. Each night was getting worse, like I'd never make it through the next second. Yet, I do. And I don't know if that pains me even more.

Trying to distract my mind, I reminded myself of the several mysterious deaths in the numerous small towns along I-25. They all had the signs of a predator of some kind. It was only until today, after a couple weeks of chasing after Victoria, that I found the source. It had always been a suspicion in my mind, but it wasn't until this incident that it was confirmed.

The moon was bathing the land in a silvery glow as I slumped against a tree, the pile of dirt in front of me showing the last sign of the young girl's life. I didn't even know her name, didn't bother to pick it out of her mind.

It was only when several people came trampling through the woods, flashlights in hand, screaming and yelling out the name Stacy, did I realize what her name was.

"I bet it was her father," one woman said in a scandalized voice. "He just seems super creepy."

There were several long minutes of quivering silence. "No," the second woman said firmly. _He was with me tonight, _she added in her mind.

Jumping from tree to tree, like some flying squirrel, I took in the massive amounts of people who had converged on the forest floor looking for this girl. When I reached the end of the tree line I stayed there, hoping to see how other people cope with a loss as significant as mine.

A large black SUV came skidding to a halt at the edge of the forest as the passenger door came flying open, the light of the vehicle flooding the area for a second. A woman propelled herself out of the seat and went bursting through the first of the trees like a hurricane. In her wake she had slammed the door and the grounds became a sea of darkness again.

Behind her, the driver, her husband, came running after her trying to keep up. The moon made their long dark shadows ripple over the ground like cloaks. His mind was full of regret. Regret for being unfaithful, regret for not being a better dad and husband, regret he was with his mistress tonight instead of making sure his daughter was safe.

Despite the time I watched the couple, they were no better at loss than I was. The panic expanding inside of them, the frenzied gleam in their eyes, the roar of frustrations and the never ending molten hot wave of dread and a deep sickness was just like mine and completely uncontrollable.

With a rush of understanding, I realized that the deaths, the horrific, obviously vampire caused deaths were just clues along the way. Victoria was goading me, leading me like a puppy chasing after its tail. But, I continue to take the bait. Hoping I can find her, kill her, murder her so viciously that I am able to move on. Finally relax.

Driving towards the northern part of New Mexico, I was enjoying the empty road's, the darkness of the night and the feel of the car beneath my feet. Speed made me feel like I was running away. It made me feel like I was in action.

My phone rang. Again. I let it go to voicemail every time. So many times, in fact, that it was now full. Once the phone quit ringing I decided it was time to finally listen to the voicemails. I know that Esme must be a complete wreck, and I've been absolutely selfish. But, it was better that they get used to my absence. My life would soon be coming to an end. As soon as Bella's gone, I will follow.

So, I pulled over to listen.

"Edward," said a sweet voice. "It's Esme." Before the message continued, I had already hung my head in shame. "Will you please come home for Christmas?" She was asking a little much. The only home I see is in Forks. "I know we usually don't do much, but this year I'd like to make it an event. Call me back."

The only thing I could imagine was my family and I hanging mistletoes and me having no one to kiss; my family dragging a tree inside to decorate with their significant others while I am alone.

_Merry Christmas to me_, I thought sarcastically.

The next voicemail began. "Okay," there was a nasty silence. "It's been three days! You are really hurting Esme's feelings," Alice continued in an incandescent rage. "If you don't call her back, and soon, I might add, you will regret pissing me off!" There was a loud crash, a growl, and the phone went silent.

I just gaped at the phone for several seconds in complete surprise.

"Edward," It was Esme again. "Honey. Alice tells me that you are fine but it would be nice to hear it from you."

_Traitor_, I thought angrily. She wasn't supposed to be honing in on me with her skills.

"Anyways, please call me back. I'd like to know you're okay."

"_Okay_?" I yelled at the phone in rage. "_Okay_? I am _not_ okay. I will never be okay! I strive to be okay!" I stared at the phone for a second, realizing there was no one on the other line.

The next message started. "Hey Bro!" Emmett this time. "So, it's snowing like crazy outside and though Jasper is fun to play with, I sure do miss your ingenious strategy," he chuckled lightly. "Remember that one time when you and me did that one move…what did we end up calling it?" he chuckled again for a few seconds. "Oh, right. The cartwheel of death." Another chuckle. "And Carlisle's face. Man. That was hilarious. Anyways, what I'm trying to get across is that we want you here for Christmas. So, come home. Please," the phone was silent again.

_The cartwheel of death_. His message almost made me crack a smile. Almost.

"Edward Cullen!" shrieked Alice like a tea kettle. "It's been ten days," she took in a breath like she was warning me about how much she is going to yell at me. "Ten days, Edward. I know what you said to me, I know what you told me! _But_," her voice went up an octave, "_but_, I will not go along with it anyone. I mean, surely by now you would have gone back to her. I was so sure of it, almost positive," she grumbled on. "I should have never interfered."

_Got that right, _I thought bitterly.

"The past is past," she said, exasperated. "Now it is time to come home for Christmas. Then we can talk about us all moving back to Forks. Doesn't that sound pleasant? I mean – " the voicemail cut off.

There was another fifteen messages all like these. The only people who didn't call was Rosalie, Carlisle and Jasper. I guess Jasper thought I was enjoying my misery. Though, I knew deep down that if I went back, if I decided to be around Bella again, it would be expected – her mortal life would become forfeit.

For a second I thought I felt the hole fill some at the thought of her being mine forever.

_Forever_. I am so selfish to even think about it.

My thoughts spun wildly, one way and then another, though I had no right to think about her at all. No right to even think about her future because I am not a part of it. _You left her to her future_, I reminded myself, _remember?_

Doing my best, I cleared my mental decks. Without hesitation I turned the key that was protruding from the ignition and the Corvette fired right up. More like it purred to life. The soft humming of the vehicle was relaxing. In no hurry at all, I raced towards the interstate.

The flow of traffic was easily penetrable. Until…_until_ two cars boxed me in. I honked, I revved the engine, I swerved this way and that, but the cars around me did not budge. They refused to speed up or slow down so I could move around them.

"Come on your piece of –" my phone rang. For a second I could swear a fire started up within me I was so frustrated. Normally I could easily handle a situation like this with calm ease and grace. _But not now._ Not when things were just so torn apart. My heart missing, my insides charred and my body as ragged as a flag on a battle field.

The caller ID revealed it was Alice. I pressed the ignore button.

Continuing my game of _let's box Edward in today_, I tried to persuade those people in front of me to put the gas down. There were no cops in sight. I'd know, mental radar in all. But the old couple in front of me were completely oblivious to me, to their speed, _heck_, to the time of day.

The sky was slowly turning light as I continued the frustrating situation. "Please, can you move your –" my phone rang. _Again_. Growling with absolute anger I looked at the caller ID. Alice, again. Like a robot, destined to do the same thing over and over, I pressed the ignore button.

The sun continued to rise, naturally, when finally – _finally_ the car moved to the right lane to let me pass. I pressed the accelerator down so hard that it was only a matter of minutes until I put several miles distance between me and the old couple.

Suddenly, something caught my eye. A short, _very short_ brunette was standing on the side of the road; phone in hand, angry expression on face and shining like a disco ball in the seventies.

My head snapped sideways, my eyes blazed like the center of the sun and my foot slammed on the brakes. I came to a complete stop only an inch from the very annoying psychic. She smiled at me with great pleasure.

"Right on time," she looked down at her watch.

In a matter of milliseconds I was outside the car and leaning against the hood. "What are you doing here, Alice?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"What?" she looked pleased about something but when I tried to listen in to her thoughts all I heard was _la-la-la-la-la_. "I warned you. If you didn't call back I told you that it would piss me off. Yes, those were the words I used. Well, what better way to get back at you for being an ass than –" she cut herself off, her lips twitching up into an _oops, I almost spilled the beans_ kind of smile.

"Again, Alice. What are you doing here?" I could feel the fury growing within me like a black wave. "I told you that I wasn't coming back, that this would be the end of the road, that there would be no more me in the family. I asked you to tell them. You promised me." The words just tumbled out of my mouth, the wave crashing down.

The old couple drove by where I had stopped. I just shook my head at the irony.

Her face didn't falter. Neither did her stream of random thoughts. "I shouldn't have to do this for you. If you no longer want to be a part of this family then you can tell them," she was speaking with the air of saying something very simple to someone very obtuse. But her words didn't anger me. "_You_ can watch as Esme sobs and _you_ can watch as Carlisle's face no longer shines with pride and joy. _And you_ can tell Emmett that you no longer want to be his brother. This isn't my responsibility. None of it," she frowned deeply. "You already took my best friend away from me. You refused to let me say goodbye, or to send her a letter or anything. She must think I completely hate her. Now," this time she was no longer calm and collective. "_now_ you ask me to say these things to my family! I'm your sister and I'm there for you, but I will not do your dirty work. My family, whom, by the way, I have chosen to live with for eternity, will not be the ones who will look at me with a sadden disappointment because their son has up and left them and I was the one who told them the news," her voice was absolutely frigid. "The whole _don't shoot the messenger_ thing is a load of crap!"

Her words hurt like the six shades of hell. They stung and pierced and burned.

"I…" my mouth snapped close, unable to wield a response that would fit. "I'm sorry," I finally spit out as in adequate as it was. My sincerity went unchallenged.

"Your continual attempts to dissuade me from seeing Bella again aren't always going to work, you know." Her furious expression twitched a little like she was going to smile. Her perfect façade faltering slightly. "Well, just in case you are completely oblivious, Christmas is only two short days away." Alice held out her hand, expectant. "Keys?"

"Where are we going?" I asked suspiciously.

Again, she was shielding her thoughts by her insane mental games.

I sighed. "Fine." I dropped the keys into her hand.

Her other hand ran gracefully across the polished hood until her fingers gripped the door handle. "I've never driven a Vette before. This should be fun."

The drive was very short, in a matter of minutes we were turning down a drive that swept with a graceful curve. The house was huge. What she had been trying to hide from me was now made obvious. My eyes roamed over the cars in the drive, all of them I recognized. Her words from earlier brought some sort of hope, the hope that she didn't listen to me and that she was taking me to Bella. Still, if my heart was still in place it would have sank so low it would have come out the bottom of my shoes when I noticed that the one vehicle I wished was here more than all the others was not. All that was left to piece together the clues were the thoughts from within.

My family came to me, but for some reason there was no joy within me.

* * *

**Please Review!**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	16. 14 Messages Part II

14. Messages (part II)

* * *

_The quilted blanket was laid out across the grass as the flowers tumbled around in the light breeze around us. Though my cooking skills were not that great, Alice helped me make a simple meal to bring out today for Bella. _

_She had eaten the food and was now lying with me, enjoying our meadow. _

"_Edward?" said a musical voice I loved deeply. _

"_Mmmm?" I replied, my eyes closed as I was basking in the sun. _

_A cloud must have come over the bright golden glow because it was suddenly darker behind my lids. I opened my eyes to see her deep depths looking over my face. _

"_You're like marble," said just a whisper of her voice. Her hand lightly trailed my face. "I love you," she kissed my cheek lightly. _

"_And I, you." I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. She sighed and laid her head against my chest, tucked gently under my arm. My eyes closed again._

"It's too sunny, Alice," argued a low male voice. "We need to wait until the sun goes down before we can go Christmas shopping."

I opened my eyes to find my heart missing, the gaping hole throbbing more than before because it was only Jasper and Alice sitting at the table not far from me.

I had lost track of the conversation as I sat on the couch.

"I can be careful," Alice argued. _I'm never going to get all of my shopping done at this rate. _

To the right of her was Carlisle whose eyes were following me with a sad passivity. In his thoughts I could feel the tug of pity that was weighing him down.

The couch depressed next to me and it was Esme sitting beside me, her smile as bright as a thousand watt light bulb. Her arms reached out expectantly.

"Oh Edward," she sighed. We hugged, and she refused to let go for almost a minute. "Please don't ever do that again. We are here for you, always."

Her face was lovely and her hair wrapped around her face making her look like a painting done in pastels. She was beautiful, and loved me unconditionally.

I realized everyone was looking at me expectantly and that I had to say something to pick up the gathering silence.

"I know I haven't been pleasant."

Someone snorted and my eyes roamed for the culprit. Rosalie was in the doorway. I could see the thoughts crowding behind her eyes. They weren't pleasant. What was worse about her thoughts were that she wasn't shouting insults, she was only thinking of the last several months of watching Emmett, Carlisle and Esme struggle with my absence.

Emmett ran in behind her, completely ignoring the serious situation in the room and bounded up on the couch and brought me into a bear hug.

"We are going to have so much fun!" He tightened his arms around me. His strength was so much that my arms never got around him. I was trapped.

"Emmett," I struggled. "Um, it's great to see you too but could you…um, let go?"

Comprehension dawned in his mind. "Oh! Yeah. Of course." His arms dropped. Everyone started chuckling at the situation.

The years of controlling my face came to my rescue because I was the only one not amused by the situation.

Alice was absolutely right. I had to tell my family that I was leaving, that I was sorry for everything I have done to hurt them. But, I didn't _have _to disappoint my father. I didn't have to cause my mother anymore stress or pain. Yes, it would hurt my adopted mother very much. And Esme was so gentle, so tender and soft. Causing someone like Esme pain was truly inexcusable. Really.

It was Christmas after all. The time of the season to forgive, to love…I didn't deserve their love nor their forgiveness. I had been a horrible son, an awful brother and it was killing me that I was going to have to bring them more pain. No matter how inexcusable it is, I must, for myself. I felt a new burn through my body—the burn of shame.

Living in my shell of guilt was tiring, and it just cracked. It was time to have a family meeting. It was time to break their hearts. Explain so they would understand, maybe lessen the blow somehow.

Like a marquee was scrolling the words above my head I could hear it in their thoughts, the fact that bad stuff was coming into the conversation like blinking letters above my head. Everyone settled around the open room. Alice and Jasper perched on bar stools at the kitchen bar, Esme sitting next to me, Carlisle across from me in a lazy boy, back straight but leaning toward me slightly and Rosalie and Emmett to my left in the love seat.

I absorbed the scene in front of me, all their attentions focused on my new betrayal. I was collecting my thoughts and everyone was wisely not saying anything. Rosalie only raised an eyebrow in an irritating and superior way.

"I left," I started slowly, still gathering my thoughts. Esme grabbed my hand tentatively. "…because if I could just abstain from her, which was obviously impossible for me, then I would have to leave her so that I would not – could not– execute my original plans to kill her."

The memories of her birthday thundered through me.

_The blood was dripping down her arm in the most delicious way. The monster was writhing and gnashing his teeth in frustration, but I was too busy protecting her from another monster. The one that is now being taken away. _Hold your breath_, I told myself. Still, it was too late. I wanted her, and not as my mate, but as my meal. _

I shuddered and Esme squeezed my hand. "And all I wanted to do was at least try to keep her alive." I continued. "You know, _make a good choice_. I just wanted to be what you," I looked at Carlisle, "always thought I was. Not this monster I have turned into."

"Edward," Carlisle shook his head sadly. "You are more than the man I thought you were. You did make good choices. She didn't die, you didn't kill her," he sighed. "You didn't have to leave. I always thought great things about you."

Again, the night I decided to leave her flashed into my head.

_Her teeth were clenched together as she realized the depth of her cut. She was oblivious to the monster within. When her glance raised to mine her eyes were even wider than usual as she took in my ferocious, inhuman glare. The smell of her blood saturated every particle of air in the room as my throat burst into flames. _

_The monster within me glared back from the mirror of her eyes, a mask of evil. As I struggled with the situation presented in front of me the monster waited anxiously, hungrily, for me to kill her. _

"Regardless," I pushed that night from my mind. "I made my choice. Her life for my happiness. A trade."

…_mister inner conflict…_ Alice sighed softly. She saw it then, my resolve wavering for a second. Another choice spun my future in a more nebulous direction. _You wouldn't!_

I knew what she saw. I was nearly at the end of my emotional endurance.

Jasper felt her flutter of alarm and narrowed his eyes at us.

"You're right," I answered Alice. "I've left because even if I think about her blood, I want to take it from her, drink from her."

…_but you don't. You control it. Even when she was in danger you're future never shifted towards her death. _She was angry again. Her thoughts so cold I thought the temperature lowered several degrees in the room and any second I expected icicles to form on the walls.

"That's because you were busy watching Jasper's future in minute detail," I explained, just as icily. "I saw it unfold before me. I would have…"

"Can we please talk out loud?" Emmett said, exasperated.

"Emmett," Rosalie hit him in the chest. "Edward struggles to not kill Bella by drinking her blood but Alice is obviously arguing that fact but he is saying that she doesn't know because she was busy looking towards Jaspers future… Caught up now?"

Emmett nodded.

"Please, continue," Carlisle prompted.

_...but I always thought you'd do the right thing. I never imagined what you would consider right was leaving. I loved her, too. I still love her. I miss her nearly as much as I miss you when you're gone. _

Jasper grabbed Alice's hand. He would feel her emotions starting to heighten.

"This isn't your fault, Edward," Jasper jumped in. "I have no self control." _…I just really wanted her blood, and I'm sorry for that. I was in a blood thirsty craze. _"You shouldn't have left based on my lack of control…" he was silent for several long seconds as he collected his thoughts. "It really was a terrible idea for you to chase after Victoria. Laurent warned us of her cleverness. Apparently he told Irina some things about her. She seems to have a way to evade people."

_Tell me about it, _I thought.

"You easily followed her into that trap in the forest. That army would have killed you. Made you an example for the other vampires. A warning. I know how these covens work. It's amazing you convinced them to let you go. You'll have to tell me that story in detail sometime," Jasper mused.

_But why would he choose to hunt Victoria instead of spending time with his family? _Esme thought silently. She noticed I was staring at her and frowned. "Sorry."

"No. Please don't say sorry. Esme, it's got nothing to do with choosing between my family and Victoria. You see, when I left, I didn't know where I was going. Heck, I ran all the way to the south and didn't realize where I was for days. All I remembered thinking was 'where would I go?' because I couldn't honestly think of one place on this entire planet that held any interest for me except Forks." I sighed heavily. "There was nothing I wanted to do or see. I was so hurt. If Alice hadn't found me I probably would have swam to the bottom of the ocean and perished."

Carlisle looked disapproving, but his thoughts were just relieved that they were able to find me before I did something as catastrophic as that.

"It felt good to be back with my family, but at the same time I feel worse for making you guys feel pain. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that it is easier for me to not witness the torture I bring upon you. And then, witnessing it first hand through Jasper, it was horrible. I just couldn't keep hurting you all."

"That's no reason to run," Carlisle said.

"But it was you who told me there was no shame in leaving. In protecting Bella before," I reminded him.

"You take it out of context," he shook his head. "It was before you knew Bella, before you loved Bella. Before she was a part of our family," he pulled at his collar some, a little worried that he was jumping into deeper water than he should. "And of course, I told you that we'll come with you, if that is what you needed and that all you had to do was ask," he explained. "And honestly, it was before we all loved Bella."

I flinched at his words. Another reminder of how this hurt them all, it wasn't just a small decision of my leaving, it was me asking them to leave her, too. Maybe I was choosing all the wrong decisions. Carlisle always chose the right way. I should listen to him now. I knew I could trust his advice, no matter how conflicted I felt inside.

"Edward," Esme patted my hand after a minute of silence. "I still don't understand where Victoria comes into the picture?"

"Yes, when did you come across her?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I figured Alice had filled you all in."

Alice shook her head. _If you remember, I can't see her future clearly. It's like a strobe light, it constantly changes so much. _

"In Alaska Alice and I came across her scent," I began.

Emmett interjected. "What? And you didn't come and get me?"

"No. Sorry. I know how you love a fight," I smiled gently at Emmett's frown. "Anyways, I tracked her scent but was unable to find her. I also came across Laurent's scent that was fresh."

"But Laurent left before we arrived," Rosalie disagreed.

"I know," I sighed. "But that evening I finally tracked down Laurent. He had been communicating with Victoria for some time, apparently. His eyes were red. He had been cheating all along. He didn't care for our life style. He was just a coward. He led me to Portland."

"Portland?" Jasper queried. "So she was far away. Why go after her?"

"You don't understand. She was going to be so close to Bella. Possibly running through Washington. It would only be too easy for her to make a stop in Forks. Finish what James started. I couldn't let that happen."

"What the hell, Edward!" Emmett shot off the couch like a rocket. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? I would have gone with you!"

"And where does Rosalie fit into that picture?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

He looked over his shoulder and down at Rosalie who gave him a smug expression. _I would have asked him to stay…Edward's right. _

"Oh, right." Emmett returned to his seat.

"So how did you end up here?" Carlisle asked.

I plunged immediately into the story. After an hour, I had explained to them all everything that had happened. From the trip to Portland, to the train incident, and my journey to Las Vegas, down to Arizona and now here.

"Well," Carlisle began after I was finished. "This is easy enough to understand, though, really; after living as long as you have with the same things going on every day and night, any change like this becomes a point of absorption."

I looked at my family before me. For the love they held for me, knowing that they would do anything for me and it was hard to tell them that I had to let them go now. That this would be the end. Maybe, maybe a lie would suffice. It would keep them happy, relatively happy until I was no longer here. They would become accustomed to my presence missing, and would be able to kill the murderous vampire who helped put my Bella in the hospital.

I really should stop thinking about her as my Bella. Because she isn't mine anymore. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want to go back and be with her I can't.

"I'm going to finish what I started," I informed them all. "And then I'll come back. I just need to do this. It will help me," I was begging for their approval.

"…because you will feel like you are still protecting her," Alice finished my sentence. Finally speaking aloud for everyone.

"But Christmas…" Esme started.

"I'll stay. But then I'm leaving."

Her hand was still on mine and she squeezed it again. Her face showed a fierce approval at my words. This cheered her quite a bit, and I knew instantly that with my lie; that I would see them again would work, at least for some time. Of course, Alice will eventually see it. But like she said before, she isn't going to tell them. That will be my job. But until then, this will do.

Alice hopped off the bar stool. "Well," she announced. "It's finally dark out. Us ladies," she pointed at Rosalie and Esme and herself just in case we didn't know, "are going to go shopping."

…_and Edward? _I blinked to let her know I was listening. _We will go back. This whole cat and mouse game your playing…it's not going to help or work. I'll play along for a little bit, but we are all going back to Forks, I know. I can see it. I see it every day. _She was thoroughly discomposed, and of course, annoyed.

She strode past me, a little haughty.

After the short goodbyes I could hear the car rocketing down the driveway. Alice must be driving. I was left hanging with the men of the house.

Jasper's mind was strictly on the different animals that had the potential to make a more entertaining prey. Emmett's mind wasn't far off and it was only a matter of minutes until they were talking excitedly about the opportunities.

"Well," Emmett gave me a hopeful look. "Are you coming with us? I mean seriously, your eyes look like dirty oil. When was the last time you have eaten?"

I shrugged. "I'm not thirsty. Go ahead."

"Carlisle?" Jasper invited.

"No thanks," he shook his head. "I think I'll stay here with Edward."

We both watched as Jasper and Emmett wrestled the whole way out the door. Carlisle had a slight smile on his face until he turned back to me and it faded.

_No offense, but you look terrible. _

"I know."

_I know you say you aren't thirsty, but we could still go enjoy a run through the woods, right?_

"Yeah. About that," I stared at him, worried about my proposition. "Victoria has been very…flamboyant."

_I don't understand?_

"And," I continued without pause, "she hasn't been destroying evidence very well, if you get my drift."

_Oh._

"Yeah," I nodded as he finally comprehended my words. I grabbed my backpack and showed him the newspapers I have collected around the many small towns in New Mexico. All of them off the interstate.

"I know how you feel about not killing, even someone like Victoria…but she has to be stopped. She's become gluttonous. And, I think it's my fault."

_You're fault? Again, son, I don't understand._ Carlisle contemplated what I was trying to say. _Oh, you mean she is doing this to get your attention?_

I nodded.

_Okay. Where should we start?_ Carlisle was warring with his instincts. He was humoring me. He didn't honestly think we'd run into her.

"Alice told Jasper about a national forest not far from here last time I talked to him on the phone. I think she saw me there. We should start there."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well, this chapter I almost did in three parts because there was still so much that I wanted to add. Instead, I am pushing things into the next chapter. So, looks like we will have more chapters then I had anticipated. I don't think that bother's the readers...right? If any of you remember the preview for Chapter 14, there was suppose to be a lot more, but I just couldn't fit it all in without it getting extremely long.

Please check out my profile to see what project I am currently working on! If you are wondering - 'when the hell is lolafalana going to update?' or 'I wonder what story she is going to update next?' check out my profile. I update it often.

**

* * *

**

**Please Review!**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	17. 15 Christmas

15. Christmas

* * *

It was almost like the old days; when taking a run with Carlisle meant he could give me some sort of inspirational talk about life and meaning. Something of the sort, at least. The undercurrent between us was the only thing making this run different from any other.

There haven't been many missions where we searched out another vampire to kill, but since Bella came into our lives, this would be the second time. Carlisle didn't enjoy this run, he didn't enjoy this hunt. But, he knew I was right. Victoria was killing viciously and recklessly. Something we couldn't tolerate.

_Are you sure this is where she is going? _Carlisle thought as we rounded a boulder the size of a small boat.

"Yes. Her scent drifted close only moments before." I said, my feet barely touching the ground as I raced forward. "I can't believe I let it get this bad. You know, I feel like I'm having to clean up my own mess more than anything."

Carlisle slowed some. _Did you leave a string of murder victims along these small towns? _

"No."

_I didn't think so. That isn't something you would do. You're a good man. You just need to believe it. _

"Okay. But these murders, I am pretty sure, are my fault. It's like she's leaving bread crumbs to her evil lair," I said, absolutely serious. Carlisle didn't even make a coherent thought; he stopped and bent over with laughter. I didn't think it was very funny, myself.

A thought drifted into my head. This place was completely devoid of humans, so it was obvious when I came near a working brain. I put my fingers to my lips to indicate silence. "It's Victoria," I mouthed.

He nodded. _How far? _

I held up two fingers.

_Miles? _

I nodded. I knew if we moved closer, she would hear and the last thing I wanted was to spook her. Carlisle watched me intently, waiting for some sort of signal. I tapped my temple knowingly. He nodded. _Listening in for clues?_

I closed my eyes. Carlisle kept his mind as silent as he could.

_"I don't have time for this right now!" _Victoria was screaming at someone. She was on the phone.

_"Maybe you should keep your minion under control!"_ A male voice shouted back. I couldn't tell who she was talking to. Her thoughts were clouding the person on the other line and she wasn't thinking of him. She was busy planning something, but that was hazy too.

_"It's only been six months! You're nowhere near humans, so what is the big deal?" _Victoria asked angrily.

_"He won't stop talking about you. It's getting rather annoying. I'm not a babysitter, Victoria. You need to get your act together, quit playing games…and come back!" _The male voice said bitterly.

_"Put him on the phone!"_ she demanded.

_"Victoria…are you sure that's a good idea?"_

_"Are you arguing with me? Put Riley on the phone!" _

_"Okay – okay!" _

Carlisle was staring at me when I opened my eyes. He raised his eyebrows. "Do you know someone named Riley?" I whispered.

_No, I sure don't. What's going on? _Carlisle queried. I put up a finger to indicate just one second.

Riley finally answered the phone. Which was good. Victoria was getting impatient and I thought she might drop the call. I was too curious, now.

_"Riley, love. Please don't give him a hard time. He's looking out for your best interest," _Victoria said soothingly.

_"Of course," _he said dutifully. _"As long as I know when you are coming back?"_

_"It won't be long, dear one. My travels are not quite over, but they are coming to a close."_

_"I wish to see you soon," _Riley answered.

_"You will. Goodbye."_

Victoria's consciousness then went out of range. "Crap," I muttered.

_Edward? _Carlisle thought.

"She's run off. We missed our chance. By the time we find her scent, she could be miles away," I said irritably.

_Did you see nothing in her vision that would help us find her location? _

"Absolutely nothing. Just a bunch of trees," I sighed.

_Hunting? _He offered.

"Not interested," I replied, trying to ignore this subject.

The run back was silent between us. One look at Carlisle's eyes let me know that he wasn't actually hungry. His eyes were the color of molten honey, far from starving. My eyes, though, were black. I know that this issue will come up with my family. Until then, I decided I wouldn't summon the conversation.

The house that my family purchased in New Mexico was ridiculous. There were more rooms then we would know what to do with. I had a feeling Rosalie picked this house out. Entering into this fortress was different from my recent travels. I was hoping that the house was empty, but the stores must have closed on the women, because they were all back and sitting in the living room.

When I entered, Esme gave me a giant hug. Rosalie gave me a dirty glare, stood, and left. _Let me know when you're over Bella. You're not just hurting yourself. You're hurting your family, _were Rosalie's thoughts as she stomped upstairs.

Alice, on the other hand, looked eager to talk to me. Maybe the stores didn't close after all. Maybe she wanted to spend time with me instead of with Dolce and Gabana. Esme and Carlisle greeted, and left shortly after.

_Walk with me? _Alice thought. I nodded and we both exited the big house from the rear. _You've done some really nasty things to all of us, _Alice thought as we walked at a human pace. _You know I can forgive you, but it's time for an intervention. _I stayed silent, deciding if I didn't interrupt her, she'd finish quicker. _Carlisle didn't want to come down here. The only reason he did was because of Esme. She was hurting so bad. Rosalie misses you, rather she lets you in on that or not. I know you two have your differences, but you need to cut her some slack. Just like she has always cut you some. It's an even trade. _

"I didn't want to hurt everyone," I blurted out. "It's just…I know I'm not going to be around forever. I may be immortal, but I don't plan on living an immortal life anymore."

_I know what you're going to say, _Alice picked up a stick and began pulverizing it between her fingers. _I don't want to hear it. I won't allow it. I'll see the future. I'll figure it out and I'll stop you. The end. No discussion. _

"Alice," I sighed. "I know how your visions work. If I wanted to keep something secret from you, I could."

She stopped in her tracks. "That's not fair game," she said aloud. She hadn't thought about me tricking my way around her gift of foresight.

"Yes it is. This is my life, remember? It's killing me to not have Bella in it. Literally. I'm sure you've seen my desolate future." I said grimly.

"No. That's not it at all," she whispered.

"Okay, enlighten me."

_I see you doing a lot of silly things. You're probably going to go south for a while, but soon…you'll come back north. _

"North, maybe. But not to Forks. Not to Bella." My tone was hollow. You could hear the longing in my words. The contradiction there.

_I swear, Edward. Sometimes you are so blind. You'll go south until you break and you'll crawl back, begging for forgiveness. _

"I won't," I said stubbornly.

_But you will! And you know the best part? Bella won't be mad, she won't be angry. She'll forgive you because that is the kind of person she is. Caring, loving…forgiving. She'll take you back without a second thought. _

"If that's the case, it's better that I don't go back."

_Explain that to me, _Alice was getting frustrated. Maybe she didn't realize how thoroughly I thought this through.

"Alice," I said, exasperated. "Do you remember our conversation after I saved Bella from Tyler's van?" She nodded. "You told Jasper, without a doubt in your mind, that there were two outcomes. I would either kill her, or she would become one of us." She nodded again. "Then you told everyone that me leaving Bella alone was a lost cause. That's not true anymore. Which means she has the opportunity to have a third future, a human life, without me. This is the best gift I could give her."

_A human life she'd rather trade to be with you forever? _Alice reminded me.

"She doesn't see things clearly. You know that. This is the better future. She can still be alive."

_But she'll be miserable! _Alice groaned.

"Have you been looking into her future? You promised!" I said, outraged.

_No! I swear. I just remember what I saw before. Plus, just because I'm not looking for her future, doesn't mean it doesn't snake its way into my head whenever it damn well pleases. _

"All right."

Alice deflated some, feeling defeated. _Truce?_

"Truce," I agreed.

_You'll go back to Bella. But there is only one future I see now. It's a happy one. Remember that. Please don't tear us apart before we get to enjoy what is to come. _She thought glumly.

"Okay," I whispered. "But I'm still going to need time alone. I still have Victoria to deal with. You understand…right? She can hold a grudge, and she knows where Bella lives. I just couldn't live with myself if it was my fault for her untimely demise. And still, if she dies…I die. You should know that better than anyone."

She nodded again, finally on the same page with me. We had only walked a short distance from the house, and within seconds we were at the back door, where we started.

"After you," I said, opening the door.

She danced in, happier then I had seen her in days. Too bad I wasn't feeling the same. I felt defeated, torn, miserable and even tired. My whole body craved for the warmth of Bella's heat. I settled for sitting next to the roasting fire. It was not nearly as satisfying.

"Hunting. Fifteen minutes!" Emmett called out. Through Carlisle's thoughts, I knew he was making Jasper and Emmett take me hunting. My eyes had really bothered him on our journey in the woods. He was also very worried about my obsession with Victoria, though he just thought it was a phase, a way of coping.

"Sure," I whispered to Emmett.

Carlisle was right though, that was the whole reason I went after her in the first place. Victoria was evil, and each second I thought about her made me want to get up and kill her. Before I had this outrageous anger, all I had was grief, and it was eating me alive. There were no tears, and the only release was my anger toward Victoria. Maybe that was the whole reason I continued to miss her. It was like I was letting her evade me. The chase was so appealing…such a break from my agony that I needed it in my life right now.

Emmett was thinking along the same lines, except he was thinking about fighting the biggest carnivore he can find. It was rare that Emmett felt stress, and I wondered if it was because of all the fights he seems to pick with bears…lions…panthers. I sighed.

Jasper was sitting on the couch next to the fire, eyeing me curiously. He had kept his thoughts silent, but he was soaking up my emotions like a girl soaks up the sun in a tanning bed.

_You're hurting, _Jasper pointed out. I nodded. It was obvious, regardless of his empathy ability. _When Alice was gone with you, I tried to imagine what you were going through. _He continued to think. _I couldn't do it. It was horrible. It brought me to my knees. I'm surprised to see you in such good form, honestly. _

"I'm all torn up inside, though. For Esme's sake, and even Alice's, I try to show somewhat of a façade." He nodded. "When there is nothing going on, the pain over takes me. Sometimes I lose hours, even days when I am in that state. I'd say it was like I was sleeping, but I still feel the grief. Every last ounce of it."

Jasper was gripping the edge of the couch, trying to focus on calming me. He was having a difficult time. The last time I was around him I brought him to his knees.

"I know you're trying. I can feel a little numbness around the edges, but it's all still there. No matter how hard you try."

_But I'm trying…_he trailed off in thought.

Emmett came bounding down the stairs then. "What are you waiting for? Let's go!"

Jasper and I both rose to our feet. The heat was at my back now. It made me miss Bella even more. Jasper sighed next to me, clapped a hand on my shoulder and pushed me out the door. The calming effect tingled slightly, but then my overwhelming pain blasted through it. So much for special gifts. Some emotions even the supernatural can't fix. And that was a shame.

It was Christmas, I realized. Just a few minutes after midnight. Our family tradition usually included a big hunt, but Rosalie wouldn't agree to it this year and Esme told Emmett it would be a good idea if just us men went. I learned all of this through the thoughts floating around the house.

Carlisle caught up with us only a few minutes into our sprint through the trees. Emmett was springing up and down like tiger on crack. He was so delighted to be spending time with me. When he first got wind of a prowling cat, he offered it to me. I declined and Carlisle was disappointed. Jasper did a double take.

"I'm not interested," I told them. "You guys go ahead. I'll wait here." Emmett's exuberant bounced flattened.

_Emmett was really looking forward to this. _Carlisle thought. It made me feel real bad about what I said, then.

"Why is that?" Emmett finally asked.

I slumped down at the nearest log. "Blood has lost all its flavor. Even a bleeding human seems to have no effect on me."

Jasper raised on eyebrow. He thought it was impossible to be like that. "No flavor?"

"I've tasted Bella's blood. It was the most…well, it was better than anything I could have ever imagined. I understood drinking from animals kept me from harming her, kept me somewhat satisfied. But now, not even seven lions would quench my thirst, because the only thing I'm thirsty for is Bella. And not even her blood. Just her voice, her face…her presence…."

Carlisle placed a supported hand on my shoulder. "It's time to hunt, Edward. You can't starve yourself like this. It will end badly."

"You're probably right. It's just a struggle." I barely mouthed.

Jasper tried to send thirsty thoughts my way. It worked to some degree, enough that I was finally able to eat a deer. My eyes were still faintly black, but it satisfied Emmett and Carlisle.

Back at the house, my family exchanged gifts. Everyone forgave me for my absence of presents because I wasn't aware they were going to be in town. Esme put her arm around me and told me that being here with me was enough. Rosalie still continued to scowl at me, but everyone else agreed with her.

That evening was spent with my family. To me, it was like a farewell gesture. I'd give them what they needed. Some kind of closure.

_This won't be the end, no matter what you think, _Alice flicked a glass ornament my way. I caught it, and placed it on the table. I ignored her thought. It was best if she thought this way, too.

I wondered what Bella was doing at this very moment. How her Christmas was being spent. There was a sharp pang in my stomach as I thought about Mike or Jacob having their hands all over my Bella, giving my Bella Christmas gifts and enjoying time with her. I had no right to think about her, though. None at all. She wasn't my Bella anymore. She was Eric's, or Mike's or even Tyler's now. Not mine and I had no right to be jealous, or angry. If she found comfort in someone, that should be okay with me. It wasn't really…but if she was happy, I'd have to be happy, too.

It was hard for me not to ask Alice if she was in Florida or Washington. Only if I knew which parent she were with, I could get a better picture of her right now. I sighed heavily. It was just not right for me to think about this. It just hurt more and more. The next thing I knew I was walking to my room in this big mansion. Alice followed behind silently, always worried about me. When I shut the door she leaned against it, her hand rubbing the door as if soothing me. _I'm so sorry. I wish I could make things better. _

"Show me," I whispered so low I didn't think she'd hear. She did.

_Are you sure? _She thought, disbelieving.

"No. But I want to see."

_Maybe this isn't such a good idea. _

I panicked at her thoughts. Was there something that she didn't want to tell me? No. There wasn't. Alice crumbled under the Christmas spirit.

_She's still the same. Undecided. It's always you. Always about you. _In Alice's vision, Bella was sitting at the table in the kitchen. Charlie was stirring something on the stove. _That was unusual_, I thought. Alice focused more on Bella. She was drawing something on a sheet of paper. One of those notes that lies by the phone. It read: Billy called. When's next football game? Beside that Bella drew a large circle. She continued to doodle. I didn't realize what she was drawing until she finished the lips of a face. Whoever it was, it was scowling. She drew two vampire fangs on it and then scratched it out with her pencil so hard it broke the led.

"That's enough," I told Alice.

She was giggling at what she saw. _Like I said. It's always about you. Hey, did you get fangs while I was gone?_

"Funny," I answered dryly.

I could hear Alice on the other side of the door. She got up slowly and then danced her way back down the stairs. It was in those moments that I lost all my hope for happiness. Every last part of me was unsure of my future, unsure of my course. Here I was, running away from Bella…again.

**Author's note**: I will be busy the next several months. Don't expect speedy updates. I will try my best, but I have more on my plate now then I have had in a long time. This chapter was not very long, but it was very important…at least I thought so. You learn some things about Edward you might not have known before.

There will be no preview for next chapter, but it will include the month of January. The Cullen's leave, but Edward talks to a friend of Carlisle's in Texas that happens to have had an encounter with Victoria. It should be a very interesting chapter.

Hey – did everyone see the new New Moon trailer? I feel dirty for thinking of poor Taylor as a hot sexy man…when he is so jailbait it ain't even funny. Have a great labor day weekend, those in USA.

* * *

**Please review!! **

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	18. 16 Prey I

16. Prey

* * *

My prey stalked through the forest, the leaves crunching loudly beneath its paws. My eyes followed the mountain lion with overwhelming thirst. The muscles of the beast rippled with each movement as it lowered itself to the forest floor, its shoulders pronounced. The lion crouched to spring. So did I. The lion would be my victim this afternoon.

A deer, as graceful as liquid moving over stone, leapt freely over the undergrowth of the ever intruding spinney plant life. The lion's eyes followed it with calculating accuracy, as my eyes registered every beat of the lion's heart, every breath in its lung, and every throb of the vein at its neck. Venom cultivated in my mouth, the taste reminding me of my unquenchable thirst.

It was time. One month had turned me into a vicious creature. No matter where I was, blood was on my mind. My throat burned stronger than ever, my self-control at a loss.

Almost one-hundred yards away, the lion prepared to pounce. I made my move, flying through the forest like a hornet preparing to sting. My nose took in the pulse emitting a fragrance through the air, luring me to where the lion padded from foot to foot, ready to pounce.

To my shock, a bullet raced through the woods and hit the lion in the shoulder. It turned and growled a noise of pain before another shot whistled through the trees and hit the lion again. The blood dripped steadily from its shoulder. Its heart began to slow for several seconds before it stopped completely as I stood frozen only two-hundred feet away.

My thirst returned along with my insatiable enmity.

My eyes shifted for the culprit. He was far, far enough that I was unable to hear his thoughts. His skill with a gun was impressive. His scent drifted my way. I crouched again, a new prey forming in my mind. The hunter becomes the hunted, as I'm sure he was thinking before he pulled the trigger. He didn't realize a more dangerous predator was lurking in the shadows of the forest. Even one more formidable than himself.

The hunters pounding pulse was appetizing on the air, much more appealing then the lion. He was excited. So was I. He bent to encase his gun and retrieve his prize. It was in that second that I recoiled and vaulted towards the unsuspecting human. The movement left a blur of green in my vision, my thirst consuming me.

There was nothing else left inside me. I was an empty shell. Bella had left her mark, and the only thing I had left was my memory of her sweetness. Human blood was only seconds away from easing the ache in my throat. Each stride felt freeing. Carlisle's words couldn't have stopped me. Jasper's empathy would have only strengthened my need. Alice would see the horror of the atrocity I was about to execute. Rosalie would sneer my direction, only to cause me to want to rip the man's throat out in satiable pleasure. Not even Esme's embracing hug could stop this impending murder. And Emmett, even his strength couldn't stop me from the crime I was about to commit. A crime against my family, one against my humanity.

There was only one I would save my humanity for. There was ever only one and that's when I saw her. That's when I stopped mid hunt, a hunt that I so desperately required. It was the face of an angel, one that I thought I'd never see again. She was staring at me, accusing me of my transgression. It was with trembling fingers that I reached up to rub my hand along her warm cheek, my prey long forgotten. She wisped away like smoke. I sank to my knees and began to cry the dry sobs of a hunter without kill, of a creature without heart, of a vampire with no soul…of a man without love.

One month ago my family wouldn't have believed I would get this dire. Carlisle begged me to return with them. I told him, _After the hunt_. Victoria needed to die. All I could think about was ripping her limb from limb. He asked me what I'd do afterward. He knew I wasn't going to return, but he was polite in not stating this fact for Esme's sake. I didn't know.

Inside my pocket burned a business card of one vampire Carlisle told me to contact. He knew my hunt so far had left me with no reward. This was just feeding my addiction. He was hoping this man could help. I'd refused to look at it, to read the name. When the victory was mine, what would I do then? Would I feel as victorious as I should?

It was a game we were playing, Victoria and I. She'd fooled me, and I'd found her time and time again. We were baiting each other. I had an advantage this time. She thought I was dead, or so I hoped. The army coven would have killed any other besides one with my eyes. I was no threat to them; it was not worth the leader losing any of his army. I hoped that Victoria was clueless as to my wellbeing – if you could call me well. I suspected she knew I wasn't gone to this world, her open warfare obvious, even from hundreds of miles away.

Were reinforcements really necessary at this point in the game, though?

I knew the answer to that question. Before Victoria knew who was chasing her, before she knew my game plan, she easily evaded me. Reinforcements _were_ necessary to win this war. And that's what I wanted to win, the war. No more battles.

The deer that was fortunate before – evading its hunter – was not so lucky now. As it grazed near me, I coiled to spring and hurdled over the deer, encasing its neck in my iron clad grasp. The vein at its throat was throbbing with panic, but its attempts at subterfuge were in vein. The liquid was warm, the taste unsatisfying. Compared to the hunter I stalked moments before, this deer was like drinking muddy water; gritty and insipid.

Bella would approve though, and that made it adequately satisfying.

---

The house in New Mexico was ridiculous in size, even more so now that my family was absent from the estate. Their scents still lingered here, and for the first few moments inside the house I wished them back here. They were my family, after all.

Flipping between my fingers was the small piece of paper with the name and number of a man that could help me. What Carlisle didn't tell me was how he _could_ help me. The weakness in me was building and I gave in, peeking at the information on the paper. The name stated was Robert Duncan. His number was listed on the card. Nothing else, no business, no address.

My phone was lying on the coffee table, beckoning me. Again, I felt like I was hunting. Deep inside me I could feel the urge to finish my mission, what I set out to do. Seizing the phone, I dialed the number to one, Robert Duncan.

The phone only rang once. One long, simple ring. "Yes?" answered the man on the other end. His voice was smooth, the tone of vampire.

"Carlisle Cullen gave me your number," I said. I thought I would begin with his name, one that left respect and admiration to downright curiosity. "This is Robert Duncan, correct?"

There was a hesitation on the other end. "This is him. I know Carlisle very well. If he has sent you, I can trust you, as I have always trusted Carlisle."

I was right. I'd never met anyone who didn't respect him. "I have a problem and I think you are the one who can help me with it. Or this is what Carlisle has led me to believe."

"What kind of problem?" Robert questioned.

"A vampire has been…reckless. She has killed many and I know she is doing it to lure me. I need to put an end to this, but I am no tracker and have failed miserably." I added reluctantly.

"We should meet."

"Of course. Time and place and I'll be there."

---

The lights were like little glowing balls of energy flashing across my windshield. The interstate at night was bare of most cars, though semi trucks were abundant. My headlights were off as I sped between the large vehicles, topping my cars internal speed. Texas was not far from me now. Though it was silent in the vehicle, my mind was buzzing.

I was out of line today. The human hunter was inches from death. Carlisle was right. I should have never of let my hunger get to this point. But I was being stubborn. Of course animal blood is not as satisfying, it never had been, but with all my overwhelming feelings it was easy to forget my old life – the life before Bella. That was no life at all.

Sometimes I hated how Rosalie saw Bella. But she was right. She was a human; she didn't belong in our world. But no matter how much I wanted to push her away, I couldn't. I cared for her, and immediately fell in love with her. She didn't belong in the vampire society, but she did belong with me.

My fist slammed down on the steering wheel and it bent. "That's wrong," I shouted. My breath slowed some as I calmed myself. The months continued to pass and I continued to amplify my unrestraint. I was losing part of myself, the part that Bella fell in love with. If she saw me now, she would turn me away. Her brown eyes would stare down at what I have become and be disgusted. I appalled myself, even.

Even as I drove toward Texas, blood was still on my mind. It's a constant. That was the whole reason I was here. It dictated my life, it gave me life and I took life. It was the whole reason I had to leave Bella, to save her from myself, from my family and from others of my kind. This was also the reason I chased Victoria – for the blood she had spilled.

A soft noise caught my attention as I noticed I was in need of gas. I pulled off the road to attend to this simple and mundane task. The faint guzzling of the tank below as it sanctions out the gas is easily heard above. The blaring lights above did not improve my vision, for I see as easily in the night. The card reader at the pump continued to flash an error sign on the small green screen.

Though there were thoughts surrounding the area, I was barely paying attention. Ignoring what was inside someone's head was just a regular thing.

Inside, I pushed my card toward the old lady on the other side and explained my problem. Without a word she grabbed it and slid it across the card reader. There were steps behind me, two humans. One was five feet away and the other was two. I could feel the heat radiate off the closer one. In the reflection of the glass I could see that the one farther back was leaning to the side to see what I was paying with.

It was then that I listened to their thoughts. One was going for their gun while the other pointed at the credit card that the old lady just placed before me. I turned around swiftly and startled the men behind me. The closer one was holding a gun to my gut, his green eyes anxious. His slicked back dark hair and baggy clothes reeked of low income living conditions. The other was tall and his skin was black as night, he also smelt the same.

They didn't expect the sudden movement from me and flinched. I stayed unruffled, which only made their thoughts turn darker. If I was calm, certainly they should be even more so.

"You're wallet," said the guy without a gun. His voice didn't waver, but his thoughts did. He flinched when he met my unwavering, ruthless glare.

I permitted my voice to change, to deepen, to resonate with the extensiveness of my exceptionally long life. "Not a chance." The effect on them was distinct as they both quivered noticeably. I grabbed the boys arm holding the pistol. He released it at my sudden and tight grip. They were abruptly aware that they were standing next to a monster. But I am not just any monster. I am a vampire, the worst one of all.

They both continued to stare at me in disbelief at what they witnessed. I had been careful that I did not show the extent of what I was. In their mind, they were seeing a young man who looks weak, but in my velvety voice that I produced so perfectly, they heard a demon from hell. "I think you should leave."

They began to stammer out incoherent responses, but they did not leave. The taller one, standing farther away pulled out another gun. This didn't surprise me. It would only take me less than a second to steal this away from him. His mind is not prepared to shot. He has never shot a person before and he doesn't want to, this was just the way of the streets. I revealed my full, uncloaked gaze, which I have used in the past right before I killed.

This does not affect him like my victims of the past. His finger began to put pressure on the trigger. So quick, that no one even saw me do it; I snatched the gun from his hand and put it on the counter behind me. The old lady seized it and hastily put it behind the counter. Her heart beats were strong, and she believed I will be the man to rescue her. She was lucky I was there.

The one closer turned brave again and straightened, as he believed he was ready to pounce. They really wanted my card, and they really wanted my car. I grew impatient and in one blindingly fast motion they were both disarmed and out the door. "Don't come back." I ordered, my voice as cold as the ice caps of the south.

I reentered the building to grab my card. The old lady was thanking me in Spanish over and over as I walked in. I left without another word.

My ride to Texas continued, only to end outside of San Antonio.

_

* * *

_

**Please Review!** _For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	19. 16 Prey II

16. Prey II

* * *

I stalked the shadows of two buildings. It was late and most residents were asleep in their homes. Not the vampire, though. Nope, I was still prowling the streets. A pale face formed out of the shadows, the thoughts were from another of my kind.

"Robert." I greeted.

"Edward," he replied. "Shall we go to somewhere more comfortable?"

I was comfortable in the darkness of this alley, but he was not speaking in those terms. "I'll follow." I said.

We snaked between several tall buildings until we reached a door in an alleyway. "Inside," he gestured with his hand. I nodded and stepped inside. There were a few other vampires there, but they didn't even look up when I entered. "Sit," Robert insisted. So I did. "Tell me about this vampire."

"Her name is Victoria," I began. There was a hiss from one of the corners. The vampire's thoughts a snarl of red rage. We both peered around our shoulders to see the vampire in question.

"You. Come," ordered Robert. The vampire, who I learned was nicknamed Arrow for his speed, sauntered forward. "Have you heard this name before?" Robert queried.

"Yes," Arrow said, his teeth mashing together.

"What does she look like?" I pressed. In his mind I saw the flaming red hair, the slight freckles on her nose and her deep crimson eyes. Arrow didn't say a word as he waited for orders from Robert who was clearly the superior around here.

"Well," Robert insisted. "Let's hear it."

"No need," I said calmly. "It's her he thinks of."

Both of their heads snapped in my direction. Normally I am not one to admit to my gift so immediately but Carlisle had told me that I could trust Robert entirely, and within that trust came his…minions.

"You can…" _read minds?_ Robert asked.

"Yes. As surely as I know you were born in 1802 and that you are currently wondering what your enemies in Dallas are planning next. They've been attacking randomly and when you're vampires are alone."

Robert nodded, his face gaping at me. _Carlisle never told me he found such a find. _"We will help you find and kill this Victoria, if you will join us," he offered.

"I cannot say so at this point," I paused to make it look like I was speculating. And for a fleeting second I was. "I'll consider it."

"Now, Arrow. Tell Edward what you know about this Victoria." Robert demanded.

"She has been making friends with many of the army covens in the area, and then ratting out their strategies to others. She enjoys the bloodshed." His eyes shot nervously toward the door. "I've heard rumors of her moving toward the east. Last I heard…she was in Dallas."

"Then I think it's time we meet her," Robert said solemnly. _And burn her._

"She has a gift," I jumped in. "She seems to have the power of evasion. I've been chasing her from Alaska to New Mexico. She is tricky, and even when you get close she seems to find a way around. Be careful."

Robert nodded. "Please, stay here if you wish; until we have found this Victoria."

"Thank you," I accepted even though I'd rather not. "But I must hunt first. I shall be back here before sunrise."

"I see that your eyes are gold like your creator." Robert acknowledged. "Do you keep his same diet? Or is that just chance?"

"I feed on animals."

_Disgusting, _thought one vampire.

…_not a threat then…_ another vampire quickly glanced my direction and then back to what he was doing before.

_And he wants him to join us for more feeding territory and he doesn't even feed on humans? Robert is kidding himself. _

I pushed all their thoughts away. All I could think about was getting out of there. None of the vampires here wanted to hurt me, but I didn't want to be around them. I wanted to be alone. But, I'd never be alone because every time I closed my eyes I see Bella and her deep eyes communicating with me.

"Then I will see you back here at sunrise," Robert said as he bade me goodbye.

My car was not far from where I was at, and it was only a matter of seconds before I was turning the key in the ignition again. The many headlights glared at me accusingly, but I kept driving. Soon, I was out of town and desert like land surrounded me.

I pulled the car off the road and turn it off. It was quiet. I needed to run, like I used to when I was running away from Bella. This was no different. The ground beneath me was like caressing feathers, the dust swarming around me as I pushed myself faster. This was how it used to be, running towards Seattle, trying my best to flee the opulent blood. It never worked, what was any different about it now?

There was no difference. Except that I hurt her this time. Would she forgive me now? After everything I did? After everything I said? Would this be the end of it all?

Still, my feet pressed on. There was no effort behind the movement, but it was painful all the same. Little pieces of me lost to my ever growing despondency. I'd never felt more broken in my entire life. The emptiness was consuming, and all I could do was slide down to my knees and cry. It was not the same – not the same as a human who can release their deepest depression through their salt-watered tears. I had once tasted those tears and deep down I prayed that Bella had not been weeping over me.

A large pile of rocks was nearby and I began throwing the boulders. There was nothing to it, but I was hoping dearly this would help. _Anything_. All my pain was growing, I was hurting beyond anything and all I wanted to do was make it go away. Make it all stop.

The tumbling rocks did nothing for me. A few wild dogs must have heard the noise because they were coming closer to me, growling. They didn't sense the predator from within. I didn't sense that predator, either. It was there, though, deep inside, waiting to be released. I ignored the dogs, as easily as I would ignore a fly. It was time for all my grief to end. This was doing me no good. I needed Bella. There was no life, no happiness…no joy without her.

A dog attacked and the predator emerged. I slammed it to the ground and consumed its blood. Another pounced, and another. My anger flared and I threw one of them at the others coming in my direction. They went down like pin balls. Several of them fled, the ones who didn't were dead, their blood gone from their bodies. I felt relief for a fraction of a second. Just that tiny sliver of time alleviated my need.

I could make it stop. All of it. All I had to do was return to my love…my life…my meaning. I wanted to make it stop. I would make it stop.

That was when I decided I couldn't do this anymore. That was when I decided that I would go back. That was when I decided that after Victoria, Bella would be in my life. Even if she rejected me, I'd stay in Forks just to see her every day. After Victoria, my life could resume where it had once been.

For the first time in months, I felt light on my feet, the weight no longer baring me down because it was only a matter of time until I saw her again. This would be the end of it all – all the sadness, the despair, the pain…all my suffering will be wiped away as if it never existed.

Victoria was going to suffer.

My car zoomed in and out of traffic, my lungs breathing in the city air. There was life in that air, something I hadn't noticed before. Colors were brightening, the darkness less shady. Kill Victoria, get Bella back. I'd face whatever comes our way. My brakes slowed me down only a street away from Robert Duncan's place of living.

"Edward," Robert greeted me as I pushed the door open. "I have news."

He didn't need to say it; I read it straight out of his mind like I had just picked up a news paper. "A truce lies in the balance between us and the coven in Dallas. I warned their leader of Victoria and after researching he came to the same conclusion. Vampires escorted her to the airport to ship her away." He smiled brightly at the thought and was pleased that good had come out of my visit. He was wary at first, but knew he owed Carlisle more favors than he could count. "Their sending her on a plane. To where? I am not sure."

"When?" I questioned, excitement rolling through me. Before, I wanted Victoria dead. Now, I wanted it more than my body thirsted for blood. This capture would mean I'd return to Forks, that Bella would be safe, and I'd be there to see that she stayed that way. "Where?"

Robert raised an eyebrow. "If you wish to kill her, you'd better leave now. Dallas airport."

There were no more words between us, the air rustled around the building as I sped toward my car. The alleyway was nothing more than a dark blur in my vision. This was it. This was what I had been fighting for since I left Forks. Victoria was going to be on a plane, and I'd be able to follow, or stop her before she boarded.

I didn't bother with my headlights, I could see every shape in the dark that I could in the light. It was as if someone had put a bluish tint over my vision, but the depth of it was still the same. Crystal clear, better even. Each time I shifted the gears power surged through me. The power that was screaming for me to get there, to kill her, to end it all. Her death was like a metaphor, it equaled love and hate and revenge all in one. I'd tell her that, before I rip her head off, how beautiful her death really is. How her death meant my life, my existence could recommence.

I slammed the gear shift down to accelerate my speed. Each second I hated how large this state was, how long of a drive it was for me to make it across the state. The car moved faster than my feet could take me, though, so I pressed the car to its limits, reaching speeds that I'd only dream of running. Or day dream.

The sun was beginning to peak over the horizon and I cursed the clear sky that would soon be filled with the blazing sun. Sparkle, glitter, shine…I didn't care. I had to make it. The city lights of Dallas loomed into view and I nearly rejoiced at the sight. In my head I was unlocking my memories of the maps of the US, of where the major airports were. Surely they'd ship her far away, like Australia or Africa. Maybe Madagascar. One could only hope she would be far, and not want to return if I didn't make it in time.

Then there it was…the airport, spacious and beautiful in the ever growing light. My window was down and I easily picked up the scent of vampire fresh on the air, but there was only one vampire I was looking for and her scent was burning in my nose. This was it. My prey. She was going to die.

* * *

**Author's note**: Ah, aren't we excited yet? Edward finally goes to the airport…which leads to many things. Many wonderful things. I know you all have been waiting patiently and I really appreciate that. This chapter is also small, but that is because I wrote it in two parts. The only reason I did that was because sometimes I just have to take a break, and sometimes I have enough to post and people beg…you crazy beggars!

On another note, there were a few replies from long ago when I said that I was not going to be writing the phone call between Rosalie and Edward because Stephenie already did it. Seems some of you still want me to write it. Well, I thought I'd give it a try, anyway. If it sucks I won't bother posting it and will direct you to her work, but maybe, just maybe I will be able to write something worthwhile.

* * *

**Please Review!** _For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account.

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	20. 17 Too Late

17. Too Late

* * *

The brusque air was electrified with my determination as the sliding glass doors slipped apart for me to enter. The airport was full of people. Lines spread out around the building. The ceilings were high and voices echoed around the acoustic walls. Bags were piled onto carts, people were exiting, entering, going through metal detectors and carousels rotated in a circle to bring passengers their luggage.

But what caught my attention immediately – more than the masses – were the two vampires that were communicating near the lines to the metal detectors. They also noticed the presence of one of their kind though they only nodded in my direction, not threatening in the least. Robert must have tipped them off that I would be arriving because from their thoughts I knew they were expecting me. They were protecting the exit so Victoria wouldn't leave. I thought it was odd that they were letting her live at all, but after searching the conscious minds of the other vampires around the airport she apparently had friends in high places in Texas.

"Good riddance," one of the vampires spoke to the other thinking about Victoria's departure from Texas. His voice was full of rage; the thundering threat implicit in the underlying words. It would have sent a shiver down any human's spine. "I hear that the vampires in Venezuela are much crueler than we are. She won't last long, now that she will be friendless," he continued fluently, simply.

The other vampire merely agreed by laughing menacingly. Then he turned to face me, his red eyes searching my face. He was across the several growing lines of people but I could hear him clearly as if he were standing next to me. "I hope you find and kill her," he said directly to me before he turned away.

They wanted me to find her. They were helping me out by speaking of where she was headed. I picked a line and began moving forward slowly toward the ticket counter. Looks like Venezuela will need a vampire put down, and I'm up for the job. The minutes ticked by at a slower rate than normal because each second Victoria was alive, that was another second I was going to be tracking her and that was another second I was without Bella. Positively excruciating.

Eliminate the threat, go back to my heart. That was my objective now. Even though it was best that I stay away too – I was also a threat – it was only a matter of time before I broke down. Alice was right. And more than ever I wanted Victoria's throat in my hand where all I would have to do is give a slight jerk and rip her head off. The idea was riveting, exciting – what I planned on doing. Giving Bella this extra time without me would keep her safe that much longer.

I was a selfish creature, and finally _I didn't care_.

The line shortened some and soon a worker was beckoning me forward. She didn't look up from her computer for several seconds as she demanded information from me.

"Driver's license or passport – ticket? How many bags? More than one will cost you extra."

It had been a while since I had to lower my voice, make it smooth, calculating – human. "I don't have a ticket, but I'd like to purchase one. When's your next plane leave for Venezuela?"

She still didn't look up from her computer as she clicked, typed and tapped her fingers on the desk impatiently. "Tomorrow." From her mind I could tell there was a plane boarding now, but she was not allowed to sell tickets or let passengers go if it was less than an hour before departure. "Would you like to purchase a ticket?" she persisted and then looked up.

For a moment she didn't think or say a word. Human reactions were always different, but when it came to a vampire's looks they all seemed to get the deer in headlights look at first.

I leaned over the counter to take advantage of her befuddled state. "Maybe you could look again, please. It's an emergency. My mother was visiting and she is very sick and needs assistance back to the states," I said in my smoothest, most convincing voice. "Please," I added and stared into her eyes as if I were going to hypnotize her.

She stared back at me as if in a trance and nodded slowly. "Passport?" she petitioned.

I smiled, showing my sharp teeth, but not wide enough to frighten her. "Thanks," my tone rippled with steady grace. "I have only a carry on." I lifted my bag to show her.

She nodded and then began to peck at the keys rapidly as she prepared my ticket.

"All we have is first class," she said sadly.

I slid my card over the counter. "Whatever it costs. Money is not an issue."

_Who is this guy? _She grabbed the card, her mind in a stunned hurry. "Of course," she whispered. She slid the card down the side of the computer. _Rich, handsome and mysterious somehow_? A receipt began to print out along with my ticket. She slid them in my direction. "Sign the top one, the bottom is your ticket." I grabbed a pen from the container full of them and began to sign. "My advice to you," she interrupted, "run." _…probably won't make it._

I nodded. "My mom will be thankful." And then I ran at an almost inhuman speed towards the ever growing line of people to go through the metal detectors. There were some disgruntled curses and words of protest as I pummeled through the pedestrians.

Once in line, I waited impatiently, ready to get this over with. Maybe I could kill her in the airport and then purchase a ticket to Washington. The line crept forward. I hated impassive time like this, with nothing to do and the only thoughts on my Bella. The last time I was in an airport was to fly down to Phoenix. The memories weren't pleasant, but there was no way of blocking them. Telling Bella that distractions would keep her off my mind was one of the biggest and foolish lies I'd ever told, besides the obvious one: I _did _love her, I _did_ want her, forever.

As the line crawled along I remembered the panic, the despair, the race toward the Ballet Studio. This was why I was here: payback. Everything has a price, and this was Victoria's. Death. It was the ultimate price; it will also be a warning to anyone who thinks it's a good idea to lay a finger on Bella.

The line inched toward the detectors. The clock was ticking down. I stepped closer until it was my turn. A security agent checked my tickets and passport then wrote his initials on it and passed it back to me, his mind on repeat. I practically threw my bag and shoes on the belt that goes through the scan and waited until the guard on the other side nodded for me to step through. I did, and no sounds went off. I was in the clear. I reached for my bag and bent to put my shoes back on. Some of the bystanders gawked at my uncanny speed.

The electronic walkways were helpful as I darted over the threshold and began moving swiftly down the flat escalator. Each second felt like ten years – ten lifetimes without Bella. I pressed on, trying to keep my speed at a human pace. Many people openly gaped at me and even pointed. It was like this moment was weighted with a deep meaning. This could lead me several directions. But the only one I cared about was the one that would lead me to Forks.

Shortly, the escalator came to an end and there was fifty feet of solid, unmoving floor beneath me before the next mobile floor. Seconds elapsed. They seemed longer than normal. I watched as each gate I passed was not the one I needed. Victoria's scent was still strong in my nose. She had gone this way. She hadn't stopped at any of these other gates. So far, so good.

When I reached the gate, they were closing the doors. Victoria's scent was present, and she was at this gate not long ago. Was she on the plane? Would I have the whole ride with her and be unable to touch her? As I rounded on the stewardess, holding my ticket in the air, I caught an additional scent going in a completely different direction, but still Victoria's. As I stood there, my nose catching the trail of an alternative route she might have taken, I didn't know if I should board the plane or follow it.

If she was on that plane and I let her go, then she would have a day's start ahead of me. How would I find her? But if she left the airport unbeknownst to the vampires on the outside, she'd be long gone, anywhere by now. It was quiet an enigma. Stay or go? Air or ground?

"Sir? Is this your plane?" the woman asked, holding the handle to the door, keeping it slightly ajar. "Please hurry if it is." I turned to see her staring at me with pure perplexity. "If you don't board now, sir, the plane will leave without you. The next plane to Venezuela doesn't leave until tomorrow."

Two choices, which one would lead me to Bella? Which path was stronger? - The one on the plane or the one heading another direction? It was a tie, they smelt the same.

"I apologize," I said lightly, as if the weight of this decision wasn't weighing heavily upon me. "My sister was supposed to board this plane and I haven't been able to get a hold of her. She has long red curly hair and dark eyes. Have you seen her?"

The lady looked at me impatiently. "Possibly," she said vaguely. "You can go on board and check and come back out if she isn't there."

Her thoughts held no clue as to whether she was on the plane or not. The seconds ticked on, and my mind raced towards the answer that just wasn't coming to me quick enough.

The lady made an impatient noise.

"My ticket." I held it out to her in my steady grip, making a decision She sent it through the machine and pointed down the hall.

"Hurry!"

"I will. Thank you," I said evenly, but still faltered at the door. It was too late to turn back; I raced down the tunnel like hall until I reached the door to the plane.

The pilot and several stewardess' met me at the door, and quickly two large uniformed workers closed the heavy metal door behind me. There was no turning back now, no getting off the plane. The rows of blue seats spread out before me. Mine was only a few feet from the very front, but it was already obvious before I walked two inches. The air was already circulating through the cabin and was stale and unpleasant. But one thing it was lacking more than the rich scent of the outdoors was _Victoria_. Her scent was completely absent. I turned to look at the closed door behind me.

It was too late.

* * *

**Author's note**: Please don't be upset that this chapter was short. I was writing this and when I got to the last paragraph that was where I wanted the chapter to end. It was just another one of my perfect cliff hangers. There will not be a part two, but hopefully the next chapters will be slightly longer.

Oh boy, I have so much in store for all of you. I'm absolutely tickled about the coming chapters. South America – Rosalie's phone call – and ITALY!

On another note, unrelated to fanfiction, I noticed that the newest New Moon trailer is slightly different on different websites. On Stephenie's site, under New Moon – The Movie, the trailer is not the same as the one on Yahoo! I didn't notice that until today. I love it. Edward says, "Go to hell." Gah! I wish he said that in the book. Maybe he will…*wicked smile*

* * *

**Please Review!** _For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	21. 18 Failure

18. Failure

* * *

No one could ever tell me they knew what it was like; watching the trees, houses, the earth grow smaller as you rose above it, knowing that there was a murderer there. And that that murderer might kill the one person you'd die for. And you couldn't do anything about it. Or nothing realistic, anyway.

That didn't stop the thoughts from flooding my mind. The emergency exit was only a few rows back. I could rip the door off and jump to the earth. But there were children on the plane, many who were unbuckling their seatbelts now. It would be wrong of me to condemn them to death on a hunch that Victoria was going to find Bella again.

My eyes roamed toward the front where a stewardess was putting drinks on a cart. There was no one between me and the pilot's door that could stop me from taking control of this plane. That was the most difficult to imagine of all my plans. The easiest one, but foolish all the same.

I felt trapped. Internally, I was cursing the fool I am for thinking that I could capture her. Hadn't I already proven myself to be a horrible tracker? But in this moment all I could think about was not fighting anymore – not fighting what I am, who I am. A vampire. More plans began to form in my mind. There was no greater joy than the hunt in this moment. The hunt that would bring me salvation in Bella's arms – if she were to accept me back.

Placing my head against the head rest, I closed my eyes. There was no better time than now, when I needed Bella so desperately, than to picture her before me – her heartbeats strong and fast, her scent tantalizingly sweet. My instincts fought against what I wanted. My heart was screaming for Bella back, but now I was beginning to think otherwise.

I remembered driving toward my house in Bella's truck, her scent wrapping around my body as we got closer. It was her birthday. Bella had brought up her choice to become like me again, one I vehemently refused. But what I remembered most from that night was Jasper's snapping jaws, the predator deep inside me awakening. It was only Jasper's thirsty desire that kept me from devouring Bella right then and there when that tiny droplet of blood sent us all into hunting mode. Every instinct I had begged me to take her, to have her, to taste her, _to hunt her_. And every second I fought that desire. I am a vampire and we are all murderers, killers…but one thing we aren't are animals, which is what makes a vampire more threatening: a predator's impulse in a human mind. Humanity's brutal way of playing with the world, laced with the primitive, heedless hunt of the untamed animal.

The perfect clarity of the memory made it worse. I remembered losing myself in the smell of the hunt. I cast away all concepts of sin and murder then. I lost all that had once made me Edward Cullen. All I could think about was tasting her life in my mouth – letting it flow into me. I imagined it hot in my mouth, boiling with pure life and energy. I remembered that I did not want to kill, and yet I barely controlled myself.

_But I do have control_, I told myself, _unlike a wild animal_.

My mind focused on this last image. One of horror and grief. One I wish I had never thought. Even more, one I wished would have never happened. That was why I left – why I still run away. I want to go back, I plan to go back. Still, I stay away.

Soon, the plane was flying over light blue water, the gulf looking like a painting from this height. My senses were sharp, but even at this distance I couldn't make out great detail of the ocean floor below. Again, I thought about jumping from the plane, landing in the warm gulfs water to swim my way back to Texas. I knew I'd be too late, though. I was always too late. Land appeared shortly after and I knew any second now I'd be back on solid ground, starting over again.

I was a fool to think that my life could go back to what it was before Bella. The idea was fathomless and ridiculous. Before I kept my distance from humans, refused to tempt myself with their blood. I never allowed myself to grow close to a human before Bella. It was her silent mind and her knowing eyes that sucked me in, like a black hole. I'd loved her before I even realized, and now I was stuck with the consequences: on a plane to a country I despise while the killer gets away. Sometimes I wondered what my existence would be like if I would have never met Bella. If she never came to Forks, or if we never moved there. The thought was a painful one. One I couldn't tolerate right now.

The plane began to descend to the land below us. A relief. Two women behind me were arguing over politics in Venezuela. All I could think about was their heartbeats and the pulses in their wrists and throats. I could feel my teeth locking together, biting into my lip. Just another reminder of the monster I am. But I would not feed. I didn't want to. The taste would be wrong.

When the plane landed and passengers grabbed their bags I stayed put for a minute, observing the masses around me. The two women departed, large smiles spread across their faces at a joke I didn't pay attention to. Jealousy consumed me in that instant, aware their troubles were far away and despite everything they knew they were still guiltless. Something I wasn't.

I seized my phone and turned it on, hoping for missed calls, guidance – anything that would help me. There were no voicemails. I was disappointed immediately. Still, I sat in my seat on that plane. There was a small hope in me that Victoria would pass me by any second, but as the last passenger exited the plane, I was left with the facts: Victoria was not on this plane.

Bag in hand, I left the airport. The sun was behind afternoon clouds. It seemed to rain every day, especially mid afternoon here. I shut my eyes for a moment; trying to blink away the burning sensation from the tears I knew would never come. I failed, again. I shook my head but the pain refused the dull. It was intense as I stood there, so difficult to manage for a moment that it was pushing my reason away from me and my thoughts were no longer coherent.

I'd let Victoria rule my life for so many months, I had let her keep me from the one thing in this world that could still bring me joy, love, happiness. I hated how I ended up this way, far away where I didn't want to be. Still, I pushed myself forward. I no longer cared for hotel rooms, or to speak to any humans. The first patch of trees I found I got lost in, immersing myself in the green. Shadows loomed in the shade and the animal noises were loud in my ears, yet, it was more peaceable than the rowdy streets of Venezuela, a poor country with a powerful and cruel leader. But the humans were not who I feared in these parts, it was the vampires. But I caught no trace of their scent where I was at, no sign of them whatsoever.

A tall tree with high branches stood out in the midst of all the younger, smaller trees and I climbed it, resting against the back of the trunk. Rest was unnecessary, only a human habit I picked up. It was there that I got lost in my thoughts. A dangerous thing to do. The sun could have set and never rise the next day and I wouldn't have noticed. It had all grown too much to handle, yet I sat there and took it, refusing to go back now. I wanted to, demanded myself to return, even told myself after Victoria I would find her again. But there was still something deeply seeded inside me that kept me from moving toward the precious girl in Forks.

---

February melted into March as I wondered south of Venezuela and found myself in Brazil, a country large enough for anyone to get lost in. I'd been traveling for a couple of weeks and still had no luck finding Victoria. I'd call Alice, again, today, to see if she could find Victoria. Her moves had proven rather erratic and usually she was in a place Alice couldn't recognize, like in a forest or near a body of water. No towns, or signs, nothing to help us pinpoint a location.

It was dark outside on the streets, many vendors and tourist still flooding the area to buy little tokens to take back to their loved ones of their journey's here. Briefly, I thought about purchasing something for Bella. I banished that idea quickly.

I'd made a promise to her, one I couldn't take back by being so selfish. Alice had been infuriated when I first called her. I probably could have dropped the phone on the bottom of the ocean and still heard her yelling at me. She'd packed, unpacked and repacked probably a hundred times between every decision I made to return to that small cloudy town that I missed. She'd been looking at my future again, one thing I'd asked her not to do, even though it was wrong for me to get angry at her when that was the reason I was calling. What was my future? Where did Victoria fit into it all? And that was why I was going to call again. It could be a distraction – one could hope.

My phone was lying in my palm, the screen blaring its bright light at me, like it was accusing me of doing something wrong. Still, I dialed the number in record time. Alice answered the phone before the first ring could finish its chime.

"I'm not unpacking this time," she answered.

"No, I didn't suspect you would." I answered dully.

"Only a matter of time," she muttered. I didn't answer. "Anyway…" she continued, "I don't know where Victoria is, but I'm pretty sure you're looking in the wrong places."

"Great." My voice was flat. All I had left was my bitterness.

Things had grown perceptibly worse in the past few weeks. Losing Victoria's trail had caused me to grow into a deeper depression. That was never a distraction, but now it was like there was no hope of one. Hopeless, is what I had become.

"She's in a remote area, in the woods."

"I got that the other twelve phone calls," I said lifelessly.

"It's snowing."

"Oh," was my competent response.

"There are several feet on the ground." There was a long pause. Neither of us spoke. Alice gave in first. "I checked online, and there aren't any places in the US besides Alaska that has that much snowfall at this moment."

"So the equator is not the place to be looking, I gather?" I replied unemotionally.

"No," she said reluctantly, like she knew this would be the end of the conversation and she was hoping for more. "Where are you at now?"

"Don't you know? You look for my future several times a day, I'm sure."

"Sometimes it's just nice to hear it from you," she said softly.

"Brazil. I don't know where in Brazil, my mind has been other places."

"Oh," was all she said. There was a long drawn out silence. You could almost taste it, it was so thick. "What now?" she asked.

"My future's not so bright anymore, eh?" I replied monotonously.

"No," she said darkly. "But it will change, again," she added.

I didn't say anything. Alice knew she was walking on eggshells. I'd been terrible to her, to my whole family. I thought Christmas would be good enough to last several more months. Apparently not.

"Please –"

"No," I cut her off. "Don't tempt me." I knew what she was going to offer. She said she'd go to Forks, undercover, to check on Bella for me. Just to peek at her, see how she was doing. I understood why it was so hard for me to let her go, but I didn't see why my family was having the same reactions. "I made a promise. She made a promise." I reminded her.

"But–"

"Don't."

"Okay, but–"

"Alice!" I shouted, my tone finally finding some life force left.

"I know, Edward, but–"

I snapped the phone shut. I waited for a second. She did not call back. I didn't figure she would. I wouldn't answer and she knew I wouldn't so why bother calling?

I found myself against the back of a brick wall. The warmth of the day still heated the tiny grains of sand and rock. It felt nice against my frigid skin. The crowds in the street were beginning to disperse. For once, I felt lost, without meaning or purpose. This quest was meaningless. Nothing mattered anymore; it was all just so…pointless.

It was time to hunt again. I couldn't let my thirst get out of control like I did last time. The jungle was not far, it was never far from anywhere in this wild country. I'd have to go deep into the trees, make sure there were no humans for me to catch scent of. It was wrong that I had gotten so thirsty that I almost attacked and killed a hunter. If it wasn't for Bella… I shuddered at the thought.

It was in the depths of the jungle that I let my senses take over. There were predators everywhere, lurking in the tops of the trees and hiding in the shadows of the night. The undergrowth was immense, and regardless of my speed, was a problem for my sight. I would have to use my other senses, rely on them more. Closing my eyes seemed to intensify my hearing, my sense of smell. There were so many animals to choose from.

There was a jaguar not far from where I was, but I'd let it pass. Carlisle had always taught us prudence, and feeding from a jaguar, an endangered species, would only make me feel guilty. But this cat was probably the most appetizing creature in the whole forest. In the other direction I could hear the crunching of hoofs and realized I'd have to settle for deer.

The venom trickled down my throat as I crouched to spring. My mind focused on the hot, thick blood that would soon be filling me. I listened for their heart beats and was surprised that there was only one, probably strayed from the herd. It was with the thought of its pulse pumping its life into me that I sprang forth, using my ears and my nose to guide the way. To my surprise, it wasn't a deer, but a blackbuck. Similar, but exotic for my taste buds all the same. I didn't hesitate as I snapped its neck easily with a quick jerk of my hand. I didn't want it to suffer. I bit down and the blood rushed into my mouth, easing the burning in my throat for only a few moments. I gladly accepted the distraction.

* * *

**Author's note**: Next chapter is going to be Rosalie's phone call. And since everyone has driven me nuts with emails (I still love to hear from you) – I will be writing my own version which I will try to make as different from Stephenie's as possible, yet believable all the same.

Edward's destiny is to be with Bella. Now my loyal fans will read how Edward learned of Bella's death, left Brazil broken and begged the Volturi to take his life away so he could be with her again.

In his ash would he still feel his torturous pain? He'll never have to find out, and soon you'll be reading why!

I LOVE MY FANS! Thanks for all of the fantastic and terrific reviews. You have no idea how great it is to hear from you. It's always nice to hear what you are thinking, so please, keep the reviews coming.

* * *

**Please Review!** _For those who don't have profiles and have been reviewing, thank you. I try to reply to all of my reviews but I am unable to when you don't own a fanfic account._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	22. 19 Numb

**Author's note**: Rosalie's phone call has been of much interest to Twilight fans, and finally, I am giving it my best shot. I admit I had to use some tissue writing this. _Very_ emotional. I worked on it, edited it, worked on it some more and no matter what I did it just didn't sound right. It was difficult keeping the story my own, considering how much I love Stephenie Meyer's version of the Rosalie phone call. So – here it is.

**Songs that inspired me, great for listening to while reading this chapter, trust me:**

Snow Patrol – Run

Cold Play – Warning Sign

Sarah McLachlan – Prayer of St. Francis

* * *

19. Numb

* * *

There is just something about the equator. Its constant freeze in time – no spring, fall or winter. The leaves never turn red, snow never falls. The trees grow tall and green; the undergrowth is nominal due to the sun not reaching the grounds through the tops of the trees. The small amount of light that cascades through is minimal, but warm. I'd been stuck in the jungle too long. I was dirty, emotionally sick and exhausted, and all I could think to do was walk. Or run. Probably just walk. What hurry was I in? None.

Standing in the shade of a tree, looking out over the city, I could see storm clouds rolling in; ready to dump more water onto the already moist ground. The rain didn't bother me, though. It was a good thing – cloud cover. The sun would be filtered by the soft fluffiness of those dark clouds. I wouldn't sparkle, I wouldn't shine. I'd be normal for a moment in time. Though I was far from it. Every time I passed a human I could count their heart beats, see where their pulse was strongest, and watch the throb at their neck. I was a predator. I hated that about myself, I hated it so much that I wished I could do something – anything, really – about it.

Which brings me to my focus – Isabella Swan. The smart thing to do – in my situation – would be to forget about her, push her to the back of my mind like I have many things. But, now that she had become a part of my world, I couldn't. My optical nerve was forever burned with her image. Permanent, unchanging. Always there.

I walked through the streets of this large, smelly city. A human walked passed me, she moved several steps to the side when I passed, as if I were a danger. I was. She was only reacting as one should. But not my Bella. She ran to the predator, right into his un-expecting arms. Still, I embraced her. Loved her. But that is exactly why I had to leave. Her blood was unbearable, a glass of water in a desert. I hoped she was all right, coping, moving on. Hopefully she found someone beyond Mike Newton. It wasn't right for me to even have a say in these things, but one could wish, right?

There was a sudden ache in my chest, a burning. Why did it hurt so roughly for me to think of her caring – loving – someone else? _I left her_. She was free to do whatever she wished. Date whomever she wanted.

But I could go back.

Fix it. Change it.

I'd admit my guilt, plead for forgiveness – atone for my sins – day and night, for centuries.

Instantly, I chided myself for thinking those thoughts – the ones that seem to be more frequent. I hadn't even given her a whole year away from me and I was ready to bring myself back into the mix. Put her in danger.

My feet pressed on, forward, toward where? I had no idea. I'd given up on finding Victoria. I'd made one mistake too many and my heart just wasn't into it. It never was, really. Because my heart was in Forks the whole time, being protected by the brown-eyed angel who was my constant companion. Her flawless beauty was always there, floating in my vision. Soon, I found myself at the coast. I remembered this place.

The waves successively crashed onto land as the ocean glittered with the sun's rays. I sat in the sand as another wave splashed over my feet. This was the same spot I ran to when I had no other options. Just like then, I had nowhere else to go, so I came here, the first place I destined to without Bella. Of course this place held no answers, only overwhelming grief. But there was something different this time – about being here.

It was worse.

Before, I had lost Bella only moments before. Her scent was still fresh in my nose, the aroma strong in my car. Still a reminder that she existed, loved me, cared about me. Now I had nothing. Could I go on another day? Just one more day. If I could make it through just one more hour, maybe I could prevent myself from returning. I owed her that much, didn't I?

My phone began vibrating in my pocket. That surprised me. It had been a few days since I was able to charge my battery and I was sure that it had died by now. My pants vibrated with each ring. It was probably Alice again. She'd grown very confident. Overly, really. Our phone conversations had gone from incessant pleading to her counting down the days. Her assured attitude made it more difficult to control my longing. Each breath was more staggering than the rest, every second a feeling of pure emotional paralysis.

The vibrating finally stopped and I looked out over the ocean waves again. The dark storm clouds opened up. The rain hadn't made it to the surface, but I could hear their quick movement through the air. There was one drop, than another, and then it was as if someone turned a shower on. I didn't move, yet let it soak through me. That should shut my phone up for good. I stared without seeing. Yes, the ocean and waves were growing larger and crashing wildly around me but I just let it happen, let it consume me. Maybe the waves would grab me and pull me under. I'd considered it. No more scent; no contact with the outside world…just go under the water and never come back up.

A large wave came crashing over me and I welcomed it. I wanted to beg it to soak through my skin and dilute my sadness. I wasn't that lucky. Instead, the vibrating started up again. Surely my phone would be dead by now. No battery life and now soaked with rain and ocean water. It wouldn't be Alice, she'd learn after the first call that I wouldn't answer my phone on the second try. When the phone quit, I looked up to the sky. I closed my eyes and let the water submerge me in its warm wetness.

It wasn't long before the vibrations started up again. Frustrated, I reached for my phone. I moved my thumb over the screen to wipe the water away. Rosalie's name flashed across the screen and I wiped the water away again, just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Rosalie? Was she calling to bug me, or was there something really wrong? I thought about letting it go to voicemail again, but I answered it instead.

"Rosalie," I answered crisply.

"Where the hell are you?"

That wasn't exactly the best way to start out our conversation. I thought about hanging up on her, but I knew she would only call back again. She would make it into a game. One I didn't want to play.

"What do you want, Rosalie?"

"Well, um…" she trailed off weakly.

"Get to the point," I bit crossly.

She sniffed angrily into the phone. "I would if you wouldn't interrupt me." She was silent then. I didn't have time for her games.

"I'm waiting," I said with impatience.

"You should come back," she said with absolute certainty.

"No."

"To Forks, I mean."

"I'm not going back there. I made a promise. She deserves peace without our interference." I tried to say it with assurance, but my voice was weak, numb.

"I don't think that will be a problem…"

Horror rose in me, more at Rosalie's tone-of-voice than her words. "Oh." Did that mean she left?

"Well, things have changed. I have some news…" she trailed off feebly. I'd never heard Rosalie struggle so hard to tell me something. Or anyone, really. And to sound feeble? Not likely. I decided I would just wait, absolutely annoyed. "Have you heard anything from Alice?"

"Is something wrong with her?" What did Forks have to do with Alice? There was a weird feeling shooting through me. There was no way I would be able to manage losing another person I loved. Wasn't one enough for a lifetime?

"No. Well…" she sounded a little breathless, almost like she didn't know how to feel about what she was going to say.

"Well?" I pressed, letting another wave crash over my feet which were buried several inches into the wet sand.

"Emotionally, she's a mess," she said with a humorless laugh.

"Jasper?"

"Is fine. It's…well, she's in Forks," her voice cracked on the word Forks, as if it brought back as many memories as it did for me.

"Forks?" I said with no emotion. Why would Alice be in Forks? She promised me. She told me she wouldn't go back until I did. If Bella wasn't there anymore why would she go there? The possibilities tumbled through my head.

"Yes. For Charlie. She thinks she can help him." She sounded supremely unconcerned about Charlie. He was human, after all.

A feeling of dread swept through me.

This whole conversation wasn't making any sense. There was something she wasn't telling me. "Why does she need to help Charlie?" I snapped, growing demanding.

She was quiet for a whole minute. I thought about hanging up, but I knew there was something that she wasn't telling me, and I knew it was important somehow. Rosalie wouldn't call just to talk shop, or just because Alice defied my wishes. "Bella," she began. I winched under her name. "She loved you more than you realized. More than any of us understood, really." Again, there was that humorless chuckle, nervous.

Loved? Past tense? My breathing hitched. "Spit it out." I said in a strangled voice.

"Don't be hasty, Edward, but Bella jumped off a cliff. Committed suicide. She drowned." She sounded almost satisfied, yet her tone remained completely serious, no joking, no laughing. Nothing.

My heart began sinking horribly. The hollow area was full now. Not whole, but full of pain so strong, so rough, so real I didn't know if I could move without exploding. I stared forward, numb. Did the world just tilt in the wrong direction or was I leaning that way? I could feel a knife stabbing deep into me, twisting. I thought I'd choke on the air, air that Bella would never breathe in again. Intolerable.

"Edward?"

I thought I said goodbye, but instead I hit the end button. The screen went blank and I stared at the ever growing waves around me, the storm settling over the city behind me.

Immediately I dialed a number I never thought I'd call again. The numbers seemed fuzzy on my screen, like I couldn't focus through the grief, but I had to know. Was she lying? It seemed like a cruel trick if she were. The sound of ringing echoed in my ear. Even my hearing was off.

"Swan residence," answered a deep voice I found very familiar. My mind didn't have time to try and figure out whose.

Swallowing back my dry tears I said in a voice to imitate my fathers, "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen." My tone stayed smooth, calculating. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

If she was alive, I'd hang up, forget that I ever called.

"He's not here," the voice said in resonating agitated tones. I didn't have time to worry.

"Well, where is he then?" I pressed. Each passing second felt weirdly sluggish.

"He's at the funeral."

I hung up.

I thought I knew what pain was before, but I was wrong. So incredibly wrong.

My knees went out on me. For a second, I thought I would surely die with the anguish. I shook with grief, with overwhelming sobs; the rain dripping down my face, making me feel like there were real tears for once. She left the world, _she left me_. My sobs redoubled. I didn't know how long I stared forward, as blank stretches of numbness blanketed my missing time. I tried to say the words, to understand it. I found it difficult to think – to imagine – that she was _really_ gone. Wouldn't I know? Wouldn't I have felt it? Was it just all a cruel joke the universe was playing on me? Her borrowed time was gone now and it was all _my fault._

Each second, each breath, each excruciating emotion threatened to overwhelm me. My mind raced around, looking desperately for some loop hole, where she would live – come back. _I failed her_. Alice was wrong all along. I'd never go back to Forks. _Ever_. Hadn't I lost enough to see the damage that I created?

Suddenly, without warning, I imagined her body being placed in a casket. A sharp pain rose in my throat at the sight and suddenly all the warmth from the water was gone. And in that instant, it swept over me – the dreadful truth – more completely and undeniably: _Bella was dead, gone_. I'd never see her flush her brilliant pink, or hear her sweet voice. Never. Gone. I wished for one last golden day with her. Just one.

The world continued to go on. But not my world. It had completely stopped spinning on its axis and would never revolve again, because the object of its focus was…dead.

I missed her more in that second than I ever had. I'd never see her again. I kept repeating it, like someone would tell me different. What felt worse were the last words I spoke to her. I told her I didn't want her, and she died believing that. Thinking I didn't love her with my mind, body and heart. It all felt oddly disembodying.

I felt an abnormally detached feeling as I rose to my feet, moving dream-like. The awful pressing feeling in my chest grew tighter, more painful. I felt sick. A very human feeling, and here I was feeling it. Never again would Bella speak to me…I wanted death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears, clouded my insight and was a flavor on my tongue. My muscles coiled with the urgency, the craving, the necessity of it. _I wanted to die_. And I knew, if for one second I let my emotions get the best of me, that I would slide away into the blackness of my mind.

I found myself upright, my feet moving me, hardly noticing where I was going. I dropped my phone in the first trash can I found. No more phones, no more calls, no more conversations. I was moving more urgently now. Alice would see it. She would know. She would try and stop me. I wouldn't let her; I'd make it to Italy first. I was going to die, and there wasn't anything that anyone could do to stop me. The end of the line was here.

* * *

**Please Review!** Normally I am not one to plead for reviews, but it would mean a whole hell-of-a-lot to me if I hear from you all, to see if this chapter was decent or not. I'd really appreciate it.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	23. 20 Begging to be Ash

**Author's note:** First, I wanted to say _WOW_! The reviews and responses that I have received from the last chapter absolutely blew me away! You have no idea how wonderful it made me feel to hear from so many people. I am really hoping that I hear from everyone of you more often. I tried to reply to everyone, but some people don't have accounts. If I skipped over you, I apologize – I didn't realize.

Second, I was so happy by the response that I made this chapter double the normal size! This is my way of saying THANKS! Okay – Edward's time in Italy is now here. The countdown is on! My goal is to finish this before the movie comes out. Enjoy.

* * *

20. Begging to be Ash

* * *

_The woods had grown like a jungle during the summer months. But it was warm, something that doesn't happen many months out of the year in Forks. We were taking advantage of it. Bella was sitting on a large boulder, the sun peering through the clouds and through the canopy of the trees and lighting her translucent skin. She was magnificent, beautiful, beyond words. Her hair glistened in the light, the red tint shining like a halo. She was an angel. She had a flower in her hand, twirling it between two fingers, the yellow petals spinning wildly back and forth. The smile grew on her face as I stalked the shadows around her. She looked up through her eyelashes which were casting long shadows across her rosy cheeks. _

"_He loves me," she picked a petal off as her eyes followed me. "He loves me not," she pouted and yanked another petal free. _

"_He loves you," I whispered and came up from behind her and kissed her neck. It was so hard to do this, to remember to be gentle, though she leaned back into me in trust. I gulped in the air like it was a magic potion._

"_He loves me," she murmured back, her cheek leaning in to my face at her shoulder. _

_She tossed the flower to the ground and turned around to face me full on. Then, she kissed me full on the mouth, her arms wrapping around me and with her heart pounding against my chest. _

Was that her last thought? _He loves me _not_?_ Was that why she jumped? Of course it was. It was my fault. Entirely and completely. In my memory she was just as I remembered. Perfect, flawless. What she was now…I couldn't imagine. The ache in my chest pulsed like an open wound. I felt broken as a piece of me descended through me, falling, plummeting through me – leaving me forever. Surely this much pain would be accompanied by death? I tried desperately to see through the haze of pain that was taking me over.

"Ci sarà lo sbarco in venti minuti," I heard a stewardess announce in Italian over the intercom. I could feel the plane lowering in the sky. "We will be landing in ten minutes," she then repeated in English.

There were only two other passengers on the plane. I pulled a few strings at the airport for a more comfortable flight. Though honestly, nothing could have made this flight _comfy_. My skull hit the head rest. This had been the _worst_ flight of my life. Memories swan in my head, over and over. Intermingling and reminding me of _all _of my mistakes. Because that was all I did – make mistake after mistake. I had her in my grasp, in my arms and she accepted me wholly for what I was. There would never be anyone better. And I wasted her. I left her and it cost her her life.

I was more than the monster, I realized. There were no words for what I was now. But soon, very soon, I would join her. _This is reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet_, I thought dryly. _Dying because you couldn't live without the other. Romantic, even. _Well, in theory. There was nothing romantic about what I was about to do: giving myself over to the Volturi, begging them to kill me. This was a moment of shame – of need. I needed death so savagely it burned in my bones.

Each second I relived our final moments together, and each second I imagined a different scenario where she lives. It was torture. What if she had never cut her finger? What if Jasper held his breath in time? What if I had just turned Bella – or had Carlisle do it? Or what if I never left in the first place? That was all I had left now: what if's. I'd forever be without the answers that I desperately required and wanted. The past was over. All I had was the future and there wouldn't be much of that left once I arrive in Volterra.

The wheels planted firmly on the ground, a small jolt knocked me to my senses. I was here. Italy. Only moments away from the end. I lifted the shade over my window to see the twilight grounds. It was night here, and the lights of the airport were bright in the blackness. Soon, I'd be walking to my death. _One more permanent_, I added in full measure.

As the plane moved toward the airport I closed my eyes, trying to fight back against the images in my head. But they were so clear, burning, tearing at my insides.

_The mound of earth would be covered in faux grass while family and friends gathered around the burial site. The dark wooden casket would be laced with flowers, overflowing on both sides. Slowly, the coffin would be lowered into the dirt. As each loved one walked by, they would drop roses into the open grave. Alice would be standing over the opening, the tears unable to flow from her face. Grief, pain. She'd look up in horror, her normal blank face. _

She'd see my plan. She'd see it all and I felt sorry about that.

My eyes snapped open as if they were shades pulled too tight. Things will never be the same. For anyone. Bella was gone and I would soon follow. My family would no longer have to deal with the brooding old man, for that was what I was no matter my appearance. Who would have known that happiness was in ashes? My ashes?

Each motion now was zombie-like. Exiting the plane, moving through customs, leaving the large building, and getting into a cab. It was so surreal. My orders were clear to the cab driver: "Take me to Volterra."

The driver only nodded into the rearview mirror as he took in my black eyes, my pale face, my straight jaw. His mind screamed dangerous and he was right. But soon, I would no longer be inflicting myself onto this world. The pain would soon end. All of it and the only thing left would be the thick oily purple smoke billowing in the Mediterranean air.

Outside the city, lights were flooding into the night like huge spotlights. The buildings were old and made of brown stone. The cobble streets and sidewalks were running from east to west and north to south, though there was obviously no city planning when each lane was added. Many lights were flickering like candles down the lanes, illuminating the path for the few pedestrians still out this evening. Vendors were beginning to close shop and lights were being turned off in the small windows all down the lane where the cab stopped. Silvery moonlight was bathing the sun bleached stones.

"Trenta Euro," the man barked over his shoulder. I dropped more than that in the passenger seat and sprang from the backseat, eager to be meeting the Volturi.

_Please forgive me_, I thought silently to Alice. Maybe she already saw the ending – the result I'm hoping for. My next plan was not so thoroughly thought out, but I figured walking right in would get their attention. Sifting through the thoughts of those around me I could easily count twenty-three vampires in a mile radius. They were everywhere. The scent was strong on the wind, and surely they would catch my scent soon.

…_the delicious selection of blood we will be able to choose from tomorrow…_

…_Demetri better be on his best behavior tomorrow…_

…_maybe one day there will be a Saint Felix Day…_

The calendar flipped through my head quickly, and with confirmation from the minds around me, tomorrow would be the perfect day to ask for death and the perfect day to give them a reason to kill me if they refused tonight. Tomorrow is Saint Marcus Day: when the city was finally rid of all vampires. If only they knew…. My brain wondered from mind to mind, leading me to where the leaders were. Their guard was large in number and I would have to find a way past them, or let them kill me. That would be okay with me. That was what I wanted the most. The blackness, the nothingness of death.

A memory crashed down on me as my mind wondered uselessly to the past.

_The clouds were thick in the sky, familiar. The sweet voice sang through the moist air. "Edward! Come out come out where ever you are!" She giggled. _

_I smiled in the darkness of the woods, my footsteps silent to the human ear. _

_She crouched and circled the small meadow, our meadow. She tried to look fierce, her face only showing the aggression of a tiny kitten. "Meow," I whispered in the shadows. _

_Bella jumped and turned in my direction. "There you are. Come here so I can attack you!" she made her hands into claws and clawed at the air. She was so cute. _

_I jumped into the nearest tree and let the branch hang over her head. She spun in a quick circle. "Now, now, Edward. That's not fair," she giggled again. _

_I landed softly behind her, not making a sound and pulled her up into my embrace. _Careful, gentle,_ I had to remind myself. She jumped but then laughed like a little kid. "I found you," I breathed in her ear. _

"_You did." _

Never again would I hear her sweet voice, her whimsical giggle or her smiling, joyful face. The memory was just another small moment in time of the joy we shared together. We laughed and played all summer long and in one moment of absolute terror – of fear – I let her go. In the end what good did I actually do? _Absolutely none._ Though I'd never suspect her to be the one to commit suicide, she did. Alice warned me, that she would hurt so badly that this was a possibility if I killed myself. That was why I lived and suffered all these months – so she would live her life too. But now it was all over, for both of us. Now I could end my suffering, just as Bella did.

My steps were quick and silent against the stone as I moved toward a towering stone building, like a castle. It seemed only right that those who thought themselves as royal would live lavishly. The doors were a thick dark wood. They looked ancient and easy penetrable, but I knew better as the light hum of thoughts were only inches behind, guarding. Through the eyes of one of the guards, I noticed a large vampire, the size of Emmett. His eyes were deeply red. The thoughts of the one I was staring at was thinking of the events of the next day. He was excited, thrilled about the large number of humans that will be herded in to take a 'tour' of the castle. The other vampire was listening through the door, hearing my steady lung movement, taking in my scent. It was one he didn't recognize and the two glanced at each other knowingly.

Their thoughts didn't stop me from opening the double doors and striding in. I knew it was coming before it happened, but I just let happen. They both took a hold of my arms and I didn't fight.

_This one has no fight, _the vampire named Felix thought with a cocky smile.

"You are not allowed beyond this point," the vampire named Demetri informed me in a deeply authoritative voice, taking both of my arms behind my back as Felix stepped away to exam me. There was no physical pain in this.

I turned my gaze toward Demetri and said in a severely resonating voice, "I need to see Aro." I was absolutely serious, and they could tell.

Felix chuckled and I turned swiftly to take in his long cloak and dusty pallor. "And you think that you can just waltz in here and disturb our master?" he asked in faux scorn.

_He has a death wish, _Demetri thought merrily. He had no idea. "I should just tear you apart now."

I shrugged and Felix growled at my casualness. _Disrespectful little…_ and he began to move forward to take his imagination and make it a reality. Demetri smiled at him, nodded and gripped me tighter. Still, I didn't fight.

_This is not going to be nearly as fun compared to when they fight back. _Demetri thought wistfully.

"Now, now, gentleman," a poisonously sweet voice of a child spoke from the shadows. Her face peered through the darkness – though I could see her clearly in the shadows – to show her blonde hair, her crimson eyes and her half smile which was full of menace. "Let me have some fun, too," she giggled, though the sound was not that of a child but of a fierce vampire. _I want to watch him squirm. _Her cheeks widened in a self satisfying smile.

_How did I get here?_ I wondered stupidly, _to this juncture in my life?_ What went so wrong? _I was an idiot because I couldn't handle her forgiveness that Alice so thoroughly predicted_, I answered. This could have ended _so_ differently – I could have prevented this! But now I was far beyond gone. I was lost and I could never go home. Home was…dead. I watched as the three vampires converged on me. They weren't just going to kill me; they were going to _torture _me. Deep inside I knew that I deserved every last pain that they would inflict on me. How could I ever imagine that I merited something as mild as death? It would be nothing to what I was already feeling. As my eyes reflected in the gluttonously red eyes of the vampires before me I could hardly remember the look of my own eyes. They were black, no gold left.

_Jane always has to ruin our fun, _Felix looked over his shoulder, though his face showed none of his thoughts. He suddenly pictured Jane's last victim and I might have stared at her in horror for a fraction of a second because her lips twitched as if she knew my thoughts.

Jane sauntered forward, her finger came out and traced my cheek and I wanted to bite her fingers off. "That's too bad that we are going to kill you," she said thoughtfully, "You are very good looking." I felt nothing but absolute disgust as her eyes trailed to my backside.

Suddenly, I didn't want these three to kill me. I wanted the Volturi to do it, after I asked them to. They would make it quick. I didn't want to stay on this planet any longer. All I wanted was it to end so I could be with Bella, not stay and be tortured physically and mentally.

Pain, so excruciating I thought my head would explode ripped through my muscles, down my legs as I crumpled to the floor. Physical pain is not one I had dealt with in the past, and the feeling was more unpleasant than I would have thought. There was a lull in the pain and I looked up at the vampires before me as Jane smiled pensively, Felix scowled in anger for losing his fun and Demetri gave me a fierce glare.

"Felix. Demetri." I choked in protest, "take me to Aro and then you can have your fun with me." I begged.

Felix and Demetri exchanged a questioning glance. _How does he know our names? _they both thought.

"Because I can read your mind!" I shouted, getting to my feet. Immediately I was on the ground, the painful splinters rushing through my body again. I was hot then cold and I felt as if I was being stretched and played with like I was a guitar string.

_What game is he playing? _Jane thought as she lowered herself to the ground where I was at. _What's my name, vampire?_

"Jane," I breathed, regaining composure, or as much as you can on the ground being tortured. She frowned.

"That's enough," ordered a voice from a vampire so old you could hear the power radiating from every syllable. Jane's smile slide from her face. "Bring him upstairs," Aro pointed to Demetri and Felix.

"Yes master," they said together and immediately I looked over to where Aro stood. He was easy to recognize from Carlisle's mind.

Demetri yanked me from the floor while Felix led the way. We reached a set of stairs and began ascending them quickly. The stone was cleaned meticulously and shined through the clear coating. Medieval torches were hung from the walls and lit to illuminate our path to the second floor of the castle. We passed it and continued to the third and then to the final and fourth floor. The room was massive and the ceiling towered above us. All the light was from the fire. During the day light would come from the rectangle windows at the ceiling to light the floor below. All the while Demetri and Felix were intrigued now that I showed them I had a gift and were even a little impressed.

_It will only be a moment before I find out why he is here, but I am hoping it is so he can join us. _Aro smiled to himself. _I can already imagine how useful his gift would be. If he is telling the truth. Oh, how I miss Eleazar._

As we approached a set of wide wooden doors I could hear the thoughts of other vampires on the other side. The other two Volturi were in there, Caius and Marcus, along with the other guard members. Caius was highly irritated by Aro, who insisted that he go downstairs to greet the stranger who said he could read minds. Marcus was not irritated, but not happy either. He was just…there. Two guards on the inside heard our approach and opened the doors to admit us.

I could hear Demetri's thoughts from behind me. _All of this for a vampire who claims to read minds. Aro already has that power. I just don't see the significance. _I looked over my shoulder to see his serene expression. _Did you hear that? _I nodded with no expression. _He doesn't even have to be touching your skin. _He thought in amazement.

It was true; my talent would be of great interest to this group. That had slipped my mind when I was planning my trip here. Though, I am not in my right mind, anyway. Desperately I hoped that Alice wasn't close to Italy. If they found someone with her talent they may never let go. Aro was possessive and from and what I could tell he had a vampire with great talents at breaking bonds and encouraging bonds, also: Chelsea.

"Ah! Caius, Marcus!" greeted Aro. Marcus barely looked up in interest while Caius burned holes through my skull with his angry glare. "Look who I brought?" he gestured toward me before turning my direction. "Why have you come here?" Then he shook his head to quiet me before I spoke and then held his hand out for me to take. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to read me. Carlisle had told me about how powerful his gift was. He could not only hear your thoughts with touch, but every thought you have ever had. I hesitated. I didn't want him to see all of my intimate moments with Bella. "I won't bite," he chuckled and I reached out and he snatched my hand up eagerly.

Suddenly I was thrust into the weirdest sensation ever. I bowed my head as he mentally probed my mind, like he was clawing into my head, hunting for information like drilling a screw into it or like a thorny vine weaving its way to sunlight. My life came rushing across Aro's eyes and I watched along with him like it was a movie: my change by Carlisle, my denial of human blood and then my betrayal against Carlisle as I left and hunted those who I thought should be killed. He absorbed the scenes before him as I came crawling back to Carlisle for forgiveness in which he accepted. He surveyed me as each of the Cullen's came into my life, and each of their precious gifts. My mind was weighted with memories of a vast number of years. Aro concentrated mainly on the past two years. Many of the images were vertigo inducing. He saw when I met Bella, the human, and my strong desire to drink her blood. He engulfed the images of James and of me leaving Bella, to me chasing Victoria and finally to Bella's death and my journey here. He dropped my hand and gasped.

"That was…" he took in an unnecessary breath, "absorbing. To see and hear not only your thoughts, but all the thoughts you've heard around you. What a special ability you have! I am most intrigued by Alice. True seers are rare."

I nodded slowly, not sure how to react to him. "I was hoping you could help me, Aro."

"Yes," Aro frowned. "I don't know if I could allow that." _Now that I've seen what he can do... His gift has been flawless besides the girl he comes here to die for. I wonder if I could read her thoughts, _he mused, _guess we'll never know…_

I flinched at his thoughts. He would never find out because she would never have a thought again. I grimaced. Caius came forward and placed a hand on Aro's shoulder. "What is this all about?"

"Dear brother, Edward here has the ability to read minds without touching," he chuckled.

Caius blanched and actually tried to guard his thoughts. "And you invite him into our castle so he can learn pertinent information about us?"

"Calm, Caius. Edward wants us to end his life."

"Why?" he asked in disbelief. _Why would he want death so brutally that he would come here for our help? _He saw me staring at him and he began thinking about irrelevant topics. He learned fast, just like Alice.

"He fell in love with a human whose blood sings to him and she is now dead."

_Not even a Cullen could say not to that kind flavor, _Caius grinned.

Marcus finally showed some interest as his eyes snapped up to meet mine and for the first time I probed his mind and looked through his eyes. _Didyme, _he sighed internally. It was an oddly strange sensation because he could see auras around people, each of them different colors. I remembered briefly something that Carlisle told me about Marcus. _"Aro killed Marcus' mate, which was actually Aro's sister, Didyme. He was hoping she would have a gift like his, instead she only provided happiness to those around her. Aro killed her to prevent Marcus from leaving Volterra with her when they fell in love. Marcus has never been the same since. But what is even more ironic, and horrible about it is that he can see other's relationships by the color of their aura as it interacts with those around."_

I stared at Marcus in pity then, understanding how he must be feeling. I wondered if he ever begged for death to take him, like I was about to. Through his sight I could see the color of my aura. It was black. I wondered what the colors meant, but I had a feeling that black wasn't good. I didn't expect anything else, really.

"_La tua cantante?_" questioned Caius. "Impossible!"

"Do not think of me as a fool," Aro chided, his voice resonating its full authority, all joking gone. "Edward is sincere in his request and his reasons."

"Please," I whispered, the infinite sadness echoed in my voice. I would have gotten down on my hands and knees and begged if I thought it would do me any good.

"Edward, my dear boy, please give us a few moments to talk," he said as he pointed toward Felix and Demetri. "Take him to the museum." _That should be far enough he can't hear our thoughts. _

"It will be," I told him in an assured matter. All eyes turned to our exchange with curiosity.

"You really have a truly amazing talent," Aro said delightedly and clapped his hands together before gesturing for us to leave.

Once inside the museum down the street I wondered aimlessly with Demetri and Felix at my back the whole time. The Volturi owned this building for more revenue. It was not open at this hour and the place was deserted and rang with silence. Long splendid halls broke off in two directions. In the guard's minds they were contemplating the fact of having me join them forever with my talent. They had already overcome the fact that Aro could read all of their thoughts with a single touch, but to add a stranger to the mix who could read their thoughts from a distance scared them both enough that they were praying that the outcome would be my death. I was siding with them.

An hour passed as I read the history of Volterra. The history was not as violent was one might think with vampires firmly in control of the city. There were rules, from what Carlisle told me, that prevented any vampire to feed in the city. I had also heard stories from many covens of the Volturi guards enforcing those rules. Jasper had always been thoroughly worried about them finding out about a human knowing of our existence. Maybe this knowledge will give them a reason to kill me, I just hoped they left my family alone. For a moment, I panicked about that. I had to make sure the Aro understood that my family had nothing to do with it, and that if they wanted to get revenge, they should kill me. Mostly, though, I hoped that they would finish me off before my family showed up in an attempt to rescue me. It was inevitable.

Poor Alice. She'd see it all.

As time ticked on another guard member came into the museum, as smoothly as if he were dancing, to inform Felix and Demetri it was time to bring me back. The guard caught my gaze and thoughts began crowding behind his eyes. The Volturi had made a decision. I tried to read the answer but the guardsmen had no idea what the outcome would be. Aro learned quickly.

My steps were quick as we moved down the street. The sun was struggling to make it into the sky and the grounds were still dark. Time meant nothing to me anymore. More time elapsed than I previously realized. Some vendors were back for the day, readying themselves for Saint Marcus day. It was ironic that everyone would be celebrating a vampire free city, though they were lurking in every corner. The cloaks of the men around me billowed in the morning air as they made almost soundless footsteps toward the four-story building that held the Volturi. Their long dark shadows from the street lamps rippled over the ground.

Some of the torches had been extinguished due to the morning sun slowly peeking into the windows. The whole building looked different in the daylight. More real. If they had decided to kill me, I could not hear it in their thoughts. They were careful at clouding what they wanted to hide from me. What was their decision? If death awaited me behind the double doors I wanted to be thinking about my Bella. She was all I wanted in my head when things ended. Her imagine. I let myself get sucked away into a memory as we made our way up the stairs.

_The antique wooden table in the dining room was not the object of focus of the many vampires that were surrounding it. One human, Bella, was sitting at the end table, her chair leaning back slightly as her eyes peeked over the top of the cards in her hand. _

"_No cheating, Alice!" Bella chided her with a smile. "I mean it!" _

_All eyes were on the beautiful brown-eyed girl at the end of the table. All of their intrigue and love spilled from the thoughts of the vampires. Jasper had a huge grin on his face and threw a chip in the middle of the table. "All right, let's see those cards, Swan!" _

_Bella smirked, her cheeks slightly flushed before she laid her cards down on the table for them to see. "It's a boat!" she exclaimed._

_Jasper's smiled turned to a frown and he put his cards down. "You win!" _

_I reached under the table to grab Bella's hand that was in her lap. She accepted gratefully and smiled her special smile my direction. What everyone in the room didn't know was that I had won, to have someone as special as Bella. _

The memory was eating me from the inside. If tears would have come, my face would be soaked with them. I should have never of left…

"Edward!" Aro exclaimed cheerfully as the doors opened. I desperately wished to be back in my head, where Bella was still alive and well. There just weren't enough memories to last me. "We have a proposition for you. I have to admit, I have never had someone ask me what you have requested. Not many of our kind want to commit suicide. None, really…well, besides Carlisle. He tried and failed numerous times before accepting who he was."

Immediately I picked the thoughts out of Marcus' head. The decision was no. Frustration and bitter disappointment welled up inside me as I drew in a deep shuddering breath and sighed heavily. "Let's hear it."

"Well, I was hoping we could change your mind by offering you a place with us. You're talents would be very useful. We would like you to join our guard," he gestured to the vampires with their long cloaks on. They were dark colors and represented something great in their minds. Each of them was proud and several of them shot me covetous glances. Caius made a disgusted sound and Aro silenced him by raising a hand in the air.

Years of controlling my face came to my rescue as I stood there quit still as the impact of these words hit me. Rage boiled to the surface. All I came here for was death and he offers me life as a…

_Before you speak, listen to me. We could offer you things beyond your life, now. Surely animal blood is diminishing your gift. We'd make sure you had a proper meal and we'd work on striving to extend your gifts beyond what they are now. _

I scowled at the ground.

_Or you could continue your diet, _he thought with revulsion, an expression of great distaste on his face. _Either way, please accept a place here with us. _

Jane stared at me with a murderous gaze. "But, Master –" Aro put a hand up to stop her.

"Hum, let me think about that," I said in a mock thoughtful voice. A reckless daring seized me. It was either an emphatic verbal exit or slapping Jane across the face for effect. I choose the first. "Honestly, the whole idea is repugnant, Aro." I replied with much sarcasm, hoping my words would make him change his mind. His face slackened like air was being let out of his head before he gained his composure. "Sorry, but my answer is _no_. How anyone would want to live in this castle and be your slave and call you their master is beyond me. As a matter-of-fact I think the whole idea of being your private radio is ghastly." I spit each word. Demetri came up behind me and grabbed my arms, holding them at my lower back. "It amazes me that you are able to keep all these guardsmen here. Oh wait, you have Chelsea for that!" I snapped. Felix ran over to me and slammed me to the ground by my throat. _Kill me now_, I thought while looking him full in the face. He was literally incandescent with rage.

_I knew this was a bad idea,_ Caius thought cynically and slightly angry. He didn't flinch under my words though as he continuously sat on his 'throne' like an ancient sentinel.

Marcus took no interest in anything that was going on. His mind was on other things as he sat so still you'd think he was carved from ice.

I steamrollered on. "How does it feel," I added defiantly through gritted teeth as Felix held me there, waiting for orders, "to know that the only reason you are here, the only reason you care for the Volturi is because someone formed the bond for you. It's practically against your will and you don't even know it," I laughed humorlessly. A whole new vista of thoughts opened up at my words. Felix, hair disheveled and face contorted with rage, squeezed my windpipe enough that I couldn't speak anymore and my next retort was quickly lost. That didn't matter; Jane was on her way to finish the job without waiting for commands. She loved her master dearly; I could have picked it straight out of her convoluted mind.

_Clever, but I see through it, Edward. _"That's enough," roared Aro, his voice might have rivaled a freezer. Jane was about to break into a storm of protests but Aro cut her off. "He's playing us, don't you see? He wants us to kill him. I thought it might be that way," his lips turned down. All facades and pretenses disappeared. "But I know what you are thinking, Edward. I know what you have planned. I implore you to see reason – please – join us and forget this nonsense." _See sense, Edward. _

I got to my feet as my eyes roamed around the room, to all the vampires who could easily tear me apart but refused because of stupid orders. Each thought that I plucked from their minds only held contempt for me. They were upset that I was asked to join or staring at me in disbelief that I refused – even worse – that I was antagonistic toward the Volturi. The proudest ones showed the expression of loathing on their face, unable to hide their disgust. The wives of the Volturi stayed silently behind the guard. There was a hum in the air of the recent shock at my words.

Jane continued to glare at me venomously. "We should kill him now for being disrespectful," she said with a sense of jittery anticipation. She moved toward me, about to burn me under her torturous gaze. There was a murmur of general agreement.

"Not yet, my dear. To kill him would be wasteful. He still might see reason," Aro grabbed her shoulder. "If he goes through with his plans you will have your fun." It was a promise, though his thoughts were doubtful. He didn't believe I would do anything that would merit them killing me. He knew my beliefs.

In that moment, I knew that I would have to do something outlandish where they would have to kill me immediately to prevent the onlookers from seeing what the Volturi desperately wanted to keep secret. Today would be perfect with the massive crowds. Ideas soared in my head and I gave the Volturi nothing but a blank stare. "May I go now?" I raised an eyebrow. I was at the end of my emotional endurance.

"Of course."

I turned on my heel and marched out of the room, absolutely livid. All I wanted was death, it shouldn't be so complicated! I hurtled down the stairs and shot through the front door like a rocket.

"Felix? Demetri? Keep an eye on him while he's in the city," Aro commanded once I was outside.

The streets began filling with pedestrians, innocents. Many of them were draped with red and sporting costumes of the vampire persuasion. Normally this would have made me laugh; instead I only felt my deep sadness. It was time to make plans. I desperately hoped my family had stayed away. They would fight against me and against the Volturi. Only one life should be lost today and that should be mine. Really – what kind of life was it, anyway?

* * *

**Please Review! **_& once again thank you for those you who have been reviewing. It means more than you will ever imagine, especially after all of the hard work I have put into this story.

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	24. 21 Save Me

21. Save Me

* * *

My back was to the west side of a tall building housing a meat market with small apartments overhead. The shadow was long over the dusty stones of the city. To me, it was all meaningless. Everything was. I had nothing left. No one could possibly understand the resentment I felt against myself for letting Bella's life come to a brutal ending. Did she feel pain when she jumped off the cliff? Did it burn her lungs when she choked to death on the water? God! I was such a horrible monster. Why didn't I listen? Why did I have to be so stubborn?

Rosalie's words haunted me. _"She loved you more than you realized. More than any of us understood, really."_

How could I have been so stupid? Alice had showed me her pain through her visions when I first left Forks. I expected it, but I thought after all those months she would be fine, coping, moving on. I was constantly telling myself that she couldn't afford for me to come back, and in all honesty, she would have lasted longer in my care. _Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!_ I chanted to myself.

It was time to meet my end. If Aro thought I would be against doing something against my families beliefs, he didn't know how badly I wished for death. A truck drove down a small alley way to drop off supplies for the events of Saint Marcus day. I contemplated throwing it over the building. That would get everyone's attention. Then, there was a sudden rush of thoughts. Racing through the crowds at vampire speed, punching my fist through the wall, bringing a lion to fight with in the square or bringing a deer to the square and ravaging it… The thoughts were endless. All of those things could have some strange explanation and I knew that Aro would do everything to keep me as his radio so he could tune into whichever mind he wished from a distance. The last thing I wanted was to see the rough stone passageway and those stupid flaming torches that lead to the Volturi.

I knew what I had to do. The Volturi were strictly against all hunting in their city and they don't give warnings for those who break that rule. They burn them. That's what I wanted. I was going to hunt.

My mind jumped from thought to thought, trying to find someone to kill. In those years that I was away from Carlisle, I hunted men who were evil. I'd do the same now. Each thought was utterly meaningless, though I continued to search for the one person who would meet their fate along with me. A dark shadowy passageway could be seen from where I was leaning. My mind went out toward the man standing there smoking a clove cigarette after I had been searching for an hour. He was staring out toward a woman who was tall and beautiful. She had been setting up her small market space for the tourists that were rapidly filling the city.

_She'd look pretty good naked on my bed, _the man purred in his head. It made me sick. _How to get her to follow me…_ he contemplated.

As the images swam in his head I couldn't take it anymore. Keeping to the shadows, I made my way across the square where people were converging. They were all meaningless in this world. I finally picked his name from his convoluted mind. Stefan.

He dropped his clove cigarette to the ground and stomped on it to put out the fire before walking calmly toward the woman. She was completely oblivious to the danger that this man possessed. As I stalked the shadows I was picking up on his hideous thoughts. He wanted to do some brutal things to this woman. It was his lucky day. He was going to die. The world would be much better without predators like me and him. The phrase _two birds with one stone_ came to mind.

The thoughts of Felix and Demetri weren't far from my stalking moves. They were waiting, anticipating my next move. Good, they were the perfect audience along with all of my other emotions. I'd make all of them go away with just one bite. One last meal…one last selfish act. Because that is what I am, a selfish creature. I'd proven that, hadn't I?

The what if's spun around in my head again, but it was worse now, knowing no matter what I did at this moment in time, I'd never be able to repair her death. I speculated briefly as I moved toward the man if Bella had hated me in her last moments before she jumped. The thought burned like a fiery liquid through my veins. She was always so forgiving; I just hoped that she forgave me before ending her life. Even though I didn't deserve it.

Stefan walked into the sunlight to speak to the woman. He was clever in his words and soon she was eating out of the palm of his hand. I stood only feet away, ready to make my move.

"Stefan?" I called out from the shadows. His head snapped up to see my face. His jaw twitched and his thoughts became angry. "I wouldn't do that if I were you…you know, what you're thinking?"

His eyes narrowed. _Go away,_ he thought angrily.

"I'm not going away," I reiterated his thoughts.

He excused himself from the woman for a moment and marched to where I was at in the shadows. I turned around and went down a shadowy passage way, the one he was previously lurking in. When I stopped I turned around so quickly that the man recoiled. He was too slow and soon I had his neck in my grasp and his head hit the wall hard. Still, I was being gentle.

Instantly, memories came crashing down on me.

"_And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I asked._

"_Well, mostly I was wondering about your reaction," she said._

"_Did I frighten you?" I asked, positive that she would deny it._

"_No."_

_I tried not to smile, and failed. "I apologize for scaring you." And then my smile vanished with the momentary humor. "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted."_

"_That would be bad?"_

_The mental picture was too much—Bella, so vulnerable in the empty darkness; myself, out of control… I tried to banish it from my head. "Extremely."_

Why I thought of this while I was holding the man against the rough stone wall I didn't know but it hit me hard and I loosened my grip. What would Bella think about me now?

"_I trust you."_

I felt ashamed. Another memory flashed in my head.

_The snowflakes had become large and were increasing in rate. I knew any moment now that I'd be several feet deep if I didn't move from my perch. _

_Alaska. Or, as I'd like to call it, hell. Ever since Carlisle turned Esme we had been living in this place. Sure, the wildlife was plentiful, but there were no humans. I'd never tasted human blood before, but it smelled so rich and I craved it daily. I'd contemplated for days about leaving this place and never returning. Finally giving into what I was. I was a monster and nothing would ever change that. Carlisle was just holding me back from the inevitable. He had some kind of super control. Not me. _

I left that night for four years. I wasn't that person anymore.

The man stared back at me with eyes that had dilated in terror. I knew I couldn't let him go, but I also knew that I couldn't leave this world like this. Not with more shame. I owed my family that much, didn't I? Alice would see it all. Again, I felt sorry.

I yanked the man from the shadows and brought him to the nearest human guard. After explaining about who he was, from the things I pulled from his mind, they immediately arrested him due to previous unsolved crimes. It would be my last good deed.

Hidden from view, but not from my mind, Felix and Demetri were still following me. Felix was highly disappointed that I didn't take the man's life. He really wanted to kill me. He'd get his chance, I promised myself. All I could hope for at this moment would be a quick death.

A tall clock tower could be seen several blocks away as a chime rang out into the square, noting that it was eleven. And that was when my most brilliant plan came to me. One that wouldn't scare Bella. She was who I wanted to be thinking about in my final moments on this earth.

_As I stepped into the sunlight my skin instantly absorbed the rays and emitted them back out in a band of colors. I could see my reflection in her deep chocolate eyes and in that moment I became a statue of uneasiness. What would this revelation do to her resolve? Her mouth slightly parted and I could smell her sweet breath on the light breeze. She only hesitated for a second, and then, with deliberate slowness, stepped closer to me, and I could instantly tell it wasn't because she had an aversion to me, but because she was anxious of what my reaction would be. I moved in that moment, a smile slowly spread across my face. She returned my smile immediately._

I stalked the streets like a cat, slinking from shadow to shadow, the Volturi guard never far from my back. Just like Bella, I would decide the time of my oblivion.

The clock tower cast a long shadow across the grounds that were slowly becoming smaller as the sun inched its way across the light blue and cloudless sky. I let myself get lost in my thoughts, in my memories while I waited for the grand plan, the one that would get the most reaction. My eyes closed and I saw her chestnut brown hair, her deep, mysterious eyes and the perfect red of her lips.

"_Tell me what you're thinking," I pleaded_. _I willed my mind to hear her thoughts in that moment… even a single sound would quench my ever dying thirst for her knowing mind._

Bella's eyes bore into mine, her bottom lip being slowly chewed on. It was her nervous sign. I wasn't nervous, I was ready to meet my fate, my memory as my companion.

_Her voice accelerated then, "I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."_

_I was grief-stricken instantaneously. _

"_I don't want you to be afraid," I spoke the words that were undeniable._

"I can't live without you," I whispered aloud. "This is the only way."

"_I'm… sorry… Edward," she whispered._

I was the one who was sorry. Sorry for leaving her, for thinking that I was making things better. All I did was make them worse. As the minutes ticked on by, I hoped and prayed that Carlisle was right about heaven. If I could meet Bella in death, we'd have our eternity together after all.

_How do I make her understand how sorry I am? _

"_Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"_ If only…

This was the best way to go, to show the world how beautiful a true killer can be.

"_I don't want you to leave," she whimpered, looking at our hands again. _

The clocks hands readjusted again, another minute passed.

Her sweet face never left my view as the clock began its descent to my fate. The thoughts around me all came together as one big Italian splash. The square had flooded with people, red robes, vampire teeth and their flags all rejoicing the peace in the city. It was all meaningless…

An echoing chime boomed through the air and many people recoiled from the sound, some covering their ears. The sound was crystal clear in my mind. And welcomed.

Once before, the light had kept me from following Bella to save her. I remembered how powerless it made me feel. _So limited_.

Not this time.

I will touch the sun or die trying. Of all of my plans, this one I would not feel ashamed of. I'd show them all the skin of a true killer. Sparkle, shine – they'd see it all. The Volturi will just have to take me out. It would immediately knock that smug look off of Aro's face.

Each second the clocked chimed above my head I knew I was getting closer to the angel. My thoughts ventured to my family. They would survive this, they had each other. I was always the odd man out, and now they wouldn't have to worry about the belligerent old man they had to keep company. Death was what I came here for, and now I would greet it with an untamed, wild pleasure. Alice was the only one I felt sorry for now. She'd be a witness to my death no matter where she was at.

Another booming chime bounced through the square and I noticed a little girl pointing my direction. I couldn't even manage a smile. Her father didn't pay attention, even though she tugged at his pants over and over. He'd turn to see once I enter the light, as would the rest of the crowed before me.

There was nothing left in me. Slowly, calmly, I unbuttoned my shirt and yanked it free of my body. It was meaningless. I held it between two fingers as my arm went limply at my side.

Through the thoughts and the steady hum of the crowed there was a whimsical voice – beautiful, frantic – screaming my name. It was familiar. _Bella,_ I thought devotedly. Was she calling me from the heavens? _I'm coming, my sweet. _My shirt wavered in the breeze filled air until it dropped lifelessly to the ground, a semblance of my impending doom. The booming chime from above vibrated in the souls of my feet, shook me deep in my core. I took a step, listening to the heavenly voice calling my name.

"_Edward!"_

I closed my eyes, picturing her heart shaped face, porcelain cheeks, and her long brown hair. I stepped closer to the golden glow of the sun, letting the light shine only inches from my feet. In two seconds I would cross the line from life to death. I wouldn't be powerless anymore. _Forgive me_, I thought, opening my palms face up in prayer – to whichever god would be listening – before I let it all go. Everything was meaningless, after all.

"_Edward, no!"_ I heard in the distance. Again, the angelic sound had returned, louder this time. A hallucination. My subconscious giving me what I needed in my final moments. My face was serene, tranquil. I had accepted my fate and here Bella was to greet me.

_Maybe things weren't so meaningless after all_, I mused.

The clock tolled again, the booming chime echoing through the square. The end had come. My eyes traced the contrasting line between light and shadow and I remembered a time when that simple fact kept me from finding Bella in the small city of Port Angeles. It wouldn't stop me this time. I'd gladly take that step into the light just to end it all. I'd lived for so long and now I'd have my peace just as Bella.

I took another step toward the light. _"No! Edward, look at me!"_ I heard in that same musical, hysterical voice. She was trying to save me, protect me instead of herself. Her last selfless act to my selfish one. My lips twitched up slightly at the thought as I began to take my final step into the sun.

And then, she was in my arms…here to save me. My hands grasped her warm body immediately as I took in the sweet, seductive scent of her blood. She was tangible, real.

I had to check…I had to look to see if what I was feeling were true. Deliberately, I opened my eyes with cautiousness. My eyes found what my body could feel. She was here, in my arms. It was undeniable. She was real.

"Amazing," I whispered into her hair. Her very real, strawberry scented hair. "Carlisle was right." He really was… A giddy excitement radiated through my body.

It was in that second that I knew I was finally in heaven.

* * *

**Please Review!** _Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! I told you I'd post this chapter on Sunday and here it is! Shew, when you're under the clock you start to sweat. Hah._

_

* * *

_

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	25. 22 Reunion I

**Author's Note:** First, I want to say I am so sorry for taking this long to post anything. My life has been so hectic and I just want to do Edward justice, especially in the coming chapters. This is sort of like a teaser to Chapter 22. It is actually the first part of it, just so my fans know that I haven't given up and that I am still writing. Second, I wanted to thank my fans who have stuck it out with me through all the thick and thin and all the pain and turmoil. If it weren't for all of you, I wouldn't have gotten this far, so give yourself a nice pat on the back.

Now onto my peace-offering.

* * *

22. Reunion TEASER

* * *

"Edward," Bella choked. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

There were no shadows, not with the light I felt radiating out of me. Her soft skin against mine…the warmth of her touch. I was _mystified_. This whole time I thought we'd _never_ be together again. Yet here she was. Everything was the same; her voice, her hair, her smell, her pounding pulse against my skin. Her breath was quick, and her chest was heaving gasping breaths. It was heaven. _I _was in heaven. How I achieved that, I'd never know.

It was so strange—I could still hear the clock descending to my fate. The echoing chime rang in my ears, but the sound had a different meaning this time. Heaven. _Heaven_. No matter the inflection, it spelled out the same thing: _Bella_. Was this some sort of reward for all of my suffering?

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good," I mused, still shocked at the celestial being in my arms. Though I could barely tear myself away from the angel, I closed my eyes just in case it was all an illusion. She was _still_ there—her warmth seeping into my skin. I pressed my nose into her hair, reveling in the scent, my lips automatically kissing her hair. When I opened my eyes, the scene had not changed. This was not my imagination, after all.

_This was real._

"_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_." The statement was more true for Bella than it would ever be for Juliet. In death, she was more divine and unearthly than ever before.

In the haze of everything, I felt buoyant, elated. The feelings were so foreign, and so _wonderful_. The final chime bellowed out of the clock before it became silent, the vibration still shuddering beneath my feet.

All thoughts were gone.

The crowed was gone.

The sun, the clock tower, all my problems—gone.

There was no more pain or fire or heartache. The one thing that wasn't gone was her. Was this the loop hole I was looking for? Death? Was this the answer?

Everything disappeared except us. Her scent, her most beautiful, delicious scent swirled through the windy air and spiraled down my windpipe. "You smell just exactly the same as always." I took in another breath. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead. And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" She twitched in my arms.

_Not dead…._

My eyes shot down to her deep depths. Everything came crashing back to earth. _Boom!_ The last seven months: the birthday party, the end, the ocean, Alaska, Aberdeen, Portland, the train, Vegas, New Mexico, the army coven, Texas, South America, Bella's death, Volterra…. Bam, Bam, Bam. One by one everything came hurtling back to reality. This _wasn't _heaven. _This was living_.

"What was that?" I asked her to repeat, though I heard the words with perfect clarity: _They can't be far away._

A rush of thoughts bombarded my mind. The moment was over too fast, real life set in.

_They're coming_….

* * *

_Once again--thank you all for your patience. I will try my best to get this chapter finished ASAP. _

* * *

**Please Review!** _Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *


	26. 22 Reunion II

**Previously ...**_ A rush of thoughts bombarded my mind. The moment was over too fast, real life set in. They're coming….

* * *

_

22. Reunion II

* * *

"He's stepping closer to the light." I could hear in the distance.

_Aro will be pleased._

"It's time." Demetri's scent was not far off, neither were their footsteps. _I was so hoping he would just leave this place for good – quit his brooding. Just another mess we have to clean up._

"We have to be sure. Aro said only if he broke the rules."

"He also said we must prevent there from being any witnesses."

"Like the girl?" a calculating voice queried.

_Is he hunting?_

I looked down at Bella, her eyes frantic with panic. She knew we were in danger—she was warning me. She'd come here to save me! _Alice._ Of course, she would have seen this coming. Everything seemed to snap into place in that single second. The thoughts, Bella's warm skin against mine … it all made sense now. I was wrong. I had been mistaken.

Now we were in danger. _This is all your fault …_

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to _get _out of here before the Volturi–"

I didn't let her finish her sentence. The Volturi were already here. Reminding myself to be gentle, I pulled her from the light she deserved to live in and placed her against a wall, lined with shadows. Her heart beat profoundly in her chest as I placed myself in front of her, my arms spreading out to protect her – her vampire shield. The guards would have to go through me before they ever lay a finger on Bella. I'd caused enough damage. Something deep inside me awoke and the monster emerged, angrier than ever. _This won't be the end. She's alive …_

In the darkness of the alley were Felix and Demetri, their long cloaks whispering across the stone ground.

_It has been too long since we have had a good fight._ Felix noted dryly.

I tensed for action and the two in the alley only took in the scene with curiosity. And even in those moments of terror for my love, it was the same. She was the same. Her scent swirled around me, her pulse throbbed profusely and her thoughts were still a mystery. And though I wanted to just grab her and run, I knew I couldn't. The light had become my prison again.

Felix and Demetri stepped from the deepest of shadows to show their faces.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said calmly. In the distance I knew that an older woman's thoughts were worried about my defensive position. I stalled, hoping human interaction would protect Bella. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

_Tsk tsk, Edward. You should know better. _Demetri eyed the delicate girl behind my back with interest.

_I hope you aren't planning on hunting here …_ Felix had a ghost of a smirk on his face. "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" _… I'm sure Aro wouldn't mind me taking care of you – our little nuisance. _

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I replied in a low and deadly voice. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

_Yet, _Felix added in his head. _But I'm sure you'll be able to explain the girl, right? _He grinned maliciously.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri said, his voice smooth. _So impatient, Felix! _As wind whipped through the small alley, their cloaks billowed like capes. They were not completely unexposed to the sun. "Let us seek better cover."_… Aro will be pleased to see you again, Edward. He was hoping things would not have an unfortunate end. And now they don't have to._

Already, I hated how easily they became accustomed to speaking to me through their minds. I could also tell that they were not as good at protecting their thoughts from me. In Demetri's mind, he was picturing his reward – Bella.

"I'll be right behind you," I said sardonically. Without turning around, I addressed Bella, "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I knew Alice had to be out there somewhere. She would know to run with Bella – to keep her safe.

_Bella? She's alive … We are no fools, Edward. _"No, bring the girl," Felix said menacingly. _The human is not dead after all … interesting. I'm sure we'll find something to do with her, _he licked his lips.

In that second, I knew I had made a mistake. He also had plans for her, but more so as a pawn for the Volturi's plans than for substance—though that wasn't completely out of the question. I refused to let either of them live out their plans. I'd fight—right here, right now.

"I don't think so." The tone of my voice resonated the many years of my life, and my strength.

_If you insist, _Demetri smirked. _We will have our way, even if we have to force you._

Automatically, my body tensed for action. I could take them both down. Their thoughts were not so easily hidden from me.

"No," came a soft whisper from behind me.

"Shh," I tried to make the sound soothing, letting her know I wasn't going to let anything happen to her. Of course, she was always able to see right through my pretenses. She probably already knew how much danger we were in. All I wanted was to give her reassurances, and I was unable.

_Have it your way, _Felix stared at me, a flicker of longing on his face.

"Felix," Demetri cautioned, seeing Felix's weight change to a threatening stance. _If we fight, Aro will have our heads._ "Not here." It wasn't a plea, it was a command. Felix narrowed his eyes, but let it go. Demetri turned back to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all." _… and the girl will be excellent leverage. Join us Edward or watch her die. _

"Certainly," I allowed. '"But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey," Demetri emphasized. _Aro will be intrigued at this turn of events._

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri," I said smoothly.

"That's just fine," Felix sneered. _I'd like a challenge for once. Don't think I won't kill the girl._

A red haze ran across my vision and for a few short seconds I thought I would pounce, but I had to remember the angel behind me, grabbing at my back with her warm fingers. Her heart had not slowed.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed. _Two against one, this should be easy. Or maybe I'll just watch Felix have his fun._

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I countered.

Felix and Demetri looked at each other for a second, communicating silently, though I could hear the plan in their minds. They moved apart, yet the same as they came closer to Bella and I, trying to push us down the alley way. Light hit their cloaks, perfectly protecting their skin from the sun. I wasn't so lucky. Again, the light prevented me from keeping Bella safe. The light she deserved to live in—the light I was once again taking away.

They moved closer and attention was now on the spectacle we were creating. I refused to move.

As the danger approached, I heard a single thought. _It's not wise to aggravate them, Edward. Back off some. _My head snapped toward the shadows of the alley. It was Alice. I could have kissed her.

Felix and Demetri saw my movement and at the same time they heard the light footsteps approaching. For a moment they thought it was help, and then they realized they had no idea who it was, but knew it was another immortal.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice advised. "There are ladies present." She practically skipped to my side. _I see Bella got to you in time. _Like she didn't already know. _We aren't out of danger yet. If you would have just gone back to Forks …_

She didn't need to remind me. I already knew leaving was the biggest mistake of my life, and now Bella would have to pay the price unless I found a way out of this situation.

_Who…?_ Demetri froze in midstride toward me, straightening from the crouch he was moving into.

_She's on Edwards's side … _Felix's thoughts were a hum of anger, but he kept his face unreadable. _If this is the psychic Aro had told us about … _his smooth expression faltered, his face twisting into an unpleasant one.

_The future is still not clear, Edward. _"We're not alone," Alice admonished, shooting a look over Demetri's shoulder. The future flickered uselessly in her mind as the many outcomes seemed to all end disastrously. She sifted through them, and only one put Bella in the center of that crowd – in the light.

We both watched as Demetri tore his eyes off of Alice and moved over his shoulder. Not far off was a small family, dressed for the occasion of Saint Marcus day. Though the older woman was whispering in her husband's ear, the conversation was clear – _something is going on over there. Maybe we should get help_. Her gaze, once intent on the scene shifted away when she noticed Demetri's gaze.

_Aro will not be pleased. We are not being inconspicuous. _Demetri grumbled in his head, and then his eyes seized mine. _Don't think I won't be capable of finding you if you get away._

Felix frowned deeply, silently bursting with unpleasant retorts.

We all watched as the husband walked toward one of the guards in red and point in our direction, his lips moving quickly.

_Stupid intruding humans! _Demetri shook his head back and forth before pleading, "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

"Let's," I concurred. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." In my head, I picture snatching Bella up and running for it. Six guards in red were now all anxiously watching the scene unfold before them. I wanted to scream for them to come down this alley.

_The guards can't help us now … _Alice grumbled mentally. _We have company. If we don't go with her, things will end catastrophically._

Ideas ran through my head, over and over. I looked up at the building, wondering if I could jump with Bella on my back, or maybe I could get past the vampires before things turned for the worse. Alice stopped me in my tracks. _None of it will work. Demetri will track you and Felix will have a snack. _I bit back a scream of frustration.

Demetri hated being thwarted, but I hated it more. "At least let us discuss this more privately." _Let's not cause a scene, Edward. … Aro will have my head for this._

"Can't you boys do anything right?" an agile voice spoke from afar. "Aro was right—Edward _is_ a handful."

I wanted to cuss. "No," I growled.

Felix grinned triumphantly at her voice in the distance. _If you would have just come with us peacefully …_

All the muscles in my body tensed, angry. I knew we were at a loss, and so did Alice. Though she continued to search for the outcome, there were too many decisions that hadn't been made. _There are just too many ways the future could go, but there is still hope._

Jane appeared before us and she looked between the five of us. _Well, I wasn't expecting this. What have we here? _"Enough," she ordered as she saw the look of determination on my face. _I don't have the patience, today. Don't test me, Edward. _

My eyes flickered toward Alice who had a frown on her face. Her mind was frantically moving from one scene to the next. As I changed my mind, so did the future, but no matter how many different ideas came across my head, only one would safely remove Bella from this scene.

_This could have been painless, _Demetri thought towards me.

I didn't look his direction, I only stared into Jane's deep, crimson eyes. _Try me, _she smirked. Bella gripped the back of my bare skin and I relaxed in defeat, as did Demetri and Felix, but in victory. When they stepped back into the shadows, the guards watched us and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at the change in our stances.

"Jane," I sighed in defeat.

_She's going to take us to the Volturi. It will be up to them at what to do with us. We'll have to be convincing. _Alice looked over at Jane, folding her arms, though keeping her stance impassive.

"Follow me," Jane commanded in her child-like tone. It sounded innocent—but it was far from it. Her cloak whipped around as she turned on her heel, and floated into the shadowy alleyway.

_Don't worry, Edward, I'll keep an eye on Bella. _Felix smirked and then indicated we should go ahead of him. _If you try to run, I'll kill her first. _

_You better not cause trouble. _Alice thought as she turned to follow Jane. _She's not very patient._

_It's okay, Edward. Leave Bella back here with me, _Demetri looked behind me at Bella. Immediately, I reached around and brought my arm around her waist. As I did this I noticed that she wasn't _exactly_ the same. She was smaller than before. I could tell she was frightened and as I finally got a good look at her—I could see the first signs of damage I had caused.

_I am a monster.

* * *

_

**Author's Note:** Hey all!! I know I have been absent – but I actually have a good excuse this time. Many of you know that I am writing a book—well, it is almost done!!! This is exciting news for me. I have a few investors and will be self-publishing my book in the very near future. I have started a blog as a countdown until publishing. It would mean a lot if my fans on here would check it out. Timelessseries[dot]blogspot[dot]com

I'll try to update New Moon often once I finish my book – which I am hoping to finish in the next week (roughly).

Once again – thank you to all of my wonderful fans for keeping with this story. I hope I haven't disappointed you. I am very excited about writing the scene with the Volturi. That will be a very long chapter – I have already decided.

* * *

**Please Review!** _Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!

* * *

_

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended. 


	27. 23 Paradox

A/N: Real quick, I want to thank Lisa, my Beta reader for ALL my writing. She was sent from the Gods and was sweet enough to actually write some of the wonderful paragraphs you see in this chapter.

23. Paradox

* * *

_I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for the fact that you wouldn't have listened to me. _Alice stared at me sideways. _You have to forgive me; it would have killed Bella if you didn't survive. It was my mistake in the first place. You had to know she was alive, and Bella wanted to come here … She still loves you. _

Though many voices echoed in my head, Alice's was the most frantic, possibly desperate. She felt guilty, and though she was trying to explain away her guilt, it was still there.

The alley grew narrower as we continued down the lane. Bella shook in my grip, and I was sure my skin didn't help the matter. Again, I was being selfish because I wouldn't let go. I'd felt the torture of her absence for months now, and refuse to return to the desolate land of Bellaless Edward.

Alice prattled on, but my eyes didn't see anything, and my mind didn't listen to anything except for the frantic heartbeat of the frail girl in my arms. The same, beautiful girl I thought was dead. But she wasn't. It couldn't be a dream because I didn't sleep, though the possibility of hell was still not out of the question. I didn't care, because she was here, with me. Sweet torture.

Bella's eyes darted toward my face, the panic obvious in the lines of her porcelain-skinned face. Again, I noticed how thin she had become. Her cheek bones stood out more than they should. I made a mental note to make sure that she ate more food, if she would allow my presence in her life at all. It didn't matter if she did or not; I wasn't going anywhere. It was obvious she was my life; I needed her in order to retain any form of my humanity. The depravity of even speculating on becoming her vampire stalker again doesn't seem to faze me like it once had.

Bella's lips—oh, those lips, how I missed you so—parted like she was going to ask me something and I shook my head in hopes that she would stay quiet, at least for the time being. Boy, did I miss those soft, sweet, breathy words though. Imaging my life without them … I knew now wasn't the most appropriate time to think these thoughts but I just couldn't stop. It was best if we kept everything we could from the Volturi. I wondered if Jasper knew that Bella was here with Alice. He was probably freaking out about the repercussions of Bella's knowledge, and her fate, and our fate, being in the hands of the Volturi. I'd make sure that the Volturi knew that my family had nothing to do with Bella, even though Aro had read my thoughts. I'd make them believe … somehow.

"Well, Alice," I said, interrupting her flow of thoughts that I hadn't been paying any attention to. I had too many thoughts myself. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." That was an understatement. I knew she would see my plan; that was why I had tried to hurry the process along.

"It was my mistake," she reminded me. Her guilt was heavy on her mind, though her voice was soft and conversational. We had become very good at pretenses. "It was my job to set it right." _I had to; I love you too much for you to kill yourself. I just hope we make it out of here alive._

I wasn't interested in her remorse because I wasn't upset. With all the emotions running through my body, being angry with Alice was low on the totem pole. I was elated. The damsel in distress rescued her hero—that was what I wanted to know about. How did it get to this point? "What happened?" I wondered.

_That's what I'd like to know,_ Demetri thought from behind me. Nosey vampire.

"It's a long story," Alice said aloud, and then her mind began its frantic tale. _I saw her jump off a cliff in one of my visions. Below was water, and I knew she was at some beach in Washington. _The image was perfect in her mind, not even a hint of fog—clear as air. _She was okay, at first, but then the waves crashed over her and she got sucked under. I waited and waited for her to resurface, but she didn't._ High-def had nothing on Alice's memories of her vision. My arm tightened automatically around Bella's waist._ Then suddenly she disappeared from my vision completely—I thought she had died; that was the only explanation I could come up with for her disappearing like that._ Poof, like the light turning off, the darkness all consuming … and then she was gone from view. My heart clenched uncomfortably, and I relished it because I could feel my heart again. No empty hole, no horrible ache.

Alice continued, pulling me from my musings._ I knew I would be too late, I knew it. But for some reason, I couldn't let it go. I had to go back, _I just had to_. I wanted to help Charlie. You know I always had a soft spot for that human. You always said Forks was off limits until Bella was gone. Well, she was, or so I thought. I never thought I could be surprised, or taken aback like I was, but suddenly Bella was there, inside the house._ He eyes darted to Bella. _She was alive. _Alice's face twitched for a second before her eyes shot up to meet mine. _And my vision was wrong … _"In summary, she did jump offa cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

I was sure my eyes had turned to slits as I took in all the information and turned toward Bella who had turned a lovely shade of pink. The water, mixed with the blood that swirled under her skin, infused together to form the most delicious scent. One would think that I enjoyed my _break_ from that particular form of torture, but even though by throat was engulfed in flames, it was still the most amazing, life giving scent of all time—the scent that meant she was alive and here with me. I basked in it.

Alice continued, adding more to the story. _I know you thought it was the right thing to do—to leave her—but it wasn't, you _idiot_. I told you it wouldn't work. Edward, she's been hanging out with werewolves for Pete's sake; the same ones that you and the others used to talk about, the ones from La Push. You didn't catch Victoria, did you?_ She managed to ask that mental question with a snarky tone—she already knew the answer.

My head barely moved back and forth. There was a bad feeling creeping its way up my veins at the mention of Victoria.

_The werewolves killed Laurent, _Alice informed me. I was sure for a moment my face went slack, but I composed myself as quickly as possible. _But Victoria has been stalking the boarders of Forks—looking for Bella. _I felt sick.

"Hm," was the only thing I could manage to say without exploding right then. Was there a worse word for monster? Because I am pretty sure that was me. Not only did I hurt Bella emotionally, but I left her in the hands of werewolves, and Victoria. I was a fool and an idiot, but worse than that, I was a tyrant for trying to make choices for Bella. I should have trusted her choice and stayed with her, at least then I could have protected her when danger came her way, which it did so often … whether I was in her life or not.

Each second I felt like a bigger ass.

We'd come to a grate in the ground, one that we would have to jump down into to access the castle. Jane hadn't slowed as she took a step gracefully into the sewer hole.

_I'll go first, _Alice told me. _Help Bella down. _She didn't stop her lithe strides as she took one last final step in the alley way and then vanished beneath the ground, into the same hole Jane had entered.

_Your human is slowing me down, Edward. Pick up the pace or I'll have myself a snack. _That was Jane. I had to swallow the growl that threatened to erupt from my chest.

_Drop her down here, I'll catch her. _Alice thought from below.

"It's all right, Bella," I whispered to her. "Alice will catch you."

Bella looked down at the black hole and then turn to give me an incredulous look. It was pure torture—of course she didn't trust me to keep her safe, because I had been doing the exact opposite for months now. I implored with my gaze, begging her to trust me.

_If you don't hurry it up, I'll toss her down there myself, _Felix snapped. He had a gory mental picture of a mangled Bella collapsed on the ground as he sprang to bite her neck before the blood ran cold.

Bella lowered and sat with her legs dangling below. There was the faint smell of old and dried blood that came rushing out of the hole. It had nothing on the fragrance that was emitting from the sweet human in the midst of the very, "non-vegetarian" vampires.

_Yum, Yum,_ Demetri thought as air rushed out of the hole and wafted through Bella's brown locks.

"Alice?" Bella's voice was low and it shook.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice called back, reassuring.

I took her wrists—trying to be as gentle as possible—and lowered her into the blackness.

"Ready?" I asked Alice.

"Drop her," Alice called.

I reluctantly let go of Bella, putting all my trust in Alice, I knew she'd keep her safe; she loved her almost as much as I did.

I heard the air whip round her body for a split second then heard the sound of impact as Alice caught Bella in her arms. Her thoughts told me that she was gauging the speed of Bella's fall so that her arms could absorb some of the impact. _I did the best I could Edward, but I'm sure she'll have some bruises to show for this. _Great, I couldn't stop hurting this beautiful, selfless creature that had traveled half way around the world to save a horrid monster. I didn't deserve her, but I also would never let her go again. Always so selfish—that was me.

I dropped down just as Alice was setting Bella on her feet.

I put my arm gently, yet firmly, around her again and pulled her close to my body. I guided her forward at a pace that was a bit of a struggle for her, but I wouldn't risk frustrating Jane and her cronies—they were thirsty and I wouldn't allow our actions to invite an early "snack time." Bella wrapped both of her soft, warm arms around me as she tripped and stumbled across the uneven stone surface. I almost laughed at how much I had missed her little quirks. As the heavy grate slid back over the drain hole, the light from the street was extinguished. It didn't change my vision, but I knew it would be even harder for Bella to walk over the uneven stones on the ground.

Felix, his impatience growing to a nearly intolerable level, let out a sigh. _If you don't hurry, we can always have her as an appetizer. Pick up the pace._ His mind continued, but I blocked it out. Some snippets I still heard, like how he was wondering how severely he would be punished if he gave in to his desire for a _snack._ Heidi was coming soon with their _meal_, but Felix didn't want to wait. Over my burning pile of ashes.

I pulled Bella closer to me, ready to protect her if Felix gave into his desires. I lifted my hand to hold Bella's beautiful face, tracing my thumb across her warm, supple lips. Although her scent had my throat burning like a fire in Hades, I lowered my head until my nose was surrounded by strands of her hair and inhaled her amazing floral scent. I'd once compared Bella's scent to a wine connoisseur breathing in the bouquet, but honestly, she smelled more wonderful than that, there was no comparison that could adequately describe how divine, how delectable—_snap out of it. _I had to reel myself back in to the present. I pulled her even closer to me, reminding myself that she was alive and that I'd been given a second chance at a _life_ with her. I kissed her forehead, reveling in the fact that she was with me—alive and well … for the time being. Even Alice couldn't tell me what the future held, though she was playing every possible scenario though her head—God bless her. Until a decision was made, she couldn't tell me anything.

As we continued down the path that took us deeper underground, I tried to keep Bella calm by gently caressing her face, reminding her, silently, that I was there and would do all that I could to protect her. I took this opportunity to listen to the thoughts of Jane, Felix, and Demetri. Jane, always the well behaved _pupil,_ had been well trained in controlling her thoughts already. She was filling her mind with thoughts of her impending meal being delivered shortly. No doubt, her intention was to make me believe that Bella would be included in that meal. "Never" is what I wanted to scream at her. I knew that Alice would back me up; we'd fight them to the death to save Bella.

I was suddenly pulled out of my eavesdropping by Bella's body convulsing. Was it from fear or from the cold? I got my answer as I heard her teeth chattering, breaking up the silence that had consumed the tunnel we were in. I immediately released her in hopes that my ice-cold body away from her would help her body temperature rise. Selfish as I was, though, I would not release her hand. I'd been without her for months now, and I refused to relinquish our contact. Bella surprised me, though.

"N-n-no," she chattered, throwing her arms around me. Did she want to die of frostbite? Of course, I could deny her nothing, so I wrapped my arm back around her, rubbing my hand up and down her arm, hoping to create some heat from the friction.

As we continued on through the tunnel, Felix's impatience grew. Imagines in his mind began to show me all the dirty things he wanted to do to Bella—every single one of them ended with her dead. _If she walked faster, Edward, I'd almost call her meals on wheels. _I shoot him the dirtiest look yet. His words sending me back to a time when James had called her a "snack" in the clearing.

As we finally reached the end of the tunnel, I slid through the grate, pulling Bella quickly behind me; hearing in Felix's thoughts that he was going to snap the door shut behind Bella—hoping to give her a scare. We stepped into a much brighter stone room as the grille slammed shut with a _clang_, followed by the snap of a lock, just as he promised. Bella flinched and I scowled. As we made our way into the next room, Bella relaxed immediately. She must have found comfort in the familiarity of this room, which appeared to be a harmless office, but I knew it for what it was—a waiting room for sentencing. I tensed, knowing that we were getting close to our own sentencing. But I only cared about one person's survival—Bella's. I knew it would rip our family to shreds to lose Alice or myself, but I couldn't allow myself to consider that, I was completely focused on ensuring that Bella got out alive, and _human_. If Alice and I escaped, that would be an added bonus. The thought was bleak, as I knew that she knew too much, and it was my fault that the Volturi know now. Idiot!

Suddenly, I tensed as Alice was assaulted me with a vision that nearly sent me to my knees. Aro—biting Bella's neck. Not to feast from her delectable fluids, but to make her immortal. He wanted her for his private collection. What he saw in my thoughts intrigued him, I knew that. My teeth clamped together. I would not allow it. I would find a way to change that possibility. Bella would not be subjected to the life of a monster, a barbarian with no self control. Alice was searching too, running through every possible decision to attempt to find a resolution that would end with all of us returning to forks, to our family.

There was a problem though; at every angle I scanned the room and new thoughts, new plans formed, which made Alice's vision flicker. She had a look on her face like she wasn't sure what to say or do. My ideas were interrupting and blinding her only form of self-protection—of the future—but if I thought of something, and the future changed to Bella escaping, Alice wanted to find it. It was a catch-22, a stupid freakin' paradox.

Demetri continued to narrow his eyes at me. He could see every tiny flinch of my muscle as I tensed for the first plan that Alice could see working. It felt hopeless.

I could feel Bella's body temperature rise as we walked through the bright, warm hallway. Impossibly, the situation made me feel colder. I stared down the hallway where Jane waited, hoping she'd be given the command to use her _gift_ on Bella. I sent her the fiercest, most primitive evil glare I could muster up.

I pulled Bella along as Alice walked along the other side of her, offering as much protection as she could after _seeing_ what Jane had planned for Bella. It was bad, really, really bad.

Jane waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. Her expression was apathetic, though her thoughts were vivid—Bella, on the floor, writhing in pain. I had no idea if Bella would be immune to Jane's _gift_ as she was immune to mine, but my mind was racing, trying to find a way to protect her if Jane tried to _attack_ her.

Once inside the elevator, Jane, Felix, and Demetri relaxed, allowing their hoods to fall back. Bella was curled into me, probably stunned by fear, as she stood, staring at the three vampires. I hoped that she didn't notice that their eyes were turning black, indicating their thirst. There was no reason for her to be even more terrified than she already was. I kept my eyes on Jane, listening to every thought that passed through her mind, ready to attack, no matter how much it hurt me, if she tried to hurt Bella. _Your little friend won't fare well if I get my way_, Jane mentally snickered. I scowled. _Oh, Edward. Don't worry; I'll let you watch, of course. _

As we stepped out of the elevator into the posh reception area, Bella gaped slightly, taking in all of the very normal décor. Alice and I started our mind-reader-vision-dance again. Every time, we are dead, Bella was dead; whether immortal or not. My conscious scolded myself for not listening to Bella's words so many months ago, as we sat in her father's house watching Romeo and Juliet. She told me—didn't ask, she demanded that I would not hurt myself … no matter what.

I knew immediately when Bella spotted Gianna, because she stopped breathing and stood almost as still as a vampire. I suspected that Bella felt a bit safer, knowing that she was not the only human in the large castle. Or maybe that was hope she was grasping on to. I wanted to say, "We all are, sweetheart. That is all we have left—hope." Instead, I kept quiet. No reason to scare her anymore.

Gianna smiled politely in welcome. "Good afternoon, Jane," she greeted. There was no surprise in her face as she glanced at us, though her mind gave away her bewilderment. _Edward is back … with a human? I don't know what his business is here, but I've never seen anyone arrive with a human clutched to their side. Does she have a death wish? She looks half dead already. Or is she here to be changed? Uh, if they change her and keep me human, I'm going to … well, I guess there isn't much I can do. Maybe I'll start wandering the streets at night to find a vampire willing to change me—no, I have vampire scent on me … Aro's scent … no vampire in their right mind would cross Aro. _

Jane nodded. "Gianna." She continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room, and we followed. _So desperate, that one … to be my meal._

As Felix passed the desk, he winked at Gianna, and she giggled. _The longer Aro allows Gianna to remain human, the more delectable she becomes. Perhaps, if I do my job well today, Aro will reward me with two snacks. Don't worry Edward, I'll take Bella first, I want to have a clear palate when I taste her divine juices. _Alice mentally screamed at me, seeing instantly what I had planned to do. _Edward no! If you attack, we'll all die. What would be the point of this reunion if we all died because of your stupidity?_ I hated when she was right. My mind wandered back to escape plans which were bleak now.

On the other side of the wooden doors, Alec waited for us. He smiled brightly as he stepped forward, arms outstretched, and embraced his twin sister. "Jane."

"Alec," she responded. They kissed each other's cheeks on both sides.

Then he looked at us. _My, my. Who might this be? Her scent is so tasty; floral, strawberries and hot, pulsing blood. Oh, so hard to resist when their hearts pound so quickly. _

My arm tightened again and I glared at him with a thousand daggars.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two… and a half," Alec noted, looking at me. "Nice work."

_She'll be more than a half once I add in my fun and games. _Jane laughed, the sound perfect and flawless and evil.

Alice's vision shifted suddenly and I saw some of the future—the horrible future. Alice was being held down, her neck at an odd angle, like they were about to break it, and I was on the ground, recovering from Jane's "gift." Worst of all, though, was the screwed-up-I'm-about-to-die-look that Bella was currently wearing and my heart literally felt like it had been ripped in a new way. Alice actually had to place a hand on my back to stop my impending collision with Jane, as her vision changed abruptly. There was no "look" on Bella's face in this future—just a lifeless, shell of the girl I loved. My muscles relaxed immediately under Alice's touch and her vision shifted yet again, back to random pictures. If I weren't a vampire, I'd say it would cause one vertigo.

_Hum, who might this human be? _"Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted. "You seem in a better mood." _Perhaps you have decided to join us, and you prove it, you wish to feed upon this girl? Do share …_

"Marginally," I said dryly. It took everything in me not to show the anger that was boiling and spilling over inside me.

Jane placed a small hand on Alec's forearm and whispered, "Bella."

Alec chuckled, and his eyes shot toward Bella to study her more closely. I didn't like his eyes raping her like they were, picking up on every last detail of her smell, her look, her hot blood. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he scoffed. _Unbelievable. _

My lips twitched up into a menacing smile.

_Oh no, Alec. _Felix had a smirk playing on his lips. I stiffened at the images in his mind. "Dibs," he called out.

Alice was screaming at me, shouting through her mind, sending me visions and images. I almost didn't stop, I almost pounced on top of that little bastard as soon as he spoke. I pivoted and a growl rumbled through my chest and then he licked his lips in Bella's direction. I tensed, ready so shift Bella into Alice's arms.

_Oh, you do want to play after all? Come on, then. _He coaxed me with his finger, telling me to come after him, mocking me in his head.

My body reacted.

* * *

**Author's Note:** _Sorry for the delay, but good news, my book is currently at the publishers and a cover is being designed as we … read? … anyways, thank you for waiting and here is another update. I promise one soon. I will finish this story! You can follow me on facebook (see profile)_

Speaking of stories…_I am co-authoring a MA story with five other FanFiction authors. Please read and review! You can check it out under my favorite authors_ "**DevilishPleasures**"

**Wicked Angel:** Twisted. Dark. Deep. A Hitward Tale.

I am Edward Cullen and I have a deadly secret: I am a hit man. My new target: Isabella Newton. With the help of my friends, we plan the crime of the century. What the hell am I going to do when Bella becomes more than my target and becomes my life....

**

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW!

* * *

**

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.


	28. 24 Envy

**24. Envy**

* * *

Alice touched my arm. "Patience," she reminded me. Her thoughts were not as calm. The image in her mind was not . . . pleasant. _We have to get through this together. Think about Bella! _She knew words weren't enough, so she showed me what the future possibly held if I continued to stalk toward Felix. The image of Bella in his grasp . . . the blood draining from her body . . . the image nearly sent me over the edge, but it was what I needed to keep my head on straight. That was probably the only thing that would have stopped me from completely ripping his throat out.

_Good boy,_ Alice thought in relief when her vision cleared.

_It's so dull when they restrain themselves, _Felix thought with a mental eye-roll. _I'm sure we can break him from his control._

If he thought for a second that he could pull my thoughts away from Bella long enough for me to make a mistake that would leave her dead then he was the dumbest fool I'd ever met.

I took a deep breath to try and gain some of my composure and turned toward to Alec.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again." Alec's voice held an undercurrent of sarcasm. _This turn of events should leave us with a warm meal. Perhaps an appetizer until Heidi returns? _

Jane stared at him like she knew what he was thinking. _Eat the girl and kill the vampires! _was obviously Jane's vote.

I suppressed a growl.

"Let's not keep him waiting." _You know how he doesn't like to wait . . ._

I gave a curt nod because it was the only thing I could muster that would keep Bella safe. I don't even think polite conversation would have been an option so I was glad that it was sort of an unspoken rule to try and ignore each other as much as possible. Of course, it didn't work that way for me. Her sadistic thoughts still crept into my mind, infecting it with her poison.

Alec and Jane turned from us and held hands. They marched fluidly—yet slowly enough for Bella to keep up—down a large, open corridor. The architecture was absolutely stunning, but my mind was too busy worrying about our current situation than the ancient art of the building.

Bella's warm body was still tucked under my arm. How she was managing with everything amazed me. Her eyes darted from one side of the hall to the next, like she was memorizing it for a test. It was good to know she was on her toes. But it bothered me some that she seemed to be looking everywhere but me. I deserved that. My thoughts grew fierce as I looked for all escape routes, possible scenarios, and how a very human Bella would mix into all of it.

_Edward, it is really hard to see what our outcome will be when you keep thinking of escape routes. _Alice's face didn't flinch or change, but her mental voice was scalding me.

I deserved it. She was right, I was thinking about how it was good that Bella was taking in the scene before us because she might need to know it if we choose to escape.

_God, Edward. Stop! _

I looked down at my tiny sister and gave her one of my curt little nods too, hoping she would understand that I wasn't trying to mess with her visions, I just wanted to keep the beautiful girl in my arms safe, and that meant knowing every route and possible plan of escape if things went . . . badly. And I didn't want to think about that.

At the very end of the hall there were large, arched doors made of gold. Alec and Jane stopped before we arrived to them and I nearly ran into Jane. They had turned toward another door on the left.

_Oh no, no, no Edward. _Jane looked over her shoulder at me, an evil smile playing on her lips. _We aren't going to the throne room . . . _

Not going to the throne room? I frowned and looked toward Alice whose eyes had grown large. So much for looking neutral.

_This is where they eat their meals? . . . Why would they bring us here? _Alice's eyes landed on Bella before she eyed me. I barely moved my shoulders to show that I had no idea why this was where we were to meet. It was the best I could do to say "I don't know."

Alec slid away some paneling where a door was hidden behind it. He opened the door and held it for Jane, though his eyes were on me and his thoughts directed toward my mind. _You can just call this "The Death Chamber." _

I didn't like his soundless words at all, but it wasn't like I had options. I pulled Bella through the doors reluctantly, her rich scent swirling around me again. My mind went somewhere with Bella for a bit before reality came crashing back down on me. Her body tensed as we stepped over the threshold, like her instincts were telling her this was no good—that she should run, run and never look back. Well, it was good to know she still had _some_ instincts.

The small hall expanded into a circular room with windows above that cascaded liquid golden light below. It was cave-like, yet huge. The same designs that I had seen outside were displayed there.

My eyes immediately shot to all of the exits, even the drain in the middle.

_Please, Edward. Stop it. Every time you do that I see Bella . . . dead. _Alice was graceful in movement as her eyes darted in my direction as if she wanted to slap me. I was sure in any other situation that would be exactly what she would do. But deep in her frightened heart, part of her unconscious mind spilled and radiated love—she was just so happy that we were all together again, even under the dire circumstances._ Get your act together!_ she snapped at me again. I almost smiled because even those snippety words were full of love. Almost.

There was a gathering of vampires on the far side of the room. Several of them heard our approach and turned toward us, the sun catching their skin and reflecting the same diamond sparkle I had grown to hate until Bella had called it "beautiful."

_Only one human? This is our dinner? _One of them thought, almost in anger. She was _very_ thirsty.

I was about to pull Bella behind me until Aro turned and greeted Jane like a long-lost friend. "Jane, dear one, you've returned!"

_Yippety-do-da-day,_ Alice barked mentally.

Aro practically floated toward us, mainly because he had aroused such a response from Bella with his movements. He enjoyed the attention and was soaking it up. Her mouth was literally hanging agape, and it took everything in me not to put my finger under her chin and push it up; though I knew I wanted to touch the soft, creamy skin more than anything. Of course, I didn't have the right, nor did I deserve to ever touch her again. But before I could delve too deeply into my thoughts, I first had to keep her alive so I could have the opportunity to beg and plead to touch her again. The thought was too much, so instead, I paid closer attention to the vampires who were all staring in our direction. Aro must have informed them of my talents, because many of them were controlling their thoughts rather well which would usually be soothing, but today it rather annoyed me to no end.

Of course, Aro did not move alone. The others moved with him, as if they were a flowing shadow that would forever follow their subject. Aro seemed to be enjoying Bella's scrutiny more than he should. I wished that I could have heard her thoughts then, more than ever. What was she thinking, feeling, wishing, praying . . . every last detail—still, there was nothing; a complete mystery. He approached Jane first and took her head in his hands and gave her a chaste kiss and glided a step back.

"Yes, Master." Jane broke out into a grin. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

_Suck up,_ Alice thought angrily. Oh, her commentary was going to be epic.

"Ah, Jane." He returned her smile. "You are such a comfort to me." Then, he turned toward us, his grin widening. _Edward, I hope you changed your mind? _His eyes roamed over Alice and Bella.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" he exulted as he clapped his palms together as if he hadn't seen them when they first stepped foot into the room. He was no fool. "This _is _a happy surprise! Wonderful!" I would doubt that Alice or Bella would agree. _Maybe they have all come to join us. Alice's gift would be a real prize . . . and Bella would make for an interesting immortal. _I hated the way his thoughts slithered through my mind like a slippery snake. Aro's eyes snapped to mine like he heard my thoughts and his mind went blank. He was better at that than anyone I had ever met. The situation was starting to look down.

He pivoted to stare at our "guard."

"Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

I knew what he meant . . . back-up. He would need help to break our bonds, to keep us his puppets. How do you fight something that is not physically there? You don't. I really hoped we weren't screwed—that our bonds were unbreakable.

"Yes, Master." Felix nodded. He shot me a nasty smirk as he passed, and then vanished into the hallway.

"You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" _I know I am. Your worth, plus the foresight Alice possesses, and possibly Bella's gifts . . . oh, I am very pleased that you have decided to visit Volterra. _

"Yes, Aro, I am," I conceded through tight lips as I moved Bella closer to my body. She fit there perfectly—she belonged.

"I love a happy ending." Aro sighed like he actually cared if we had that happy ending. He didn't—I was no fool and neither was Alice who snorted mentally. "They are so rare," Aro continued delightedly. "But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" His cool eyes found Alice without hesitation.

_What does he think; we're going to chat like old girlfriends? _Alice pushed a few of her visions away that consisted of several violent means. _Well, I can play this game._

"Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake," Aro prodded.

_Several mistakes. _Alice glowered at me. "Oh, I'm far from infallible." She dove into her magical box of happy and pulled out a winning smile. Her posture, her relaxed shoulders, both gave her the appearance of calm, until your eyes roamed down to her tiny clenched fists that held enough power to punch a hole through the side of the building. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"You're too modest. I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!" I thought Aro was going to literally jump with joy.

Alice's eyes snapped to mine for a second. _What does he mean he observed my talents, Edward? _

I hated it when she asked questions silently when she knew I couldn't speak freely.

_What a talent . . . able to read her mind with such distance between them. _Aro mused longingly.

"Way to go, sneaky" I wanted to say to Alice as sarcastically as I could.

"I'm sorry," Aro apologized. We weren't convinced in the least; Alice and her mental snorts of disapproval backed me up. Bella had actually relaxed some into my arms. I didn't deny her this, even though I didn't deserve it. "We haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." _If he stayed, I could possess his powers, rule over him. _Aro's eyes flashed to mine briefly before he mentally shook himself. He knew I was honing onto his thoughts like a missile ready to destroy on impact.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I replied impassively with a "I don't care" shrug that would have fooled the best.

Alice barely quirked an eyebrow at me. _Explain._

I sighed. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

Alice's eyes widened as both her eyebrows flew up. She hadn't predicted that. I hid a smug smile easily because her failing visions were starting to worry me. Or perhaps I was still blocking her from seeing anything of relevance?

_Everything? So we hold no secrets—for you have heard us all . . . in our heads? Is it true?_

I gave a slight tilt of my head, even though I knew our exchange was being watched, scrutinized . . . and envied.

"But to be able to hear from a distance . . ." Aro sighed, not even trying to disguise his thoughts anymore, and waved his hand dramatically in our direction. Honestly, I was just happy that he seemed to be ignoring the very large elephant in the room. And her name was Bella—the human.

"That would be so _convenient_." Aro sighed again. _Indeed._

_Not more of Aro's theatrics, _I heard Marcus think dryly. Of the three Volturi, Marcus was the one who posed the least threat. It was obvious he was tied mystical to the pair more than emotionally. That wasn't how Caius and Aro saw it though, but they wouldn't know what emotional bonding was if it came up and took a chunk out of their asses.

As if it had been choreographed, we all gazed over our shoulders. Though Bella was a little slow to join us, she also caught sight of the two men being led in, their long black robes rippling through the air like crashing waves upon a rocky shore. And that was exactly what they were—crashing waves; strong, fierce, powerful, and here to decide our fate. Those ideas were easily picked out of the cascading images, ideas, and thoughts that seemed to sprinkle upon me out of nowhere.

It was judgment time and they were our judge, jury, and executioners.

* * *

**A/N:** Here is the dealo . . . you don't get mad at me for taking forever, and I'll post smaller chapters more frequently?! Okay? Okay! Right on.

ALSO! I have been out because I PUBLISHED A BOOK! Check me out at Twitter laurakreitzer or laurakreitzer(dot)com or look up Laura Kreitzer on B&N, Books-a-Million, Amazon, or iUniverse! It's called Shadow of the Sun! :)

Reviewer SmilE . . . I'd love to contact you. Please bump into my email if you want. laura(dot)kreitzer(at)gmail(dot)com

* * *

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.


	29. 25 Torture

25. Torture

* * *

The two men I had spoken with earlier came into the room—gliding. Excitement gleamed in Caius' mind and Marcus was mildly bored. He'd had enough of the games and was deeply upset the rush to come to Aro would be foodless.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro exclaimed. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

_What game will it be today?_ Marcus droned in his mind.

_Hmm. I can almost smell the power._ Caius strode closer. _I bet this is Alice—the tiny one that Aro spoke enthusiastically about_ . . . _and a human?_ His face changed into a distortion between thirst and distaste.

"Let us have the story," Aro said, eager.

_This should be . . . interesting_, Caius thought as he smoothly made his way to the obvious _thrones_ in the room. The Volturi really did think highly of themselves, didn't they?

Marcus followed behind, but stopped to relay a message. His hand reached out as their palms met briefly, but long enough for me to understand. It was the intense relationship that not only did Bella and I share, but with Alice, too.

_It's rare, _he thought with a fleeting look our direction, then added, _and unnatural. _The last was about the link between me and Alice.

I snorted and Alice glanced at me quizzically.

_What'd he see? Is it bad? _Alice thought.

I barely shook my head—just Alice and me resorting to our usual non-verbal communication. I had a feeling it wouldn't go unnoticed here.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro said. "That's quite interesting."

Marcus gave a slight shrug and joined Caius on their thrones. I suppressed another snort. Their superior attitude was disgusting, especially with the shadow of vampires that trailed behind them like a sinuous cloud.

Aro blocked me out of his head as if he built a maximum security prison around his most precious thoughts. He only let slip what he wanted to . . . until he was unfocused—like now.

_A deep connection . . . strong. If we take one, we'll need to take them all. _His eyes flashed to Alice and he pulled memories from my mind that he had taken earlier, as if he were grocery shopping for them. He was impressed—highly impressed—and it was with the Volturi you wanted to stay under the radar. Now we were big blimps on their screen.

Aro shook his head. "Amazing,"' he crooned. "Absolutely amazing."

_This mind-to-mind crap is really grating on my nerves, Edward. Explain. _Alice looked up at me with her irritated pixie face.

Our silent conversations were downright absurd compared to the mind games played in this palace. In a hushed-whisper I said, "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours." Though, truly, it was pointless to try to hide the fact that I was explaining it to her. Every vampire could hear each syllable as if I had spoken it loudly in their ear.

Aro grinned and it was unsettling. _She sees the future, he can read minds from afar, and once the enemy is easily captured by my guard with the help of Alice, everything will just be . . . _"So convenient," he murmured, consumed by his thoughts of the possibilities. _With their bonds the possibilities are endless. _Then he spoke to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

Flashes of a beautiful woman echoed in Marcus' mind and I knew the reason he was dead inside, the reason he barely responded to the others: he was just like me away from Bella. Except his mate was dead—even worse, dead by the hand of his "brother" who held him prisoner here with the help of a vampire who held their bonds tightly in place. I shuddered at the thought and Alice squeezed my arm real quick.

_The future is murky . . . but there might be a light at the end of this tunnel. . . I hope._ The last part Alice didn't want me to hear. It didn't matter, I always "heard." Except Bella—her mind was still as silent as a shadow.

I knew better than to have hope—that would just be foolish.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro babbled on about the bonds as his eyes honed in like missiles to my arm draped around Bella. Well, color him mystified.

_In his mind . . . I saw how strongly he wanted to feed, how hard it was to control such a lust of her blood. The blood, it sings out a haunting melody, one of thirst. _"How can you stand so close to her like that?" Yup, he was mystified.

"It's not without effort," I responded dryly as I followed his train of thought.

"But still–_la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

He was so blind. Didn't he understand it wasn't about food, it was about love? I gave a non-humorous laugh. "I look at it more as a price." I'd pay whatever price to have her safe, even if I had to sacrifice myself for her sake.

Alice glanced at me quickly and began to rant out a stream of snarky responses at the slight future shift, even though it only lasted a few seconds. It was a few seconds too long for her.

Aro raised his eyebrows, disbelieving. "A very high price," he responded, almost like he knew the thoughts in my head.

"Opportunity cost." There really was no reason to try and explain this to him. He just didn't understand, nor would he ever.

Understanding flashed through Aro's mind. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you . . ." _love it instead of eat it,_ he finished in his head.

"Waste it," I added to his thoughts, my voice sardonic.

The image of Carlisle danced across his mind, a particular memory of arguing about feeding while he was staying with them. Carlisle, even then, refused the taste of human blood. Even I didn't resist human blood when I was younger. I thought Carlisle to be holding me back from the greatness of human blood, but after several years of being the judge, jury, and executioner of several criminals, it never set right with my conscious. Carlisle was right to refuse human blood, and now more than ever did I understand why he made his decision. Now that I knew how precious a human life could be.

"Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him—only he was not so angry," Aro responded with a laugh.

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well." My voice was still dry and sarcastic. I just wanted to get past all of the preliminaries—straight to the verdict. Alice's mind was too busy of a place for me to read while I was protecting Bella from the Volturi. The outcome was still hazy and half of it was my fault and the other Aro's.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I practically snapped. I hated how Aro spoke of Carlisle like he really knew him. He didn't know anything about Carlisle or me. He could read my mind and all the thoughts I ever had but he would never, ever truly understand me or know me. Until he felt the emotions, he would never know because he was busy trying to clinically comprehend them.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro mused, stuck in his memories. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it . . ." _disgusts me, surprises me . . ._ "_pleases _me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong." _Oh so happy to have found two extremely gifted vampires and one potential. Carlisle does seem to attract the gifted ones_.

I opened my mouth to reply, a growl slipping from my lips, but Alice stopped me. _Don't even think about it, Edward. Telling Aro that he's the one that has wasted away isn't going to do us any favors. _She was right and I hated it.

"But _your _restraint!" Aro continued, talking about more than the blood lust. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again—if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed." He pictured what he thought the outcome should have been. He considered taking Bella himself just to see if the blood would taste as good as it did for me. He replayed the events from the ballet studio with interested, thirsty lust.

I did everything I could to keep the look of pure hate off my face as I practically glared at Aro. To see anyone steal Bella's life, even if it were just a thought of Aro's, had me seeing red. Or should I say vampire parts aflame?

"Just remembering how she appeals to you . . ." Aro chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."

My arm jerked around Bella, pulling her close instinctively.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro replied with a gleam in his eye. "I mean her no harm." _Yet! I want to attempt something first._ "But I am _so _curious, about one thing in particular." His greedy, crimson eyes darted to Bella as he dissected her in his head. "May I?" He held his hand aloft. _I am only asking to be courteous. I will force this if I must._

"Ask _her_," I replied with narrowed eyes, trying to keep my voice emotionless.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed, keeping up the façade. "Bella." His eyes burned in her direction, enthralled and dying, figuratively, with curiosity. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent—so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try—to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?" _To see if you will make a good Volturi guard_, he added mentally.

I tried to keep a mask of indifference on my face to make Bella feel more comfortable, but she was smart enough to glance up at me with horror in her eyes. It was good to know her tendency to attract all things dangerous was finally starting to seep into her cautious side. If we survived this, would she look at me with the same terror in her eyes?

Trying my best to not scare her anymore, I nodded with a faux confidence. He would do this with or without her permission, and I hoped with my approval she would just say yes so Aro didn't have to show his not-so-courteous side.

Bella began to tremble from head to toe, but she bravely held her hand out for him, not leaving my side. Her trembling was obvious to all the vampires in the room, but I shut them out, only paying attention to what was about to happen.

I immediately felt like the biggest ass on Earth because I was slightly . . . _excited_ about the prospect of finally hearing Bella's thoughts, even if they were through Aro.

Aro, intrigued to the point of impatience, came closer but tried to not look too eager. My jaw snapped tight as I listened to his thoughts. If he couldn't hear her thoughts, he was going to send her through a few tests that included the other vampires. But more than that, if he could hear her thoughts, he would feel ultimately smug and I would, no doubt, be stupidly jealous of him. And I hated that.

Their palms touched and it took Alice's frantic thoughts to keep me from yanking her away. _Stay still_, Alice commanded. _If you don't, no matter what your plan is, Bella will be hurt, possibly die. Don't do something you'll regret_.

My mental ears perked up as I strained to hear the thoughts of Bella through Aro—which was something I had only done once before, when I first met Bella and failed at hearing her thoughts then too. Aro heard and saw nothing. He also strained to use his gift, something he had also never had to do. His cocky attitude dissolved into a confused expression before he replaced all emotion with one of a slight smile. I wanted to cheer and boo all at the same time. If she had to touch Aro I was hoping I could at least hear her thoughts, but at the same time I was glad he wasn't privileged with her hidden desires and emotions. I was glad they were still safe and locked away.

"So very interesting," he replied dryly and stepped back. He was disappointed and elated all at once.

Bella cuddled in closer to my side and I could feel her brown eyes on me. It felt like she was examining me—she had always read me so easily and I was sure she could read the expression I was trying to hide: my pride in her.

Her gaze drifted back to the vampires before us, which I was thankful for because the look I shot Aro was not one I wanted Bella to see. He was moving back and forth between his vampire brothers, mumbling in his head. _Another test . . . yes. If she is able to prevent others from using their abilities while in human form, I could only imagine what she could do as a vampire . . . Oh my, what a wonderful addition she would make. _He shook his head, absolutely baffled.

"A first," he mumbled aloud. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents . . . Jane, dear?"

"No!" I growled with venom in my voice. I took a step to make a move toward Jane but Alice seized my arm with a force she rarely used with me.

_You can't, Edward. Stop!_

I shook her off like she was an annoying fly.

_Think about Bella! Edward! _Alice mentally screamed.

A creepy smile snaked its way up Jane's child-like face. "Yes, Master?" _Please tell me I am finally going to have some fun._

Alice was screaming mentally, over and over again, which was the only thing keeping me from pouncing on Jane. Growls, snarls, and other animal-like sounds escaped my mouth—sounds I was sure Bella had never heard from me. Mentally I was dismembering Aro and Jane.

_Edward! _Alice was shouting in her head. _Please stop! Please! If you'll stop changing your mind on how you want to kill all the vampires, I will finally be able to tell you if Bella will be okay or not! Stop! STOP! Edward!_

Stop thinking about killing all the vampires around us? Not likely! My breath was even, though if I were a human I was sure it would be as insane as my heartbeats would be. The other vampires all stared at me like I had shot the President, my actions unheard of without the punishment of death. We definitely had Aro's curiosity on our side.

_Please, Edward. Go for it. I've been dying to see what kind of a match you'll be. _Felix grinned with pleasure as he stepped forward, preparing. _Now that you have something to live for, maybe you'll actually try. _

_You know we can stop you, don't make a scene, Edward. _Aro glanced toward Felix who froze as if Aro had stunned him. Felix's grin melted into a sullen expression.

_Move an inch toward any of them and I'll have your head, _Felix threatened.

Aro turned toward Jane, ignoring us hostile vampires. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune _to you_."

I was _furious_. Jane would not lay a mental finger on Bella. Instinctively, I pulled Bella behind me, knowing with my body in the way she would have to get past me to hurt her.

The other vampires were intrigued, some to see if Bella could repel Jane because they had never seen that before, or to see a fight. Even Caius and Marcus moved closer with their shadowing guards following behind.

Jane's thoughts turned to one of a small girl who wanted to play torturer to her Barbie doll. Alice's frantic thoughts quieted as Jane moved closer and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Don't!" Alice shouted as I propelled myself at Jane and her ugly thoughts.

I crumpled to the ground in the worst agony I had ever felt. Jane focused her power on me like the sun through a microscope. It was a mixture between trying not to kill Bella, living without her, losing my family, and dying all in one. With only one thought breaking through the pain: Bella was watching; I kept the scream from escaping my mouth. My face was surely distorted, but I kept the sounds of pain from leaving me.

I heard a shriek. "Stop!" It was Bella, but my eyes couldn't open to see her, but I could hear as she placed herself in the path of Jane's wrath and there was nothing I could do about it. At the same time I was surprised she still loved me enough to want to sacrifice herself for me. I wasn't worth it—I wasn't worth any of the love she gave me, but I was glad she still cared enough.

_I've got her, Edward._ Alice thought and I saw through her mind as she snatched Bella from behind and held her at bay.

Through the agony I felt relief at knowing Bella was still safe from Jane.

"Jane." I heard Aro's voice close by, soft, unemotional. The pain left immediately as Jane's thoughts ricocheted in my head, her pleasure at my pain. Even worse, her pleasure in knowing what she was going to do next, and knowing I couldn't stop her. I'd already proven it to her.

_I know Edward can be tortured, _Aro thought with amusement. I watched, lying on the ground, as he pointed his head in Bella's direction. _Torture her._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: I haven't been around because I am currently writing book two of my **_**Timeless**_** series which I have a deadline on. Publishing waits for no one, so I apologize. I will finish this story, it may take me a bit, but I promise you that I will. Thanks for your patience and please don't send me angry reviews because it won't make me write any faster. My books and my life come before Fan Fiction, but I do love to write it so I continue to come back. I am hoping to have more time coming up once I finish book two. I plan to take a break for a bit and de-stress. My MIL is also fighting cancer and might not make it, so my life has been a little full. Yes, I actually have legitimate excuses. SURPRISE! :) **

**Till next time . . .**

**(BTW, Rob at MTV Movie Awards . . . which I did not watch, just saw the videos afterward . . . **_**Yummy**_**.) **

**P.S. I hope to have another chapter out before the Eclipse Release . . . FYI.**

**

* * *

**

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.


	30. 26 Iron Supplement

*Shout-out to EtomyB for her help with my creative names like "Iron Supplement" & to Lisa, my best friend and biggest supporter in all my endeavors.*

**Please don't skip the author's note at the bottom. **

**Thank you.

* * *

**

**26. Iron Supplement

* * *

**

I heard a soft, yet restricted, "He's fine" from Alice to Bella as I rose to my feet. As quick as I was consumed, I was released from the pain Jane inflicted with such careless ease.

It was foolish and selfish of me to think this, but it was there—_Bella still cared_. She'd shouted a plea for Jane to stop . . . for _me_. She'd _actually_ shouted at the Volturi. Maybe she even still loved me? Was there such a god in this universe that would grant it?

Before I could even bring myself to think a hundred percent coherently again, several things happened at once. Aro silently waited with an overture of anticipation. You would think he'd be wearing a football jersey and a big foam finger that said "Jane's #1" on it by the way he was acting. Jane, on the other hand, had nothing but sweet, beautiful misery written in her mind. Her gaze fell over my shoulder and I pivoted around to stare in horror at what I knew would greet my eyes: Bella enduring the torture of Jane's "gift."

That wasn't the case, though. I studied and inventoried every last inch of her, but there were no signs of distress or pain.

_Unbelievable, _Alec thought with horror.

Aro exclaimed mentally with glee. _Brilliant! _

Marcus let out a long sigh while Caius's eyes glazed over with shock. This had clearly never happened before.

Jane's thoughts had become vicious, so dark and evil I had to make sure she was still directing her gaze in Bella's direction because of how silent and still she'd become. Jane was, though her eyes had narrowed, becoming slits.

_Why. Isn't. She. Crying. Out. In. Pain? _Jane thought wildly, concentrating her every last ounce of power on Bella. _Stupid, insignificant human!_ This was unusual for Jane. Just like with me, I never had to concentrate or think about hearing people's thoughts—I just did. It was the same for Jane. She wanted torture and she got it without lifting a single finger. If she wasn't a vampire, she'd be sweating with the effort of it all now. Bella was a conundrum. One Jane was swiftly growing to hate.

My muscles went from predatory coiling to a cramped I'm-trying-not-to-laugh at the fact Jane, like Aro and myself, was unable to use her gifts on the beautiful brunette next to my sister. I joined them quickly, afraid that Jane might lash out in other ways. The thoughts of anger crowded into Jane's mind like a hurricane ready to hit the shore and destroy anything in its path.

_Guess that Blood Bag was too much for Jane_, Felix thought mildly, enjoying her failure with a straight face.

Demetri had faced Jane's torture before and was pleasantly pleased her gift failed her in this moment, in front of everyone.

Alice was frantically reading the future, taking this small space in time to search for an outcome while I _wasn't_ planning on our escape. I was still stunned. It was only a matter of time before my brain began its inventory, though I felt trapped like a bug in glue. I touched Alice lightly; she let go of Bella and continued her intense search for the most favorable ending.

"Ha, ha. ha," Aro chuckled with much glee. "This is wonderful!" _Oh, imagine the possibilities. _

Jane glanced at Aro with disgust and hate. No one resisted her attacks. No one got away unscathed. That frustrated Jane more than anything. _It's been a while since I had to get my hands dirty. _She coiled to attack.

With a subtle move I placed myself in front of Bella.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said jovially with a hand on Jane's shoulder. "She confounds us all." _We must turn her. She must be mine. _His thoughts were full of how he'd add Bella to his collection—me and Alice were on that same shelf. Did he truly think us likely to give up our freedom to live in a city of lies and torture? Ridiculous.

Jane only grew more frustrated as she bared her teeth with a silent promise to finish this later.

_Alice sees their future . . . Edward hears their thoughts . . . and is able to withstand even the most tempting of blood. A true vampire with a strong will. He even stayed silent when no one else has. Yet, _Aro added mentally, _he wished to die. Not anymore. All of this because of this extraordinary human girl._ He was the only vampire in the building to think of her as anything but a Tasty Transfusion.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed heartily again, absolutely amused by the whole situation. We were like a real-life soap opera to him. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once—just out of curiosity." He smirked slightly and shook his head. _Even I wasn't silent._

His admiration over the whole situation made me sick. I made sure to convey that with the daggers I glared at him.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed, turning bored.

_We must change their minds_, Alice thought frantically. Her eyes shifted to mine nervously as we both reacted over the possible outcomes. None of them looked agreeable. Bella, eerily quiet and still, suddenly began to tremble in my arms. She was finally reacting like she should have been from the beginning. This could have all been avoided if she just—no, I was the selfish one._ I _couldn't stay away from her.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro's eyes brightened with hope. _Our offer is still on the table any time, dear Edward._ "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

_You're kidding?_ Felix thought in disbelief.

_It's just a coy ruse_, Jane thought in an attempt to convince herself what she heard was a little tomfoolery. Her nose scrunched up like she'd drank spoiled blood at the alternative.

Aro was attempting to hide his thoughts and was doing a good job with it.

I answered slowly, "I'd . . . rather . . . not." With each word I spoke I concentrated even harder on his mind. Nothing discernable.

"Alice?" Aro's eyes shifted to her, the hope still there. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

"No, thank you," Alice said flatly.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.

Was this an ultimatum?

There was a collective exclamation in everyone's thoughts, though they stayed silent to all but me.

_I hope he means for dinner._ Felix rubbed his hands together enthusiastically. _This is one Plasma Saddlebag I'm dying to taste._

Jane's eyes flicked around urgently. _Feed her to the Clot Sucker, _she thought vehemently while watching Felix's eager face.

Air rushed out of me in a hiss, my sights directed toward Aro, trying desperately to read him. What game was he playing at? And, for a small fraction of time, I wondered if Bella would accept his offer. It was what she wanted—to become a monster like me. Wasn't that what we had argued over? Wasn't that why I fled? Not only a victim to my venom, but a willing one! But would she truly want to be like one of them? A part of me fractured; I wasn't so different from them, and now maybe Bella would see the true character of a vampire.

_Selfish, selfish, selfish_, I chanted in my head. A part of me wanted it.

Tucked under my arm, Bella glanced up at me questioningly. I didn't have the answers for her, sadly. When I walked out of her life I gave up the chance to help her with these decisions. I had no right. As much as I wanted to scream "No" at them, Bella had to make up her own mind. And who knew what truly went on in that head of hers. Always so damn quiet.

"What?" Caius demanded, his voice indignant and flat, finally speaking up for the rest of the collective.

"Caius, surely you see the potential." Aro's eyes lit with optimism. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

_He picks the most unwilling bunch? _Caius grumbled internally and turned away. _Why does he always have to be so flippantly theatrical about everything?_

_There is no comparison_, Jane griped angrily. _She's nothing._

Everyone else was displeased—or bored (Marcus)—while Aro continued to swell with hope. There was no way in a million years I'd let him turn Bella, even if she said yes. Never. A growl had begun to form in my chest.

_That's it!_ Alice practically shouted in her head. _Edward, use what they pride in against them: their rules._ The sudden relief in her was palpable.

"No, thank you," Bella said in a tiny voice, squeaking a little bit. Her voice, so small and scared, was like an unearthly melody. Something that had only been a memory in my mind, a wish in a well . . . and now it was live, echoing and spinning around me teasingly. It was real and tangible.

_This could have been so easy. _Aro sighed dramatically. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

_Play ball! _Alice.

"Join or die, is that it?" I argued vehemently. "I suspected as much when we were brought to _this _room. So much for your laws."

_That's it!_ Alice cheered.

"Of course not." Aro was surprised and astonished. He hadn't predicted this reaction. But he wasn't the psychic, now was he? "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

_It's as I feared_, Alice thought dejectedly. _We needed to leave as soon as possible._

"Aro," Caius barked. "The law claims them." _Try to use our laws against us, Edward? What about that human girl that knows exactly what you are? _

We didn't have time for this. "How so?" I demanded heatedly, pushing Caius to speak aloud. The Volturi prided themselves in their laws; being caught as hypocrites wouldn't look well on them.

Caius's finger pointed right at Bella. "She knows too much," he spat. "You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I emphasized.

_Thinks he's so clever!_ "Yes," he agreed poignantly. "But when _they _are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not," he scoffed. _Willing to give up your life for a _human. _Despicable._

"I wouldn't—" Bella breathed, but stopped when Caius's chilled gaze snapped to hers.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius continued unambiguously. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her _life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

_Never._ My lip curled irately.

"That's what I thought," Caius said with a pleasurable sneer.

_Finally, things are getting interesting_, Felix thought excitedly.

"Unless . . ." Aro glanced between us, clearly unhappy. _If we kill the girl he'll fight—if we change the girl he'll fight. I could lose them all and that, truly, would be the real waste. _Aro didn't want to kill Bella, he wanted to keep her—keep us all. He weighed the options in his mind quickly. What was his best solution? _If he turns her himself—if he could withstand her blood—then there's still a possibility I could bring her to Volterra. It's an honor to be invited here. Surely she wouldn't deny us?_ Aro focused on the big, round doe eyes of Bella and made his decision, though he knew there would be protests. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

_That_ wasn't an option, but we had to figure out a way to leave before we had no options at all. Alice was mentally directing me to the quickest way out of this conversation.

"And if I do?" I hedged, trying to place my bets wisely.

Aro grinned, pleased to have turned the conversation back on track. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." He paused, knowing that wouldn't placate Caius. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." His hand went up to cut off Caius before a word could escape, offering me to take it and prove that I would _kill_ Bella.

I stared down at the girl in my arms, so scared and small. "Mean it," she pleaded. "Please."

My Bella was alive right now—something I never thought possible. And now she was asking me to take it away? Wasn't _this_ what caused everything? Could I take her life? Could I be that selfish? Her round, richly communicative eyes spoke volumes at my reaction: she was heartbroken. It burned to see that look in her eyes, especially knowing I was the one who'd put it there.

_It's going to happen, Edward, _Alice expressed crossly._ You can sit here and go through your self-loathing all you want, but I won't let you kill my best friend over it. _Alice broke away from us and reached for Aro's awaiting hand. _Nor will I let you suffer any more than you have._

I felt frozen in my spot, knowing she would show him the many visions of my Bella with rich as wine red eyes and glittering skin, my diamond in the rough.

A quick wave of Aro's hands caused his guard to back down as Alice approached him with purpose. He actually came forward, anxious and excited to see into the mind of Alice Cullen. When their hands touched Aro bowed over, his eyes closing as he absorbed the information he'd been dying to intake.

I was assaulted with images, like a quickly playing movie. But Aro was mainly searching for the future of the very human Bella Swan. And he found it. Arm in arm with Alice, long brown hair tumbling down her back in beautiful, whispering curls, and eyes as crimson as blood. No matter all the time that had passed, or all pain and misery I had gone through to prevent that outcome, Alice's vision was exactly the same as it had been the first time—so long ago when our family met to decide what to do with the human who knew too much. The human I now loved and could never see harmed. Yet Alice's vision had not slipped, faded, changed, or ceased. It was with great effort not to scream in frustration at all that had perspired. My teeth came together with an audible snap.

Though Aro had seen what was necessary, he continued to grope and prod through her mind, delving deeply into all the things past and present that has happened, will happen, or will never come to fruition.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed merrily. His mind was a spinning whirlwind of enthrallment and it showed in his bright, red eyes. "That was _fascinating_!"

Alice faked a smile, one she'd used enough times around me I could see right through it. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." _Not really._

"To see the things you've seen—especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" _To think of the advantages we would have with such a talent on our side!_

"But that will." Alice eyed him with certainty. _Whether Edward likes it or not. Even if I have to change her myself! _Her eyes flicked to mine briefly and my teeth ground together.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined," Aro agreed heartily. "Certainly there's no problem."

A mixture of thoughts came from everyone around me. Most of all disappointment—for a meal lost, a fight unfought, and a punishment unpunished.

"Aro," Caius chided. He was bored and Bella's death would be a great distraction to the mundane. Plus, Aro had made him look weak before all their "court." He did not take lightly to being shunned in front of them.

"Dear Caius." Aro grinned deviously. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future." _One that includes adding these three to my collection._ "Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household . . . Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!" _Intrigued indeed._ There was a manic gleam in his eyes.

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked squarely.

"Yes, yes," Aro said distractedly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!" There was laughter to the edge of his voice.

_Not likely._ Alice mentally snorted.

"And we will visit you as well," Caius threatened, perturbed the whole situation didn't go the way he'd planned. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." _And Edward, we will do whatever is necessary to have what we rightly deserve. Even the tiny human at your side—even as insignificant as she is, Aro finds her quite intriguing. You understand?_

I gave a tight nod, worried about just what exactly the future really held for us.

_Is it dinner time? _Marcus thought dryly at the same time Caius smirked and went back to his "throne."

Demetri, surprisingly, stayed silent through the whole fandangle. Even his thoughts were utterly uninterested.

Felix, on the other hand, still frustrated his Iron Supplement was leaving fully intact, groaned.

"Ah, Felix." Aro's mind was blissfully in the future. A few years were nothing to him and he could wait, if that was what it took, to attain us. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

_Bella will not take the situation lightly if we delay any longer, Edward_, Alice warned.

Perhaps not. "Hmm. In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later." All I could think about was turning tail and running.

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do _happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind." _I don't want any more theatrics in the sun. _Aro raised his eyebrows cynically.

"Of course," I said quickly.

"And here." Aro beckoned Felix who came forward at once. Aro removed his grey cloak to Felix's horror and Jane's distaste. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I pulled it around my shoulders, feeling just as disgusted as Jane. The grey cloak had meaning and I didn't like what it meant. He was like Aro was branding me.

_Wish I was giving this to you under different circumstances. _Aro sighed forlornly. "It suits you." _Consider if an invitation. _

_You do look debonair in it, _Alice joked. Joking—that was a good sign.

I laughed humorlessly, but came up short when the sounds of humans being herded like cattle echoed down the hall.

_We'll be okay if we leave now._ Alice glanced toward the doorway._ Heidi's here._

"Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below," I said hastily.

"Goodbye, young friends." He was already forgetting about us as his next meal coated his thoughts with red.

"Let's go," I urged and pulled Bella forward.

_Have fun with your Hemoglobin Carry-on on the plane ride, Edward_, Felix jeered silently.

I glared at him.

Demetri guided us away from the Room of Death, as I had _affectionately_ nicknamed the place I hoped to never visit again.

Bella felt small and weak in my arms, smaller than I remembered, as Alice wordlessly told me to hurry up. She flanked Bella and was becoming frustrated at her slow movements. She didn't want her to be anywhere near that room when the humans showed up.

"Not fast enough," Alice suddenly muttered, the future's cloudiness receding.

A crowd of people was escorted through the door by Heidi. She was the lure and this was her catch of the day. The voices ricocheted off the walls—all different tones and languages spilling from their tongues, their thoughts a jumbled mix of excitement and fear. Only if they knew that those would be the last words—and thoughts—they'd ever speak.

We clung to the wall as the group passed, and I watched as Bella took in the strange scene before her, wondering how long it would take her before she figured out what was going on.

Then Aro spoke out cheerily as they filed into the Room of Death. "Welcome, guests! Welcome to Volterra!"

I could feel Bella's body go rigid. She knew. There was no way I could protect her from this, even though that was all I wanted to do. I embraced her, pulling her into my chest and holding her tight. She was safe there—at least for the time being. Her warmth filled me like a fire burning beneath my skin. I didn't want to let go.

The group of people thinned and I rushed us through the door, Bella's frame beginning to tremble in my arms.

In the hallway we came across Heidi who raised a curious eyebrow in Bella's direction.

_Must be taking a treat to go._

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri greeted as he came from behind us.

She was dressed like a highly trained escort, quiet and decisive, able to entice men and women with her vampiric beauty. She smiled wanly, her contact-coated eyes gazing at the scene before her.

"Demetri." Her voice was like smooth glass.

_Grey cloak? Is he new? _Her eyes darted between me and Bella questioningly, not understanding our contact.

"Nice fishing," Demetri praised, acting like we were nothing new or important. That was the way I liked it. Under the radar.

"Thanks." She grinned wickedly. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

_Strange, _she thought with a nod before leaving.

_A little faster won't hurt anyone, _Alice thought suggestively.

Alice on one side of Bella, and me on the other, tried to race her down the hallway before her human ears could hear what was about to go down in the Room of Death.

But we were too late.

The magnifying echo of screams erupted down the hall.

* * *

**Author's note (IMPORTANT)**: This is going to be a little long-winded and I hope you will take the time to read it. First, and foremost, I am sorry for yet another delay. Truly, I have wonderful excuses. I have now published two titles, _Shadow of the Sun_ and _Soul Stalker_, that are available at B&N, Amazon, & Books-a-Million, among other bookstores. I am also currently writing my third and fourth novel. I appreciate any support from my fans in my publishing endeavors.

Also, I have quit my job at the university to pursue writing. I've also started a publishing business with another author, Brenda Pandos, who has one title published and another coming out in December. My life has been busy and hectic, but most importantly I have suffered a tragedy I'm afraid is something I'm having a hell of a time getting through.

My best friend of ten years killed himself in August and I was the last person to see him alive. Though I knew he was in a bad place, I had hoped he would pull through. He didn't. This is something that I am currently struggling with greatly. We talked every day and now there is a huge void in my life and heart. I put my life on hold for a while and spent many weeks grieving. However, as much as I wish the process would just end, it continues without letting up. Sadly this is good news for my fans on FFN, because I am now trying to let work consume me. When I'm not working I'm trying to find something to do to help relieve the pain. That's where FFN comes in—my escape I once found and have found again.

Thanks for sticking it out with me and I promise to update regularly from now on. I need this place now more than ever, and I need my fans to help support me in this time of grief.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended. 


	31. 27 Brave Little Toaster

I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

Hoobastank – The Reason

**Please don't skip the author's note at the bottom. **

**Thank you.**

**27. Brave Little Toaster**

The reception area had high-arched windows, lighting it in a way to make one feel comfortable and safe. The word safe didn't even belong in this building, and I felt anything but. The thoughts of hundreds of people in the streets drowned out the music playing, but that didn't mean I couldn't hear Demetri loud and clear in the bedlam.

"Do not leave until dark," he threatened. _On the other hand, please do. I'd really love to taste your human. Mmmm. I bet she tastes as sweet as she smells_. His hunger was clawing to the surface, and I nodded to let him know I heard him loud and clear.

Demetri didn't wait around to taunt me. He had a few humans of his own to slurp down this evening.

The receptionist, Gianna, had a calculating mind, which was probably why Aro had let her live with the knowledge of vampires. She inventoried everything she came in contact with, be it scent, sound, or visually. And she most especially was interested in us.

Bella was in a state of shock, of course. She shivered against me, and each violent movement reminded me of how human she was. How fragile. I'd been so worried about getting out of there alive that I had little time to think about the human aspects of Bella's situation. Now it all came flooding in on a wave of anxiety as her shivers became violent shakes, and sobs ripped and tore out of her throat.

"Are you all right?" I whispered, truly worried.

She looked paler than normal, and Alice repeated as much in her mind. Out loud, and mainly for Bella's benefit, Alice said, "You'd better make her sit before she falls. She's going to pieces."

Alice's words alone alarmed me enough to let panic filter in. Mirthlessly, I thought about the evening we spent in Port Angeles. Thought about how I expected her to be in this state of shock after the almost-attack. Except she wasn't shocked. She was this brave little toaster that just kept burning one piece of bread at a time. I admired her then and worried she wasn't like a normal human. Worried she was the ultimate magnet for trouble. The last may have been true, but now that I was truly seeing what shock could do to a person, I was grateful Bella completely bypassed it then.

Another alarming sob ripped its way free from Bella, and I didn't know what to do. "Shh, Bella, shh," I soothed.

_Maybe she needs to lie down_, Alice thought.

I agreed wholeheartedly, and I escorted Bella to an elegant sofa that looked as if it never got used. It was the one farthest from the receptionist, who didn't need to see Bella like this.

Alice stared wide-eyed at Bella as another cry vibrated from deep within her chest and choked her up. "I think she's having hysterics," Alice said unhelpfully. "Maybe you should slap her."

I glared at her, not appreciating the running commentary on something neither of us could fix.

_It works in the movies_, Alice silently defended.

Bella glanced between us, as if finally realizing she was there with us. Her sobs became hiccups, and her shaking intensified. God. My heart was breaking at the sight. I'd done this to her. I was a monster. Truly.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right." I repeated the mantra, as if saying it over and over would make it true. Even I didn't believe it. Not yet, at least. Not while we were still in this building—in this city. I was frantic, but I had to remind myself that I had to keep it together for Bella. I couldn't let her know how nervous I was over her state. In an attempt to calm her even more, I wrapped the borrowed cloak around her body and tugged her onto my lap. I could have held her forever, and now that she was in my arms . . . I never wanted to let go.

She was real.

She was in my arms.

She was mine. Or was she? Had I ruined her? Would she be forever damaged due to my neglect? The thoughts hurtled through me, all spikes and sharpened knives cutting away at my insides.

"All those people," Bella cried.

"I know," I breathed, hating the fact I couldn't protect her from that knowledge.

"It's so horrible," she continued. The sound of her voice, as raspy and frantic as it was, still soothed something inside me. It still felt unreal that she was alive. Regardless, I couldn't mistake the horror clearly etched into her cried words.

"Yes, it is," I agreed. "I wish you hadn't seen that." Last year I would have been signing a different tune just so she would finally understand the scope of how dangerous my kind were. Now I was worried she would pull away, finally afraid of the monster. Finally seeing inside me for the first time.

But then . . .

Bella leaned into me, cuddled into my arms as if I was someone to be loved, trusted. I wanted to cry out in happiness at her closeness. In all the time I was away, I never thought I'd feel this way again. I'd gotten used to the fact that I would never know happiness. Bella was finally calming down, and my nerves unwound just a little.

_You won't leave her again_, Alice stated. And this time I wasn't going to bet against her.

The receptionist's mental volley finally broke my concentration. Gianna's thoughts were complicated—a mixed weave of the way she viewed the world. Bella was a mere curiosity to her. Part of the need to understand Bella was due to the fact she was human too. Would Gianna be changed into a vampire? From what she could see of Bella, she was convinced that if Bella was chosen to be transformed, so would she. Still, she had to get a better look.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna asked, leaning over to gawk.

"No," I snapped.

Gianna nodded all pleasantly, though her thoughts were anything but. Green with jealousy. Curious. A little bit furious. She strolled away.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked hoarsely.

Ah, my little observant Bella. Glad she was finally calming and focusing on other things besides what was going on inside the main hall, I answered. "Yes. She knows everything."

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

I internally flinched at her brazen words. "She knows it's a possibility," I said. When Bella didn't respond, I continued, hoping to keep her distracted. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

Bella went pale, and I immediately wanted to back pedal. "She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded, searching for her hidden thoughts displayed on her face. The way she asked the question left me wondering what her thoughts were on the subject. Was she still the same girl I left in Forks? Did she still want to be one of us after everything she'd witnessed?

Bella shuddered. "How can she want that?" The words spilled out on a breath. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

She'd just asked the questions I most feared—the questions I wanted the answers to more than anything else. I wanted so badly to break through the silent barrier of Bella's thoughts so I could finally understand the inner workings of her mind. Did she also think of me as one of those monsters?

"Oh, Edward," Bella said, bursting into more tears.

The eruption of emotion completely threw me off guard, and I gently rubbed her back. "What's wrong?" I insisted. Was this when she'd tell me goodbye? My gut, as forever frozen as it was, still gave me the sensation of clenching uncomfortably.

Surprising me even further, Bella suddenly wrapped her body around me, her arms encircling my neck. Alice smirked at my wide-eyed gaze. The knowing pixie.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" asked Bella, her voice all kinds of choked up.

Hesitant at first, I finally gave into her touch and embraced her back. I had to remind myself to be gentle. Bella was fragile, like a flower petal in a spring storm. Beautiful and enticing. How could I deny it? "I know exactly what you mean," I breathed into her hair. She smelled so good, so alive, sooo . . . Bella-like. It was like I was home again. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy," I said, testing the waters. "For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she agreed. "That's a good one."

So that wasn't the reason for her statement. I tried again. "And together," I murmured.

She nodded, though it was hesitant, as if she was worried about how I would react.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I continued.

_We will be_, Alice confirmed.

"Hopefully." Bella's voice wavered, unsure.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice said reassuringly. She grinned, picturing her reunion with Jasper. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours."

I hoped I'd still be with Bella in a day's time. She stared up at me as if I was her angel, and I gazed right back into her beautiful, brown eyes. God how I'd missed those eyes, so rich in color, so mysterious. I tried so hard to read into her soul, wondering if this moment were real. Wondered if it would last forever. So many things were left unspoken between us, and I hated that I couldn't just dive into her subconscious and pull out her most intimate thoughts. On the other hand, it made her all the more alluring. Even with the dark circles ringing her eyes. Ever so gently, I traced the shadows, frowning. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," she countered, as if my thirst had any control over me. Not anymore. Not ever.

"It's nothing." I shrugged. Wasn't that the truth? Thinking about reliving those moments when I thought Bella was dead was enough to make me swear off her blood for the rest of eternity. Even if the only choice were to be thirsty for the rest of my life or drink Bella's blood, I'd choose thirst every time. Hell, it was enough that, even if she didn't want me after this, I'd watch over and protect her for as long as she lived. I couldn't fathom going through such torture again.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," Bella offered, eyeing my quizzically.

Even the mere thought of her being that far away panicked me. "Don't be ridiculous," I scoffed. "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now." And that was putting it mildly.

Bella's body finally calmed, and her breaths evened. I listened to the steady thrumming of her heart, a sweet melody in this horrific place. In that second, I fell in love with her all over again.

But would she still have me after everything?

Would she trust me?

Would she still love me?

I hoped so.

**Author's note: **I was gone for a long time. My life literally got away from me. I would like to finish New Moon EPOV, and eventually I will. Sorry.

If you like my writing, please look me up (Laura Kreitzer) on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million, Audible, iTunes, among other book websites and physical bookstores. You can always find me at laurakreitzer(dot)com - I currently have five published novels with four more in the works. For a limited time, you can download two of my books FOR FREE in ebook format at all major retailers. Please take advantage of this offer. :)

Here's information on my most recent series:

Phantom Universe (Summer Chronicles, #1)

Sold into slavery to pirates at the young age of four, Summer learns to survive the rough seas of subterfuge and thieves through silence. When the boat she's lived on most of her life is destroyed, Summer finds herself washed up on the shore of a new world, a phantom universe full of the bizarre and extraordinary. She meets Gage, the one boy who understands the girl with no speech. But when their lives are put on the line, will Summer finally call out? Or will all be lost in the fathomless depth of silence?

(Currently available as an ebook—Kindle, Nook, PDF, etc—paperback, hardcover, and an audiobook, narrated by Karen Savage.)

ALSO—I will be in Chicago for the RT Book Convention on April 14th, 2012 from 11am-2pm signing books alongside some of the hottest authors today, including Richelle Mead, Charlaine Harris, and J.R. Ward! Just Google "RT Book Convention" for more details.

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Lolafalana is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
